Secrets
Secrets
by Jessie Carter-ONeill
Summary: Sam has a secret she's been keeping from Jack.
Category: Romance
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: 13+
Warnings: sexual situations
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2004-12-24
Chapter One
"Secrets"
It was do-or-die time for Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. She'd broken it off with Pete. She couldn't marry him...not when she still had deep feelings for a certain Brigadier General. Daniel had told her that he'd broken up with Kerry, but she had yet to hear it from him. She probably wouldn't. After all, she hadn't exactly been forthcoming with him that she'd broken up with Pete. It just wasn't something you could bring up in everyday conversation.
She thought back to the conversation she'd had with Daniel that morning. He'd come into her lab for something...she still wasn't sure what. But, instead, they'd ended up talking about...
Sam. Daniel. When are you going to tell him? Daniel. Sam. He has the right to know. You have to tell him. How can I tell him now, Daniel? After all I've done to him, how can I tell him about her? Besides, he's with Kerry now. No, he's not. What? She broke it off. She said something about him not being able to commit to her because he was in love with another. I still don't know how I can tell him. Sam, she's his daughter. He deserves to know. You need to tell him. He'll be hurt, Daniel. I can't hurt him anymore than I already have. Of course he'll be hurt, Sam. We've known that he's had a daughter for almost two years, and none of us told him. But, you can make sure that he's not hurt anymore. Just tell him...before it's too late.
Daniel was right. It was time for him to know about her. She shook her head as she stood outside Jack's office door, her heart pounding beneath her black t-shirt. She looked at her watch. It was 2130 hours. "It's now or never, Sam," she thought to herself before she knocked on the door. "Come," said Jack from inside.
She took a deep breath and opened the door. "Sir, I need to talk to you. There's something you need to know," she said, barely keeping her voice from trembling. She stepped in and closed the door behind her. What she had to say to him was not meant for prying ears and eyes.
"Carter?" He looked up from the paperwork he was trying to complete when he heard the break in her voice. "What's up? You ok?" He motioned for her to take a seat.
She sat down and stared at him, trying to gather her thoughts. He stared back, not making a sound. Jack broke the silence. "Daniel told you, huh?"
"Yes, sir," she replied.
"Well? What happens now?" He started playing with his pen. She was making him nervous.
She opened her mouth to speak, but a knock at the door interrupted her. Jack rolled his eyes. "Come," he growled. "This had better be important," he added softly, giving her a shy smile.
The door opened and Kerry Johnson walked in. "Jack..." she began and then noticed that Sam was there. "Colonel Carter," she said giving Sam a strange look.
"Kerry," said Sam.
"Jack, I need to talk to you," said Kerry then proceeded to effectively ignore Sam.
"I'm busy right now...as you can see," said Jack, not even looking up at her.
Kerry noticed this. She noticed that Jack's eyes had never left Sam's face. "Well, this is important," she insisted.
Jack opened his mouth to speak, but the phone rang, interrupting him. He jerked the phone from its cradle. "O'Neill."
He listened for a few seconds and then held out the phone for Sam. "It's for you, Sam."
The fact that he called her by her first name did not go unnoticed by either Sam or Kerry. She took the phone from him, her fingers lightly brushing his. She smiled the smile that was reserved only for him and was given the one by him that was reserved only for her, in return.
"Carter," she said.
"God, she's so beautiful," thought Jack. He realized that Kerry was still standing there, but he didn't care. He couldn't keep his eyes off Sam. He wanted to take her out of here, away from everything and everyone. Do things to her that he'd only dreamed about. "I've got to tell her that I love her...Pete or no Pete."
"What?" exclaimed Sam. "When? How?" She listened for a moment. "I'll be right there."
Jack watched as her face lost all color. When she tried to hang up the phone, she was visibly shaken.
"Sam? What's wrong?" he asked, taking the phone from her shaking hand and placing it back on the cradle.
"I...I..." She cleared her throat before continuing. "I have to go." She stood and took a deep shaky breath.
"What? Where?" he asked, not wanting her to leave.
"County hospital," was all she could say before the tears started to fall.
Jack was shaken to his very core. His normally strong Colonel was coming apart before his very eyes. He stood and said "C'mere." Within seconds, had her in his arms. She allowed him to hold her and try to comfort her. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he wrapped his own around her.
Jack held her tightly, not willing to let her go anytime soon. He loved her, and he thought she loved him. All thoughts of court martial and write-ups fled his mind as he buried his head in her neck and placed a soft kiss on her pulse point. She shivered slightly.
"Jack!" Kerry's harsh voice broke into his thoughts.
He reluctantly let go of Sam and wiped her tears away with his thumb, cupping her cheek. "Sam?"
"I have to get to that hospital. I'm sorry, Jack." She turned and started out the door.
