Worthless
Worthless
by isis_sg1
Summary: When Jack returns home from another planet in a catatonic state, who can help him ??
Category: Angst
Episode Related: 102 The Enemy Within, 106 Cold Lazarus, 305 Learning Curve, 521 Meridian
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: violence
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 05/02/03
"your worthless, just some nobody they ended up with cause they knew you wanted to die ..and you should have died on that first mission because no-one would have missed you. You're not needed. Major Carter has the intelligence which you will never have. She hates the way she has to dumb everything down to you. Oh andthen there's Teal'c,a great warrior, better than you will ever be ..why do you think he was first prime to Apophis ? he also has the much needed knowledge on Goa'uld...he is needed to defend Earth. AhDr Jackson, was wise and clever and is now a higher being. It was those three that saved the world all those times not you ..you're just there because no-one has the heart to tell an old man like you to go away. Since when have you ever proved useful ? Look at you. You killed you're only son ..you kill your friends. Just imagine how happy people would be if you had never been born; or even better ..died a horrible death. So. I'll show you - 'the worthless thing' - howlife would have been better without an old, dumb, murderer like yourself."
Jack suddenly found himself in the briefing room, The beating he had endured during the little speech made him collapse to the floor involuntarily coughing blood. Trying to keep the breathing regular so not to cause any more pain to his broken ribs. He though about his probable internal bleeding. Finally he looked up at the tablewherehisteam sat. He tried to call to them but they did not respond. He could just hearthem talking.
"Colonel Carter. .now the threat of the Goa'uld has gone, the president has given permission for you to live with Martouf and the Tok'ra. Dr Jackson is going back to Abydos with Shau're and Teal'c will be given a hero's welcome back on Chulak. I, myself,am planning on retiring and a much younger commander is going to take over.The sgc will now become a research and exploration programme. Tomorrow the president is going to reveal the existence of the stargate and fromthen onyou will all be national hero's . If it wasn't for you, Teal'c and Dr Jackson, no-one would be alive to even see this happening "
Jack couldn't believe his eyes may be he was in another reality or something.But even that wouldn't explain why they couldn't see or hear him. If this was really life without him ..he really wasn't needed at all.
"I told you, you weren't needed" Jack quickly spun around to the direction of the voice and regretted it with a moan.
" this is life without you, see. Happy. It's you that causes pain to others. Wallowing in your own self pity do you ever stop to think about others and how much they are hurting? You are a worthless idiot who doesn't deserve to live." the beating had started again andJack had to stop himself from shouting out from the pain. The briefing room faded away and he found himself back in the clearing where itall had started. The words had finally sunk in:
"You're worthless,you killed your son, you cause pain, you deserve to die." The ticking time bomb blew and asjack had believed what he hadheard he lay there souless as the beatings continued.
Come the nextmorning and the rest of sg-1 were still looking for the colonel. They had been lookingfor hours sincethey had discovered that he had disappeared from camp. With Teal'c ahead and Jonas behind they searched,all calling out the name of their leader. They came to a clearing in the woods and there, on the ground, curled up was Jack; shivering from the cold and from the pain. They rushed to his side.
"Oh god!" Sam exclaimed reaching down to try and get a response from him. The sight of how battered, bloody and bruised he was made her sick. Jack and Sam had been together for a year now, after Daniel had died, and General Hammond had made that all importantcall to the president to let them be together. She stroked his face while he laid there, eyes glazed over, that sparkle justwasn'tthere anymore.
"We have to get him back immediately -Teal'c can you carry him?" The jaffa nodded and he carefully picked up the frail body of Jack and headed as fast as they could to the gate. Jack never made a sound.
"Sir its sg-1" informed the lieutenant to General Hammond
"open the iris and put a med-team on standby,"Hammond replied uneasily, "They're two days early." He always had this feeling when one of his sg teams came home early (or late,) especially sg-1. Jonas came through first shouting for a med-team. Sam and Teal'c then followed carrying their leader between them. Carefully they carried him down the ramp and onto the gurney waiting. Then he wasrushedinto the infirmary. The rest of sg-1 waited outside patiently for the first bit of news on Jack's condition. Hours later, they were rewarded with the chance to go in and see him. Slowly they walked up to his bed. He was lying on his side facing away from them. "Hey Jack," said Sam walking round to the other side of the bed with a tone ofrelief in her voice. He did not answer. " Dr Fraisersays you'll recover in no time," Jonas added keeping his distance, knowing it was Sam that needed to be near Jack right now. "Jack?" Sam asked again. She looked into his eyes but there was nothing there. He was looking straight through her, his eyes empty of the usual spark and humour. She slowly waved her hand over his eyes but they did not even flicker. Sam looked up at Janet questioningly so Janet motioned for them to talk outside.SG-1 followed.
