POW - To Live Again
POW - To Live Again
by Kat. H
Summary: Sam is still recovering. But fate doesn't always make it easy.
Category: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: violence
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 02/22/04
Thanks to my beta Granger. Sorry it's taken forever to get it up but me and computers were having some arguemnts over how they should work. Hope you like.
*** It was dark. So dark. He was out there somewhere and coming to get her. Again.
Sam ran.
But she couldn't run fast enough. He was behind and catching up. She could hear his footsteps and they were close.
"Come here, little Tau'ri. You can't get away from me. I'm a God and I am never going to let you go. You're mine forever, to play with and do exactly as I please. And you remember what I please. Don't you?" came the voice, whispered in her ear.
She ran. She could feel his breathe on her cheek. But she couldn't see him. She couldn't see anything. She just had to get away. Somehow. But she didn't know where to run. She could feel his breath! He was so close. Too close.
She sobbed and pleaded with him to leave her alone as she had done thousands of times before. It had never worked then and it didn't now.
She tripped. Lying on the floor in the dark, something held her down, and all she could do was wait. Then he came and the voice whispered in her ear.
"Remember me? I'm back."
Sam woke up in bed, the covers tangled around her, her skin cold and clammy.
"It was just a dream. It's not real. I'm safe," she muttered to herself, staring at the ceiling, lit by the light of the small night lamp by her bed. It seemed strange to still have a night light in her thirties, but she needed it. It helped comfort her in the dark, when she was alone and the memories were too close to the surface. She didn't tell any one and even hid it when people came, but used it when she could. She hadn't been scared of the dark since she was two but she was now. It left her vulnerable and reminded her of the dark cell she had `lived' in for two years, though `live' was debatable.
It was 3 years since she had been rescued from hell but the effects of that hell were still there, and Sam doubted she would ever be completely free of it. She was still on milk runs with SG-1. On the hard missions, the guys went without her. Sometimes she minded but then remembered her 5-years of hell and it didn't matter so much. Which was a fact she found uncomfortable to think about so tried to ignore it, and convince herself that it did matter. They still watched over her and to some extent she loved it. But sometimes it got a little too much.
Sam stared at the clock. It read 4:03a.m. There was no way she was going to be able to go back to sleep now. She never could after the nightmares. She didn't tell anyone about them; afraid they would see her as unfit to be on an SG team. On missions she could control them. When she woke up to the sounds of her team's voices or the smell and sound of the campfire things seemed ok. It was waking up alone, in the middle of the night that scared her. She needed someone. It hurt her pride to admit it but she wanted ... needed someone to hold her and tell her that every thing was going to be ok. Unfortunately, the person she wanted was unavailable.
Climbing out of bed, she grabbed a robe and moved to her kitchen. Five minutes later she sat down with a hot chocolate to channel surf. But she wasn't really watching anything. Things may have seemed easy to outsiders but in reality they had been hard; too hard. Without SG-1 and her friends, she would never have gotten out of the pit she had been in. She had needed them and they had been there for her. But it was still so hard.
Her dad had stayed for a couple of months. She had been really surprised by that, but glad. They never spent enough time together. And this whole thing had affected him a lot more than he ever let on. She remembered when she had first really recognized him. He refused to let go of her for 3 hours. And he had been instrumental in persuading the General to let her go on a mission. Ok, so it had only been to the alpha site, but as she had never seen it before, it was something. It had surprised her because during her childhood he had been so protective, when he'd been around.
Things had been hard on other fronts as well. She had been away for 7 years, 5 of which she was in enemy hands. She was really out of touch with the world. Everyone on the base knew of her but she remembered hardly anyone. And as for things like who the president was she hadn't had a clue. Of course everyone was so helpful but to someone who had nearly always been at the top of her class, it was annoying and a bit humiliating, though she would never admit it to anyone.
And then there were the torture sessions. Sorry, the therapy sessions. They only felt like torture. Only her desire to get things back to normal helped her through them. Otherwise she would have decked Mackenzie a long time ago. He thought she was repressing things and not dealing with them, which was unhealthy. She knew she was dealing with things the way she always did and it had always worked before. But until she convinced him, she was stuck on milk runs and in the labs. So she sat and told him what he wanted to hear, which was those 5 years of hell in detail and how she felt about it. She thought it was obvious how someone would feel about being tortured but then again he never seemed to be the brightest light bulb in the factory... `Damn! I've been spending too much time with Jack...the Colonel.' If there was such a thing as too much time.
Of course there was always the ever-present fear of the NID. They had been back a few times but the General and the Colonel had gone to bat for her with the president. The NID goons came creeping around and had once gone to her house. That had scared her a little. Ok, a lot. But they had suddenly backed off. Which was very suspicious. But as it was just around the same time that she started the sessions with Mackenzie, it seemed pretty clear they were getting the information they wanted and where they were getting it. But she was safe for now. She suspected Jack had pulled a few strings on that front. Sam doubted she was rid of those morons for good, but SG-1 wouldn't let anything happen to her. They were there, everyday, to make sure she was ok. And to be honest, most of the time she was grateful for their company. A few times she had told them just to leave her alone. But she was a different person now and liked the company. Alone she just started thinking about things and that could lead in dangerous directions.
Sam sighed as she realized that she was watching the tele-shopping channel. Switching off the television, she rose. If she couldn't sleep, she might as well do something useful. And spending all her money on the tele-shopping channel was not useful.
Jack watched Sam from the doorway. She was totally engrossed in... whatever she was doing. He still never knew. Some things never changed. But she had. All the lights were on in the lab, instead of the one, or maybe two, lamps that would be on before the...incident. And she looked different. Even after 3 years the physical effects were still there. She was thinner and warier of everything around her. She hated dark and crowded places, and loud noises and unexpected movements still spooked her. He knew she had nightmares though she never talked about them, and he hated the look on her face after (and before) one of her sessions with Mackenzie. She looked... haunted.
The only thing he hated about her getting better was the fact that he could no longer be there for her the way he wanted to be. He wanted to hold her and comfort her when he heard her tossing and turning from a nightmare. But all he could do was wake her and let her deal with it. He wanted to listen to her talk about anything and everything but as her commanding officer, there were things he couldn't do. He wanted to see her smile every day. That was something he could do something about and did.
"Major?" he said, alerting her to his presence. He hated that she jumped a little, but if he hadn't of alerted her before he entered the room, she might have screamed like she had a couple of months ago and that had scared the living daylights out of him.
"Sir! I didn't see you there. What time is it?"
"0945. I just thought I'd pop by and give you these." With a flourish he produced a mug of coffee (her favourite brand) and a pot plant, an African violet. (He had killed hers and thought it was time to replace it.) She smiled and that was all he needed.
"Thank-you, sir. Not that I don't appreciate this, but it wasn't necessary."
"I know, but I felt bad as I did kill the last one, though in my defence it looked fine." This made her laugh. He had moved it to his office, to cheer up the place he said, and he had returned a brown stick with a sheepish smile on his face.
"Sir, it was brown."
"Wasn't it supposed to be?"
"No, Sir."
"Oh. So that's where I went wrong."
Sam smiled and Jack couldn't have been happier. But he missed her. True, he saw her nearly every day (he made sure of that), but he couldn't hold her and he wanted...needed that. Still, if she was happy, so was he. For the most part.
"Anyway, we have a briefing in an hour. Do you want to get breakfast?"