"Hang on," said Jack, taking her hand in his. "I'm driving."
She stopped and said, "You don't have to do this, sir."
"You're in no condition to drive, Sam. Besides," he grinned at her. "I want to."
"Jack," said Kerry. "I really need to talk to you."
"I've got things to do," he said coldly, pushing passed her to place his hand, almost possessively, at the small of Sam's back.
"Let's go," he said.
He led her to the elevator. Once inside, he pulled her back into his arms. "Sam what's going on?"
"I can't tell you just yet," she said, trying to keep her emotions in check. "All I can tell you is I need to get to that hospital as quickly as possible."
He stroked her back lovingly. "We'll get there, Sam. Don't worry. We'll get there."
After they got to the surface, Jack helped her get into his truck. She was still shaking too much to drive and he was too tall to drive her Volvo.
About halfway to the hospital, he got up the courage to ask, "How's Pete?"
She took a deep breath and said, "I broke up with Pete, Jack."
"When?" he asked with no small amount of hidden satisfaction.
"About three months ago."
"Why? I thought you were happy." He was jumping for joy inside, but he wasn't going to let her know that.
"I was content, Jack. I couldn't find happiness with a man other than..." she trailed off.
He didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything...not over the pounding of his heart, the emotions that were threatening to spill over. He simply reached over and took her trembling hand in his and gave it a light kiss before linking his fingers with hers. No more words were spoken between them. The only sound coming from the truck was the radio.
They stopped at a 4-way stop sign as the radio D.J. came on the air. "This song is for all those out there who are finding their ways back to the ones they love. Peter Cetera and Cher's `After All'."
Sam looked at Jack who looked back to her. As Jack began to drive again, he squeezed her hand. "That would be us," he said so softly, she'd almost missed it.
He reached over and stroked her face once, with the back of his hand as they listened to the words of the song.
Well here we are again, I guess it must be fate. We've tried it on our own but deep inside we've known we'd be back to set things straight. I still remember when your kiss was so brand new. Every memory repeats; every step I take retreats; every journey always brings me back to you. After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts; Two angels who've been rescued from the fall. And after all that we've been through, it all comes down to me and you. I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all. When love is truly right (this time it's truly right) it lives from year to year. It changes as it grows and oh the way it grows, but it never disappears. After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts; Two angels who've been rescued from the fall. And after all that we've been through, it all comes down to me and you. I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all. Always just beyond my touch, though I needed you so much. After all what else is living for? After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts; Two angels who've been rescued from the fall. And after all that we've been through, it all comes down to me and you. I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all.
At the end of the song, he stopped for a red light. He reached over and gently pulled her towards him. "Sam?"
She heard the unspoken question in his voice and nodded once, tears still streaming down her face. He moved towards her and their lips met softly and hesitantly. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she parted her lips for him. His tongue swept into her mouth to dance with hers. All too soon, the blaring of a horn behind them broke them apart. The kiss was short, but powerful. That one kiss spoke volumes of the buried feelings that were rapidly coming to the surface. He placed one last kiss to her lips and then took her hand in his again. No other words were spoken until they got to the hospital.
They ran through the double doors and to the admittance desk. A nurse asked, "Can I help you?" She didn't look up.
"I'm looking for Jenny Carter. She was brought in about an hour ago," said Sam, starting to tremble again.
Jack put his arms around her from behind as the nurse went through the computer.
"I don't find a `Jenny Carter' being admitted today," she said.
"Look under `Jennifer Carter' please," begged Sam.
A few seconds later, the nurse looked up. "Yes. There was a `Jennifer Carter' admitted about an hour ago."
"Where is she?" demanded Sam.
"And you are?"
"Samantha Carter. I'm her mother," said Sam, earning a gasp from Jack.
He didn't release her. He held her tighter and placed his forehead against her shoulder. "Sam has a daughter. Why didn't she tell me?" he thought. He felt her trembling and placed a kiss on the back of her head.
"She's still in surgery," said the nurse.
"Surgery?" gasped Sam, starting to come undone.
The nurse opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a doctor dressed in surgical scrubs.
"Samantha Carter?"
"I'm Samantha Carter," said Sam, tears threatening. "Where's my daughter?"
"She's out of surgery," said the doctor.
"What happened?" asked Jack.
"She fell off a counter top at the sleepover center. She suffered a concussion and she now has ten stitches above her left eye. We had to remove her appendix because when she fell, she landed on the corner of a drawer causing her appendix to rupture."
"Why weren't they watching her? She's not even two yet!" exclaimed Sam.
"You would have to ask them Ms. Carter," said the doctor.
Jack kissed the nape of her neck lightly, trying to calm her down. She was pissed...beyond pissed. Pissed and frightened were not a good combination for Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter.
