Only The Colonel
Only The Colonel
by Elizabeth
Title: Only The Colonel
Author: Elizabeth
Email: elizabeth@starwarriors.com
Category: Humor, Hurt/Comfort, POV
Season: any Season
Pairing: none
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: O'Neill gets captured again.
Sequel to: Only O'Neill
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Visit my site http://www.sg1.starwarriors.com/
Notes: By request, this is the second in my 'Only' series and is a sequel to 'Only O'Neill'. I hope it lives up to its predecessor! As always, feedback is appreciated and will be replied to. However, no flames please. I can burn my own toast without any help, thank you.
You know despite how this looks, I'm not really doing this. Of course I'm not. Just because it happens to look as though I'm pacing the infirmary, back and forth, time and time again, I'm not. Really, it's just a coincidence. Don't think for one minute I'm doing that.
My nurses understand. Of course they do. It's just a new pair of shoes needing to be broken in, that's all. Hardly anything new when your job entails standing for most of the day. You standing, whilst your patients lie down, all day, like they're supposed to. Like they're supposed to be doing. Lying down, that is.
No, I'm not worrying. In fact I've decided I'm not going to wait here for them any longer. I'm just going to go back into my office and get some paperwork done. I'll have to leave the door slightly open of course, just a little, just so that I can hear if anyone needs me at all. It's a perfectly normal thing for a doctor to do, after all.
Not much paperwork to do actually. Five minutes and it's over. The last report, finished on time. I even completed next month's stock requisition forms yesterday. I suppose I could go and tidy the store cupboards, or check the trauma bay, but it's not as though I need something to take my mind off anything, is it?
They'll be fine. The General's gone to find them and I know they'll be perfectly all right. They're grown adults. They're military (well most of them are). They can take care of themselves. Is it their fault they've no idea how sick they were when they got back? Of course it's not. They were so ill they didn't even open their eyes for the first twenty-four hours. It's not normally easy getting the Colonel out of his clothing and into an infirmary gown, but he didn't even bat an eyelid this time. Completely out of it, the three of them, and a few more hours without treatment and they wouldn't have been coming back at all.
All Teal'c needed was some space to Kel'No'Reem and he was as right as rain. I wish I could synthesise whatever it is Junior does, but I guess I might be out of a job if I did. Of course the next day he was back to watch his team come round. The Colonel was first, as always, forever the impatient patient. Then Daniel, looking for his glasses and pestering the nurses for coffee and finally Sam, stretching in the bed like my old cat used to do. Twenty-four hours of rehydration and antibiotics had done wonders for their conditions, but you could tell straight away the Colonel was going to be trouble by the end of the day. I guess there's only so many games of 'I Spy' you can play in the ward before you've covered everything. Even with the Colonel's childish imagination. 'It was there before, honest, the nurses must have moved it.'
There was an undercurrent to their childish behaviour this time, I could sense it and anyone could see the shadows under the Colonel's eyes. I heard off the General what Teal'c had told him about their imprisonment and I know it must have been particularly rough on the Colonel. I've read his medical files back to front and I've seen the photographs, in all their gory colour. The things that get done to POWs are inhuman and his reports catalogue the very basest behaviour known to the medical profession. Don't think it's just Iraq either. No, this man has been around and the scars on his body are testament to that. No wonder the odd incarceration in tiny cells, left for days without food or water, will bring back anxieties. I know his team would have supported him all they could in there, just as he'd always put his problems on the back-burner to help them. However, a day or two in the infirmary isn't going to be enough to chase those memories away.
I suppose, knowing the Colonel, that's exactly why he's done this. Some days one set of walls is going to remind him of another set of walls, which will remind him of another set of walls. He's been playing a childish game of 'let's get out of here, special ops style' and his team, understanding the reasons why, have gone along with him. Granted, they were probably feeling the need for some good old American fresh air on their faces too, but this has been about the Colonel. Only the Colonel.
