Titles
Titles
by Jolinar@Carter
TITLE: Titles
AUTHOR: Jolinar@Carter
EMAIL: jolinar.carter@btinternet.com
CATEGORY: Challenge (#1,248), Humor
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Every single Episode I guess. MAJOR PRODIGY. Must know who Jenny is!
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: language, minor character death
SUMMARY: I think I got all of them.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hi guys, thanks to all of you who've visited my website. Although my counter's temporarily down, I've had 157 visitors tonight, in the last month. Thanks.http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/JolinarsTeltak
"Wow, this is soBeneath The Surface. " Sam said, putting a bandage on, and putting her boot on again.
"An toe infection should be Sam." Jack reminded her. "I think you should get theTok'rato come and remove it, personally. I mean, if it's causing you to open up the oldWatergates it must be bad."
"Hmm. So, we're going to watch a programme about aSingularitylater. Want to join us guys?" Asked Jack.
"Nope. We're watching a programme about the RoyalFamilyof England." Danny replied. We of course, meaning him and Teal'C.
"Are theyThe Children Of The Gods?" Asked Teal'C.
"Nope. NotThe Children Of The Gods." (There are two.)
"They're re-makingCrossroads. Did you guys know that?" Jack said, out of the blue. SG-1 did talk about some weird thingsIn The Line Of Duty.
"No." Sam replied. She didn't have a clue what it was.
"How about that guy who walkedInto The Fire? What a nut!" O'Neill suddenly said.
"BoBane! Bo Bane! Causes pain!" Teal'C sung merrily.
"Teal'C! What the hell are you singing?" O'Neill asked.
"Bo Bane. It is an old Jaffa song, that I failed to translate properly O'Neill." Teal'C explained.
"Oh. So anyway, did you guys know that I have to upgrade the computers next week? TheUpgradesmade weren't good enough." Carter told them.
"Oh. Sing us another song Teal'C." Daniel wanted to drive Jack mad.
"This is entitledSerpents Song. ...La la la...I am a coward! Kneel before your God!" The SG-1 team covered their ears.
"What a load of rubbish Jaffa songs are! The people who wrote them areOut Of Mind!" O'Neill cried.
"That's out of their minds Jack!" Daniel was always arguing.
"Stop arguing children!" Sam shouted.
"With you, it's seemsForever In A Day, the time goes so slowly Dan!" Jack shouted.
"Easy boys. Colonel! Don't you dare sayThe CurseI know you're about to!" Carter warned. "You guys need to go on aLearning Curve."
"Stay out of this woman! It ain't concerning you!" Daniel said, surprising everyone.
"Emancipation, emancipation, emancipation! NO I WILL NOT!" She knocked Danny over with one single punch.
"We areThe Fifth Raceto have travelled through here in the last week." Teal'C said, as he looked at the ground. "There is alsoNew Groundcovering the old. I sense a being not far from here."
"Okay. Watch out for anEntity. Any ofJolinar's Memoriespopping up again?" O'Neill asked.
"The Enemy Withinis causing me great pain today." Teal'C said, clutching his stomach.
"Well we have lots ofHolidaywhen we get back Teal'C." Carter reminded him. She was looking forward to it.
"One hundred daysthis year Major, because we haven't use any. Did you guys hear, they're looking forShades Of Graythat are much less boring, to paint the base in?" O'Neill remembered.
"I hope we don't meet anything likeUrgothis time." Danny thought. He didn't know where that came from. Perhaps it was because Urgo had said something about the grey walls.
"Look, we could use thisWindow Of Opportunityto fool around. There's nothing here, and we're not due back for days!" Carter suggested.
"Okay. What was the name of that film we watched last night Sam?" Jack couldn't remember.
"Dead Man's Switch." She replied.
"There is a Serpent behind you Major Carter." Teal'C warned, pulling out his zat.
"The Serpent's Lairis over there. Oh dear. You areWithin The Serpent's Grasp. Be cautious or you will be tasting theSerpent's Venom." Teal'C suddenly shot the snake. Sam sighed with relief. "You are celebratingSmall Victories, Major. There will be more in that nest. They willDivide And Conquerthis ground."
"We'll move away. Are you okay?"
"Yeah." SG-1 moved their camp away from the snakes.
"Oh no!"
"At least I'mThe Devil You Know! And not some new one you'll have to make enemies with!" Apophis said. Boy did they wish forThor's Chariotright now! Sam grabbed her Ribbon Device and shot him.
"Not anymore!" She grinned. O'Neill and the others were crying with joy, hugging her, repeatedly for getting rid of him.
"AllDemonsbe gone! Or Sam Carter will kill you!" O'Neill warned no one in particular. "Hey Carter, do you like that new song byEnigma?" He was thinking of buying it for her, along with many jewels for killing Apophis's Snaky butt. "It's off their album,Fair Game."
Teal'C would buy Sam what ever she desired for killing his ex-god. "Tok'ra approach!" Teal'C pointed.
