Black Bear
Black bear
by DustDevil
TITLE: Blackbear
AUTHOR: DustDevil
EMAIL: dustdevil@btinternet.com
CATEGORY: S&J, Humour
SPOILERS:
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: Lanuage
SUMMARY: Hammond, you left SG-1 in charge again? Sheesh...Anyway, they play more games.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Rassin' frassin'...
"Medical time!" Janet sang sweetly at me when she swept into my office this afternoon. I'm not in a good mood, I'm not. Oh It's a real bad day to ask me for a medical Janet. Especially since she normally makes me take my shirt off even though I'm only there for a monthly blood test. She always seems to have Sam fixing some monitor or other in the background as well. I swear it' s all a fix. I mentioned this to Sam once, and she just laughed in my face. Right...well if you're there to fix stuff, how come you keep wandering over to check how things are going with me? Last time Janet asked me to strip right down, but I wouldn't have it. Especially since Sam wasn't there that day. Hmm...maybe Janet was taking that opportunity to make a move on me. S' only natural, I understand, I mean I am a fine figure of a man, but for some reason...some bizarre reason I can't identify...I'd prefer it was Sam asking me to strip off.
I'm still angry at her though. Well, not angry exactly, more amused at her revenge the other day. I would be angry if it wasn't for that conspiratorial wink she gave me. Oh I'll wear her down eventually, right down onto the ground if I'm lucky. Well, looks like I'm gonna be disappointed today I think, as I turn off into the infirmary, and just Janet and her entire staff of female nurses are here. No Sam. Urgh. I hate physicals, and I'm due for a full one. The works. Great.
For once, it goes by the book, and Janet doesn't make a single comment. Even the normally raucous nurses are quiet. This doesn't feel right. Something is wrong. I button up my shirt front and swing my legs over the bed, sitting up. Janet makes a few more notes on her chart, nodding to herself. I make to stand.
"Can I go now?"
"Hmm?...oh...well, everything seems to be in order Colonel, you've passed all the tests and I'll mark you down as fit for duty"
"Thanks Doc, see ya later"
I bounce down from the bed and move towards the door, she turns towards me still checking things off on the chart. Then she lifts her head with a wicked smile, and calls after me.
"Oh and I'm glad to hear that the rest of your body seems to be functioning...normally..."
I go red, and Janet bites her lip in a sterling effort not to smile. The nurses aren't so successful, and they titter loudly, breaking Janet's resolve. The last thing I hear as I stalk away down the corridor is Janet howling with unrestrained laughter.
Well I guess it was too good to be true. Sam's gone and told every female on the base. Great. Now I'm a laughing stock. She might have at least told them it was...y'know...not tiny or something. I'm gonna have to get her back. Yeah, so we're entering a vicious circle here, but I don't care. Either I get her back or into my bed, either way I'm a winner. But how to do it? I'm pondering this very question as I make my way to Hammond's office for a bit of a chat. I don't like it when he calls me for a 'chat'. I hope he hasn't found out that it was me who messed up his private shower room. Well I was desperate! I'd just spent the whole day winding up Makepeace and his team, and then when I found them all in the locker room, grinning at me...I wasn't stripping naked in those conditions! So I jimmied the lock on Hammond's quarters, and used his shower. Yeah, it was wrong, but I was desperate! I was just looking at that weird foaming shower gel stuff and it just leapt out of the bottle, I swear! Anyway, I then heard a noise, panicked, and ran. Leaving the place covered in foamy stuff. Smelled like strawberries. Got to get some myself...
"Enter!"
Oops. I'm here. I strut into his room and stand smiling in front of his desk. He's not smiling, he's looking at me with his usual thinly disguised contempt. I mean, I know the guy admires my work, how could he not? It's just my...character he has a problem with. Yeah you and every CO I've ever had. Mind you, he gives me a lot of leeway, me and my misfit crew in SG-1.
"Don't even bother sitting down Colonel, this won't take long"
Well...I'm reassured...Not...
"I have a meeting with the top brass off-base. Most teams are either off-world or on downtime. I have very few staff here today, and though I have a feeling I will regret it after last time...I'm leaving SG-1, and therefore you, in charge.
Yes! Excellent! Just what I need! I think I'll spend the next few hours ordering Carter around, then see how she reacts when I order her to my quarters, then into my bed. Yeah right, she'll beat the crap out of me...
Well. I guess we have to find some way to amuse ourselves...
Yawn...
Two hours later and we're sitting in the gateroom, discarded beer bottles around us. We're just no fun. I spent the first hour bargaining and pressurising Danny and Sam, just to get them out of their respective labs. I finally got Teal'c to carry them out, one on each shoulder. I promised fun and games, and all we have is boredom. I'm just applying my mind to thinking of some entertainment, when an empty beer can hits me off the side of the head.
"Hey!"
I look at my team-mates, and all three are studying the wall to their left. Bastards. Even Teal'c has turned traitor.
"I'm sorry okay? look, just give me a few minutes and I'll come up with something that..."
