Pathways
by JeanA
Title: Pathways
Author: JeanA
Email: gmajca@fsmail.net
Category: Romance
Season: future Season
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: 4 Years aheadSam and Jack Different directions leading to the same pathway
Sequel to: Part One of Two
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
19th April 02
Pathways
The Stargate program was now into its' 9th Year. Over the past 4 years it had become the most significant and important venture that the American Government had ever been involved in. The program was still Top Secret and Classified and the general Public knew nothing of it. There were still the usual Alien sightings and the usual denials , no-one realised what Area 52, Cheyanne Mountain , had hidden in its' depths.
Over the years there were changes to the SGC personel but there were still the steadfast die-hards who were dedicated to the program and who it seemed would never tire of their very important work.
General George Hammond was still Commander in Charge. His second in Command was Lieutenant General Jack O'Neill ( who still was referred to as Colonel O'Neill when out in the field.) There were so many alliances that had been dependent on Colonel Jack O'Neill that the SGC felt it inappropriate to confuse the issue with a change of Title.
The Colonel was still the CO of SG-1 and there were now 24 SG-Teams on Base. The line up of SG-1 had changed over these recent years, Daniel Jackson had died over 3 years ago and Major Samantha Carter had decided to leave after his death to pursue other interests. Teal'c was now an Honorary Major and was (non-military ) 2IC to The Colonel , Doctor Jonas Quinn and Captain Jennifer Hayley had joined the team and were now well established and well respected members of SG-1.
Following a recent mission , a joint venture with the Asgard , SG-1 had been rewarded with a further map of co-ordinates from Thor ,the head of the Asgard. Thor was impressed with the attitude and work of the Tauri and awarded these new co-ordinates in order for them to further their technological development. The co-ordinates were in another Galaxy and used 8 Gate co-ordinates instead of 7. The Galaxy in question was known to be rich in minerals and medical properties not to mention advanced races who could assist the Tauri to develop. It was important that this Galaxy be explored. One main problem.
The systems at the SGC would not recognise the 8th co-ordinate and it looked like a difficult project which would require serious funding, It should also be noted that the expertise to input the information was lacking.
The SGC had handed over the information to The Pentagon for further investigation and were now playing a waiting game.
While they waited the base continued as normal.
At the Pentagon a hot shot team of scientists were working on the SGC information . It was headed up by a Doctor Anderson . Doctor Faxton had been involved in the Stargate program since its inception and was the one person who could crack the system....It would just take time. Doctor Faxton was formally known as Major Samantha Carter.
She had left the SGC over 3 years earlier and had taken up the Senior position in The Pentagon , heading up the Stargate Affairs Department.
She had left soon after the death of Doctor Daniel Jackson. She'd found it impossible to work through the grief of losing him and couldn't function under the Command of Colonel Jack O'Neill any longer. SG-1 had been a family and the loss of Daniel had completely changed the focus and dynamics of the team . She had had very deep feelings for her CO that she had fought with for around 5 years and couldn't deal with that any longer. She decided that the right thing for her future was to opt out of what was a painful situation and getting more painful , each day . Yes....She had regrets , but she had made her decision and she stood by it and moved on. Her saving grace was that she was still very much involved with the program just not in the field work.
Colonel Jack O'Neill had been devastated when he had returned from SG-1 downtime to find that Major Samantha Carter had resigned from the SGC and moved away. He'd had no chance to see her or to speak to her and although he tried to get in touch , he had not been successful. More that 3 years had gone by now. He'd heard that she'd married Ambassador Joseph Faxton, that was 2 years ago now , and he had simply had to pull away and forget . He had also heard that she had given up her Military Rank and Status because she couldn't be the wife of an Ambassador and be in the Military. There was something very ironic about that , but it was all in the past. There probably wasn't a day went by at the SGC when he didn't think of her , but as she had moved on so, he had also. He was definitely a confirmed bachelor. No woman had any chance .He was totally disinterested in any form of relationship that meant commitment. It was easier that way.
LIEUTENANT GENERAL O'NEILL REPORT TO GENERAL HAMMONDS' OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.
" General , you looking for me ? and hey General , how about keeping it as Colonel O'Neill on base , It's too much of a mouthful and I'll never get used to it. " "Well Jack... what I've called you here for is official ....We need to go to Washington to see The President. We need to take Dr Quinn and Captain Hayley with us. They appear to have come to some arrangement regarding the Asgard information and want all parties together to discuss the best plan for activation." " Activation , Well Sir , that sounds promising . Have they cracked the Co-ordinate problem?" "Well it appears that some smart ass has done it and we'll probably be lumbered with him down here to get it set up , so I suppose we better have as much input as possible " " I agree Sir, When do we go?"
" Tomorrow ------10 am .....dress Uniform " "Yes ...Sir !"
The General and The Lieutenant General arrived with Quinn and Hayley , Teal'c couldn't be there for obvious reasons so he took command of the base. The President asked for a meeting with the 2 Generals prior to the main meeting.
Doctor Faxton was called to a meeting at the White House , to discuss the activation program for the new Co-ordinates. She had worked endlessly for the last 6 weeks to crack the code in order to make the required system adjustments. She was also sure that all the adjustments could be made remote from her computer at the Pentagon without any of her staff being required to go to Cheyanne Mountain. This was ideal as the less people who actually experienced The Stargate Program , the better it was from a security perspective. It was obvious that most of the team she worked with thought they were working on purely theoretical projects not reality projects , simulations etc.. This way , security could be kept as tight as possible.
It was clear that there was about to be a reunion of some kind at the White House . A reunion that neither parties had considered or expected.
The President explained to the 2 Generals that there would be a large team at the meeting as all options and facts needed to be firmly put on the table. Scientific Options, Theoretical Options , Practical Options, Financial Implications, Benefits, Payback -----A full discussion would take place in order that the correct way forward be decided.