"He had several broken ribs, severe bruising all over his body and internal injuries but he'll make a complete recovery physically." she began "However, mentally I am not so sure. He hasn't said anything since he got here, and he's accepted drugs without complaining. He hasn't even complained to the nurses about the needles." Sam gave a slight smile,then listened again attentively."He hasn't eaten anything. Its like he's lost all hope in anything, like he's completely empty inside, of happiness. Even a little bit. Like he's lost the will to live. I'm worried that he won't come out of it."Janet finishedletting everyone take inwhat she had just said.
"I'm going in to see him" Sam said abruptly breaking the silence, "is there anything I can do?" she added.
"The best thing you can do at the moment is talk to him,reassure him, lets hopeyou canget through to him" Janet replied. Sam re-entered the now empty infirmary. Jack hadn't moved since they had left. She moved round and sat on the chair by his bed, she seemed unsure of what to do but slowlyshe reached over and took his hand in her own.
"I don't know if you can hear me but I wanted you to know something" she paused quickly to compose herself. "I love you." No reply"I need you JackI don't know what happened to you on that planet but I need you. Please talk to me Jack. Jack?" Still no reply. So, tears in her eyes, she laid her head down on the bed and slept. It had been two weeks since they had been to that planet and still no change. Janet had been feeding him through an IV, as he wouldn't eat. The rest of SG-1, while they weren't on missions, spent all their free time at his bedside talking to him. He never replied, he never even made a sound. They started to worry that he'd never get better, especially Sam. One night andshe had fallen asleep by his bed, exhausted with worry. She had fallen asleep a couple of hours ago althoughJack was still awake. The only thing that ever made him sleep was a sedative. Tonight Sam had begged Janet to let him stay up so she could talk to him. Unfortunately, she had drifted off to sleep soon after .Sam woke slowly to see that the room had suddenly been filled with a bright light. She opened her eyes gradually to see a large glowing energy orb float down to the ground then finally appearing in the image of a person she had not seen for ages.
"Daniel!" exclaimed Sam getting up out of the hard chair.
"Hey I heard Jack needed my help "
"Yeah kinda" Sam replied, turning to look at Jack. Not even Daniels arrival had changed him.
"Oh by the way, good going on the 'admitting your feelings for each other' thing. I knew you both had it in you!"
"It was your ascension which knocked some sense into both of us," Sam said smiling. Pausing for a second to think.
"So can you help him?" asked Sam
"I'll try, do you know what happened?"
"We don't know properly. He was missing in the morning on P3X-749 and after an hour or so of searching, we found him in a small clearing, beaten to an inch of his life. He's been like this ever since we found him. He doesn't eat, He doesn't sleep, and he hasn't said a word since. It's just not fair Daniel, I need him!" Sam finished, very close to tears.
"Hey, it's okay. I'll do whatever it takes. In the meantime why don't you tell the general what I plan to do and don't come back in. He needs to do this alone"
Sam nodded, took one last look at Jack then left.
In the briefing room, Sam and General Hammond were already sitting down at the table discussing what had happened when Jonas, Teal'c and Janet strolled in and joined them at the table.
"What's this about General?" asked Jonas
"Major Carter will explain," answered the General looking over to Sam.
"It's about Jack" Sam paused looking over at everyone's expectant faces waiting to hear what she had to say.
"Daniel's here and he's gonna try to help him. He's there right now but I don't know what he is going to try to do. We aren't allowed in there until it's done. Something about Jack having to go it alone" Sam finished.
"Do you think it will work?" asked Janet
"I hope so," replied Sam
"Hey Jack" said Daniel, arms crossed. He walked nearer to the bed.
"I've heard you need some help; don't believe a word they said. You're not worthless, you're needed here more that anyone. Sam loves you so much, the whole base respects you and practically idolises you. They're jealous because you are such a good leader and soldier. You bring something to SG-1 that no one else could replace .It's your leadership that keeps everyone alive on missions, it's you who will lay down your life for your team, the people you've found respect and understand you. Nevertheless, you also risk your life for the millions of strangers you don't know, as no one else could. Charlie, Kawalsky whoever they were, their deaths weren't your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent them. Now Sam has filled that empty part of your heart and you know it, so listen to it. She misses you Jack, come back to us. You're not worthless and you deserve to live morethan anyone "Jack blinked slowly. Daniel smiled. The first sign that whatever he was saying was getting through to him. With that he continued:
"I know you were told you were shown what life would be like without you, but it's not true. I want to show you what life would really be like without you there" Again, Jack found himself in the briefing room. He managed to stay on his feet this time after recovering from his injuries. Daniel was standing beside him although Jack didn't really notice.Again, he listened to the other SG-1. They all looked tired and depressed. They also looked like they weren't eating enough.