"Well well well. If it isn't SG-1, the General's little misfits"
I look up at the entrance to the gateroom, and a sudden anger fills me as I see Makepeace's arrogant smiling face. Him and his three Marine stooge buddies. Losers...There's certainly no love lost between SG-3 and SG-1. I watch as they swagger into the room. Hawkins ambles up to Carter and strikes up a conversation, and I clench my teeth as she smiles up at him and laughs at his comment. Okay, so I have a traitor in my midst. But soon she'll have eyes for no-one else but me. Especially not a damn Marine.
"What the hell are you doing here Makepeace?"
"Well flyboy, the General doesn't trust you losers to look after this place all by your lonesome, so we're here to help"
I rise and glare at him, and he glares back. The other two marines have backed Danny into a corner and are staring down at him as he cowers. Teal'c just watches, confused. Can't I ever get some back up? A traitor, a pacifist, and an ignorant alien. Just great.
"Oooo the testosterone!"
I glare at Sam. This is no laughing matter Captain, this is a primal male confrontation! Makepeace fancies himself as a big-shot around here, but if anyone's the big-shot, it's me!
"I'm in charge here Makepeace, you have any problems with that, you take it up with me"
He walks closer, and standing a few feet away, he looks up at me. Oh God I'm glad I have a sleight height advantage! He looks around the room, taking in the cards, the ever present twister set, and the discarded playstation. The contempt in his eyes is obvious. I'd love to smack that look off his face...
"You believe what you want O'Neill, but how about a little challenge to settle it?"
"Sure. You're on. What kind of challenge?"
"A game of some sort?"
"One-on-one Hockey?"
Please, please, please, please...
"No...a team game, mine against yours. Soldiers against kids"
"You're on!"
Great. Nice one O'Neill. One insult and I speak without thinking. Us against them? I hear the sounds of throats clearing behind me, and I turn and look at Danny and Sam. Sam is rolling her eyes at how easily I was goaded into this, and Danny wishes he weren't involved. Hmm. Good point. We'll have to pick a game that Danny can have a hope of playing...He looks up at me indignantly then, as if he guesses what I'm thinking.
"What game then Makepeace, any suggestions?"
"You lot are the layabout experts flyboy, how 'bout you think of one?"
Sam groans again. I turn and glare at her, but she's already giggling with Hawkins. Oh we have to win. We have to. I have to show Sam that the best man on the base is right here! I mean come on, Hawkins is a short ass! He's even a little shorter that she is! Okay so he's her age, but I'm not old, I've just got a little more mileage on the clock. Seen more than that kid has anyway...I'm not past it, I'm experienced! And would I love to show her just how experienced...
"Any thoughts O'Neill?"
Shit. We have got to think of something. What happened last time? Ahhh...I got it...
"Captain, read about anymore of those weird British games? Anything we could play as a team?"
She turns to look at me with a questioning look, then frowns as she thinks, her blue eyes shadowed. Yeah pay attention Sam. If you could please drag your eyes away from Hawkins...Sigh. I realise then that I'm absently ruffling my hair forward and snap my hand away. There's plenty hair there, plenty! Okay so it may be mostly grey now but it's not thin or anything...Is it? Oh please say it's not! Jesus Jack, just because Hawkins has the bushiest hair I've ever seen I start to get all self-conscious. I'm sure she 's just doing this to annoy me...Talking to him...I know it's me she's after...she just won't admit it...If...WHEN we win tonight, I'm sure she'll be so impressed with my prowess, she'll demand to see some of my other attributes...he he he...
"...are you listening O'Neill? Your officer just came up with something..."
"Huh?...oh...what you got Captain?"
"The only team game I can think of is 'Blackbear'...It was played all over, but often known by different names in the UK"
"Blackbear? Sounds okay, tell us the rules"
"Okay. Uh...right. Two teams, one goes first. The team going first picks a word with the same number of letters as team members, and each member gets a letter. They then run and hide, and the other team has to find them. When caught, they have to guess their letter. If they don't get it they have to let them go. The object of the game is to discover the other teams word and shout it out at the base. Then they swap over. There are some other ways of playing, but I think we'll stick to this one. "
We all look at each other. No-one seems convinced. Sounds like a bit of a kids game. Sam just gets up and walks to the wall, Hawkins goes after her. I watch as he puts a hand on her shoulder, and looks at her with a smile. I feel the ol' red mist coming down and snap to my feet. I wish I had Superman 's eye beam things, then Hawkins would have two smoking holes in the back of his head...
"Whatsa matter Makepeace? Don't think ya can handle it? Scared to play a game played by British children? I bet they could beat you..."
"I'm not scared O'Neill...but you should be. We'll kick your sorry ass to the other side of the..."
"Why don't we make this a little more fun and a little less of an SG team grudge match huh? Guys?"
Oh Danny you idiot. Don't attract Makepeaces attention, he'll beat you to a pulp. Look like Sam agrees with him though, as she walks away from Hawkins and joins Danny in his scaredy corner.
"Yeah, good idea Danny. The Colonel's can lead their teams, and have two members of each SG team on each, how about that?"
