Valentine Victim
Valentine Victim
by Kahiara
Summary: When it says daniel/other it isn't actually another but is I had the person it would ruin the whole plot (wow there is one). Valentines day. the Wacky Wway!
Category: Challenge, Future Story, Humor, Romance
Season: future Season
Pairing: Daniel/other
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 04/17/03
This is my response to challenge #497
The criteria were:
Write a Daniel centered fic where Daniel is being stalked through the base by a helplessly in love valentine. Here's the catch....he's...
1. It has to be Valentine's Day.
2. It has to scare him witless.
3. It can't be a joke!
4. Maybourne gets hit on the head for no apparent reason.
5. It must include the phrases:
"Bite me Colonel."
"Get me the president, this is a cookie dough emergency!" and
"JAFFA cake Teal'c? Tee hee." Here it is
PS: I love feedback whether you hated it, loved it, or thought I could improve it. I live of feedback so do you want to have someone's death on your conscience as you didn't give them feedback to live off???
Anyway, here it is...
Valentine Victim
It was February 14th, Valentines day. Daniel Jackson was on base going to his locker like the average day. He was about to open his locker and collect his latest artifact from P4X-239 when he realised that there was something odd about today... very odd. He had this feeling, he couldn't describe it but he just knew someone or thing was watching him... Calm down Danny its just a security camera. They have them all over the base... he thought and carried on as usual. He opened his locker and when he took out the artifact he saw something... Something pink. He took it out and realised it was a piece of pink paper... a piece of pink paper with hearts on it... a piece of pink paper with hearts and kisses on it... It said
Hey sexy...
"Okay Jack that was not funny... or Sam... just wait until I see you..." He said to himself. It had to be one of them as Teal'c hadn't grasped the concept of humour and pranks... thankfully there was at least one sane person left on SG-1... no no there wasn't Teal'c was a Jaffa. Daniel completely confused by who sent him the note and why went to the cafeteria. On the way to the cafeteria Daniel went past several people down the long long corridors in a secret secret base in complete and utter paranoia.
CAFETERIA...
"Hey Teal'c! What's up?" Daniel asked joining him at the table.
"These roses are for you Daniel Jackson. Happy Valentines day." Oooooooookay Teal'c obviously doesn't quite get Valentines day...
"Teal'c you know ummmm.... ya see it's umm... a nice thought..." Daniel stammered.
"Do not concern yourself with such thoughts Daniel Jackson these are not from me."
"Who gave them to you to give to me?"
"I am not a liberty to divulge such information."
"Fine! JAFFA cake Teal'c? Tee hee." Daniel said offering Teal'c a JAFFA cake.
"No. I shall remain eating these cookies that Major Carter has supplied."
"If you like."
"I will see you later doctor Jackson. I am going to my quarters to kel'no'reem." After this statement the Jaffa walked of and Daniel opened the note attached to the card... It said...
"*You rock my world. Every time I see you my heart misses a beat. I love you Daniel... more than you could ever know. I see you everyday and yet I can't tell you... We're not like Jack and Sam you know we are allowed to have feelings. Oh Daniel if you could only know... PS: You look really cute eating your Jell-O (jelly - whatever).*"
*oooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. They're watching me... they know my friends... they know my habits and what I eat.... aaaahh... calm...calm. Don't freak out..."
CORRIDORS...
Maybourne was at the entrance of the cafeteria, looking for Jack, when his head suddenly hurt.
"Owwww.... Teal'c what was that for?"
"I dunno... Something just came over me... like a voice in my head and it said... bang bang"
"Whatever... So why are you here?"
"bang bang... chitty chitty"
"Teal'c?"
"I'm a car... broom broom... beep beep... bang bang" When Teal'c repeated the words bang bang Maybourne got another painful bang on the head.
"Aaaaaaaah" Maybourne screamed and ran off as fast as his legs would take him... into a wall...
HAMMOND'S OFFICE...
"Get me the president, this is a cookie dough emergency!" General George Hammond screamed down his red phone.
"Excuse me?" The poor secretary said on the other side.
"Cookie dough... Hurry up woman!"
"I'm afraid the President does not appreciate prank calls."
"What do you mean... I HAVE A RED PHONE! I am therefore important... A RED PHONE! WHERE ELSE DO YOU FIND THEM???"
"In telephone booths. Good day..."
"B..but! Fine!" Hammond slammed down the phone, "Major Carter what was the meaning of adding chemicals to the cookie dough?"
"It was an experiment, sir. To get inanimate objects to talk to the people. It stimulates the imagination and therefore the object talks. To demonstrate I call upon my assistant, the Colonel." Sam answered.
"Colonel? I was not aware you did magic?"
"Oh well, ya see we have a magical touch and that's why aliens like us... " Jack replied with a hint of sarcasm.
"Observe the cookie..." Sam continued... "Listen to it. What does it say? Listen closely... It says... Bite me Colonel." After saying this Jack went up to Sam and he didn't exactly bite her but he gave her a long kiss on the neck leaving a red mark...
"You weren't meant to give a hickey!" Sam exclaimed, "You were meant to here the cookie say that and eat the cookie..."
"Major, this is a great example of an experiment gone wrong!" Hammond shouted. "I will ignore that hickey Colonel as you were under influence of a cookie... God help us!"
INFIRMARY...
Daniel was running... fast as he could. This was the last straw. He had found a bra in his locker... They were obsessed. They knew everything about him... and they loved him... he ran and ran and ran into his lab... owwwww.
"He's conscious" Janet stated.
"Can we see him?" The other members of SG-1 asked.
"In a minute I just have to....er.... run some last tests." Janet then walked to Daniel.
"Hey you! How do you feel?"
"In pain and I'm scared... they ... their watching me aaaaaaaaaaaaah"
"Daniel... I have to tell you something"
"Yeah?"
"It was me and I love you soooo much. With all my heart. You know I haven't given you your present... here." Janet gave Daniel a passionate kiss on the lips.
"Whoa."
"Daniel... marry me?"
Fini ~ Please tell me what you thought... whatever you thought... thanks... oh and tell me if you think I should write a sequel.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Kahiara
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