Comfort and Joy
Comfort and Joy
by Jeanine
Title:Comfort and Joy
Author:Jeanine
Category:D/S
Rating:PG
Email:jeanine@iol.ie
Archive:Heliopolis; Statistical Outliers, Sandra's site, Rach's site ; anywhere else please ask first
Feedback:Always welcome.
Disclaimer:Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
Season/Sequel:Fourth season
Spoilers:Big long list of names, specific spoilers for "Enigma" "The First Commandment" "Divide and Conquer" and "The Curse." Possibly others.
Summary:Where did Sam go during the Christmas party?.....
Author's Notes:This started out as one thing and ended up as another....I'm not really in the frame of mind to believe in Christmas miracles this year, so this is what I came up with!
Sam crossed her arms against the cold as she sat on the bench and stared up at the stars. They sparkled in the chill air, and she remembered, against her will, all the times she had stared up at them as a child, dreaming of one day walking among them, travelling beyond them.
What was that old saying? About being careful what you wish for?
The clearing on the slopes of Cheyenne Mountain was deserted, as it almost always was. Very few people explored up here, preferring to get as far away from the base as possible when they were off duty. Hell, Sam herself hadn't been up here since the time that she'd shown Nareem around - and that had been three years ago.
Three years and several lifetimes.
Just as she was no longer the wide-eyed child who dreamed of going into space, she was no longer the same person who had shown Nareem what a bird was, who had given him a kiss and a cat and wondered what might have been.
Jolinar had seen to that. And Selmac. And Sha're. And Laira. And Apophis, and Heru'ur and Sokar.
And one more.....
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of snapping twigs and footsteps from behind her. She wasn't afraid, didn't turn around, knowing who it would be. A coat slipped around her shoulders, and she pulled it closer around her gratefully, recognising for the first time just how cold she was. She closed her eyes momentarily, smiling as the scent of the coat's owner permeated her consciousness. At the same time, her companion joined her on the bench, leaving a good two feet of room between them, respecting her need for space.
"You'll catch a cold you know."
An amused smile lit up her face, even though she didn't look at him. "Yes Mother," she mocked gently.
"I brought presents." Daniel held out a polystyrene cup. Even with the cap on, Sam could see steam rise up, dissipating in the cold night air. "Hot chocolate."
She grinned her thanks, sipping the sweet liquid, feeling the warmth spreading through her. She raised an eyebrow at him. "No marshmallows?"
He shot her a disgusted look. "Be grateful you got any at all," he groused, but the look in his eyes took any sting out of his words. He took a sip of his own chocolate before he continued. "You're missing one hell of a party."
Although she knew it was impossible, Sam fancied she could hear the noise of the party floating up from the bowels of the mountain. "So they sent you to find me?"
"No. No, they're all too busy watching Cassie teach General Hammond and Teal'c how to Timewarp." Daniel didn't crack a smile, which made Sam laugh even harder at the mental image that conjured up.
"I'm sorry I missed that," Sam told him truthfully.
"It was....interesting...." Daniel looked at her carefully, gauging her mood. She looked more relaxed than she had for most of the day, and a peaceful smile hovered about her lips. "So...why are you out here, catching pneumonia?"
She met his gaze for the first time. And lied. "I just needed some air."
"So you came all the way up here."
"That's right." Another sip of the chocolate followed her words as she returned to her stargazing.
He followed her gaze, mentally running through the names of the constellations. "I didn't think my dancing was that bad," he pondered. "If you didn't want to dance with me...."
The humour did what the direct question hadn't; it broke through her reserve. She laughed softly, shaking her head, and, unconsciously, scooted over an inch or two closer to him. "I always want to dance with you," she told him. "I just needed...."
"Space."
"Yeah."
Daniel looked straight ahead, into the darkness of the woods. "It's been one hell of a year."
What started as a laugh, but ended more like a half-sob, came from Sam's throat. "That's for sure." She was looking at the stars again, at her old friends that had always been there to comfort her, no matter the loss, no matter the pain.
"It wasn't your fault Sam."
She didn't ask what he was talking about; she already knew. They'd had this conversation, they'd had this conversation more than once. He told the same thing, over and over, and she tried to believe it. Sometimes, she even did.
Sometimes was coming more and more often now. And that made her feel even worse.
"I know that," she told him, wanting to reassure him, make him believe that she was fine.
"But do you believe it?"
"Sometimes." She settled for honesty with him.
"You did what you had to do."
The stars shone overhead, bright flashes of light. Against her will, Sam remembered another flash of light, a whispered "Samantha", a scream from within her that was her own and not her own. A lump rose in her throat and she closed her eyes against the onslaught of images. "It doesn't make it easier," she whispered.
There was nothing Daniel could say to that. "That was....a bad time," he managed. The image of Sam cradling Martouf's motionless body had stayed with him for a long time.