The Briefing room in the White House began to fill up.
General Vitrine
Major Davis
Director of Finance....Don Howard
Vice President Edwards
Doctor Faxton
2 Administrators...John Black and Sonia Campbell 2 Minute Secretaries..Alison and Sandra Doctor Quinn
Captain Hayley
2 Scientists ( Stargate Affairs)Jim and Frank
When Doctor Faxton arrived she saw the sea of faces and simply sat down quietly out of the way. She didn't notice the representatives from SG-1.She certainly never expected such a large team or anyone from Cheyanne Mountain. Bringing people up from the SGC was highly unusual and only happened in extremely severe situations.
When everyone was seated The President entered, everyone stood up and behind him came General Hammond and then General O'Neill. They sat on either side of The President . Sam nearly choked on her freshly poured coffee.
The President then introduced everyone round the room, "General Vitrine
Major Davis
Director of Finance
Vice President Edwards
Doctor Faxton
Etc, Etc , Etc ,
General O'Neill didn't flinch , there was no recognition of the name Doctor Faxton.......Why would there be?
The President continued,
" It now gives me great pleasure to introduce to you and is indeed an honor to have with us today 2 men without whom The Stargate program wouldn't be the success it is. It is extremely unusual to get these men out of the SGC . Can I introduce to you General George Hammond CO of the SGC itself and Lieutenant General Jack O'Neill 2IC of the SGC and CO of the Famous Flagship team SG-1. Welcome everyone to what I expect to be a rewarding day here at the White House. "
Doctor Samantha Faxton was sitting on the same side as The Lieutenant General therefore not in view but she could see him and she knew he was there, which was more than could be said for him.
" Before we start our Agenda is there anything anyone would like to say "
" Yes , Mr President , Could I request that you refer to me as Colonel O'Neill . There are already too many Generals in this room and I would feel more at ease and answer more questions. " The President smiled-----typical Jack O'Neill . " Certainly Jack!....Whatever makes you more comfortable " The room Laughed quietly . It was a relaxed group who sat in the briefing room . Doctor Faxton smiled to herself , typical modesty , he never does change.....she thought to herself. She also thought about how he looked. If it was possible , he was more handsome than she could remember. His hair was almost white but it somehow added to his attraction which incidentally was still there. One half of her wanted to run over to him and put her arms round him in sheer delight at seeing him , and the other half wanted to hide away and not make him aware of her presence. She also wanted to hug General Hammond, and congratulate Captain Hayley , but she sat quiet and inconspicuous.
" As I have already briefed everyone the Stargate Program needs further upgrading to allow it to travel to the new Asgard Co-ordinates. I would like to thank Doctor Faxton and her team for working so efficiently on this issue in order that we could be here today. Doctor , Could you bring us up to date with where we are and what our next step should be."
She spoke quietly .
"Well, Mr President. As you are aware all the gate addresses to date have been based on 7 symbols , one being the point of origin. This requires us to program in tolemetries that allows for planetary shift of 0.357degrees every 2 months which means that we do not have to re-programme constantly as we did in the early days of the program. .....
All of a sudden , a scientific explanation That he thought would make his eyes glaze over and go to sleep had him wide
awake and alert with curiosity and shock, surprise -he couldn't quite decide. Yes .....he knew that voice but it
couldn't be as she wasn't on the list .He scanned the list again ....Faxton........DOCTOR . S . Faxton .......
....DOCTOR SAMANTHA FAXTON............SAM!
He glanced forward enough to catch a glimpse.... Good God it was her and she looked well....different .. her hair was in a shoulder length bob ....but she looked ...great ....he felt as if a lead weight had just hit him. He wasn;t prepared for this and all these feelings were still there.
Sams' theorising continued .....
The 8th Co-ordinate therefore has to be reset on a different system so as not to interfere with the original system . This in effect means additional software , hardware and an increased power source. If we go back to the Notes of SG-1's first encounter with The Asgard . Colonel O'Neill actually manufactured a power source to give the Gate additional power in order to power up the 8th Co-ordinate. Thanks to SG-1s' last mission we now have the technological specifications and blueprints to set up the additional power source. I believe that a team at the SGC would be capable of setting this up under Captain Hayleys' supervision and that the programming of the new data can be input by myself and my team here at The Pentagon thus minimising the required labour to activate the program."
The discussions went on for another 4 hours with a working lunch being consumed where they sat . Colonel O'Neill said nothing. Where was the point? He wasn't going to challenge what The Major/ Sam/ Doctor Faxton had to say. He was just relieved that the whole program was in the hands of someone who definitely knew what they were doing and wouldn't do anything that would be detrimental to the programme or the people working on it.
Even the funding issue wasn't a problem . The money had been allocated and due to the fast work of the Pentagon Team there would be no need for additional funding. All that was left was for the technical team to get together at the SGC and get on with their side of the equation to which Captain Hayley was more than competent and extremely enthusiastic about.
The President pulled the meeting to a close . Tasks had been allocated. Everyone was satisfied that they had a working model to go ahead with.
People began to disperse.
General Hammond made his way over to Sam.
" Hey, Sam....It's good to see you.. You're looking well. We still miss you , you know. " " It's good to see you too General . How's the grandchildren, they must be getting big " " Yes , Big and cheeky Sam, typical women !! ... Now listen we're staying in Washington this evening .. How about joining us all for dinner ....I won't take no for an answer. " " That sounds good General ...I'd like that ."
The Colonel was deep in conversation with Captain Hayley . He wanted to make sure that she wasn't taking too much on and that she was confident she could handle what was being asked. She was so stubborn , reminded him of a Major that was once his 2IC... He looked over and saw her chatting to The General.. Should he go over ? He couldn't ignore her . What would he say to her ? What would she say to him ? ---Too much analysis he thought. He made his way across to them.. Deep breath , Brave Face.
