Prisoner Within Her Own Heart
Prisoner Within Her Own Heart
by Emry Wild
Title: Prisoner Within Her Own Heart
Author: Emry Wild
Email: emry55@hotmail.com
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Episode related: 317 A hundred days
Season: Season 3
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Dealing with reality at the end of three months; Sam comes face to face with her her deepest uncertainties.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Prisoner Within Her Own Heart
She could no longer watch. It wasn't that she didn't want to, she just couldn't. She felt the pressure of a thousand vice grips crushing her heart, felt the overwhelming sensation of utter defeat and loss as she watched. So she turned away....
Months of the unknown had brought her to this moment. Not knowing what to expect when she finally got here; not knowing if she would ever get here. Hopes had been built on the promise that she would come to his rescue. It was a promise that had been made without a foreseeable outcome.
She had fooled herself for three months as she endeavored, with all she had, to bring him home; whether he was dead or alive, they all had to know. And with that, she deluded herself into thinking that what she did, no matter how drastic it may seem to some, she did it for the others, she did it for him. They had to know...she had to know.
Thoughts and a million scenarios ran threw her mind as she formulated and contrived the device that would cut its way threw the earth that had confiscated the gate. Dreams kept her going and prodded her along until she finally mastered the art of that rescue. Endless emotions also ran threw her. She dismissed them as nothingness. They were just the devises of the moment and would go away when he came home. Emotion always came with loss; emotion was the natural evolution of time.
But now she stood there, turned away because of her own shame as she came face to face with the reality of three months of waiting, longing, and hope. She was faced with his entity and the fact that he had prepared himself to stay where he was. He had grieved his loss and was ready to go on with his life. He had said goodbye in his own way. And now, no matter how relieved he was to be going home - the one he truly longed for - he was still letting go of something that had become precious to him.
She was honest with herself in that she too, having been in the same circumstance, would have gone on with her life. She would have let herself grieve and then become part of what ever world or place she lived. It was the logical thing to do. But it didn't release the pain that now built itself into her heart and into her deepest most self.
The sun emanated brightly as she entered this world to bring him home. The sun still brightly illuminated her path on the way back only now she saw herself being surrounded by the darkness that was once hope and the cascading despair that was once a dream.
Her heart beat hard and yet faltered with each step, her legs becoming dead weight under her as she made each tentative step towards to the gate. Tears were there, lying in dormancy until she could allow their exposure. They weren't the tears of joy for finding him. They weren't the tears of happiness because he was finally coming home and they would be a team again. They were tears of deep, deep sorrow...hidden within the depths of her soul at the loss of something she could not understand or even identify.
The agonizing despair and the realizations within her heart was more than she could really bear. But she had to, just for the moment. Control of her emotions was all she had as she watched the gate open with an invitation to come home. Her team was together once more but despite that she was suddenly so lost, she was suddenly so alone.
Without looking at any of them, without even looking to see if they followed, she stepped into the pale, steel, blue water and she became a prisoner within her own heart.
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