"Fire!" O'Neill ordered.
"But they're good people! Especially my dad!" Carter argued.
"Depends on yourPoint Of View. I like Jake. Kill any of them but Jake." Jack thought.
"Ah! I got my foot stuck in aFoothold!" Sam shouted, pulling her foot up. "Don't kill them. TheRules Of Engagementof the Earth Tok'ra alliance..." Sam started babbling to make O'Neill put his gun away.
"We have walked fromThe Other Sideof the planet. We are going home. Do not kill us." One said. Jake came over to Sam.
"I am returning to Earth." He said. "INeedto." He added. "TellThe NoxI said hello."
"I will."The Tok'rareplied. (There are Two episodes titled: Tok'ra)
"It is onlyA Matter Of Timebefore those snakes catch up with us." Teal'C announced.
"The Torment Of Tantalus!"
"Ernest! You aren't in this fanfic!" O'Neill shouted.
"Catherine and I have bought some fish. We have named themCold Lazarus,Gamekeeper,Exodus,Tin Manand Rover." He said.
"Oh. That's...nice. Bye Mr. Littlefield." O'Neill waved him off, and SG-1 ran off.
"Come on Jack, rememberThe First Commandment. No killing. Wait, that's not the first, is it?" O'Neill asked.
"Janet said we might buy a snake named Pretense, for the Infirmary. She says a petting zoo might be relaxing. Especially with all the kids we bring in."
"Like who?"
"You. And we're thinking about buying a cute little bunny called Flopsy! Wouldn't it be swell? We were thinking about getting2010guinea pigs too! Perhaps1969mice!" Carter said, stroking an imaginary animal.
"You've lost it Sammie.The Broca Divide!" Jacob shouted suddenly.
"Huh?" Carter looked up at her dad.
"That's the answer! I have to go! I could win an alienDouble Jeopardy! There's a car up today!" Jake ran off to the Gate.
"There are hugeSecretsin your family Sam. Like how you got so mad." Daniel told her.
"The Light!It's killing me!" A vampire ran by screaming. They just ignored it.
"So you said that Jenny Hayley is aProdigy?" Danny asked.
"Yep." Carter replied.
"Then why the hell is she running around on this planet, buck naked? She is at thePoint Of No Return!" O'Neill pointed at her, covering his eyes.
"Sethis attacking! No!" She screamed. "Hathortoo! OnlyFire And Waterwill put them out! They should be put onCor'Ai!"
"It's AMessage In A Bottlesir. Her being mad. We overworked her!" Carter began to walk over, but Teal'C stood firmly in her way.
"Don't go off on aTangentCarter!" O'Neill said.
"Politics! I left my camera at the snake site." Daniel remembered.
"Politics? Is it like a new way of saying damn?" Sam asked.
"TheLegacyof Danny will be forgotten now!" He sobbed.
"Get a life Daniel." Colonel O'Neill teased.
"Colonel, you really are aTin Man! There there Danny.The Spiritswill guide it back to you." She knew he believed I that hocus pocus stuff. She hugged him tightly.
"Really?" He sniffed, looking up.
"Those vampires we just saw werePrisonersin their own bodies. Like the Goa'uld hosts." Carter said.
"I wantAbsolute Power!Past And Present!" Jenny yelled.
"There is muchScorched Earthhere. Most likely from Apophis before he was killed." Teal'C stated.
"There! Those N.I.D people have theTouchstone!" Daniel pointed at a tall dark haired guy.
"Oh who cares? Leave them forSolitudes. " O'Neill carried on walking.
"What?"
"The dog over there. It's collar says Solitudes. He looks mad. Aww! I bet that hurts!" O'Neill said, as one of them got ripped to pieces.
"That's set off aChain Reaction. All the dogs are biting their asses." All of them were now getting ripped to pieces.
"That organisation went out like aBrief Candle!" Teal'C commented.
"They should have aThor's Hammerhere." Danny said, for no reason.
"Look at that cute little girl! She looks cold. She needs a nice hot bath and some of my special chicken soup!" Sam smiled.
"Huh?"
"Sorry.Maternal Instinctkicking in." They carried on walking.
"If we saw your skull, it would be crystal. Beautiful, shiny and good. ACrystal Skull." O'Neill commented.
"YourNemesisis over there." Teal'C spotted Osiris.
"Well don't bring him over here!" O'Neill said.
"We areThe First Onesfrom the Tau'ri to travel here, yet Jenny is here also." Teal'C thought.
"Good point. I thought we were meant to be the first too." Carter agreed.
"Show And Tell,Major." Said Jack, seeing her candy bar.
"Huh?" She tried to act normally, but her heart was pounding. Not the candy! NO! DON'T TAKE IT AWAY!
"The candy in your pocket."
"Oh. I just bought it, in case I ran out." She said, coolly.
"There But For The Grace Of God!" Jen yelled. "Exodus!"
"Let me go get her." Said Carter. Jack stopped her.
"Don't take thatOne False Step!" He warned.
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