I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
by Gater101
Title: I'll be there for you
Author: Gater101
Email: ukgater101@yahoo.co.uk
Category: Angst
Season: any Season
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG
Warnings: no info given
Summary: It's just a bad day for Sam.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Disclaimer: I. Own. NOTHING! As depressing as that may feel. A/N: Song is 'I'll be there for you' by Bon Jovi
Twentieth of November
* * * * * * *
"I'm getting married." My heart stops as he utters those words. I knew it was coming, we all knew, but the hurt, the pain still causes my mind, heart, soul and body to freeze.
I push a smile onto my face and stand up. "When?" I ask gently. Too gently perhaps. He hesitates, please don't say tomorrow. Please don't.........
"November." He says.
"Oh. Nice season, what date?" I ask casually.
"The twentieth." I slump back down into my chair and gape at him. "I know! God I know what else happened that day. I tried to get her to change it but she wouldn't." I blink slowly. Of all days to choose to get married. "Sam are you okay?"
I stare blankly at him and nod.
"Yes, sir." I reply cheerfully. "That's only two weeks away. Sure your gonna be ready?" I ask as I turn away to hide my tears.
"Should be. You are gonna be there, right? I mean I understand if you don't want to, I mean if you want to be with Dad that day then I understand."
I spin around and smile brightly at him.
"I'll be there, sir. Wouldn't miss it for the world."
He smirks. "You never know. Thor might need another dumb idea."
I shake my head at his attempts at humour. This time I stand and hug him.
"Congratulations, Jack." I pull back and walk out of my lab as fresh tears fill my eyes.
The only day I get to mourn my mother's death freely and I have to go to Jack's wedding. I know I have to go because I told him I would but I really don't want to. How can I stand there on my mother's anniversary and watch the man I love marry another woman?
I nurse a glass of champagne to my chest as I stare out at the couples dancing on the porch. The moonlight glitters off the surface of the lake further down. The dancers seem surreal, like something from a fairytale the moonlight shadowing them in its pale glow.
I remember when Jack and I used to be like that. When we could hold each other and not be questioned. Until she showed up. Not only did she take my commanding officer away but she also took my lifeline.
I have to admit the ceremony was beautiful and I was able to shed a silent tear without being questioned. Janet was crying all over the place. Ever since Daniel.........ascended she has been all over the place. Her emotional balance had been thrown out of whack by his decision to leave. I miss Daniel. Its at times like this I need him the most. Times when Jack hurts me, he's the only person who can comfort me. He never even got to meet Angela, maybe that's a good thing because he wouldn't have liked her much. None of us do. The normally unresponsive Teal'c snapped at her the other day. Good for him. I wish I had the confidence to do that, but I'm too afraid of what Jack will think.
I'm snapped out of my reverie when I hear voices behind me.
"I can't believe she showed up today." One voice said.
"I know. You would think she would at least act happy. I know she loves him and all but........." I stop breathing to make sure I don't give my position away.
"I know! And I mean you'd think she was at a funeral the way she was dressed."
"If that dress was any darker it would be black." I look down at my dress. I wasn't that dark!
"I hear Jack tried to stop Angela from picking this day." Oh I'd heard that too, but that bitch wouldn't let him.
"Something to do with not being a good day for Sam." The woman said as she put on a strange mocking accent.
"He's just as bad as her. Angela is convinced there is something going on between them, even now." My eyes narrow in anger and I have to stop myself from giving up my position.
"Wouldn't be surprised!" The other laughed.
"Hey, Sam." My eyes snap open and I hear shocked gasps come from behind me but they don't move away. Bitches!
"Colonel." I acknowledge him evenly.
"It's Jack, Sam." He looks at me intensely before shaking his head. "How you holding up?" He queries gently as he leans against the wall beside me.
"I've been better." Oh yeah! Way to go Sam, just give him cause to worry.
"If you want me to drive you home I will." Yeah right! I think people are talking enough!
"You're in no state to drive and besides, I'm fine."
He nods his head and we fall into a comfortable silence.
"I'm so sorry, Sam." He whispers eventually and I get the feeling he's apologising for so much more than choosing this day. "Come on, let's dance." He removes his arm from around my waist - when did he put it there anyway? - and takes my hand and leads me slowly to the centre of the dancefloor. Everybody stops and everybody stares.