"I'd love to, sir."
"SG-1, you have a go."
Sam grinned as Daniel attempted to explain to Teal'c why Jack bowed to the General, and stepped through the event horizon, leaving her friends to follow. On the other side she scanned the area, weapon ready and in Major-mode. It wasn't necessary as the area had shown no evidence of any life other than bugs and birds, but it never hurt to be cautious and it made her feel as if she was actually doing something useful. Another milk run on another boring planet but at least it was another planet and not the lab. She was going to go stir crazy if she got stuck in the lab much longer.
"All clear, sir," she stated.
"Thank you, Major," the Colonel answered. He hid his smile. He could see what she was doing, even though it was unnecessary. She was being the perfect officer, to show him she could be, even though he never doubted it. She wanted to feel useful, even though he had never known Sam Carter to be anything but. She had already changed life at the SGC by coming back. At least a dozen problems had been solved in half the time it would have taken without her. But if this was what she needed to feel good about herself, then he was going to do everything he could to assist her in that.
"OK, mineral survey here we come."
"So, anything interesting?" Jack O'Neill asked as SG-1 sat in front of the fire eating their MRE's. The weather was just cool enough to warrant a fire but warm enough to make it a pleasant evening.
"Not really, sir. No Naquada to speak of, not enough to mine. Normal vegetation and no large animal life." Sam recited her report while staring into the fire.
""No evidence of civilisation either," added Daniel.
"Good, then tomorrow we can go home. Early."
"But we're supposed to be here for another 4 days," protested Daniel. "There may still be things we haven't seen yet."
"Daniel, there will always be `things we haven't seen yet'. I vote home early. Warm bed, real edible food, hockey games and beer. Yup, that sounds better than sleeping bags on a dirt floor and eating MREs. Just to make sure, lets vote. All those in favour of going home speak now or forever hold your peace."
Both Sam and Teal'c raised their hands, Sam shooting an apologetic glance at Daniel.
"That settles that. Ok. Carter first watch, T second, I'll take third and Danny you're up for the coffee run. Let's hit the sack folks."
Sam stared into the fire listening to the others sleep. Daniel was muttering to himself (and it wasn't in English) but the only sounds that the Colonel and Teal'c made was their breathing. They were all so different, but without them she dared not even imagine where she would be now. Probably in an institute of some sort or worse, still with her torturer and tormenter. They had all been there for her and stuck by her. All of them, particularly Jack...the Colonel. She missed him. Sure she saw him every day but it wasn't the same. Through her recovery it was Jack she depended on. Something in her recognised him and she had clung to that. She missed not being able to hold his hand or even move closer to him when she was afraid. It was classed as unprofessional and it was, but that didn't change the way she felt. She remembered feeling like this before everything happened and she forgot him but it had intensified. She loved him more and she needed him more. It was as simple as that. And she wasn't the same person she had been years ago. Too much had happened. She wasn't sure she was willing to live with what she had had before. She wanted it all now. Life was too short, a fact she was painfully aware. Things could change so quickly.
A twig snapped. Her head shot up. Grabbing her weapon she started to rise to check it out. She never got the chance. An object hit the floor and rolled to her feet. It was a palm sized gold ball and it was starting to glow.
"No," she whispered in despair. Then there was a flash of light and she fell to the ground unconscious.
Jaffa crept into the camp and dragged the rest of SG-1 out of their tents. They moved SG-1 into a small area. Seconds later a ring transport flashed down. Within a minute they were gone.
`Damn! What hit me? I don't remember boxing with Teal'c,' was the first thought that entered Jack O'Neill's mind as he regained consciousness. He opened his eyes. Or at least he though he did. It was absolute pitch black. So either wherever he was, was completely dark or he was blind. And given the number of completely dark places in the universe, he was going with the blind. And he knew just what had done it. He had felt like this before. He hadn't liked it then and he didn't like it now. Added to the fact his vest and weapons were gone, he just knew today was going to put him in a bad mood.
"Teal'c? Carter? Daniel? Anyone?" he called out.
"O'Neill, I am here. As is Daniel Jackson though he has yet to regain consciousness," was his response.
"Good to hear from you buddy. Carter?"
"I do not know. I too am blind. I believe we are suffering from the effects of a stun grenade."
"Yeah. Got that," Jack replied as he rose to his hands and knees and started reaching out in an attempt to locate Carter. "Hope she doesn't bite me again." Suddenly his hand collided with a body.
"O'Neill, that is not Major Carter."
"Oh, damn! Sorry, T. Didn't see you there."
"Indeed."
Jack turned and moved the other way. He soon collided with a wall. It took about a minute to move around the whole cell but there was no Carter to be found.
"This is not good."
Atreus looked down at his prize. She was very beautiful. He had heard of her, of course. SG-1 was well known throughout the galaxy. They had destroyed more than one of his fellow system lords. Well, not fellow yet, but he would be a system lord soon. SG-1 would not escape or make a fool out of him. He would learn how to destroy the Tau'ri. Or maybe he would enslave them again. But he would control them better than Ra had. And this woman was the key.
He knew that she had been the guest of a Goa'uld prison for 5 years and what she had gone through there. After capturing and killing her tormenter he had learnt of her and the instruments used on her. And her escape. (He had almost regretted killing the Goa'uld but his territory was very useful.) He would just have to show her that pain again and she would break. He didn't need a host for his Queen as he'd had to kill her a long time ago, but a wife would be nice. For him anyway. And he still had the other three to play with as well. Some days it's good to be a God.
"Throw her in with the others. Extra guards. Do not underestimate these. For Tau'ri they are remarkably intelligent."
His Jaffa bowed and dragged his unconscious prize out of the room. He was a little disappointed that she hadn't woken up. But there was plenty of time.
Jack kept staring at his hands. At least he thought he was. He could see blurry shapes and faint light but that was it. And he had a killer of a headache. Daniel had woken up but none of them could see properly yet. So when he heard the door open, all he could do was tense and squint at the light. Blurry shapes filled the doorway and threw something in. It landed at his feet with a sickening thud. Just before the door closed, the light caught the object. It was a person with blonde hair.
Shit!
"Sam!" He moved to her and pulled the unconscious woman to him until he cradled her in his arms. She was completely limp. "Come, Sam. It's time to wake up. Open your eyes. Come on." He could feel a pulse. It was a little sluggish but definitely there. She was alive and that was a good starting point.
"How is she?" asked Daniel. Jack heard the archaeologist moving around and finally he bumped into Jack's left side. Teal'c moved to his right. They gathered around her, to protect and comfort.
"Unconscious. She probably got a larger blast. She was on watch so would have been unprotected." `Damn, it should have been me,' he thought cursing himself. "Which reminds me," he continued, unaware of the fact that, even though he hadn't said it out loud, his team mates still knew exactly what he was thinking. "Someone is so getting fired when we get back. This is the second time someone has screwed up."
None of them needed reminding what had happened the first time. They were all still recovering from it, particularly the woman he held in his arms. Jack wasn't sure if she would be able to survive it again. He knew he shouldn't have let her back on a team. He should have made sure Sam stayed on Earth, in her lab, safe. Sure she may have hated him for it but she would be safe. But at the time he was thinking of himself. He couldn't bare the thought of her hating him so he had allowed her back into the team and therefore he was the one who was responsible for this. He was the one who was going to get her hurt again.