" Hey Sam ! How are you doing . Good to see you " " I'm fine Sir! Good to see you too "
" I don't think the Sir quite fits now Sam ....Try Jack " " OK !.....Jack !"
Well it was a start ... At least they had exchanged a few polite words. "
" Colonel . I've asked Sam to join us this evening and she's accepted ...It will give us all some time to catch up "
" Sounds Good General ....Sorry , but will you excuse me.. I have to ehm ..go .... And .... Speak ... to ...check with.....Teal'c ..at the base .. Sorry ....Excuse Me! "
The Colonel really was uneasy in her presence . There were so many things he wanted to say to her/ to ask her/ he wanted to shake her and scream at her and .......he wanted to just be with her and talk to her. How was he supposed to do this and keep calm when his heart was breaking inside and his head was spinning with confusion, injustice, annoyance, anger, disappointment. Hurt, desire, affection.....love...Yes it was quite clear , even in these few short sentences ...he still loved her. There was no denying that and yet she was totally unattainable, even more so than before ....She was another mans' wife now !
" Driver , Take us to the Washington Hilton please .........Jack ! You're very quiet . Something wrong ?....I thought the meeting went very well . What a coup having Sam working on it .At least it gives you confidence that the Pentagon Team know what they are doing and can be trusted. . Don't you think. ? "
" Yes General . What a coup !"
The Colonel was deep in thought. How would he get through this evening ? he couldn't remember feeling this bad about a woman before except for when Sam did leave , of course. That was it , unfinished business. He needed closure . She obviously had closure as she had been the one to throw what little relationship they had away .She moved on , found someone else , married them .Then he remembered . She hadn't just walked away for no reason. When Daniel died he became a hard -assed , work focussed , impersonal , unapproachable cold shell of his former self. He had completely shut Sam out, well on the surface anyway , but all she got was a brusk grumpy, dogmatic CO to deal with and quite frankly , he actually drove her away. He had conveniently put that to the back of his mind. Sam was quite right getting out . the deeper he felt for her , the further he pushed her away. Oh ...yes ... there were the 'Regulations' and all ,but that had never got in his way before. He had always found his way round 'Regulations .' The Sam thing was different . Any move he made could have affected her career and where he was quite prepared to be reckless with his own career from time to time , he would never have put Sams' at risk , therefore nothing ever happened and he just shut her out. Cold and Calculated. How he now wished it could have been different .....should have been different.
No-one except him truly knew the effect her leaving had on him. The SGC had obviously benefited. They got a Colonel who was even more dynamic, enthusiastic, focussed , dedicated . With the original SG-1 the Colonel probably spent 85% of his time on base and the other 15% relaxing usually with his team , an uneven balance you may think. Now 95% of his time on base and the other 5% relaxing usually on his own . He was a lonely man married to his work and this was how he planned to live out the rest of his working life. He was almost 55 years old now and he didn't dare think about what life may be ahead of him when he did eventually retire.
For The Colonel , it was almost easier to come to terms with Daniels' death that the loss of his Major. Seeing her today ...............It was clear that he had come to terms with nothing. Now to tonight ...small talk , chatting , catching up etc , etc , etc, . Seeing her again ? Knowing that she would be going home , into the arms of another man whom she loved ? He almost couldn't be bothered putting in the effort . He didn't have the energy , he was already emotionally drained ....he really didn't feel like having his nose rubbed in it.
Doctor Samantha Faxton was at home deciding what to wear tonight. She was joining SG-1 and the General for dinner at their Hotel at 8pm . She was excited and looking forward to it. It had been a shock seeing The Colonel today , but he had come and spoke to her , he told her to call him Jack . He was charming and she really would like the opportunity to talk to him. If today had never happened she would never have had the guts to go and see him , but today did happen , and she still had these feelings for him ....it was 3 years and she still loved this man . She was just glad of having an opportunity to again be with him and possibly at least get some of the friendship back , a deep friendship that she had missed terribly. Over the years she had analysed over and over again how he had handled Daniels' death and how she blamed him for it , and blamed him for how she felt. In reality , he had handled it the only way he could . Being strong , trying to guide those around him through it , trying to bring her and through the other side. Her problem.....At the time she didn't want to get through the other side. She wanted comfort , hugs, she wanted him to ....love her and he didn't , he pushed her away. She had forgotten the old clich 'You only hurt the one you love' On hindsight , that's exactly what they had done to each other . He had hurt her by shutting her out, she had hurt him by walking away.
RING
" Hello , Doctor Faxton !...Oh it's you Jo... What do you want ?..... No I'm not available to see you this evening, I have plans. "
" What plans ! "
" I am meeting with General Hammond and a team from the SGC at the Hilton for dinner. They are in town for a couple of days , due to meetings with the President " " Oh ..I suppose your beloved Colonel , will be there !!"
" Well , Yes actually he will be but that is of no concern of yours.....Is it?"
" Well Samantha , We need to meet up .....I need to speak with you "
" Jo ...I've told you a thousand times . Stop calling me !...Anything you need to say should be directed through my Attorney ...Now Is that Clear."
" Don.t speak to me in that Military tone.....I only want to talk. Sam ...Please ?" " No more talking Jo ....Just sign the Papers.
She put the phone down . Her tone was cold and unfeeling . Her marriage was over . No-one knew . Jo was running for the Senate and wanted to keep everything quiet until the preliminaries next week . Sam had agreed to be with him next week and then that would be that . A show of unity .........A SHOW. They had actually been separated for a year and she had agreed to the pretence because she felt guilty .She felt responsible as it really was her love for another man that had driven them apart. She knew that she never had the depth of love for Jo that she had for Jack O'Neill and she realised that she was settling for second best .
" General ? hello it's me Jack. Listen Sir I'm not going to make that dinner tonight I have one hell of a headache . It must be all this fresh air. You know me ...not used to it. Please make my apologies and I'll see you at breakfast in the morning."