It's been half an hour since the General way-laid me on my way to the surface, so they ought to be on their way back down now. So where are they? In a minute I'm going to go looking myself, despite him. After all, he might want company and it's a lovely day. There's really no reason why I can't take a five minute break is there?
Eventually I can hear the sounds of muted conversation coming down the corridor and the distinctive noise of tiny wheels moving over the floor. The Colonel's IV stand had squeaky wheels, deliberately I might add, although I'd never admit it. However, he seems to have muffled them somehow. How had he managed to find some lubricant whilst being a patient in the infirmary? Don't ask. With the Colonel, you probably don't always want to know.
"Shhhhhh." I can hear the Colonel, in a quiet voice, which is followed instantly by giggling off Daniel and Sam.
"Fer cryin out loud," he whispers, "you're crap at stealth, the pair of you."
"Why are you attempting to mask your return, O'Neill? Surely, DoctorFraiser is awaiting our arrival?" Teal'c asks in a perfectly normally pitched voice, although I'm pretty certain by now he understands the games the Colonel plays.
"Will you at least let us get into our beds, ourselves, before she straps us back down?" He replies, as the voices turn off the corridor and disappear into the main ward.
They're safe and I want to rant at them, but I can hear my mother cautioning me now, "Honey, there are always going to be days like this. Screaming the house down won't change a thing, except hurting the ear-drums."
I stand up and leave my office, heading back towards the ward and my escapees. I'm not really creeping up on them, these shoes just have very quiet soles on them, if you walk very slowly, that's all. Standing just outside the doorway, I can see the Colonel removing several blankets off the top of his IV stand. What on Earth? Never mind. He's back, they're back and my blankets are back, apparently. He shakes the grass off them all over the floor.
"Ooops." He says to no one in particular, which makes Sam and Daniel laugh even louder. The ludicrousness of the whole situation is getting to them.
"Never mind, Sir, I'm sure Janet will never notice."
"Ya think?" There's a hopeful look on his face.
"No Jack--- of course she's going to notice grass on the floor." Daniel sniggers. "Wonder if there's a broom around here anywhere?" He starts to move away from Sam, only to discover that somewhere along the way, they've got their IV lines caught up with each other's stands.
"Hang on Daniel." Sam says. "You move this way round to the right and I'll move that way round to the left."
"Then Doctor Frank-N-Furter will turn up and we can all do the Time Warp." The Colonel has his head on one side, but he's so near to cracking up that it's painful just standing here not joining in. By the way, I hope he wasn't referring to me with that Frank-N-Furter gag.
"Here, Teal'c." He says, reaching into his pants pockets. And just where exactly did they get that clothing by the way? "Get rid of these, will ya?" He hands over several chocolate bar wrappers and an empty bottle of coke. Not exactly what I had in mind for their nutritional requirements right now. Only the Colonel would organise an illicit picnic like this. Teal'c takes the items and I give him enough time to hide the evidence before I wander in.
The Colonel is the first one to spot me, of course, and I can see his hesitation at whether to smile, or apologise first. He knows he's on shaky ground.
"Ummm, hi Doc. We're back!" His face is mid-way between a smile and contrition and I think I'm going to have difficulties staying annoyed with them.
"Colonel!" I'm quite proud that I manage to keep a straight face, but I'm unable to maintain eye contact for long without giving the game away. Besides, which, he's a lot taller than me. Instead, I look down at all the grass lying across my clean infirmary floor.
"Ahhh, yeah, about that---" He begins, but obviously has no idea where to go with it, now he's started.
Daniel takes a step towards me, although he's instantly pulled up short by Sam's IV stand. "We were, umm, just going to clean that up for you."
"Daniel!" Sam calls, having no alternative but to move with him, or risk everything coming apart at the seams.
"I have staff for that Doctor Jackson."
OK, that's got them. I can see Daniel twitch at the formal approach and all three of them lower their gazes slightly. Three grown adults and I'm telling them off like children, but it feels so good after the last half hour to let some stress out.