"It's not your fault, Jack. You couldn't have known. And trying to stop Sam from doing anything she wants would be like trying to stop a bull with a big red blanket. Stupid and dangerous." Daniel looked in the direction of his friend. He knew him too well. They all knew each other too well.
"I believe my sight has returned," announced Teal'c after a few minutes of silence.
"Yeah, mine too," said Jack, but his eyes never left the face of the woman lying in his arms. She looked so small and delicate. And fragile. Say that to her face and you're asking for a black eye but he couldn't help thinking it. She looked too young and innocent to have gone through everything she had. He wanted to protect her from the world, the universe, but doubted he could. He had failed her again.
She stirred. Her head throbbed and she couldn't move. Sam bit down on the panic rising in her and opened her eyes. When she realised that she couldn't see and that the reason she couldn't move was because she was being held, then she gave in to the panic. She screamed and fought and kicked and bit. She could hear voices speaking to her but she couldn't comprehend them. She didn't understand what they were saying. All she knew was that she was vulnerable and trapped. Suddenly she was free. She scampered away only to be stopped by a wall. Moving along it she was stopped by a second wall. She hid in the corner, making herself as small as possible, hoping they would forget her, whoever they were. She whimpered softly to herself and rocked backwards and forwards to comfort herself. `Not again,' she yelled in her head. `Please not again.'
Jack watched her, his heart dying in his chest. He was losing her. He had to get her back before the past 3 years worth of hard work and therapy went down the drain. He moved slowly and sat down in front of her, much the same way as he had in a corridor in the SGC but thankfully she wasn't waving scalpels at him this time.
"Sam, can you hear me? It's Jack. It's ok. You're with us this time. Daniel's here, and Teal'c. We're not going to let anything happen to you, ok? You're not alone. Do you understand me?"
Sam looked up at him, or more accurately towards him.
"Jack? Colonel? I can't see you. I can't see anything!"
"I know. It was a ...let's just say it'll go away. I'm going to move closer, ok? Good. I'm going to touch your right arm." Jack reached out and gently laid his hand on her arm. The second she felt his presence, she fled into his arms where she felt safe. He wrapped his arms around her and laid his head on top of hers. "It's ok. I've got you. I'm here," he muttered to her, reassuring her and himself.
Daniel and Teal'c moved closer to them but never touched Sam. They just made sure she knew they were there. They stayed like this for who knows how long. It didn't matter. They would wait for as long as Sam needed them to wait.
"I think I'm starting to see," Sam whispered and pulled out of Jack's embrace a little. She stared at the walls and at her teammates, desperately squinting to try to see something, anything. When her sight finally returned, she wished it hadn't. A sob worked its way out of her and she retreated to the relative safety of Jack's arms. But she knew it was relative. She knew she was back in a Goa'uld prison and she knew she wouldn't really be safe anywhere. She knew because she remembered exactly what it was like.
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She'd begged. She'd pleaded. She'd told him everything he wanted to know. But the pain never stopped. She couldn't stop the pain. She wanted to die but he wouldn't even let her have that little bit of peace. He just took her to the point of death, showing the peace she could have, then cruelly ripped it away and brought her back; back to the pain and the cold, the fear and the isolation. She just wanted to die. To fall asleep and be safe again but she no longer knew what safe really was.
Soon she forgot her name. There was no room left for it. The pain and fear took over. Even when he wasn't there, hurting her, she still hurt. Sometimes the pain was inside. A longing for something she no longer remembered, something she could no longer have. She'd cry for it but it never came back. His was the only face she ever saw, his and his Jaffa. Her world was a world of pain and fear and hard faces. There was nothing outside of it, just a black void.
Soon, she no longer wished to die. She no longer cared about anything any more.
Even when everything came back and she lived again, she remembered all of this. She lived with it every day and night. And she was going to live it again.
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"Bring me the prisoners."
Jack tensed as the doors were flung open. Jaffa swarmed into the room. They fought but there were too many. The guards ripped Sam from his arms and dragged her out of the room. Jack ran after her, fighting to get to her. He was thrown to the floor, and then dragged after Sam, followed by Daniel and Teal'c. Jack cursed as he pulled himself to his feet, save being literally hauled along the floor. This Goa'uld, whoever he was, was cautious. There were four Jaffa for each of them. Under different circumstances he would have felt very smug about that fact. But all he could think of now was catching a glimpse of Sam and making sure she was all right.
The Jaffa dragged them through a huge set of ornate gold doors. The room was huge, an obvious throne room. They were lined up in front of a large red and gold throne as even more Jaffa came forward to shackle their wrists and ankles. They were then forced onto their knees (Jack's comments about how he'd rather not due to a cartilage problem was dealt with using the butt end of a staff weapon) and the Jaffa moved back. Jack was glad to see that Sam had been put between him and Teal'c. She sat watching the throne with fear, visibly trembling.
"Sam? Hey, Carter," he whispered. She looked at him and he saw the Sam of 3 years ago reflected in her eyes. "We'll get out of this. I promise."
"That's where you're wrong." SG-1 looked up as their captor walked out from behind the gold curtains behind the chair. "You see I'm not like my fellow Goa'ulds. I don't intend on underestimating you. You may have noticed the number of Jaffa who escorted you here."
"Yeah, kinda overkill, don't ya think?" Jack remarked, drawing attention to himself and away from his team.
"Oh, no, not at all. I have heard many things about all of you and have looked forward to this moment for a long time."
"'Fraid we can't say the same," said Jack.
"Of course. I am Atreus." Their Captor smirked and stared down at them. `This guy needs taking down a peg or two,' thought Jack and considered it his pleasure to do just that.
"Isn't that a star sign?"
"Your comments are amusing yet predictable." Though he was obviously bored. `Tough crowd,' thought the CO. "Now, which one shall go first? I will admit I am a little rusty when it comes to integration. It's been a while but I'm sure I'll pick it up as I go along. And you four can help me. Just scream when I'm doing it right. Now...I think the woman will go first."
Sam's eyes filled with terror. She scrambled to her feet and tried to run but there was nowhere for her to go. SG-1 jumped into action but they were heavily out numbered. Within seconds they were subdued (at least physically) and Sam was dragged to Atreus' feet.
"Yes, you will do nicely, my dear. And don't worry; I won't scar you too badly. It would be a shame to spoil that beautiful little face of yours. I may have other uses for you after."
"I don't think so. Look, I'm the leader here. She doesn't know anything. Try me," yelled Jack praying with all his might for the Goa'uld to ignore Sam. He had to get that snake away from her.
"Un fortunately for you, I know that you are lying. And even if you aren't, what would be the fun in getting all the answers straight away?" Atreus raised his hand and the Jaffa grabbed SG-1 minus Sam and dragged them, kicking and screaming to the door. When Sam realised that they were leaving her, she came out of her daze and sprang to life.
"NO!!!!!!!" she screamed and tried to run after them. The last thing they saw before the doors closed was a image that would stay in their minds forever; Sam fighting against four Jaffa for her life and sanity, her eyes begging them not to leave and her screams echoing in their ears.
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It was back. The pain and fear were back. Had they ever gone away, or was that all a dream? The torturer had a new face but that was the only difference. And she was alone again. Jack had promised she wouldn't be alone any more. Not like this.
As He came at her again with the ribbon device on his hand, she did something she hadn't done in years. She wished for death. She knew what was going to happen. She had been there before and remembered it only too well.