"Is she going to be ok?" asked Sam, in a trembling voice.
"I believe so. She's still unconscious, but she's going to be fine." He started to leave. "We're going to keep her for at least a week."
"Thank you," whispered Sam. "Can I see her?"
"Follow me," he said. "She's been in recovery for the last half hour. She should be coming out of the anesthesia any minute now."
Jack let go of Sam, but slid his hand down her arm and entwined her fingers with his. "Sam?"
She turned to look at him, tears brimming her eyes. "We really need to talk Jack."
"I know. We have a lot to talk about," he said. He kissed her forehead gently. "But, first, I want to meet your daughter," he added with a grin.
She tried to smile at him, but couldn't. She only nodded. He let her pull him along behind the doctor to her daughter.
They walked into the room where her daughter lay. When she saw the tiny form of her daughter in the hospital crib, Sam broke. Jack pulled her into his arms and held her again, stroking the back of her head gently.
"Shh Sam. You heard the doctor. She's gonna be alright," he said softly.
"Jack, just hold me...please," she sobbed.
"I'm here, baby. I've got you and I'm not going anywhere," he said.
She raised her head and placed her hand on his cheek, her tears still flowing. "Thank you, Jack." "You don't have to thank me, Sam. I've always been here for you," he kissed her lips lightly. "I will always be there for you," he added softly. Little did he know that was exactly what he - her subconscious - had told her when she was stranded on the Prometheus.
"Mmm..." came the moan from behind them. "Mommy?"
She quickly turned to the little girl in the crib. "I'm here baby," she said, taking the hand not in a cast in hers.
"Mommy, I hurt," said the little girl, starting to cry.
"I know baby," said Sam with a sob.
Jack cleared his throat. "I'll go get the doc and see if he can give her something."
"Thank you, Jack."
"Be right back...then I want introductions," he said before giving Sam another kiss.
He walked out of the room. "Mommy, I wanna go home," said Jenny, tears running down her face.
"I know, Jenny. But, the doctor says you have to stay here for a little bit, ok?"
"Mommy stay too?"
"Mommy'll stay too," said Sam, kissing the little girl on the cheek.
Jack came back with a male nurse. He handed Sam a cup of coffee. "Here, Sam," he said handing the cup to her.
The nurse injected something into her i.v. Within minutes, Jenny had no more pain.
The nurse left and Sam motioned for Jack to come closer. "Jenny, there's someone here I want you to meet."
She reached up and took his hand. "Jenny, do you remember me telling you about Jack?" Jenny nodded. "Well, this is Jack O'Neill."
"Hi," said the little girl shyly, her crystal blue eyes shocking Jack. She looked like a miniature Sam.
"Hi, sweetheart. You ok?" he asked. He was unable - or unwilling - to stop his hand from gently touching her silky blonde curls. She was beautiful.
"I'm sleepy," she complained, closing her eyes and tried to go to sleep again.
Sam took another deep breath. "Let's finish the introductions." Jack grinned at her, but the grin fell away as he saw the look of apprehension on Sam's face. "Jack, this is Jenny." She faltered and closed her eyes before continuing. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. "Your daughter."
Jack's eyes went wide. "My what?" he gasped out.
"Born, a little over eighteen months ago...while you were on your `vacation' with Colonel Maybourne."
"What? Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, shocked to say the least.
She shushed him because Jenny had fallen asleep, sucking on her thumb. She kissed Jenny on the cheek and motioned for Jack to follow her out into the hallway.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. She knew he was going to be hurt. She knew he was going to be angry. But, she wasn't prepared for the depth of emotion she saw on his face...the love, hurt, and anger. She wasn't ready for the tears she saw welling up in his eyes.
"I wanted to tell you, Jack. But, you made it clear that morning that the only reason we'd made love was because of our...how did you put it...emotional distress of losing Daniel," she said, her own tears starting to fall. She couldn't bear to have him hurt her like that again.
He put his hand on her cheek. "The only reason..." his voice broke. He took a deep, shaky breath. "The only reason I said that was because I thought that was what you wanted. After all, you're the one who wanted it left in that damned room."
"I was worried about how you'd react, Jack." She started to walk away from him. "I was scared that you would hate me."
He reached out and grabbed her hand. "Why would I hate you?" he asked quietly.
"It's not everyday I get knocked up by my commanding officer. I thought that maybe you'd think that I'd done it on purpose...to try and trap you into something you didn't want," she said, unwilling to keep her emotions in check anymore.
"God Sam!" he exclaimed as he pulled her back into his arms. "I could never hate you," he said. He pulled back slightly. "I love you too much to ever hate you." He kissed her tentatively on her lips.
She broke down again, sobbing. He held her tightly. "I'm not letting you go again, Sam. I'm never gonna let you go."
