When We Dance
When We Dance
by DustDevil
TITLE: When We Dance
AUTHOR: DustDevil
EMAIL: dustdevil@btinternet.com
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack, UST
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS:
SUMMARY: Has Jack left it too late to tell Sam how he feels?
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic is dedicated to Wendy Parkinson, who was kind enough to save my life and send me a tape of Point of view when I was plunged into a temporary Sky void. Thanks again Wendy! Sorry I couldn't dedicate a happy fic to you, but this is the only one that was ready! Thanks!
It's late. I always sit and listen to my stereo late at night. Don't know why. I just don't like to watch TV so late, all those awful late night comedies and bizarre stuff you get after midnight. I'm not in the mood, so I listen instead. It's Sting, one of Sam's albums she left here, from a poker night a while back. I tease her about it, not that I think he's bad, just that I tell her she only likes him because of the whole tantric sex thing. And his fantastic body, she counters. Huh. Okay then. I must admit. He looks damn good, better than me, and he's older. I have more hair though. Okay, okay, so I've come out in the open about the whole grey thing, but Sam told me it makes me look distinguished. Anyway...it's not Sting I'm jealous of. It's someone else. I press the start button again, and the first song starts to play. I seem to be getting stuck on this song, I don't think I've even heard the ones at the very end. This one...this one seems appropriate somehow...yet also inappropriate. Or is it my thoughts that are inappropriate? Maybe Jack, maybe. But it's too late for me. Too late.
If he loved you
Like I love you
I would walk away in shame
I'd move town I'd change my name
And I would. I really would. But I don't think he does. And I don't think you love him either. Do you? No...I don't think you do. I saw the doubt in your eyes yesterday when Danny asked if you were happy. You told him you were, then you looked away as Danny left, and I saw your eyes. You're not happy Sam. You're not. Why? No, not why aren't you happy, but why are you with him if you're not?
When he watches you
When he counts to buy your soul
On your hand his golden rings
Like he owns a bird that sings
You showed me the other day. You showed me the ring. What did you expect me to say? Congratulations? I think I did. I must have because you smiled, and hugged me, and I felt my old, wounded heart squeezed between your cruel arms. I can't call you cruel...that's not fair. You just don't know. And I'll never tell you now. Never say those words. I think he knows though, he knows. He looked at me. He smiled. A winner's smile. He thinks he owns you Sam. He thinks you're his. Don't do it Sam, don't get yourself in this situation again. He doesn't love you...he doesn't.
I would.
I wouldn't want to own you...I just want to bask in your light, and let it heal me. But you've had enough of healing haven't you?
The priest has said my soul's salvation
Is in the balance of the angels
And underneath the wheels of passion
I keep the faith in my fashion
The Priest. Danny. My sole confessor. I can't stand the compassion in his eyes when he looks at me. I wish he never knew. I shouldn't have said.
And passion.
Grinding me down, crushing the proud man that once I was, when I see you with him. A kick in the head for every smile, every touch that passes between you. Those smiles...those smiles I used to get...seeing them reflected in only his eyes. But yes I keep the faith. For I know it is forbidden. I should have made my move long ago, but I couldn't. Rules and doctrines Sam. The bars of our cage. Or mine...just mine...now...
If I could break down these walls and shout my name at heavens gate
I'd take these hands and I'd destroy the dark machineries of
Cathedrals are broken, heavens no longer above
And hellfire's a promise away
I'd still be saying I'm still in love, still in love, still in love...
I should have said. I should have taken that chance, to hell with can't and shouldn't. You're a damn coward Jack...a damn coward. I love you. I love you and you'll never know. I love you and I can't stand to be without you. I love you and I can't stand to see you with him.
He won't love you
Like I love you
He won't care for you this way
He'll mistreat you if you stay
I don't like him Sam. And not just because he holds you in his arms every night. He has the cruellest eyes I have ever seen. Why do we never see you anymore Sam? Why does he want to take you away from us? You belong with us...with me. I love you. And he doesn't.
Come and live with me
We'll have children of our own
I would love you more than life
If you'd come and be my wife
I want it. I want it all. I used to stare at you for hours, when you didn't know. I used to stand and look into your eyes as you explained some theory that went completely over my head. And as I watched you, I imagined you as a wife, a mother, a partner, a lover. But not his Sam...not his.
And then the chorus. And I remember the touch of you. Your own engagement party Sam. Your own party. You pulled me reluctantly to dance, and I would have given anything to be elsewhere at that moment. But something...something made me go with you, for I know now I would follow your lead, into anything. All you have to do is take my hand. And so we danced.
We danced.
You held me close, hands clutching at my sides. I saw tears Sam. I saw tears. You never looked at me, you never wanted me to see. But I saw. It's not too late Sam...is it? Please...I know you don't love him. You don't. I don't care about anything else, the rest can go to hell...for I'll be in heaven if I have you. The song ended, and you squeezed me so tight, face buried against my shoulder. I did the same. And I couldn't let you go. The lights faded for a moment, and we shared a stolen glance, and our eyes said it all. You lifted a tentative finger and traced the set line of my rigid jaw. I gently brushed a tear from your cheek, and our bodies trembled in mutual regret.
Oh God Sam.
And then you left. He took you from my arms and you left.
Oh Sam...
When we dance,
Angels will run and hide their wings
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