Pain rippled through her in waves. Someone screamed. In her mind she knew it was her screaming but she never felt the sound leave her throat. All she knew was the pain. Only the pain.
She begged. She pleaded. But this time she didn't tell him everything he wanted to know. She couldn't. Not until they were overdue and the SGC was secure. She still remembered that and hated everyone for it. She was going to be hurt. But she couldn't tell. Some of Sam Carter still survived in her. The Major in her won out. For the moment. Sam didn't know for how long it would last, but the woman in her screamed to tell all and stop the pain and she hated the Major with all her might. But she knew it would have made no difference to her. He was going to hurt her no matter what. Telling would only get more people hurt. So she refused to answer his questions.
But as He came at her again, she nearly gave in. She had lost track of time. And then she could no longer tell him. She couldn't think through the pain and fear. There was nothing in her world but that. She was no longer capable of speech, of reason, of bravery, only instinct now. She was the Sam of 5 years ago and she couldn't go back. She was nothing. As the pain intensified, she screamed again. And no longer cared if she died or not. She simply existed in the pain and fear. It was the only thing she knew anymore.
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Jack paced the cell. He could only go four steps in any one direction, less really as Teal'c and Daniel got in the way. But he couldn't sit still. Not until his 2IC was back. He'd broken his promise. He'd said he wouldn't let anything happen to her and that she wouldn't be alone. But Sam was out there alone, being tortured. And there was nothing he could do about it. If this Goa'uld really wanted to hurt them, he was going about it the right way. They were all protective of Sam. They always had been. It was nothing to do with the fact she was less capable than any of them, because she wasn't. Major Carter had often single-handedly saved all their butts. It was just instinct. They were protecting Sam. Men protected their women.
A grim smile appeared on Jack's face. If any one ever said that to her, she'd show them just how much protection was needed. And they would be the ones who needed it. Jack kicked the wall. He had to get her out of here before that feisty woman he loved so much, well and truly died forever. It had nearly happened once before. He couldn't let it happen again or it could very well be permanent this time. There is only so much abuse the human mind can take before it completely shuts down.
"I recognise the name Atreus. He was one of Pelops' sons. He prevented his brother, Thyestes, from taking over the throne of Argos. After Thyestes seduced his wife, in revenge, Atreus invited his brother to a feast and served him his brother's own children," said Daniel grimacing, wishing he hadn't remembered.
"Nice guy. Wait, you think he has any of Dad's nanite stuff?"
"Let's hope not. The Goa'uld don't always lead their lives following the myths, but just the fact he picked this God, tells you something. This is one sick guy."
"T, you heard much about this guy?"
"I have. He is one of the minor Goa'ulds, and has not been heard of for a while." Teal'c looked like he was going to say something else but didn't.
"Go on. What else?" prompted Jack, deciding he needed to know even if he didn't want to.
"It was believed he was off developing or stealing new technology."
Jack was about to ask another question but then the door opened, cutting off any thought other than Sam.
A bundle was tossed in and the door was slammed shut again. The bundle was Sam. SG-1 instantly surrounded her. Jack moved her on to her back and checked her pulse. It was weaker than he would have liked, but it was there. Her breathing was a little shallow, but again she was breathing. He stroked her face and brushed a lock of blonde hair from her forehead. She was ashen, all the colour gone from her face, and there was a small burn like mark on her forehead, indicating the use of a ribbon device. Bruises marred her left cheek and she was going to have one hell of a black eye. But she was alive. Teal'c took off his jacket and laid it over her, while Jack used his to pillow her head.
"I should have protected her," Jack whispered.
Sam kept her eyes closed and forced herself not to move. There was someone by her side, touching her face. If he thought she was still asleep, then he wouldn't hurt her. If she waited until they left, maybe she could escape. That thought died when she heard someone else to her other side and someone else at her feet. There were too many. She was surrounded. She panicked. Her eyes flew open and she scrambled to her hands and knees. Whimpering, Sam scampered to the corner and, making herself as small as possible, hid her face in her knees and tried to blend into the walls.
Jack closed his eyes for a moment, trying to contain his emotions and to try to block the image of Sam, his friend and the woman he loved, whimpering, scared out of her mind. This wasn't the woman he once knew, the one who took no crap from anyone and laughed at his jokes. If he ever got his hands on this Atreus or any Goa'uld in fact... Jack moved in front of her.
"Hey Carter, it's ok. It's just me, Jack. Come on, I'm not going to hurt you."
But this time he couldn't talk her out of it. When he moved closer, she started screaming. He couldn't get through to her. Eventually he had to move back and sat by the opposite wall. Sam became quieter once she was left alone. She just sat there, whimpering and rocking herself, waiting for the pain to start again. She sat in the corner and tried to blend into the wall. `She's trying to hide from us,' Jack realised and nearly emptied his stomach onto the floor. "Oh God," he muttered and buried his face in his hands.
"She'll be ok," said Daniel. "She was before, she will be again."
"Will she? Do you know how hard it is to come back from that? Doing it a second time is damn near impossible. We have to get her out of here fast. And a rescue is out of the question. We're not due for another 2 days at least. Even then it will be at least 24 hours before Hammond sends a rescue mission and we have no idea where we are. What chance do they have of finding us?"
"I believe we are on a ship, O'Neill though we are still in orbit of a planet."
"Great. Just peachy. We're not even on a planet. Things just kept getting better and better, don't they?"
"Jack...are you giving up?" asked Daniel worried about his friend's sudden attitude. He had never seen him like this. He was always the one to crack a joke, and then find a way out. But he was starting to sound despondent. And that scared Daniel, a lot more than he was going to admit.
"No, Daniel," Jack answered wearily. "I'm just worried. We need to get her out of here fast."
Just then the door opened and the room was suddenly swarming with Jaffa. SG-1 instantly moved and placed themselves between Sam and the Jaffa but the Jaffa didn't take any notice. They just pointed at Jack and said, "You will come with us." They didn't bother to wait for him to comply. They grabbed him by the arms and started to haul him out of the cell.
"Ok. Ok I'm coming. Don't get your knickers in a twist." But Jack twisted himself just enough to looked Teal'c and Daniel in the eyes. They nodded at him and stayed in front of Sam. They would protect her while he was gone.
Jack was taken to a different room this time. But he recognised what it was. He had spent too much time hanging around Sam and Daniel not too. He was in a lab.
"Ah I am so glad you could join me," said Atreus as he rose from a throne nearly identical to the one in the first room.
"You know, one throne is a little big headed, But I can't understand it. I mean they are seriously cool. But two is seriously over compensating for something. Got a little problem have you?" Jack gained himself a black eye for that, but damn it was worth it to see the annoyance in Atreus' eyes. "So, Atriums, what do you want?"
"I want to know the codes to open the iris protecting your world."
"Can't you come up with anything more original? Like, I don't know, I want to know your shoe size. Or did you ever cheat on a test at school? `Coz you have more chance of getting answers to those sort of questions. Well, maybe not the cheating one but-"
Another black eye.
"You no longer amuse me. But still I will show you my laboratory. Beautiful, isn't it? You may know of my Father. A fool but a... I believe the word you use is scientist. I had heard you came across one of his experiments on Argos. Lovely planet really, but a little dull after a while, don't you think? I heard you spent some time there."