How long they stood there in each other's arms, neither knew. But, the cries of their daughter inside broke them apart and led them back into her hospital room. They both knew what had happened. She'd woken up in a strange place without her mommy.
"Mommy!" she screamed out.
Sam was at her side instantly. She was thrashing in the crib, trying to get up. "Be still baby. You'll tear your stitches." Jenny calmed a little.
"Where's Charlie? Want Charlie!" she sobbed.
Jack gasped. Sam turned her face to him. "She calls her teddy bear `Charlie'."
"Oh," he mouthed. That was an unexpected, but not entirely unpleasant, coincidence.
Turning back to their daughter, Sam said "Charlie's at home baby."
"Want Charlie," she begged.
Jack put shaking hands on Sam's shoulders. She leaned back into his touch and he kissed the top of her head. "I'll get him. Do you need anything else from your house?" he asked.
"Just a change of clothes and her teddy bear," she said with a slight smile.
"I'll be back as soon as I can," he said. He reached over and stroked Jenny's cheek. To Sam's surprise, she didn't flinch. She always flinched when Pete tried to touch her.
"Before I go," began Jack. "Have you told her who I am?"
Sam laughed shakily. "Weren't you were here when I did the introductions, Jack?"
He returned her laugh. "Yes, but I mean have you told her who I am?"
Understanding flashed on Sam's face. "No," she said. She looked into Jack's brown eyes and tried to gauge his reaction. "Do you want me to?"
He nodded and said softly, "Yes."
"Jenny, you remember me telling you about your daddy and how one day you would get to meet him?"
"Yes," said the little girl yawning.
"Well, your daddy is here. Jack is your daddy," said Sam.
"My daddy?" said the little girl with another yawn.
"Yes, baby. I'm your daddy," said Jack, choking back a sob.
"Wanna go home, daddy," said Jenny.
"We'll take you home in a few days baby," said Sam, stroking her blonde curls gently.
Jack leaned over Jenny and gave her a kiss on the cheek. " I'll be right back sweetheart," he said, kissing her again.
"Don't go, daddy," begged Jenny. "Pwease."
He let a single tear escape and stroked her hair gently. He hated hospitals. But, at this moment in time, he'd never wanted to leave this one. "I'm going to get Charlie for you," he said, really not wanting to leave his daughter. His daughter. The thought of having a daughter with Sam made his heart swell with pride - and love - for them both.
He'd only just met her, but he knew he could never leave her. He wanted to know her. Hell, he already loved her...and her mother. He still wished Sam would've told him when she had found out she was pregnant. But, he could understand her reasoning behind keeping it a secret. It would've destroyed her career...and his. Her career was the only reason he'd never made a move before. He was willing to break the rules, but he knew that she wasn't...even though she loved him.
"I'll be back in a little bit baby, ok?"
"Ok," she said with another yawn. "Mommy stay?"
"Yes, baby. I'm not going anywhere," said Sam. "I'm just going to walk out with your daddy and I'll be right back ok?"
"Ok," she said.
Jack kissed her on the cheek again and took Sam by the hand. She walked with him as far as the double doors. He turned to her and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you, Sam."
"For what?"
"For giving me a beautiful daughter...a second chance to be a father."
"I wish I'd have told you sooner Jack," said Sam with a sob.
"I know, but I can understand why you didn't," said Jack, stroking her hair out of her eyes. He leaned closer and kissed her deeply. "I love you, Sam," he said when they broke apart. "I always have...I always will."
"I love you too, Jack."
"I've just got one question," said Jack.
"What's that?"
"Why's she so small? I mean...you said she was eighteen months old right?"
"She was born almost ten weeks early, Jack. When Maybourne shot me with the sat, I went into early labor. Jonas and Teal'c were able to get me back to the SGC before something happened. I thought she was going to be born on that planet."
"I'll kill him," said Jack vehemently.
"What? Who?"
"Maybourne. He could've killed you and Jenny."
"Jack, she was born early, but she's fine."
"She's fine?"
"She's perfect...other than being tiny for her age. But, believe me, she's growing...quickly."
He nodded and started to walk away. "Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"You and Jenny are the reason I broke it off with Pete."
"How's that?" he said turning back to her.
"I loved you too much to marry him. He wasn't you."
"And Jenny?"
"Well, we were sitting on the couch and she tried to crawl up on my lap. He pushed her away and told her that it was his turn."
"He what?" said Jack, angrily. The thought of Pete Shanahan touching his daughter turned his stomach.
"I knew then that I could never marry him. I couldn't be with someone who would make me choose between him and my daughter. I told him to leave and not come back. I told him that my daughter was my first priority."
"I knew I loved you for a reason," said Jack stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. He leaned in and kissed her again. "And I do love you, Sam. I'll be back in a little bit."