" Oh ..Jack...a headache.. That's not like you ........Well ...OK....I'll pass on your regards but I think The Major, I mean Sam will be disappointed , I mean It's a long time since you've had the chance to catch up , so to speak ,
" Yea, I know General .... No big deal ...tell her .. I'll be in touch at some point ....OK? "
The Colonel was trying so hard to make light of this to the General . He and the General had become very close friends as well as colleagues over what was now almost 9 years . If anyone knew him , The general did BUT all during these years when he and Sam were shimmying around each other , The General never knew . For the General to know would have put him in a very awkward situation so , those who were in the know, Daniel , Teal'c Doctor Fraiser all kept it from the General.
Jack sat back on his bed in front of the TV and all he could think of was what a Coward he was. This is a term that would not normally be used in the same sentence as the Name Colonel Jack O'Neill. Coward wasn't really in his vocabulary or his make up , BUT ? Tonight ? Colonel Jack O'Neill was an out and out Coward., and he knew it and quite frankly he didn't like how it felt. It certainly didn't make him feel any easier .
Doctor Samantha Faxton arrived on time . She looked just perfect. Her hair was soft and lying in loose waves framing her face. Her sapphire blue eyes were sparkling. She was wearing a pair of burgundy leather trousers, a pale blue corset top, which reflected the colour in her eyes , and a burgundy leather jacket to match. When she entered the Hotel Foyer , heads turned and followed her into the restaurant, beautiful , stunning and in fact breathtaking were the only words to describe her.
The General and the rest of SG-1 were waiting. Major Davis had also joined the party but there was one empty seat ! Her heart skipped a beat .....He wasn't going to be there??????
" Hey Major, OH.. sorry....Old habits die hard....Sam! You look wonderful . Come and sit by me . " " Thank you Sir....don't mind the Major , by the way ....it's kind of comforting in a way .Like on old shoe that fits and you don't want to discard. "
" Colonel O'Neill , sends his apologies .....he is suffering from a severe headache . He asked me to pass on his regards and says he'll catch up with you at a later stage . Anyway Sam ! What are you drinking ?" " Oh.... Ehm....headache ???...oh .....I see.. ehm ....Gin and Tonic General , thank you. " She sat down. The disappointment was etched on her face. Headache?? When had Jack O'Neill ever let a headache stop
him from doing anything? Her head was spinning with a mixture of emotions. Disappointment ? Yes! .....Hurt ? Yes ...
.! Anger ? Yes! ......Fear ? Yes ..... fear that she was not going to see him again, speak to him. She was quite
overwhelmed at the strength of emotion running through her. She had not felt this much adrenaline since she left the SGC, she'd not felt this intensity since she last was with him . Yet, she was powerless ...if this was how he felt.....If she didn't mean enough to him to fight through a HEADACHE then obviously all these earlier feelings about friendship, talking, being with him were just daydreams. After all 3 years had passed . God ....He probably had someone ...that was it ....he was involved with someone else and just didn't want to spend time with her. Oh . ....She felt light headed and she hadn't even had one drink yet...This whole situation was so strange.
The evening went on and they all swapped stories of the SGC. Sam was brought up to date with all their recent activities . The highs , the lows , the fights, the triumphs, the injuries. Twice in the past year and a half the Colonel had been at deaths' door , only to be pulled back from the brink by good old Doctor Frasier. He of course shrugged it off as hazards of the job. All in the line of duty , and all that...........and he couldn't meet for dinner because of a stupid damned HEADACHE?????.
Sam had enjoyed being there and sharing their stories and in some strange way felt part of it . She had been careful what she was drinking as she wanted to keep her wits about her. She couldn't stop thinking about ...Jack..
. he was here , in this hotel....upstairs somewhere...avoiding her...... a Coward ...she thought . This shocked her.
She never would have thought that she would call Colonel Jack O'Neill a coward but .....that's what he was........a
COWARD!
Jack lay on his bed , watching TV , lying in his jeans and T shirt , off duty uniform , as he called it. He didn't have a headache but the way his mind was whirring , he soon would have one. It wasn't too late . She was downstairs , at this moment , he could just catch a glimpse He could go down and meet up for a drink , say his headache was better......NO.......that would mean having to face his feelings and his fears and his guard was down .......... ... and as he'd thought earlier , he didn't have the energy.
During conversation at the table Sam found out what floor they were all on and she knew Hayleys room and The Generals' room and didn't want to ask what room The Colonel was in . She figured she could do the maths and work it out. She had decided that if this was the only chance she'd had in 3 years she was damn well not going to wait another 3 years for an opportunity to talk to Jack. How Dare he stand her up!.
She excused herself from the table .
" Excuse me General I have to go to the Ladies .........Hi ......are you holding any messages for Lieutenant General O'Neill " she said to the desk clerk.
She watched carefully as he keyed into the computer . Yep...It was either 753 or 453 . the others were all on the 7th floor so she guessed 753.
" No .. sorry maam,, there are no messages for the General."
" Thank you ....I'll just let him know!"
She took the elevator to the 7 th floor. Was this wise Samantha , she thought. Well ....No....probably not but it was now or never . She felt that rush of adrenaline again.. She was now outside room 753 . What if it wasn't his room ?... She would politely apologise and excuse herself. What if he didn't let her in ????....Well there was only one way to find out. ....he may be a COWARD but she wasn't. ..........Right?
The Colonel was actually dozing and in fact did NOW have a headache but it was about to get worse , before it got better.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!!
No answer.
Come on girl...try again !! she said to herself.
The Colonel was just waking out of his doze when again,
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK !!
" Yea right ....coming ....hold on......" He opened the door , rubbing his eyes and looking pretty rough , not his usual pristine self like he had been today but a bit rumpled and disheveled .