"We losttwo more SG teams these morning .They're dying faster than we can recruit. It's getting worse, this war with the Goa'uld"
"I'm working non-stop on the computers etc. but they're breaking my codes faster than I can write them. We're not going to be able to hold out much longer"
"We haven't that much time left before they invade earth. I don't know what we can do"
The scenery changed again. All Jack could see for miles was barren wasteland, fires burning brightly in the distance andrubble from fallen cities. He felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't move.
"This is what is left of Earth Jack" began Daniel"The goa'uld came, they saw it and then they destroyed it. The reason our Earth hasn't been invaded yet is your skill and knowledge as a soldier, your bravery and courage, you Jack, you!"
"You're not here," Jack added looking down at the ground.
"I chose to go Jack," Daniel argued "and you helped me, for that I am eternally grateful. So don't you see? You help people. Remember Merrin?" Jack turned to face Daniel, understanding more as he spoke"You helped change their whole civilization for the better." Daniel continued,"You are a saviour for many worlds, many people owe their lives to you many times over, you don't deserve to die because they need you, please go back to them" Daniel pleaded, there wasn't anything more he could say to convince him.
"Thanks Danny" Jack whispered. Daniel smiled; the real Jack was coming back to them.
"I guess I was just an emotional ticking time bomb just waiting to explode, whatever happened on the planet let the walls, I've built up over the years, down." Jack said a bit louder. Again, Daniel smiled
"What did happen on that planet?" he asked,
"I can't remember. I don't think I'd talk about it even if I did know, you know me and reliving memories!" There is was, the 'Jack sarcasm' and humor was back.
"Can I go back now? I'm tired. I am still recovering from internal injuries and broken bones you know" Finally Daniel saw it. Jack smiled.
"Sure Jack" and before he knew it Jack was back in bed.
"You interfered," Jack stated, trying to get comfortable
"Yeah I know, but I couldn't just stand there when you went all catatonic on everyone could I?"
"Well I'm back now and I don't intend to go anywhere, but now I think I'll go to sleep, thanks Space Monkey, see ya around." Jack said before slipping into a deep sleep. Daniel took one last look at Jack before going outside to find Sam.
Daniel walked out of the room and into the questioning eyes of Sam who had obviously been there the whole time.
"He's fine Sam, back to normal. I even got a joke out of him!" Sam sighed, relieved, a smile on her face. "I don't know how I can thank you! ...Can I go in now?" Sam asked excited to see Jack. "No thanks needed Sam. I'm glad I could help and yes you can go in now but he's asleep, you can go in and stay with him until he wakes up. I'll make a quick visit to Janet to tell her the news and General Hammond but then I'll have to go, you know how it is" "Yeah" Sam replied quietly before entering Jack's room. Soon she found herself asleep again. She was lying in the same position she had slept before, the first night after the incident on the planet.
Sam woke slowly feeling better after last night and the amount of un-troubled sleep she got. She found herself looking into the eyes of Jack's. "Hey" she whispered.
"Hey" He replied a slight smile on his face. "Oh Jack! I thought I had lost you. I love you so much," Sam said close to tears. "I know honey, I'm sorry" He replied stroking her hair before pulling her into a slow, reassuring and love filled kiss. They broke apart after a few minutes and Sam lifted herself up onto the bed and laid next to him, shivering slightly as he wrapped his arms around her waist, spooning their bodies together. Contented as they slept.
Later that day they both woke up to find Teal'c, Jonas, Janet and General Hammond standing around talking in hushed voices. They al stopped as they discovered the couple awake. "Glad to see you back Colonel" Janet said checking him over. "What? I went somewhere?"He asked, smiling, the spark definitely back in his eyes Janet thought, glad everything was back to normal. "So what did Daniel do?" asked Jonas, naturally inquisitive. "He..."Jack paused to find the right words. "He told me what I needed to hear," he said finally, holding Sam closer. "Well we'll leave you to it now Colonel I'm sure you still need some rest and don't worry I'll give you plenty of downtime, and you major if you're lucky! We're all glad you're back aren't we Teal'c" looking over to Teal'c. "Indeed" Teal'c replied nodding his head. AS they left Sam and Jack kissed again "I love you," Sam said kissing him again. "And I love you too" Jack replied.
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