She watched him leave the hospital before going back to their daughter. Their daughter. She loved how that sounded now that he knew about her. He was hurt. But, together they would get passed it...and hopefully be a family.
When Jack arrived at Sam's house, he was in tears again. His daughter. He couldn't get over the fact that he had daughter. He let himself in and looked around. He hadn't been in Sam's house in a long time. On the mantle above the fireplace, he saw a few pictures of SG-1, a couple of just him and Sam, and several of Jenny from the last year and a half. He thought about taking a couple of them, but then thought better of it. He'd just ask Sam for some pictures of his daughter.
He thought about what it would have been like to be with Sam throughout her pregnancy. He thought about how she should've been there when Jenny was born. It tore him up inside to think about what he'd said to her the morning after they'd made love the first time...the only time. Yes, he'd told her the only reason it had happened was because of Daniel's death. But, he honestly thought that was what she wanted to hear. Truth be told, he'd made love to her because he wanted to. He still wanted to.
But first, he had to get back to the hospital - back to his daughter. He went to Sam's room first and grabbed some clothes for her. He'd found one of his old hockey jerseys that he'd left there a few years before. He chose that to take her to sleep in. He rummaged through her drawers feeling like a voyeur. But, he found her a pair of shorts to sleep in.
He found Jenny's room and almost broke down. Sam had decorated it in Carebears. There were several pictures of Sam and Jenny; Sam, Jacob, and Jenny; and Jacob and Jenny. On the table beside her crib were three pictures - one of Sam wearing her dress blues, one of him also wearing dress blues...and one of the two of them together. It was taken after Janet's memorial service. He was holding her in his arms, trying to comfort her.
"Wonder who took that," he said aloud.
He sat in the chair beside her crib and tried to fight the overwhelming emotions that were trying to overcome him. He'd already missed so much of her young life...her first words; her first steps; her first birthday, Christmas, etc. But, he knew that he wouldn't...no, he couldn't...miss anything else. Sam said she was almost two. Looking into her crib, he found a small, pink, embroidered pillow: He picked it up and as he read, the tears began to fall again.
Name: Jennifer Nicole O'Neill Born: May 3, 2003 at 12:02 a.m. Length: 14 in Weight: 2lbs 4oz Mother: Samantha Carter Father: Jack O'Neill
A tear fell from his face onto the small pillow. He clutched it to his chest while sobs racked his solid frame. Outside her home, she was "Jenny Carter". But, inside her home - and inside Sam's heart and now in his (where it mattered) - she was Jenny O'Neill. His chest felt like it was going to explode from the emotions overwhelming his system. Finally, it was the ringing of his cell phone that brought him out of his fugue. He wiped his eyes and opened his phone.
"O'Neill," he answered gruffly.
"Jack?" It was Sam. "Are you ok?" He heard the concern in her voice.
"Yeah," he sniffled. "It just kind of hit me when I saw her room," he said softly.
It was Sam's turn to sniffle. "I...I'm sorry Jack. I shouldn't have asked you to get her bear."
He took a deep breath. "Hey. It's ok, Sam. I volunteered remember? Did you need something else?"
"Yeah. Diapers. They're on the changing table by the window. Her pajamas are in the top drawer of her dresser. Hang on."
She covered the mouthpiece on the phone. "Ok," she said to someone in the room. "Jack?"
"Yeah, I'm still here," he said.
"Somebody wants to talk to you," said Sam. He could hear the smile in her voice.
"Who at the hospital would want to talk to me?" he thought.
"I love you, daddy," said a tiny, sleepy voice. His daughter - his beautiful, perfect daughter.
It made him cry again. "I love you too, baby."
"Daddy come back?"
"Yes, daddy'll be there soon," he said tears streaming down his face.
"Jack?"
"I'm here Sam. I've got everything you asked for and I'm on my way out the door," he said, piling everything into his pickup. "I'll be there in ten minutes."
"Ok," said Sam.
Silence took over, neither one wanting to hang up. Finally, Jack broke the silence. "I'd better hang up before I wreck," he said.
"Ok," said Sam. He heard her take a deep breath. "I love you, Jack."
His heart soared. "I love you too, honey. I'll see you in a few."
"Ok," she said and he heard the dial tone of the phone.
When he arrived back at the hospital, Jack thought he would die of shock. He met Daniel and Teal'c coming out of Jenny's room.
"Umm...what're you guys doing here?" he asked.
They both stared at him. Daniel broke the silence. "We...uh...we came to check on Jenny."
Jack nearly dropped her things. "What? You knew about her? And you didn't tell me?"
"We made a promise to Colonel Carter we would say nothing," said Teal'c.
"But..."