" Oh God...Sam ...Right....What are you doing here?" He continued to rub his eyes as if he couldn't quite get them into focus. " Ehm...Sir ... Do I need to stand out here in the corridor ?" " Oh ..Hem ..No ...Come in ..Sorry I wasn't expecting to see anyone . Here .. Sit down.. give me a minute !" He went into the en-suite bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. What a shambles he was. What was she doing
here...in his room....She's a married woman for Gods sake !.....Will this eternal torture ever end. At least if he'd
gone to dinner there would have been decent distance between them ....but .....oh ...no ...not his hotel room....he
couldn't cope!
He splashed his face with water and took two headache tablets from his toilet bag, straightened himself up a bit. " Are you OK in there ?" came her voice from the bedroom. "Yea. I'm just trying to wake myself up ...be there in a sec " He walked into the bedroom and poured a glass of water and swallowed the two tablets . " Do you want a drink , Sam "
" Yes ..OK....I'll have a Gin and Tonic "He poured her drink and grabbed himself a beer from the mini bar. " How's the headache ...then ...still got it ?"
" Yep.....just won't go away .....I told the General it must be the fresh air...I'm just not used to it. So what
are you here for ?.....What can I do for you ?"
" Well ...that depends ....Do you want the flippant .....Hi for old times sake conversation that I've been subjected
to all night or do you want the real conversation ? " "Well ..Sam .. that's up to you, after all you're the one who came looking for me...you're the one who's in a mans' bedroom ...."
" Yea...and you're the one who's been avoiding me all night .How dare you not turn up for dinner ..A Headache. When did a headache ever stop you from doing anything you wanted to do . You have been avoiding me all night Jack O'Neill, you're nothing but a Coward!"
She was shaking at the thought of all of that coming out in the way it did. " Sam ....Are you drunk ????....What's the deal here ?.....You sound as though I've stood you up for a date or something. You should calm down here , I doubt if your husband would be pleased to hear you mouth off to another man with such emotion....mis-placed emotion at that. You want to talk old times ...OK...Go ahead." " Keep my husband out of this ..This has nothing to do with him. I want to talk to you........Jack.... just you." At that she just lost it and broke down in tears . She just sat on the edge of his bed and sobbed her heart out. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't bare to see her hurting like this , but it really wasn't his place to do anything about it...he thought.
" Come on Sam ... Don't do this . I don't want to see you cry. ......Look you should go home and speak to Jo . Whatever is eating away at you ....it's up to you and him to sort out. I don't want to get involved Sam . I can't .
SILENCE
Sam you've no idea how you make me feel and it's not right . You're a married woman . I missed the boat too many years ago for me to even remember. You had the strength to move on. I can't be in the same room as you without wanting to hold you , but I won't do it . There are too many complications and I'm not about to create another one. We left so much unsaid back then. I left so much unsaid. Stuff that doesn't matter now, stuff that can't matter. .....Sam ...Go home ........ Speak to JO ." SILENCE
Sam couldn't stop crying and Jacks words were just making her worse. His tone was soft , gentle caring . He stood at the window, staring out of it as he was talking...about as far away from her as he could be considering the size of the room.
" Sam ...Will you please stop crying ......Major...That's an order ! " It was worth a try , but it didn't work....it just made her worse.
RING>RING>RING>RING
" Hello . O'Neill...........Yes she is General ...She came up to see how my headache was and to say goodbye. No. ...my headache is actually worse Sir...and I don't see it improving at this rate. Yes I'll see you at breakfast
and I'll pass on your regards to Sam.....Yes it was good to see her again....yes General ..just like old times.
Sir .....Do you require any assistance to get to your room 'cause with respect Sir ..You sound sozzled.. Yes Sir .
..Sorry Sir....Goodnight."
Sam had calmed down a bit.....hearing Jacks strong Colonel Mode on the phone had kind of squared her up a bit.
" I don't think I've ever heard the General so drunk...What was he drinking down there ?........" " Brandy " came the quiet reply ." Lots of Brandy!" " Oh...my God ...she has a voice... thought I'd lost you for a while there Sam .....So ....Are you OK. Do you want me to get you a car to take you home." She looked at him in total disbelief ...Did he really want her to go?
" Jack... Do you really want me to go? "
" Yes , of course......Sure.....You have to ..look you have to go ........NO ! NO! NO! For crying out loud ...I
don't want you to go , I need you to go. So will you please just go before I.........ehm " His voice tapered off
into a whisper
" Before you what ....Jack "
" Nothing !"
" Before you what ..Jack "
At this , she stood up , wiped away her tears and moved behind him at the window. "Turn round, Jack.....Face me . Look me in the eye and tell me you want me to go.....and then ....I'll go! " He turned round and looked into these deep pools of sapphire and as he went to mouth Go, she put her finger to his lips, looked straight into his dark brown eyes , stepped even closer and said "Shhhhh........no talking..." and she kissed him gently on the lips .
He didn't respond . Instead he took her shoulders in his arms and bodily removed her from her close proximity . He looked her square in the eyes and said with a look of sheer disappointment, and a soft low deep voice .
" Sam .....Don't play games with me. I lost you 3 years ago , and I don't deserve to be with you . Please don't
stand here and rub my nose in it and show me what I'm missing and what I can't have .............I love you , I
feel like I've always loved you Sam , and I always will. No-one I meet these days holds a candle to you . Look at you . You are the most gorgeous creature I've ever laid my eyes on. BUT I'm not about to taste the forbidden fruit and quite frankly I'm shocked that you're prepared to .I had you labelled as being trust worthy and faithful. You have to go Sam ....This is not right . If you want to talk ...Fine ...We can meet tomorrow ..I don't fly back to the SGC until 4pm. We can meet in the morning and talk all day but please Sam ...for both our sakes . Please let me get you a car home. What will Jo be thinking at this time of night ? ..It's morning for Gods sake."