"And not only because of Martouf." Sam's words surprised him.
She waited before continuing with her train of thought. "Did you think I was in love with Jack?"
"No." His voice was slow, deliberate, one long drawn-out syllable.
She turned her gaze to him. "Really?"
"I knew you cared about him. And I knew there was an attraction there. But it wasn't love."
"Did you love Sarah?"
Now it was Daniel's turn to stare at the heavens. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet. "Yes. A long time ago."
"What was it like to see her again?"
"It was like..." Daniel took a deep breath, let it out again. "Seeing a memory brought to life. A ghost. Talking to her after the funeral...working with her in the museum.....I could remember everything about her, all the things I used to feel about her....but I didn't feel that way any more. It was...strange."
She nodded. "I felt the same way about Martouf," she admitted, sliding an inch over as she did. "When I looked at him, I remembered so many things...but they weren't my memories."
"Jolinar."
"Jolinar. And Jack...I was attracted to him."
She'd never admitted that to him before. He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Janet's nurses seem to agree with you."
She snorted, knowing that just as many, if not more, of the nurses, had designs on Daniel above the Colonel. "But it wouldn't work."
"Because you work together?" There was an undercurrent to his voice that didn't go unnoticed by Sam.
"Not because of that. Jack's....he's unpredictable. Dangerous."
"I thought most women found that exciting."
"Most women haven't loved Jonas Hanson."
"Ah."
She drank the last of her hot chocolate, putting the lid back on the empty cup. "That was great. Thanks." She half-turned, lining her cup up alongside his.
As she turned, he took the opportunity to scoot over a couple of inches nearer to her. "You're welcome."
Sam drew the coat around her again, burying her hands in the sleeves as she did so. When she looked over at Daniel, she found him looking at her, a small smile on his face. She felt her own features follow suit. "We're some pair," she told him, leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees.
"I guess we haven't been especially lucky in love, have we?"
"My ex-fiancée goes insane, and tricks a planet of people into thinking he's a god. The first man I'm attracted to after that disaster goes to live on another planet. I'm forced to kill the man that part of me has been bonded to for almost a hundred years. And I came very close to going on a fishing trip with my CO." She raised an eyebrow, daring him without words to beat that.
"While my ex-girlfriend and my wife both get turned into Goa'ulds."
"Don't forget about Ke'ra."
"And Shyla."
"And there was that fling with Hathor."
Daniel winced, eyes closing at the memory, but there was a smile too, against all the odds. "Ouch," he laughed. "I see what you mean."
"Maybe..." She shifted closer to him as she spoke. "Maybe we're overdue for a little luck."
Daniel smiled, moving as well. "You think?"
"Well, you never know...it is Christmas time...season of miracles and all that...."
They were sitting side by side on the bench now, and their faces, as they looked at each other, were mere inches apart. Finally running out of patience, Daniel leaned forward and closed the gap, kissing her gently, but firmly. Her eyes sparkled like the stars in the sky when he eventually pulled away. "Miraculous enough?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist, his forehead touching hers.
"I've wanted to do that all day," Sam told him.
"So that's why you lured me up here....." His voice was teasing.
"I did not!" she laughed quietly, swatting his arm.
He smiled, bringing his hand up to move through her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Feel better?"
"Mmm-hmm." Her eyes were closed.
Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that, but this time, it was Daniel who broke the silence. "We should get back. They'll be looking for us."
"Do we have to?" Sam wrinkled her nose.
"Well, the sooner we get back, the sooner we can make our excuses and go home....."
"And what's at home?"
He felt rather than saw her grin. "A lit Christmas tree....chocolate walnut cookies...a roaring fire that we can curl up in front of all night long....."
She lifted her head and kissed him then, not gently like before. This kiss was intense, passionate, a promise of things to come. When she'd left him sufficiently breathless, she pulled away. "I say to hell with the party. Let's just go home."
Somehow, someway, Daniel found wherewithal enough to nod. He let himself be pulled off the seat and along to the edge of the clearing before he stopped. Sam stared at him, baffled. "What's wrong?" He didn't say anything, just stood there, staring at her. "What?"
He was starting to alarm her before he finally spoke. "I just realised something."
She took a step closer to him, taking both his hands in hers. "What?"
"That I love you."
The words took time to seep in, and as they did, a beaming smile lit up Sam's face. "That's good then."
"It is?"
She nodded. "Because I love you too."
"You do?" She had never admitted that to him before either, nor he to her.
"C'mon." A squeeze of the hands accompanied her words. "Let's go home."
As they walked further down the mountain, a shooting star blazed across the sky, unnoticed by the pair. Those who saw it quickly made a wish, hoping it would come true. Not Sam and Daniel however. Theirs already had.
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