"Jack, I wasn't here when she was born. But, when I came back, I could tell immediately that something was between you and Sam. Hell, a blind person could see it. I could tell that she loved you very much and that you loved her very much. But, because of those damned regulations, nothing could ever come of it. I didn't know that something had happened between you. I went to Sam's one Saturday morning to pick up something that she'd been keeping for me. I walked in on her feeding Jenny. She confessed everything. Then she asked me to keep it a secret. When I asked her why, she told me what you had told her." He turned away from Jack. He took a deep breath before turning back. "Jack, I've never seen Sam that upset before. She cried for hours...over you...because of you."
Jack's heart was breaking again. This time, he was able to keep his feelings inside. He wasn't going to cry in front of Daniel and Teal'c. But, he knew that he'd hurt Sam beyond belief. Now, he really knew why she'd never told him. She couldn't bear to be hurt again.
"O'Neill. Colonel Carter is a very capable mother. She has taken care of your daughter for almost two years. But, it is my opinion that it is now time for you to be Jenny's father."
"Sam, happens to agree with you," said Jack softly. "I also agree with you."
"Is that why you're standing here with a diaper bag and a teddy bear Jack?" said Daniel with a grin.
"No, Daniel. I'm standing here with a diaper bag because it has adult diapers in it...and you know how I need changing," said Jack sarcastically. Daniel chuckled and Teal'c smiled. "Of course that's why I'm standing here with this stuff."
He shifted slightly. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a daughter and hopefully, a..." he trailed off. He cleared his throat. "I've got a daughter to look in on."
"We'll see you later Jack."
"Bye guys."
Jack opened the door and his heart stopped when he stepped into the room. Sam was rocking Jenny slowly and singing to her softly. He recognized the song. Cassie had conned him into going to see "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" when it came out in 2003. Sam was with them at Cassie's request. It was one of the best nights of his life. He'd been sandwiched between Sam and Cassie. Sam had finally relaxed and let him put his arm around the back of her chair. He'd never felt more comfortable.
He stood there watching Sam sing their daughter to sleep. This broke his resolve and the tears started to fall again. For a former black-ops soldier, he was becoming a weeping willow. But, he didn't care. He loved Sam with all his heart. And now, she'd just given him one more reason to love her...his daughter...their daughter.
"Lay down your sweet and weary head. Night is falling; You have come to journey's end. Sleep now and dream of the ones who came before. They are calling from across the distant shore. Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face? Soon you will see all of your fears will pass away. Safe in my arms you're only sleeping. What can you see on the horizon? Why do the white gulls call? Across the sea a pale moon rises. The ships have come to carry you home. And all will turn to silver glass. A light on the water; all souls pass. Hope fades into the world of night. Through shadows falling out of memory and time. Don't say we have come now to the end. White shores are calling; you and I will meet again. And you'll be here in my arms just sleeping. What can you see on the horizon? Why do the white gulls call? Across the sea a pale moon rises. The ships have come to carry you home. And all will turn to silver glass. A light on the water; grey ships pass into the west."
She looked up and saw Jack standing here with a goofy smile on his face and tears in his eyes. "Hey," she said softly.
"Hey yourself," he said with a smile. Wiping the tears away, he walked over to them and placed a soft kiss on Sam's lips before kissing Jenny on the cheek.
He helped her change Jenny's diaper and put her pajamas on without waking her. It wasn't easy because of the stitches where her appendix had been taken out. She started to stand as he put the rest of the stuff on the table by her bed.
"Let me," he pleaded with her. When she nodded, he gently took Jenny from her arms and placed her in the crib. He tucked her in and she opened her eyes.
"Daddy?" she said sleepily.
"I'm here baby," said Jack, stroking her hair gently.
"Here Jack," said Sam softly. She handed him Jenny's teddy bear.
"Here's your bear baby," said Jack.
"Thank you daddy," said Jenny softly before yawning. She wrapped her good arm around the bear and snuggled up to it.
"Goodnight baby," said Jack, kissing her small lips softly.
"Night daddy." She giggled sleepily. It was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.
Sam walked over and kissed her too. "Night sweetheart."
"Night mommy," she said with a yawn. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and, with Jack stroking her hair, fell asleep.
He placed one last kiss on her cheek and turned around to find Sam headed for the bathroom. "I'll be right back," she said.
After putting up the railing on the crib, he sat down on the opposite bed and watched his daughter sleep. So many thoughts were running through his head, he knew he wasn't going to sleep any time soon. He watched her small chest rise and fall with each breath. He wondered if she was able to eat McDonald's yet. He wondered if Sam let her eat at McDonalds. "Probably not," he muttered.
His thoughts were interrupted when Sam walked out of the bathroom wearing the hockey jersey and shorts he'd brought her.