Almost in a whisper, Sam was heard saying.
" He's not there ........I'm on my own Jack......he's not there ."
" So that's what this is about ...he's out of town and you think you'll hook up with an old flame ?.....Jesus Sam that's worse."
She was again shaking and tears were teaming down her soft beautiful cheeks. She whispered. "It's not like that .... Don't think that of me.....I am trust worthy ...I am faithful .......but Jack ..I love you .. ....I love you Jack . He's not there because , well we're separated . I'm waiting for him to sign the final divorce papers. "
Jacks' jaw nearly hit the floor.
" What ....You're hardly married, ..What on earth happened.?" " In a way Jack ..You came between us........Jo realised that I didn't have the depth of feeling for him that I had for you . He knew that I had loved you. He also knew that it hadn't gone anywhere , but over our first year of marriage he started throwing things at me like, Oh you and your precious Colonel, Superman O'Neill and so on. He developed an insane jealousy built in his own mind 'cause as you well know nothing was going on between us. He thought that because I was still working on the Stargate Program that you and I had contact . I got to the stage where I was going out of my mind . And then I found out . " " Found out what ?"
" He was having an affair. All this me and The Colonel stuff had been his smokescreen. He was having an affair with a call girl . He has been having the affair for 10 years Jack. Six months ago she gave him a son and made him a father. He loves her Jack , not me...he's never loved me. " " Come on now Sam ..He must of loved you ..Look ...he married you for crying out loud.." "Polite exterior, respectability. Tall , attractive , leggy blonde who could look good on his arm AND hold intelligent conversations . The ideal running partner for a political campaign. He told me , that's all it was , he actually wants to be with this other woman but because of her ......occupation....it would hurt his ...career.. ..."
" I don't know what to say Sam . Did you love him ? Do you love him ? " " NO....I thought I did ...but NO ! he was actually right . I have always loved my Colonel . I felt so guilty as if I had driven him to this that I agreed to stay 'on his arm ' so to speak until next weeks preliminaries . Attend the Benefit Ball with him to complete his Political goal , and then I get the hell out of dodge!" " So ....Well. .Look at the time....For crying out loud Sam . Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me what was going on....you didn't have to do all that alone. Hell I spoke to Jacob last week ....he says you're as happy as a pig in sh 1 t . Does he not know what's going on ?" " Oh ... Jack ...How could I tell him. He didn't want me marrying the guy in the first place . He was absolutely beside himself when I told him about giving up the Military for him . He knew I loved you He said to me in all seriousness. 'Sam - Give up the Military but do it for Jack....Go to Jack as Doctor Carter . You deserve better than JO.' .......I just ignored him.................Jack..Is my Dad alright? I haven't spoke to him for about 18 months "
"WHAT??????? ........You're a sorry person . You know that ? I never thought that I'd be able to say this to you , but you are so stupid Sam Carter. So So Stupid. You turn your back on everyone who loves you and end up in this mess alone with no-one to turn to or to talk to .....I despair at you .. I really do. I thought I was bad but at least I know where I belong .
" So do I ....NOW.......... Jack ?? Please...... hold me......" " No!"
" What do you mean no!." She was shocked at his response. " Look Jack.....No regulations....No Husband .....No restrictions "
" No...I can't....I'm too angry at you ......I'm too infuriated and want to go and beat the crap out of Jo Faxton .. leave me alone for now ...will you?" " Ok ... Jack ..Get me a car ...I'll go !" " Yes .. I think you'd better before I beat the crap out of you instead for being so stupid. I'll walk you down to the foyer!"
He was abrupt and business like . Sam had now resigned herself to not trying to get through to him anymore. She'd seen this mood all to often. The portcullis was down and nobody but nobody was getting in.
He called for his Staff Car.
" This is Lieutenant General O 'Neill, United States Airforce. Please bring my car round to the front entrance of the hotel immediately ....Thank You "
They both got into the elevator. They then took up their all to familiar stance. At opposite sides of the walls , staring at the floor , in silence. There was a cruel familiarity about this , 5 years of travelling up and down 28floors together. Staying as far apart as possible . The Colonel, looked across at the woman in front of him. Where was his strong, confident , in control Major . Who was this , frail , vulnerable female in front of him. Her hair falling over her tearstained cheeks , She just looked like a lost child. Then he realised . He was at it again. He was about to push her away. She had come to him, wanted him.....There were no reasons now why she shouldn't . What was he thinking. She came to him knowing what she wanted and she wanted to be with him. Why was he pushing her away? .........Well that was easy ....because he was the stupid one. Not her . Him....... Well O'Neill....you may never have a chance like this again and you're about to put the love of your life in a car and let her get away from you again.......COWARD.!!!!!
The elevator reached the ground floor and Sam went to walk out. She lifted her head , shook her hair , and with a look of dignity made her way to the front entrance. Jack took hold of her arm.
" Ehm......Not so fast ...Major......Wait here ! "
He went out to the street and told the car to go away again. .....Sam watched it leave with a look of puzzlement.
He then took her arm and put her back into the elevator and pressed floor 7. They said nothing on the way up.
She was totally surprised , she couldn't believe what was happening. He was going to spend some more time. Maybe there would be a chance to retrieve something from the evening , even the chance to talk more was all she wanted . And more than that ,just not to be on her own .
He escorted her gently into his hotel room. He picked up the phone. "Hello, this is room 753. Could you please send up a tray of Coffee for 2...Thanks."
