Tardan, A Hurt Catwoman, A Dead Janet, A Mud Monster, And A Twisted Alien 2!
Tardan, A Hurt Catwoman, A Dead Janet, A Mud Monster, And A Twisted Alien 2!
by Jolinar@Carter
TITLE: Tardan, A Hurt Catwoman, A Dead Janet, A Mud Monster, And A Twisted Alien 2!
AUTHOR: Jolinar@Carter
EMAIL: jolinar.carter@btinternet.com
CATEGORY: Humor, POV
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Tardan...1
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4; Sequel to Tardan, A Hurt Catwoman, A Dead Janet, A Mud Monster, And A Twisted Alien Part 1
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship
SUMMARY: The Missing scene to the popular story: 'Tardan...'
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the missing scene from the popular story that was my first fan fiction: 'Tardan....'
Please note that 'Memories And Thoughts,' was after Exodus, and that it is not part 2 of 'We Had Hope, Now We Have Him,' as I am writing that now. It is part 2 of Memories And Thoughts.'
"Oh dear, the toilet is not here."
"One more pace mate." Monkey man told Teal'C. Teal'C walked along again, straight past it.
"Where?"
"Oh for cryin' out loud!" Monkey man yelled.
"Holy Hannah!" The Snake cried.
"I once had friends who said 'Holy Hannah' and 'Oh For Cryin' Out Loud!' Their names were Major Spam Farter and Colonel Sack Oatmeal, I believe."
"Nope, their names are Sam Carter and Jack O'Neill. By the way, wanna come to my wedding?" Tardan swung by.
"Who are you marrying?"
"Jack and Sam have come back, so we're doing a joint thing. Cat woman, and Jack, and me and Jane."
"Cat woman?"
"Sam. She fell down the mountain, and she thinks she's Cat woman." Daniel replied as he swung by on his huge vine again.
"Jane?"
"Janet."
"Oh. I will attend. Where is it going to be held?"
"Up in the sky, right up there. It has to be tonight though, because the SGC Medical team are after Sam, Jack broke her out of the nutty ward so they could get hitched. Hammond helped too. For some reason, Sam's wearing a cat suit."
"Then I will most definitely be there Tardaniel."
"That's Tardan Teal'C."
"Oh. Where is the toilet Tardan?"
"Behind you about six steps. You missed it for some reason. Jane's just had a child."
"I imagine it is most beautiful."
"Yep. Come along and see."
"I will do."
"Bye!"
"So that's where the toilet is!"
***LATER...***
"The wedding is up in the sky? Which part of the sky?"
"Yo Teal'C dude! Up here!" Hammond yelled.
"Up where?"
"Here. The Tree house."
"Cool. Is Cassandra here General?"
"Yep. I'm here. I think you're parked on double yellow lines Teal'C."
"So I am." Teal'C moved. He then climbed the tree. A blond haired woman in a cat suit walked down a ladder, and entered the room, followed by Janet, or 'Jane Of The Jungle,' as she was now called.
"So where is the child Tardan spoke of?"
"Here. Isn't he cute?"
"I think he's beautiful. He'd make an excellent cat man when he grows up."
"'He' is not a cat Sam, you aren't either."
"Shhh!" Jack whispered to Cassy. Too late.
"I am Cat woman, not Sam."
"You're human. You're Major Samantha Carter."
"I'm not. I am Cat woman, and I will prove it to you."
"Cat woman, don't, I want to marry you now! If we don't hitch now, we never will, 'cos the SG Medical team will take you back to the Hospital, and lock you up again."
"I must prove I am who I say." Sam jumped off of the deck, and landed on a hard rock. She had fallen a long distance, and there was no way she could have lived.
"Cat woman?"
"I am here."
"Where?"
"Behind you our love." Jack turned round to discover Sam, now back where she was standing while she was talking to Cassandra.
"Let's get hitched!" The Monkey man, who had borrowed a suit from his friend Ty, the Tiger, married Jane and Tardan, and then Jack and Cat woman, and Teal'C began to cry.
"It's okay Teal'C, everyone cries at weddings, because we're so happy." Cassy told him.
"No, I am crying because there are ants in my pants." Teal'C informed her as he yelped.
"Jane, he's so beautiful!"
"Jack, he's a twig."
"Shhh!"
"Shhh Cassy, you'll wake him! He's your brother, so don't be horrible!"
"That is not my brother, it's a piece of freakin' wood! I think you all belong at the Air Force Academy Hospital with Sam!" Cassy yelled.
"What about me? I'm not nuts!"
"Except for you Jack!"
"Thank you."
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