He gave her a low wolf whistle. "Damn Sam. You look better in that thing than I ever did," he said with a grin. "Oh God she's beautiful, sexy even," he thought.
She crawled on the bed behind him and laid down. He took a deep breath. "I could stay here all night and just watch her sleep. It's almost like if I blink, she'll disappear." He turned to Sam. "Does that make any sense?"
She raised up on her elbow and supported her head. "It makes perfect sense. I did the same thing when she first came home from the hospital." She looked down, away from him. "I still do most of the time." Jack cupped her chin and turned her face to him. He saw the unshed tears in her blue eyes. He leaned down and kissed her gently, but deeply.
"Can you ever forgive me, Jack?" she said in a trembling voice.
"There is nothing to forgive, Sam." He placed a finger on her lips to silence her protest. "Sam, I love you so much. It hurts...yes. But, I'll get over it. It's just that..." he trailed off and tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Just what Jack?" she asked softly.
He took an emotion-filled breath. "It's just that I've missed so much already, ya know. Her first word...first steps...things like that."
Sam cupped his cheek. "I promise you, Jack, you won't miss anything else," she said with tears streaming down her face. She smiled slightly. "And for your information, her first word was actually `daddy'."
His tears began to fall. He leaned in and kissed her again, their tears mingling together. They sat there, kissing and loving each other for several long moments, before the need for oxygen broke them apart.
Even though he didn't want to leave them, he figured Sam wouldn't want him to stay tonight. He said, "You need to get some sleep Sam. I'd better go. If it's alright, I'd like to come back tomorrow morning?" He made it a request.
"Jack, don't leave." She tried not to make it sound like a plea, but couldn't help it. After all, she'd requested a larger bed be brought in for her and her "husband" because they were not leaving their daughter as long as she was there. She wanted nothing more than to wake up in Jack O'Neill's arms.
"Are you sure?" He cupped her cheek.
She nodded and said, "I want you to stay with us." She turned her face into his palm and kissed it gently. "Besides, Jenny would never forgive me if she woke up without her daddy here."
Jack grinned and stroked her hair gently. "I still can't believe it. `Daddy'. I'm somebody's daddy again." He stood up.
"Jack..." began Sam.
"Shh baby," he said, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "I'll be right back. I just need to..." he motioned towards the bathroom.
"Ok," she said softly, settling back on the bed.
A few minutes later, Jack came back wearing nothing but his black boxer-briefs. Even though Sam was exhausted, she felt a thrill run through her at the sight of Jack in nothing but his underwear. He pulled the privacy curtain around their bed. He crawled into bed with her and wrapped her in his arms. They fit perfectly together.
He kissed the nape of her neck, causing her to shudder. "The first night she's out of the hospital, I want you both to stay at my place," he said. "Better yet," he paused and took a deep breath. "I would like for the two of you to move in with me...permanently."
"Jack?"
He loosened his grip on her as she rolled over to face him. He saw the uncertainty in her eyes. "Am I moving too fast?" he asked, worried that, with that statement, he had scared her away.
She took a deep breath. "No...not too fast. I would like that very much," she said, looking away from him.
"Hey," he said softly. He cupped her chin and turned his face back to him again. "I thought you'd be happy. What's wrong, baby?"
She had tears in her eyes. She cupped his cheek and he matched her movement, wiping the tears from her face. "I am happy. It's just...I...I've wanted this for so long Jack. I've wanted you for so long."
"And now?" he gently prodded.
"And now, I'm scared I'm going to wake up."
He pulled her against him tightly. "Me too, baby. I've got everything I've ever wanted right here in this room." She looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes, as he continued. "You and Jenny are all I want. You're all I need. But, if this is a dream, I don't want to wake up." He kissed her gently on the lips. "Ever." He leaned down and kissed her passionately. Things heated up quickly and he made love to her (at her request) slowly and lovingly.
He buried his head in her throat and placed soft kisses to the hollow in her throat. He felt as though he could stay there forever, wrapped in the arms of the woman he loved. But, by the way Sam was wiggling underneath him, he was squishing her.
With one last kiss to her throat, he raised his head and looked into her blue eyes. "I love you," he said pushing her now dampened hair off of her forehead.
"I love you too, Jack," she said, raising her head to meet his lips.
The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it was another fire kindling in its' depths. Jack broke the kiss when the need for oxygen became overwhelming. He slowly rolled off of her, against her wishes. He slid to the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest and listened to his rapidly beating heart.
She started to giggle. "Hey now. You know the rules...no giggling," said Jack, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "Besides, what are you giggling about? It wasn't that bad was it?" Although his words were light, his tone was tense.
She turned to face him and stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. "Jack...that was the most wonderful thing that I've ever experienced."
"Then why were you giggling?" he asked, slightly confused.