" Coffee , good old coffee ," said Sam
" Well , the way I see it ...we're going to need something to keep us awake so we can sort this out!"" He then took his stance at the window again, just staring out into the night sky. " Well I think you definitely need to talk to you Father , Sam ...He needs to know ......You know he'll be so disappointed that you didn't trust him enough to confide in him " " Actually Jack... He's not the easiest person to get in touch with these days...if you get my drift." " No ..I know ... but I could have got in contact with him, for you" " For that I would've had to get in contact with you and I wasn't talking to you either...or had you forgotten?" " Oh God ..How could I forget.. The phonecalls I made , ..hell I even came to Washington to try to see you and you refused to see me , or had you forgotten that!?" " No ..I haven't forgotten....That's it Jack ..get out all the hurt ....all the poison...if we're going to get anything out of this we have to be honest with each other " " OK...Why did you just go without speaking to me.." " YOU were unapproachable...I had to talk to the General about you because you were being totally unreasonable with your time scales and rotas. You didn't care .You pushed me aside like a piece of dirt on your shoe . Carter this, Carter that, Carter the next thing ... You were treating me like a robot." " You worked like a damn robot. How many times did I ask you to go on vacation, but no you had a project , a motor bike to work on ...anything but damn well spend time with me!. "It was against the damn regulations Sir!"
The Sir jolted Jack back to what was reality. The reality was these two people had been hurting each other for so many years that maybe it couldn't be fixed. Or was it that it had never actually been broken in the first place. Was it that all these feelings that had been hidden were their protection , their way of clearing the communication lines. They had certainly never yelled at each other like this before! Their emotions were at a pitch.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK
Both shouted
" WHO IS IT???
"Ehm.. Coffee Sir."
" Sorry .....Just leave it there ...thank you." Just at that the General put his head round the door(Rubbing his eyes) "What's all the shouting about...Are you two alright ???" " No... Sir...We're not......BUT......We will be !" " Good Son.. I'm glad to hear that....just keep the noise down , if you don't mind "
They both burst out laughing ..first at the waiters face when he walked in and secondly at the confused , disheveled appearance of the General - that alone would take some explaining no matter how the night turned out. At least a little humanity had crept in and did Sam hear him right ? Had he said ' We will be alright '
" So how do you feel , not being part of the Military any more Sam?" " Well I felt like a fish out of water at first , but I've kind of got used to it now. I suppose still working on the Stargate program helped."
" So , How did the new SG-1 Team shape up .. after all the ups and downs ?" " They're a good team.. Not quite the same , but then nothing ever is , is it?.. The Original team was special and unique and that will never be taken away from it . I get on well with the new team and I often go out with some of the other teams when SG-1 is on down -time, much to their dismay . " Oh ..Right even more of a workaholic that you used to be ...and you've a cheek to talk about me !"
The conversation had gone into an even , mature , straight forward fact finding conversation. They were both beginning to be more at ease with each other and even some of The Colonels humor and sarcasm was beginning to creep in. " Captain Hayley drives me mad with her enthusiasm and energy and makes me feel more like an old man every day , but she's really shaped up well. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure its not Daniel talking to me when Jonas starts on one of his historical lectures. I get more like a pin cushion every day with Doctor Fraiser and I have to spend more and more time in the Gym in order to keep up. Teal'c makes me sick 'cause he's so damned calm and fit but hey ....Nothing really changes when it gets down to it."
" I really miss it you know...I didn't realise how much until I sat with all of them tonight . I feel as though they are living my life for me and I am living someone else's. I really didn't think my life through .I took some paths in the past few years that were definitely the wrong ones and I don't know how to get back on track. "
" I guess that depends what track you want to get on Sam . What are you going to do? I mean , Are you going to go to that Benefit Ball thing next week with Jo? Do you have to go ? Do you have to go with him? Could I take you , may-be?"
An Olive Branch from the Colonel , thought Sam.
" Why........ Do you want to take me ...Jack?"
" I don't know ...I guess !......Right now I don't want to let you out of my sight even for a second."
" Oh ...Jack ..You don't know how good it feels to hear you say that!" " Yea.. Well . Think yourself lucky ..You how much I love Dances." SILENCE
Jack was still looking out of the window and Sam was sitting on the bed, staring at the floor. She went to the window beside him.
" Colonel ..What is so interesting out that window. " " It stops me from facing you and looking into those deep blue eyes and I am trying to keep my wits about me. We've still got some way to go before this mess is sorted out. " " Jack ..What mess ? ......I love you and ....you love me... where's the mess? Is seems straight forward to me . " She spoke quietly and gently and she was so close that he could feel her breathing and smell her perfume. She was once again toying with his senses, but this time it was different, this time it was OK. It was just Sam and Jack... .No regulations , as she had pointed out, No husband as she had explained .The only thing stopping them from being
together was him....he was now the barrier......... COWARD. She tried again to get through to him.
" Jack.....tell me you don't love me!......tell me you don't want me , because if that is the case then I shouldn't
be here wasting your time... Tell me something Jack .....Don't just stand there staring into space .....Say something.
"
She touched his arm and a shock wave ran through his body like he'd never felt before. The electricity between them was unbelievable .
He turned to face her , his eyes were soft and intense , his eyes darted back and forward. She pulled his gaze to her eyes and that was that. The look in her eyes bored down to his very soul. He placed his hand gently under her chin and lifted her head until their lips brushed against one another. Could he really allow himself to be sucked in like this ..........He hesitated for a moment and she gently placed an affectionate kiss on his lips , like the last time, only he didn't push her away this time. This time he put his arms around her tiny waist and pulled her in towards him and he returned her kiss deeper and more intense than before . She placed her arms around his neck and held on to the back of his short hair . This was unbelievable. They had waited so long for this moment and there was no way they were pulling apart. They may just die of suffocation in this position by the window . " Oh ..God...Sam ...If you disappear from me again ...I'll seek you out and shoot you ...Ya hear ?" " I, hear ..loud and clear ..Sir!"
Jacks voice was low calm and in control.