What do you do with a team like SG-1? At least Teal'c can be relied upon to act with a modicum of decorum at all times. Although, having said that, whilst he might not be a protagonist, he always seems to be there at the Colonel's side. No one else's. Only the Colonel. The other three though? At the moment they're acting nothing like responsible inter-planetary saviours. They're doing a good imitation of a troublesome teenager and two giggling infants. I feel like a baby-sitter. This is worse behaviour than I get off Cassie. They're still sniggering, all of them. Even Teal'c is making little effort to mask his amusement at seeing them looking so happy.
"In the bed Colonel." I point towards where his sheets are still rumpled from earlier and he gives me a smart salute "Yes, Ma'am." Pirouettes and sits on the edge. I then head towards Laurel and Hardy, who school their expressions again once they see me looking their way, to play 'knit one, pearl one' with their IVs. Once I've got them both untangled, I order a swift, "Bed now, both of you." And they slink off, one either side of the Colonel to their much neater bedding.
Five seconds later, all three of them are settled again. Only two are technically in their beds, because even though he lies down when I scowl at him, one's still lying on the top. Only the Colonel can be this stubborn until the end.
"Well Teal'c, I think they've had enough excitement for one day. Why don't you come back tomorrow?" I ask the Jaffa as I stand between him and the three beds behind me. Irritating and worrying as they are, even the famous SG-1 can overdo it when they're having fun and it's time to put an end to it today. They're still running around with compromised systems, even if they don't feel like it. Teal'c gives me one of his regal bows.
"As you wish DoctorFraiser. I will return to visit tomorrow."
He spares a quick look at each of his team-mates, his expression giving nothing away to those who don't know how to read the minute movements of his face and leaves the infirmary.
I can hear some slight sniggerings behind me, but despite how quickly I turn around, all three of them are doing this innocent 'Who? What? Me?' look, although I'd bet all next year's pen-lights that it was the Colonel. At the moment, he's busy removing several odd blades of grass from his tee-shirt and dropping them on the floor. Well I guess I did say I'd have someone clean the mess up.
"Sleep. Now." I manage to order, holding onto whatever's left of my command and I'm just about to imitate a very annoyed CMO leaving the ward, when I hear a slight cough from the middle bed. Silently counting up to ten in my head, I move towards him. Only the Colonel could do this to me now, on top of everything else.
"Colonel? Are you feeling all right?"
He clears his throat a little and shrugs his shoulders. "Fine Doc. Couldn't be better."
I'm not too sure. His eyes are a little too bright and he's looking slightly flushed, which I had assumed was down to their antics, but the others have calmed down now. In fact they're looking towards him, rather concerned.
"Sir?" "Jack?" They both ask.
"I'm just clearing my throat. No big deal. OK?"
"We'll see." I reach for an oral thermometer and place it in his mouth. Always a good plan with the Colonel to stop him complaining whilst I check his pulse and respiration's. The results aren't as bad as I was fearing after their little joint. Yes he has a temperature, but it's only slight and I'll just up his meds which should take care of it.
"Just a slight temperature Colonel, which we should be able to sort out without any problems. You're lucky."
He frowns at me. "Lucky? You call being stuck down here lucky?"
"Yes, for every degree increase I was going to make you stay another day, just for the trouble you've caused me."
That brings a smile to his face and I can't help but respond in kind, this time. I make a slight adjustment to his IV controls and note the change on his chart. Next I go to check on Daniel and Sam, but they both seem to be improving nicely. Their trip on the O'Neill Express doesn't seem to have affected them at all. I'll keep an eye on all three of them though over the next few hours, particularly the Colonel, just to monitor any changes, but I'm not worried over any of them any more.
Turning around once more, I take a last look at them settling down for a well earned rest, before I head back to my office. They really do look like they'll sleep well now. I can't help but grin. There's the Colonel, looking over each of his friends in turn, a stalk of wheat sticking out of his mouth. I've absolutely no idea where he had that hidden and it'll bug me for the rest of the day, but I refuse to ask.
Only the Colonel.
The End
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