"Yeah. Lovely," muttered Jack thoroughly bored with the conversation. He let the Goa'uld ramble on and blanked out this one sided conversation. If this arrogant moron said anything interesting, he could click back in. Black Ops helped with things like that; that and sitting through Daniel's briefing lectures. But he didn't need to listen to the Goa'uld boasting.
He scanned the room. He didn't understand half of the stuff in it. But he did notice some vials of blood. Most of the writing was in Goa'uld but one said "Samantha Carter, Tau'ri". Jack didn't like that one bit. `This does not look good,' he thought.
"Now, I think a quick blood sample before we start with the torture, which is my favourite part."
Jack looked around at his team. They had, by his calculations, only been there 3 day, but already they looked the worse for wear. Jack had numerous bruises, while Daniel had dislocated his shoulder and Junior was doing some over time on Teal'c. Each of them had been dragged in front of Atreus and had had blood samples taken. The reasons they came up with for that turned Jack's blood cold. From what they could piece together, Atreus had some of dad's nanite technology. And by tailoring the nanites to their DNA, it could make them completely helpless or inflict absolute pain. What the nanites would do, they had no idea. But Jack doubted it would be pleasant.
As for Sam, she hadn't spoken since she had been separated from them in the throne room. Jack was very worried about her, as were the rest of SG-1. She just sat there, hiding in the corner, whimpering softly and rocking herself back and fro. She been back to Atrues more than they had and that worried Jack as well. She was the one who was least likely to with stand it. He didn't really care about the codes. The SGC should have changed their iris codes by now and they could look after themselves. He was scared for Sam. He needed her. And she was dying on him. The Sam he loved was slowly dying in this place and it was killing him.
Sam sat in the corner. The three men were talking. In an abstract sort of way, she remembered that she knew them. But she refused to acknowledge it. If she did, they would only be taken away from her. That was the way it worked. Never show you are happy, content or even that you feel safe. If you do, it's taken away. They don't like you feeling good. But she wanted to go over to them. She wanted to talk to them and plan with them. More than anything else, she wanted to go over to them and be comforted by them. But she dared not. She physically couldn't, fear stopping her even as she thought about it.
She was hungry again. Strangely that, more than anything else, scared her. It was the hunger that convinced her and refused to allow her to forget that she was back in hell. She hadn't been hungry since she had been rescued, after living in a cell, where she had had to fight for everything. She hated being hungry and now always carried some sort of food with her. Now she had none. Now she knew she was really back.
Lying curled up in the corner she watched numbly as the door opened and Jaffa flooded in. It was so familiar, so terrifyingly well known. She made her decision then and there, as she was wrenched to her feet and pulled from the room with the other 3 men. She was going to stop fighting. She was too tired. And what was the point? She wasn't meant to escape. She no longer cared what happened as long as at some point she died and had peace. It didn't matter when. Nothing did.
The living shell of the former Samantha Carter was dragged in front of Atreus. Jack looked at her and saw her eyes. His heart shattered as he saw she was gone. Samantha Carter wasn't there any more. She'd finally given up. She was gone.
Jack couldn't listen to Atreus. What was the point? These Goa'ulds never said anything original anyway. All the Colonel could see was Sam. Sam challenging him to an arm wrestle; Sam in a blue dress glaring at him; Sam's eyes glowing as she threw him across the room; Sam's eyes reflecting everything he felt right back at them across a force field; Sam lying dead on the floor, killed by his hand; Sam laughing at his jokes; Sam staring ahead, blankly as she withdrew from him to a point where he doubted she could ever come back: Sam given up on life and him.
Suddenly his trance was broken as Sam was pulled to her feet and moved until she was directly before Atreus.
Sam stared ahead. She would not think; she would not feel. Atreus took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. But she never saw him.
"You are indeed a very beautiful creature. I will not inject you just yet. The damage may spoil you," Atreus announced as he ran his fingers through her hair. She tried to pull away, disgusted by his touch but her body wouldn't co-operate. Suddenly he pulled her hard against him and covered her mouth with his own, his tongue invading her mouth. Distantly she heard yells and protests but she just let it happen. There was nothing she could do any more. She was too tired to fight.
Atreus released her and she collapsed at the foot of the throne. She curled into a ball where she fell and blocked everything out. She was as good as dead anyway.
"It is a shame. It appears that someone else had the pleasure of breaking her spirit. I would very much have liked to do that myself but it does save me time. She will grace my bed for many months. She is very beautiful and I have no doubt I will enjoy her immensely."
"Dream on, tree man," snarled Jack. "Over my dead body."
"Well, that is being arranged as we speak. Ah, yes, here we are." A Jaffa walked into the room and knelt before Atreus, holding up a needle that made Janet's look like toys. "You have the honour of being first, Colonel O'Neill. Admittedly I regret having to do this. I have no idea really what these nanites will do. I never was as good a scientist as my father and brother. There will most likely be permanent, perhaps even fatal, damage, which would rule out the possibility of you entertaining me further. But sacrifices must be made for the pursuit of science. I'm sure Samantha would agree. And she will suffice in entertaining me in the future, I'm sure."
With that the Jaffa increased their grip on Jack and tilted the Colonel's head to the left, exposing his neck. He fought, Daniel and Teal'c fought but there was nothing they could do. This was it. This was finally it. He was going to die, here, like this and he had never told her. He looked past Atreus to Sam, as she lay, unmoving on the floor. A beautiful vibrant woman reduced to a hollow shell by a cruel world.
"I love you," he whispered to her before Atreus blocked her from view.
"How sweet. But that will not help you now. Nothing will," he said grinning. Jack stared at him, refusing to die with his eyes closed, and silently apologised to everyone he was letting down.
When Sam heard the whispered promise, she looked up. Somehow she had heard it. But she couldn't see him. Suddenly the fear was blocked out by uncontrollable rage, at every one and everything that had brought her to this place and time. How dare he! Jack O'Neill had waited until NOW to say anything! The man she loved had just told her the one thing she had waited to long to hear and this ego maniacal monster was going to kill him?
`I don't think so,' the blonde woman decided, adrenaline coursing through her veins.
Major Samantha Carter rose from the floor. No one noticed, but she was back. And what was going on in front of her was totally unacceptable. Then she saw the ribbon device and a knife lying on the table beside a bowl of fruit. `The Goa'uld were all the same,' she thought. `Arrogant and basically stupid.' Without thinking she put the ribbon device on one hand and grabbed the knife with the other. The feel of the smooth handle in her hand made her feel powerful. All of a sudden she felt as if she could do anything. Whether it was the knife or the confession she had just heard she didn't know. It didn't matter. She knew exactly what to do.
The ribbon device glowed in her hand. She lifted the knife and thrust it forward.
Then Atreus stopped and looked confused. He looked down at his chest, and then tried to look behind him. A thin stream of blood trickled out of his mouth, down his chin. His eyes flashed, then rolled back into his head and he fell forward only to be hauled upright by an unseen force.
"Let them go," came a strong clear voice from behind Atreus. "Let them you or your God dies, and I promise you, you won't be able to bring him back from this death."
The Jaffa looked at each other. Then in silent agreement, unshackled SG-1, lay down their weapons and moved back. Atreus hit the floor with a thud.
Sam stood there, bloody knife in one hand, ribbon device on the other and a ferocious expression on her face. Even Teal'c was scared of her at that moment. She was not a lady to be crossed. The ribbon device glowed and SG-1 hit the deck just before she let it rip and blasted the remaining Jaffa into the wall, literally. Then she just stood there.