" OK...Sam ...We need to talk....I'm not allowing my emotions to take over here. I've been exercising self control for nearly 9 years .I'm an expert .Call it Special Forces Training , whatever ,So let's talk this through. " He took her by the hand , led her over to the bed, fluffed up two pillows against the headboard, removed her leather jacket and sat her down on top of the bed . He poured a coffee for both of them and joined her on top of the bed. " Things that need to be considered....Jo....Are you going with him to the Benefit Ball or not? "
"It's kind of part of the deal Jack....the final act .If I don't go with him he might not sign the Divorce papers. If I go with you , he will definitely not sign the Divorce papers. I think I might as well just get it over with and then that will be that. "
"Your call ...Sam ...What Benefit is it anyway " "It's a benefit for war victims of the Gulf War and there are other relief charities involved as well." " Victims of The Gulf War ....May-be I could get a slice of that ...What do you think..... I could show them my scars and get their sympathy !"
Sam slapped his shoulder ..
"Watch it , that's the shoulder that you allowed to be shot by a mad Goa'uld in a basement....Aouch ....That's the leg you didn't set right in the Ice cave.....aouchaouch that's the rib you squashed when you were trying to keep me warm ...Awwowll....That's the heart you broke when you left the SGC !" There was a mixture of laughter tinged with the odd hint of sadness . relationships were beginning to heal. Sam gently kissed his chest where his heart was "Sorry Heart ....What can I do to heal you ?" " Just stay with me Sam ....simple...don't ever leave me again." " I can't Jack even if I wanted to because , you 're part of me.. You keep me alive .. you make me smile . I don't remember the last time I felt this alive." They again fell into a passionate embrace .It was a gentle passion , an exploratory passion. Two people carefully testing their way ,finding out about each other on a level never before explored. Sam had never felt so safe , so calm ,yet so excited....there was a tenderness there that she never thought Jack O'Neill would be capable of . Again Jack pulled in the reins.
" Right ...OK... So we've established that you go to the Ball with Jo and then that is that . We need to decide what we are going to do. You live in Washington , I live in Colorado...it's a bit far to commute and I'm not too good on these weekend Romances. There are some fundamental issues . Sam ! We can't just jump into a relationship as though the past 3 years had never happened. You do have a life up here and I have one well you know where my life is ........at the SGC. That's not going to change. We really need to decide here and now ...Do we truly give this a go or do we turn away and create a closure that we both can deal with before it goes any further"
Sam felt anger and annoyance run through her. " Closure , what do you mean closure....I don't want closure ...I want to be with you . Stop being so damned rational . Jack ..I'll walk away from Washington tomorrow without looking back . I'll ask The Pentagon to assign me to the SGC to set up the new Asgard System , I'll open up my Dads' house and live there. I want to be with you .....don't you understand ....we've ....I've ...wasted enough time ." " Sam ..I'm not asking you to do all that .....Woman ...how can you turn my life on its' head in the space of 24 hours ? I need time to get this into perspective. " " Well ..Jack ..If you need time to get this into perspective than may' be this is a big mistake because all I can think of is YOU. Being with you. I want you to hold me, kiss me, make love to me. I want you to want me like I want you and if you don't then I was wrong coming here . The chemistry and electricity between us is so intense , at least it is for me. I don't want to be without that ever again and I know that you are the only one I want to be with. "
" Jack ...Do you want me ? "
Silence.
" Jack ...Answer me plea......."
" Shhhh.... Enough talking...Come here ." he pulled her into his arms and slowly stroked her hair and whispered " I want you Sam, I've always wanted you Sam, ....since the day I set eyes on you ..I can't believe you're here with me and I don't want to lose you again .. I've said that already tonight. ...I have no right to ask you to make any kind of sacrifices on my behalf. Anything you do must be done for you .. Sam ! The next pathway you take in life has to be one that you are totally committed to...If you want me to be part of it then I'll be there ...Sam I'll always be there for you.....I love you with all my heart. I want to hold you , kiss you , I want to make love to you more that you know . You need to be sure that it's what you want before I go any further with this. I don't know if tonight's the right time for you to make that decision .It's been a long , strange , emotional day . I need to be sure your judgement isn't clouded. We are also extremely tired and in need of some sleep before dawn . ..... ....I am scared Sam ........I am a COWARD......I can't bare the thought of falling straight in at the deep end and finding that you want to swim in another direction again. ....You know ..I've never been so scared of anything in my entire life . Losing you now ...I'll cope. Losing you once we've joined body and soul as well as our minds .... .I'd go over the edge ...You must understand that." " Jack ... you're wrong about making up my mind tonight . What's to make up? I wanted to be with you . 3 years ago ....4 years ago.....god .....7 years ago. I have thought of nothing else for what seems a lifetime. I'm not going to go in any other direction , Jack....I've been trying to paddle away from you but you are like a magnet . I can never get away from the fact that I've loved you for so many years and denied it for so many reasons. I don't need time to weigh anything up. When we worked together on SG-1 , I'd have given my life for you and you'd have given your life for me! , and on a number of occasions you very nearly did, and still doing I hear! We deserve this unique chance to be together , so ,let me be with you , let me kiss you , let me feel your arms around me ,let me love you and Jack...all I ask is that you love me back. Nothing more " There was nothing else that Sam needed to say and nothing else that Jack needed to say anymore or hear anymore . She had answered his fears in a language that he understood. It was 3am and he slowly took his Major into his arms and made love to her in a way that would be with them both for ever . This wasn't about Sex...it was about a joining of two people in love , a joining that was long overdue , a joining that awoke senses in each of them that they didn't know existed. Nothing had ever felt so right ...and nothing would ever come between them again....Whatever the practicalities ...didn't matter any longer ....nothing would be insurmountable.
When the Colonels alarm went off at 7am , he woke to find that his Major was sound asleep , nestled in his arms , and he felt that he could face anything . She was here with him and he was never going to let her go. He gently kissed her head, and her nose and brushed her lips gently as he sidled out of the bed to shower . He was meeting The General at 8am for breakfast.
A meeting that was going to be very interesting for them both.
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