"Because, when I walked into your office tonight to tell you about Jenny and about me leaving Pete, I never dreamed this is how we'd end up." She placed her finger on his lips to forestall any comment he had. "Actually, I dreamed about it, but I could never hope this would happen between us. I could never allow myself to hope this would happen," she said, tears filling her eyes.
"You and me both babe," he said with tears in his own eyes. He kissed her softly and gently. "So that's why you came there tonight?"
She nodded. "I couldn't keep her a secret any longer. The more I thought about it, the more I knew I was hurting her...and you...by not letting you know her. I'm so sorry, Jack."
"Don't be baby. I understand why you kept her a secret. I'd already hurt you too much. You couldn't bear to be hurt again."
She broke down and he pulled her close, whispering words of love and comfort to her. A few minutes later, her sobs grew quiet and he released her slightly.
He pushed her hair out of her eyes and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "Now, why don't we go shower and put our clothes back on before our daughter wakes up or before someone walks in and catches us in all our natural glory."
He stood up and pulled her with him. They continued their exploration of each others' bodies in the small confines of the hospital shower. Once the water began to run cold, they washed each other and then dried each other. They redressed and stepped out of the bathroom just as a nurse came in to check on Jenny. She was too busy drawing blood to notice them both stepping out of the bathroom at the same time.
Sam gave Jack a blushed-filled grin and he returned it. She noticed the nurse was also taking her temperature.
"Is she ok?" asked Sam.
The nurse jerked her head up. "Ms. Carter. I didn't see you there." The nurse eyed Jack hungrily and then almost angrily as he wrapped his arms around Sam.
"Nurse, is our daughter ok?" he asked, repeating Sam's question.
Apparently, she hadn't been told that Jenny's father was now there...and he wasn't going anywhere. She turned back to Jenny and pulled the thermometer out of her mouth. "She's running a slight fever, but she's fine." She turned back to Jack and Sam. "You shouldn't be here. Visiting hours were over two hours ago."
"Her pediatrician gave us permission to stay with her," said Sam defiantly. She'd seen the look in the nurse's eyes when she'd spotted Jack. She'd also felt the way that Jack's grip around her waist had tightened when she tried to step forward. She hated to admit it, but yes...she was the jealous type - especially when it came to Jack.
The nurse harrumphed and left the room. Jack tried to bite back the grin that was trying to break free. But, he couldn't. He'd never thought of Sam as the jealous type, but apparently she was. She didn't have anything to fear. Now that they were together, there was no way in hell he was letting her go.
He let her go and she leaned over Jenny's bed and kissed her forehead. "Mommy?" Jenny opened her eyes and looked at Sam.
"I'm here baby."
"Where daddy?"
"I'm right here baby," said Jack, stepping to where she could see him. "Go back to sleep."
"Daddy stay?"
"Yes Jenny. I'm gonna stay. Now, go back to sleep," he said, lovingly stroking her hair.
"No."
"Why not baby?" asked Sam.
"Ow," she said. Sam and Jack both saw the dull sheen of pain in her eyes. She tried to move, but it hurt too much. She began to cry. "Daddy!" she cried, tears streaming down her pale face. She reached for Jack, begging him with her eyes to pick her up. She really wanted out of that crib.
"Don't move Jenny. You'll tear your stitches," said Jack, as he lowered the railing on the crib. He gently picked her up and rocked her while Sam went to get the nurse.
"I've got you baby," he said, rocking her slowly and kissing her forehead. She'd stopped crying almost as soon as Jack picked her up.
"Daddy cold," said Jenny shivering.
He reached over and pulled the blanket off the bed. He gently wrapped her in it before starting to rock her again. Sam came back with the nurse who injected a pain killer into the i.v.
"Daddy stay?" asked Jenny with a yawn.
"Yes baby. I'm not going anywhere," said Jack, kissing the top of her head. "But, you need to go back to sleep."
"'k," she said, closing her eyes as the pain killer took effect.
When she was completely asleep, Sam reached into the diaper bag. "Jack," she whispered.
"What?" he whispered back.
"Smile," she said holding up a camera.
His first picture with his daughter. He smiled lovingly at Sam as she took the picture. Luckily, the flash didn't wake the sleeping toddler in his arms. He laid her gently in the crib and covered her back up.
"Sleep well, baby," he whispered and kissed her soft cheek.
Sam did the same and then took Jack's hand and led him back to the other bed. They laid down on the bed facing Jenny's crib. Crawling under the covers, they both sighed contentedly. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
"I love you, Sam," said Jack, snuggling under the blanket.
"I love you too, Jack," said Sam with a yawn.
He nuzzled into the nape of her neck and placed a soft kiss on the hump of her spine before drifting off. They still had a lot to work out, but he knew he'd never been happier than he was at that moment in time.
1
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