"Sam?" Jack asked cautiously. Never sneak up on a woman like Sam, who is obviously pissed and armed. You won't live long. "Sam, it's just us. We're going to sit up now. Just take it easy, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't blow our heads off." Slowly Jack sat up, Daniel and Teal'c following suit when they saw it was safe. "They weren't joking when they said `Hell hath no fury' and all that," muttered Jack as he watched Sam intently.
Sam didn't acknowledge them. She just stared at Atreus' lifeless body. But she knew it wasn't enough. He had a sarcophagus and would live again but not if she had anything to do with it. She knelt down and plunged the knife deep into the neck, severing both the host's neck and the symbiote's. Blood spilt everywhere but it wasn't enough. She started to twist the knife, inflicting as much damage as possible.
"You will not hurt me again. I won't let you. I'm not helpless any more. I won't let you hurt me or the people I love," she muttered, so intent on her task she never even heard Jack and Daniel talking to her, trying to calm her down. She had to kill the monster so he would go away forever and there would be no more pain or fear. Only when hands came around her and the knife was removed from her iron grip did she remember there were other people there.
"NO!!! I have to stop it hurting. I have to kill him!" she screamed. "Let me go. Let me stop it. I want it to stop. Make the pain stop," Sam pleaded, descending into frantic sobs. Wordlessly, Teal'c released her and she fell into Jack's arms. Jack gathered her to him and picked her up. She sobbed her self out, then lay quiet in his arms, exhausted by her out burst, and slowly withdrawing back into herself. With a nod to Daniel and Teal'c, they set off, Teal'c at point and Daniel watching their sixes. They met no more Jaffa on their way and throughout Jack muttered reassurances to Sam whose sobs had stopped. She simply stared out at something Jack couldn't see and hoped he never did. It broke his heart again. But he did have hope now. If she could fight like that, then maybe she could come back to him.
When they reached the ring room, it was easy to transport down to the planet. And it was a short distance to the gate from there.
"Er Jack? We have a problem," announced Daniel when the gate came into view.
"What now?" asked Jack scanning the view for Jaffa. He found none but that didn't really mean anything. They could be walking into an ambush but he had no choice. This was the fastest route to the gate and he needed to get Sam home. Now.
"We have no GDO."
Damn! He knew he had forgotten something.
"So we go to the Alpha site. Dial it up Daniel and quickly."
Sam jumped when the gate opened but just buried her head deeper into Jack's shoulder. He had to admit his arms were seriously aching by now, but he would sooner face down all the system lords, naked, than put her down. There was no way she was going to leave his arms any time soon. He doubted she could, but he also doubted he could let her go.
"Come on, Sam. We're nearly there. Just have to stop off at the Alpha site first to borrow a GDO. Then we're going home. You're safe now. I promise."
Daniel went in search of a GDO while Teal'c hunted for a radio. Jack laid Sam gently down on a bed in one of the guest quarters on the base, still holding her. Though he doubted she would let him go even if he wanted to, which he so didn't. Ok, so the rooms were more like little metal hunts with concrete beds but it was better than nothing. He just sat rocking her gently and muttering to her. It didn't matter what he said, just that she knew he was there. He was struck again how tiny and delicate she seemed beside him. "Come on, Sam. Stay with me. Don't give up on me now," he whispered. "Not now."
A knock on the door made him look up. A rebel Jaffa popped her head around the door.
"I thought you might like some food. It's not much but a hot drink will help..." she trailed off, unsure.
"That's great, thanks. Can you put it on the table please? Sam, do you want a drink? It'll make you feel better."
Sam lifted her head and nodded to Jack. But then things went wrong. Jack cursed himself as she flung herself off the bed and made a run for the door, yelling. He grabbed her quickly and pinned her to the bed. Only when the female Jaffa came over to help did he understand the problem. Unfortunately he wasn't fast enough to stop Sam's fist from flying out and catching the woman square on her jaw. She landed on her backside, dazed.
Luckily Daniel arrived with Teal'c and they managed to extract the woman and explain the problem, avoiding an inter-planetary incident.
"She's not better, is she Teal'c?" said Daniel as he watched the Jaffa woman retreat to nurse her jaw.
"Do not under-estimate Samantha Carter, Daniel Jackson. Though I do fear you are correct. However she has survived once before, and now she had avenged herself, she may find peace. I also believe that she will no longer be alone. "
"Come on," the archaeologist said grinning at Teal'c's last statement and agreeing with it. "Let's get her home before she decks any body else."
Sam had apologised to the Jaffa woman, who thankfully was very understanding. After Jack had calmed Sam down, she had finally begun to come out of her shell and think clearly again. They had all been lucky this time. None of them had been seriously hurt, though it had been close. And the reason it was close had been because of her.
They had let her walk through the gate on her own, for which she was thankful. She didn't want to be carried back on her last trip through the gate. And she had no doubts it was her last. She couldn't do this any more. Last time she had convinced herself that lightening never hits the same place twice. But it does. Now they were back on Earth, every time she though about stepping through the gate, she started to feel sick and panicky. She had had two panic attacks so far, though no one knew this. She just couldn't do it any more.
It had been too close in more ways than one. She had almost let Atreus kill Jack. Hell, she was the one who let them get captured in the first place. It was her watch and she had been distracted, allowing them to sneak up on her team. She wasn't fit to be on a team any longer.
Sam knocked on the General's door and waited for a reply. When she received it, she entered and closed the door behind her. The scientist saluted, then stood to attention in front of the General's desk. She handed him the piece of paper in her hand.
"At ease. What's this?" he asked as he took it from her, a little shocked at the formalities. Sam never saluted him. True she probably should, but the SGC was a lot looser than most commands. This formality also worried him. A lot.
"I am here to resign my commission sir."
Hammond shook his head. He had thought she had said...No, it couldn't be. Not Major Samantha Carter, not Sam. He was just getting old. Not a nice thought, but the alternative was that she had just said what he though she said. He looked at the piece of paper in his hands, but had to read it 3 times before it got through to him. It was her resignation of her commission. Damn, he wasn't getting old. For the most part, that was a good thing. But if it had meant on this occasion he was hearing things, then he would gladly have settled for growing old.
"Why?"
"I am not fit to be on a team sir, or in the military."
"Major...Sam," Hammond sighed. "Take a seat." He waited until she had done so before continuing. "Does this have to do with what happened on your last mission?" Getting no response he took that as a yes. "Sam, none of that was your fault. What? You thought we hadn't noticed that you seem to blame yourself?" he asked when she looked up sharply at him. "Give us some credit Major. Yes, it was a horrible thing to happen, particularly with your past, but it's over and no one got hurt."
"Yes they did. My team did. I did."
"But I thought that Doctor Fraiser gave you the all clear."
"I can't do it any more sir." Sam stared at her hands, praying that the General wouldn't see the tears that filled her eyes. But he did and they made him feel even older. "I...can't go through the gate. I feel sick and scared and just want to hide whenever I think about stepping through it, about what I could have to go through again. I... I've already had 2 panic attacks, sir. I really can't do it. I can't do my job anymore. And I am no use to this facility and the Air Force if I can't do."
"You under-estimate yourself."