"I don't think we should..." I trail off as he pulls me into his arms.
"Just ignore them."
The first notes play over the hushed crowd. I close my eyes as I recognize them. God please no! Anything but this!
He pulls me even closer to him and my hands automatically wind round his neck as his arms tighten around my waist. My chest constricts as I feel his body pressed against mine, the fabric of his jacket rubbing against the bare skin of my shoulder.
You say you cried a thousand rivers
Now your swimming for the shore
Left me drowning in my tears
Then you won't save me anymore
I breathe in and my senses are filled with Jack, his cologne, his breath, his shampoo. All I can feel is Jack's body pressed against mine melded together as one in a cherished moment in our lives. One tiny moment in a life of thousands that will be catalogued and sorted into files in my brain. This is one of those moments that is way up there with, 'when he smiles at me' and 'when he touches me' if not overtaking them.
I'm praying to god you'll give me one more chance
This is it, I realize, this is the last time I'll ever be in a situation like this with Jack. I sigh and he pulls me even closer - if that's possible - and we begin singing the chorus together.
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I'll be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you
We stay together in this forbidden embrace until the music stops and we are forced to break away from each other.
He guides me silently through the crowd with a hand on the small of my back. We come to the edge of the crowd and a young lieutenant walk up to me.
"Ma'am I'm Lt. Collins from the SGC. I have some news for you, if you'd like to follow me?" I turn to Jack as he raises his eyebrow.
"Of course." I step away from Jack and I feel a deep sense of loss as his hand slides from my back.
I follow the young lieutenant to the main corridor where he stops and turns to face me.
"Ma'am we received word from the Tok'ra." My heart stops as I recognize the look in his eyes my father had the same look in his when he came to tell me about my mother. "It's about your father." He stops talking and I step closer to him.
"Yes?" I almost snap.
"They think he's dead." My mask of defence slips into place and I smile lightly. "Ma'am, is there anywhere you'd like me to take you?" I keep my face neutral as I answer.
"That won't be necessary lieutenant," I smile, "thanks all the same."
"Yes ma'am." I turn and walk away.
As a waiter passes me I lift a glass of champagne from the tray he holds.
I walk into the main hall and look around for my friends. Jack looks like he's in a deep conversation with General Hammond so I choose not to interrupt. I can't see Janet and Jonas is smiling at something. Nothing unusual there. I look around for Teal'c but can't find him. Oh well, I'm all alone.........again.
Janet appears at my side and it's then that I realize why I'm here and not with dad on the day he needed me the most. I wondered why he wasn't invited, I even asked Jack but he mumbled something about 'Angela' and 'too many guests' before walking away from me. If I'd gone with dad then he wouldn't be dead. If that jealous little witch had invited him he wouldn't be dead!
"Sam are you okay?" Janet concerns over me.
"I'm fine," I say and walk away after placing my empty champagne flute on the table.
I step out on the now empty balcony and breathe in the fresh air. I can't believe how trapped I feel. I take several deep breaths but they don't seem to work. I lash out at the nearest thing; the table covered in champagne flutes. I sweep my arms over the table sending all the glasses shatter into tiny diamonds that scatter across the concrete ground.
I turn to make sure that no one heard the shattering, no one even blinked an eyelid and this only seemed to fuel my anger.
Tears burn the back of my eyes as I rush down the stairs. I fall over on my heels and in my rage, I lean down and yank them off and hurl them as far as I can across the moonlit park.
My legs continue to move in their chosen direction and my body easily follows. In the distance I hear someone calling my name but I choose to ignore it. Probably my imagination. I don't know where it is I'm going but when I reach the lakeside I realize what it is I want to do.
I look around and notice a small dock that reaches out several metres over the water. Takin slow deliberate steps I walk up to the jetty and climb the rotting stairs. Reaching the top I look out at the perfect lake on this perfect night. The moonlight glitters on the surface and I laugh bitterly. If only you knew half of what I did!
I look at the stars in all their beauty. A beauty that belies the truth of what they hold, of the cruelty that goes on out there daily.
I look down and discover that I'm at the edge of the dock. I take one last look at the stars. Today I fought my last battle.
I take that final step and plunge into the perfect lake, my last thought being that maybe, just maybe, I can destroy it's simple perfectness, it's lack-lustre attempts at beauty and tranquillity. How can it be perfect if it claimed someone's life?
Gater101
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