I Still Love You!
I Still Love You!
by Elise Hudson
TITLE: I Still Love You!
AUTHOR: Elise Hudson
EMAIL: elisemarie@cwcom.net
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack, Sam and Daniel romance
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: Six years after series three, one year after "Guess Who?"
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: None
SUMMARY: Can Sam, Jack and Daniel live with Sam's decision at the end of Guess Who?
STATUS: Completed
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Dedication: Dedicated to all those who asked for a sequel and made my mind think about it, also to all those who attempted to help conceive the plot (Sarah. C, Emily, Claire, Vanessa, Felicity.), and also to Alliana who reminded me that I promised a sequel and for beta reading this.
Notes: This is set a year after "Guess Who?" and, although, Sam is no longer 'with' either of the men in question they are still all referred to as 'Wife', 'Lover', and 'Husband'. Enjoy! And I love feedback.
Copyright © Elise Hudson April 2000
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The Husband
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When I said that both my best friend and I lost our love, I was wrong. It's been a year since her 'choice' and so much has happened. We got an official divorce, for one. She had a beautiful baby girl, named Lauren. Oh yeah, and we've become friends.
She works on the base and the three of us, with Teal'c, hang out a lot. At first we didn't, but now Sam's back on active duty and back on SG-1 with us. It used to be hard to see her daily, knowing that she didn't want me and that she'd rejected me. Then the day of change came.
It was two weeks after my return and I was allowed back to work. It was the morning of my first mission back through the gate. I got halfway to the embarkation room before I panicked and ran off. I still can't quite explain why I ran off. I guess the thought of going back through the gate scared me. The thought of the same thing happening to me all over again as it had five years previously. I didn't want to lose another five years of my life. If I were to be recaptured, even now, I don't think I'd survive. I have nothing to keep me alive. I don't have her.
Anyway, after panicking I ran to a little place on another level where I'd used to go for some peace and quiet. It's weird, but I can think when I'm there on my own, go figure. No one knew about it. It had been my hide-out when someone wanted me to do something I had no intention of doing, like whenever Doc. Fraiser had wanted to give me a series of vaccinations I'd hide there. Still had to get the damn injections though, I'd get hungry and leave the secret place. Surprisingly, it was about the only place on the base that hadn't changed in the time I'd been gone. You wouldn't believe the changes, not just to the base, but to the world as well. I didn't pick up on all of them at first; I was too preoccupied with the whole 'my wife loves my best friend' thing. But, I mean, the TV for a start - where have all the good TV shows gone?
Anyway, I'd been hiding, in what can only be called a broom closet, when she had found me. I'd asked her how she knew where I'd be and she'd replied that she had always known. I can still remember how, at the sound of those words, I had broken down into tears and she'd held me. I don't know how long we'd been in the embrace, but it had felt like an eternity and I hadn't wanted it to end, but it had. The end had been inevitable.
What wasn't inevitable was finding her in my room the day I came back from the mission I had tried to run from. At first my heart had pounded double time wondering why she was here. I swear my heart nearly stopped when she explained. She had wanted to help me overcome my ordeal, to be my friend, to go back to before any of all of this. I agreed, doubtful that it would work.
My doubts were proven wrong because now, a year later, we're the best of friends and couldn't want anything more; I wouldn't want anything more. I have my best-friend back and I harbour no hard feelings toward him (maybe I was a little jealous of him at first, but not now) and I also have Sam back in my life. I've come to know the person she is now, the new person that she is and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh, who am I kidding? I would want it another way because all the rationalising and reasoning in the world won't change the fact that, I still love her!
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The Wife
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Who knew that everything would turn out like this? It's been a year since my decision and I haven't looked back. We've gone back to before I knew I loved either of them. We've gone back to being team-mates, colleagues, and friends except I have a child with one of them. Apart from that we're the same. We're Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Samantha Carter, Doctor Daniel Jackson and Teal'c. We're SG-1 - nothing more, nothing less.
But we're not. The time I spend with them it, well, it changes our relationship continually. At first, going back over seven years, we were team-mates - nothing more, but sometimes less. I admit that we didn't always get on, in fact there were times we hated each other. But we evolved. Our relationship evolved. We became friends and our natural progression lead to me falling in love with one of them. Then I had to choose between the two of them and I chose neither. The question is: What are we now?
I have no idea. All I know is that I made a mistake. I lost both of them as lovers, but I still have them as friends. Why doesn't that make me feel better? Because it's not enough, that's why. It's not enough and I have to tell them both that. I have to tell him - I still love him!
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The Lover
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Is it just me that finds this whole situation laughable? I mean, if you took the pain out of it. Two guys fighting over their female best friend. One a near emotional cripple, the other as shy as anything. One being her commanding officer, the other the one she comforted after his wife's death. Both men she loves. When you keep saying it over and over it eventually becomes funny.
You can't see me, but I'm laughing - really hard.
But, do you want to know what's even funnier? I live with her. For Lauren's sake I live with Sam. Yet at first I still felt jealous of him. She spent, and still spends, so much time with him comforting him over his ordeals and at first it made me so jealous. I'd walk into a room and they'd stop talking and fall into a secretive, suspicious hush. I know the hush was because they had been talking about his feelings, but I couldn't help jumping to conclusions.
I guess the question is: Why did I jump to conclusions? Why did I believe there was something going on between them when they were just friends, like me with her? I know how I feel and if I still feel it, so does he. You see, I still love her!
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The Wife
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I've finally admitted what I've been denying for the past year. I love him. I still love him because I never stopped. How could I? So much has passed between us since our first meeting and I don't believe love can cease in an instant, in a decision, simply because I wished it to. And it didn't. My love for him remained even when I told him I couldn't be with him, when I clearly saw the jealousy in his eyes and even when I saw the love in them. And I feel terrible because I saw the same love in the other's eyes. They both love me, but I only love one of them like that. And I can't do this anymore. I can't be around both of them daily and ignore my feelings. I can't sit across the briefing table and not acknowledge what I feel. I just can't do it. And I know that my admittance and acknowledgement of my love will lead to heartache for one of my best friends, but I cannot and will not do this anymore.
If I could never see either of them again it would be okay - my heart would heal, but it can't heal and forget him when I see him everyday and I can't stop seeing either of them. They both need me - one for comfort and one as his child's mother. So as much as it pains me I have to go and tell one of my best friends that I love him and tell the other one about it. If my assumption of them both loving me is correct I'm about to go and break one of their hearts in one of the most evil and hurtful ways imaginable. As for the other one... The other will realise that I never stopped loving him.
I'm the worst friend in the world. I'm putting myself before them. But I have to.
I knock on the door to one of their offices, knowing they're there.
"Come in," I hear him call and hesitantly I push the door open.
"Hi," I whisper, looking at him sitting behind his desk. As I take a step into the room, I turn to close the door. Pausing with my back to him, I take a moment to think about this, about what I'm about to do. I can feel the impending doom looming over him, the other and me. What if my assumption is horribly wrong? What if they don't feel that way for me? What if the love I've seen in their eyes is the love for a friend? What if...?
"Sam?" I turn back to face him at his question. He's stood now and less than two meters away. Panic floods through me as I begin to doubt my course of action. Should I tell him or not? Heads or tails?
I take a deep breath - bracing myself for the five words I have to say. The five words that could break all three of our fragile hearts. I have to tell him how I feel. I have to admit who I love.
"Daniel..."
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The End.
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