"No, sir." She looked down, unable to meet his eyes; afraid of the disappointment she would see in them. "You over-estimate me." She took a deep breath and finished in a rushed, fearing if she didn't, she wouldn't get it all out. "I'm sorry. I know I'm disappointing you but I have no choice. Please General."
"Sam, you have never disappointed me and you never could." He looked at the woman opposite, as she looked up, shocked. "Sam the fact that you went through the gate after the last time is a miracle. In fact, a lot of people think that the fact that are not only alive, but a functioning being is a miracle. You're chances of surviving 2 years of that monster were put at 5%. I'm just sorry you had to go through that all a second time."
The General sighed. He didn't want to loss her but he could see she was unhappy. And like the members of SG-1, and the entire SGC for that matter, he would do anything to see that she wasn't unhappy for long. If she wanted this, then she must really mean it. Sam wasn't the sort of person to do something like this on an impulse. She loved her work too much. Then a thought came to him. It would mean putting into action something he had thought about for a while and considering it, he realised that it was just the thing both the SGC and Sam needed. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
"Yes sir."
"All right, but there is one condition."
"Gentlemen, please take a seat," said Hammond as SG-1 (minus Sam) and Janet entered the briefing room. The General was not looking forward to this, but in his heart he knew it was the best thing to do. Sam really was like a daughter to him and he wanted to see her happy. This was the best thing for her and for SG-1. But Jack was not going to like this.
"I received a visit from Major Carter today. As of 2 hours ago, Samantha Carter is no longer on SG-1 or working directly for the Air Force. She resigned her commission this morning."
"What? And you just let her?" the team CO exclaimed. "I need to speak to her." Jack rose and headed for the door.
"Colonel O'Neill. Get back here right now!" The General rarely raised his voice, so when he did, it was especially impressive. Jack sat back down but glared at the General. "Thank you. Now, there are many reasons for her to come to this decision and she has asked me to share them with you. Probably because she feels it's doubtful you would give her the chance to explain." With this he looked directly at the stubborn Colonel, who just stared at the tabletop.
"So she will be leaving." When he had finished, silence filled the room, each of its occupants lost in their own thoughts.
Daniel worried about Sam, but understood that this was right for her. He just hoped she stayed near-by. He didn't want to lose his surrogate sister so soon after finding her again. Teal'c was glad that his friend was finally finding some peace for herself but would miss her if she left completely. Janet was a little hurt that her best friend hadn't confided all this in her but she understood why. Some things you just had to do for yourself but that didn't mean the doctor wasn't going to have a word or two with her friend, especially if her best friend and listening ear was going to leave for good.
Jack wasn't sure what to think. He knew he should have expected this and part of him had. But a larger part was so used to having her around, by his side whenever he needed her. And now she wouldn't be there. He knew it was selfish, but couldn't help feeling abandoned. He needed her, damn it! And he had thought she needed him too. What if she just left altogether? What if she left him? Jack knew he wouldn't be able to cope. He couldn't deal with losing her again.
Hammond watched their faces, Jack's in particular. Didn't he know how transparent he was? The General wanted to ease their suffering but dared not get their hopes ups. Things were still in the air. When the phone rang in his office, he bit back a grin. This was it. He ordered them all to wait in the briefing room and went to answer the phone. Once the arrangements were made, he ordered Sam Carter to join them in the briefing room. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was very nervous. But if she could see the faces of the 4 people in there, Hammond knew she wouldn't have to be. He just hoped Jack behaved himself.
Sam paused outside the briefing room. She was scared. Ok, terrified. She admitted that. She knew that they were not going to be happy about her decision. But it was the only one she could realistically make. She had to do this, for herself. And now, thanks to the General, it wasn't going to be good-bye at all. Taking a deep breath she braced herself before entering the room.
She was greeted instantly by Daniel and Janet who rushed to her side, both speaking at the same time so she caught only half of what each of them were saying but she got the gist of it. They were a little mad at her and a little hurt but they wanted her to be happy. Sam turned to Teal'c, silently seeking his opinion. He simply smiled slightly and nodded his head once. Sam sighed in relief. Trust Teal'c to be the one to understand. He understood a lot more than most gave him credit for, and he always understood her and supported her, and was now indicating he would continue to do so.
This gave Sam the courage she needed to look at Jack. But all she could see were dark eyes that refused to look at her. She bit back the pain and disappointment. She had been expecting this. But it still hurt. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Teal'c frown at O'Neill's reaction.
Sam finally managed to get a word in with the General's help.
"Look," she started, watching mainly Teal'c drawing the courage she needed from her silent friend. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this. It has nothing to do with any of you. I just couldn't go on like this any longer. It was slowly killing me. And could have killed you. No, let me finish," she said as Daniel started to interrupt. "I have to do this because I'm not the person I once was and never will be no matter how much I wish I was. I'm not fit to be on a team, and frankly, I don't want to be any more. I've had enough. There's more to life than fighting to stay alive and I want more than that now. But you're not getting rid of me. The General has permission to open a civilian run science team, on base. It will cut out some of the interference we get from the NID and it will allow for us to make better use of the labs and resources. I have agreed to head this team so I'll probably be here just as much as I used to, if not more. So." Sam paused, and looked at the faces of her closest friends. She watched them take in her words and think them over. She tried to wait, but she had to know. "What do you think?"
Smiles broke out on Daniel's and Janet's faces and they both hugged her as they realised their worst dreams hadn't come true. They got to keep their best friend nearby. But Jack never looked up from his hands. He never looked at her and never said a word. When the General dismissed them, he simply stood up. Then he looked at her.
"Congratulations Major," he said, his voice dead and his eyes filled with disappointment and then he left.
Sam watched him go with tears in her eyes. `Maybe I just imagined that he felt anything for me,' she thought. She didn't think. She could swear he... `But what if...' Unable to bare the thought, she stood up and fled the briefing room to hide, leaving her friends cursing Jack O'Neill's thick skull and Janet dreaming of the needles she was going to use on him in his next post-mission physical.
Teal'c found Jack in the gym, beating up the punch bag, as predicted. He had given his friend enough time to cool down (and himself enough time to ensure he wouldn't be tempted to hurt O'Neill, as he knew his friend was only a little stupid and hadn't actually meant to hurt Sam).
"What do you want, Teal'c?" growled Jack, without looking up or stopping his systematic destruction of the punch bag.
"I believe you should go and speak to Major Carter."
"She isn't a Major now, Teal'c, and I think she said everything there was to say."
"Maybe, but you did not say what should have been said."
"What are you talking about, T?" he asked as he continued to take out his frustration on the bag, which was looking a little worst for wear by now. "She wants to leave." Punch. "She wants to give up." Punch. "Fine." Punch. "She can go ahead." Punch. "And she did. So that's that." Jack sagged against the bag, suddenly exhausted and tired to the bone. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen.
"Do you not care for Samantha Carter?"
"Damn it, Teal'c, you know I do." Jack walked over to the bench, grabbed his towel and then just slide down the wall and rested his head on his hands. `How could everything go wrong again so quickly?' he thought in despair. `And why does life feel the need to do this to me all the time? When do I get a break?'
"Then why are you hurting her for something she had no control over?"
"I'm hurting her?" Jack looked up, confused and angry. A t least angry was better than bone tired.
"Yes, you are. She tried to be strong and when needed, she was so. For you." The large Jaffa paused and watched his friend carefully, before continuing. "She tried to do the best thing and only wanted encouragement. From you. She could no longer live in fear and you just turned away from her. And what had she done to hurt you?" Jack didn't answer. "She let herself accept that she needed peace and has done something to get that peace. She left your command and did what she needed to survive. She is strong but she still needs someone."
Jack looked at Teal'c, shocked. The one syllable man just gave a speech that made the Colonel feel lower than pond scum. The Jaffa was good. Jack had always suspected but this was the first evidence he had; Teal'c was a closet Oprah fan because it took professional advice to give a guilt trip as good as that. And when Jack thought about it, Teal'c was right.
Then it hit him. Like a truck. Teal'c could pin point the exact second Jack figured it out. His eyes lit up and a slow grin spread across his face. He looked at Teal'c, a little uncertain, but when Teal'c nodded, Jack stood up and raced to the door.
"O'Neill?" Teal'c called out. He waited until Jack paused half out of the door and glanced back at him before continuing. "Do not hurt her again." He left the `or else' and the consequences of hurting Sam to Jack's imagination. And by the Colonel's quick swallow, Teal'c knew that Jack had gotten the point.
"I won't. Thanks, T. I owe ya one," and he raced off.
"You are welcome, O'Neill," Teal'c said to an empty room and smiled. The big alien flashed a secret big full-blown `I-have-just-become-the-happiest-person-in-the-world' smile. But his face was composed when he left the room.
Sam woke, sweating and disorientated. The dream faded but the disorientation persisted. What was that noise? At first she thought she was still dreaming, but then as she woke up a bit more, she realised that the noise she was hearing was someone pounding on her door. Her first thought was to panic. It must be someone from the SGC. Something had happened. Someone was hurt. She leapt out of bed and ran to the door. She was surprised when she saw Jack through the peephole.
"Come on, Sam. I know you're in there," Jack yelled at the door, as he stopped pounding. The with a nonchalant shrug, he started to run through the keys in his pocket. If she wasn't going to open the door, then he was going to open it himself. So Sam opened the door. It at least gave her the impression of having some control over the situation, despite the fact that she was thoroughly and utterly confused.
"Sir, what are you doing here? It's-" she checked the clock and groaned "-2.30 in the morning."
"Not sir any more, Carter...Sam," he said as moved past her into the living room.
"Come in, why don't you?" Sam muttered to herself as she closed the door. Only then did she realise that all she was wearing was an oversized T-shirt. She blushed and pulled the hem (which reached mid-thigh) down. "I'll just-"
Jack cut her off. "Come in here and sit down, Sam. I want to talk to you."
"Yes sir. As soon as I put on-"
Again she never finished as Jack just grabbed her hand, pulled her over to the couch and push her down before taking a seat next to her. Sam stared at him in shock.
"There are some things I want to say to you, need to say. First I'm sorry." Sam was even more shocked to see that her visitor actually did look contrite. Well, sheepish at least. "You know how I can be an idiot sometimes. I really do understand. About why you resigned and everything. It just took me by surprise that's all. I thought you were happy on SG-1."
Sam started to interrupt to correct him. She couldn't let him keep thinking that she was unhappy because of him. But he simply cut her off.
"Ah. Don't talk, let me finish while I can still remember what I wanted to say." Sam sat back and gave him a go ahead sign. "Ok. Where was I? Damn now look what you've done. Ok, I've apologised..." Jack rolled his eyes and started counting on his fingers, ticking off the points he had prepared on his way over to Sam's house. Finally he got to the right one. At least he thought did.
"Oh, got it. I understand why you quit and I'm glad." Jack's expression paralleled a dear caught in headlights and Sam had to bite her lip to keep the grin from showing. `He was so adorable,' she thought.
"That you'll still be at the SGC that is. Not that you...And that you'll be happy. Because I know you will. At least I hope that you... I am so screwing this up. Ok. Let's try it this way."
He looked around at her living, lit by a single lamp. Then he looked at Sam. He figured he was doing this all wrong. But then again their relationship had never been normal anyway. But he couldn't wait. She was the only one. He took a deep breath and moved until he was kneeling in front of her. Sam's eyes grew even larger. Jack knew he could drown in those eyes, and would like nothing more than to do so.
Nervous, he took her hand while his other hand pulled a small red box out of his pocket. His hands were shaking a little. He could face down a squad of Jaffa without a sweaty palm. But this could really destroy him. What if she had changed her mind about him? What if he was imagining things between them? But he had to go on or he would never know. And Teal'c would do some very unpleasant things to him, he was sure.
"I guess I should have done this in candlelight or moonlight. Or even got you flowers. But no shops are open at this time of night and I haven't got candles and I couldn't wait. So this will have to do." Jack cleared his throat and tried not to squeeze her hand too tight. It doesn't do to break the hand of the woman you want to marry.
Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I know I'm not perfect, but I do love you. You make me a better person, and I love you for it. I love everything about you. And I need you. There's nothing stopping us now." He looked straight at her and took a step into the unknown. "So... Samantha Carter, will you do me the complete honour of becoming my wife?"
He passed her the small box. Then, he opened it for her when she jut stared at it in her now limp hands. Impatient, he took out the ring and held it up for her to see.
Sam stared at the slim gold band with a single sapphire flanked by 2 diamonds. It wasn't expensive. It wasn't flashy or even really noticeable. It was perfect. She lifted a hand to touch the blue fire and looked at Jack, questioningly.
"It was my grand-mother's," he explained. "She gave it to me a couple of years ago. The stone kinda reminds me of your eyes." Jack paused then rolled his eyes. "That was soooo clichd. Please forget I said that. Please."
Sam shook her head, and smiled. Taking the ring out of the box, she touched his face with her other hand and blinked back the tears threatening to flood from her eyes. It was perfect.
"So? Come on. Think of my knees here." He stuck to his trick of cracking jokes when the tension got too much. And boy, was there tension here. He didn't think it was possible to be this scared. "Will you marry me?"
He looked so scared and nervous that Sam didn't have the heart to make him suffer. Maybe later.
"Yes. I will marry you. And it's about time you asked."
Jack grinned and took Sam into his arms, holding her tightly. "You have just made me the happiest man alive." And he finally got to really kiss the woman he had loved for 12 years.
Sam lay in the arms of her husband. They were going to have to cut their honeymoon a little short. There was a problem at the SGC. But neither of them really minded. They had a lifetime together and they planned to use every minute of it.
The dreams were less frequent now. And they were easier to deal with. Jack would be there when she woke, to hold her and make the shadows disappear. She had had to fight the NID a couple more times since her second `misadventure' as they had put it. The NID would always be a nuisance, but she could deal with it.
Their wedding had been small. Just friends and family. They had also had a celebration at the SGC, inviting all their off-world friends. Everything had been perfect in Sam's eyes. Even down to the cowboy hat Teal'c insisted on wearing as one of Jack's two best men. Her Dad had been able to make it and had given her away. It had been how she had imagined it. She knew Jack was responsible for that. He made sure everything was just right.
Lying there she realised that she couldn't remember the last time she felt fear clearly. Oh, she knew when it had been but it was just an abstract now. As was the pain she had felt, and the terror. Jack made it all go away. So she might still have the nightmares and was still unable to think about going through the gate without sweating, but Sam was with the man she loved and who loved her. Maybe one day she would be able to face all those fears once and for all. Because he would be there. With him, maybe she could finally live again.
The end.
Feed-back would be loved- good or bad. Thanks for reading, Kat.H.
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