Makepeace stares at me, I stare at him. He says 'sure' without taking his eyes off me, and I do the same. Fine. You and Sam can have your little fun game Danny, but this is definitely a grudge match. Between me and Makepeace.
"Hawkins, you're with me, you two you're on O'Neill's team. I pick Carter and Teal'c"
"Hey! Who said anything about picking teams! That's not fair!"
"Oh come on now O'Neill, I'm taking the 'woman' and the 'alien', leaving you with a human guy. I mean I'll take Jackson by himself if you have so much doubt about him. And if you're so unsure about Carter and Teal'c's ability to handle themselves, then maybe you should keep 'em and baby-sit 'em. I think they'll do fine...but if you want to change things, if you're not happy, then fine...
Sam, Danny and Teal'c glare at me. Great. The bastard. Now I can't complain. He's a smart arse that Makepeace, I better watch out for him. I make a jaunty little bow to Sam and Teal'c, then drag Danny off into the opposite corner. My two marine 'team-mates' are waiting there for me, with snide little grins. Something tells me I'm not gonna have much help from those two. I glance back at the others, hoping they're gonna be spies, but they are all giggling in the corner, and throwing me little glances. Makepeace makes some comment, and they all look at me and laugh. Fine. If I have to do this by myself then I will! But I'm no good at guessing! Wait a minute, Sam said something about other ways to play...
"Uh Sam? If I could get your attention for just a second, you said there were other ways to play the game?"
"Well...yeah...but I don't think we should...oh okay...okay Sir. Sometimes the chasing team doesn't guess the word, they either tickle or...uh...hit the person till they tell them the word..."
Makepeace laughs, and slaps Teal'c on the back. Fantastic. Great. Magic. And I've got Danny on my team. No offence to Danny, he's a great guy and my best pal, but if Makepeace catches him, he's got no chance. I'm just trynna come up with some sort of strategy when Sam calls out again.
"Okay, the gate is the base, your team go first Sir, pick a word, give out the letters and run and hide. When one of us shouts out the word from the gate it's over!"
She smiles and waves in a cheery fashion, and Hawkins grins from his position at her side. Makepeace smiles at me. The kind of smile a wolf would give. Okay, so somehow I've got to beat Makepeace, which I think will end in violence, and get that Hawkins guy away from Sam. Then, if I've any energy left, I'll make my move on her. How long has this Hawkins guy been hanging around her? I should have been paying more attention. I mean, I've been giving Sam plenty, just not watching to see who's been watching her.
"Okay guys, we need a word, something for our team"
Danny goes into that trance things he does with his eyes all frowny, and as he reaches up to push back his glasses, his floppy hair falls forward slightly, framing his face. I don't get it, he does this all the time and half the women on the base swoon and fall over. I just don't get it. If I try that kinda look on Sam, she just laughs and asks me what I don't understand now. Huh. I call that look of Daniel's his 'pondery' look. It usually amuses me, but the two marines lean back against the wall and chew gum, eyes rolling back.
"How about 'crap' Sir, that's an appropriate word"
I turn and glare at the marine, and draw myself up, letting him see my 'COLONEL O'Neill' badge. He shrinks a little against the wall, but still meets my eyes. Little shit that he is, that the pair of them are. Show the proper respect marines...
"Let's just use that word Jack, it doesn't matter"
The marines look at each other, but at least they're mollified enough by me now to keep their mouths shut.
"Go!" Shouts Sam.
"Okay Danny, whatever, you guys take the C and the R, Danny, you're A okay? Let's go. You two, I want this played right, Danny? Follow me, and try and keep up..."
I start off down the corridor at a run, and I can hear Danny following me, the two marines take a turning and go. I have a very bad feeling about this. What have I gotten myself into? I hear laughter from far away as the other team prepares to pursue. Right, I stop at the turnoff for the lift and push Danny that way, and he hurtles down the corridor like a greyhound. Boy can he run when the threat of impending violence hangs above him! I pound the corridors myself, and nip into the infirmary, hiding behind some equipment. Good place. I can get out several ways, and there is lots of stuff I can chuck behind me to trip people up. Unless of course it's Sam that finds me...then I won't be so rough...well not at first anyway...I'm just beginning to let my mind follow that line of thought when I hear Makepeace's voice calling out, echoing off the walls.
"It's all over O'Neill...come out!"
What? No way. It's a bluff...it has to be. It can't be over that quick, it can't be!
"Come on O'Neill, the word is 'CRAP'. Quite appropriate don't ya think?"
It can't be...it just can't be...
"Jack?...it's over Jack...he got the word...come out..."
That was Danny. Shit. They really did get the word. How come it happened so fast? Oh well. I better go see. I drag my carcass out from behind the ECG and trudge back to the gate room. Danny's standing by the gate, shifting nervously from foot to foot as he waits for me. As I walk through the door he quickly runs to my side.
"You never got my letter, it can't be over!"
"We don't need everyone's letter, just enough to guess the word...it was pretty easy Sir"
She smirks. Sam's smirking just like the others. Then she gives Danny a sly smile. Teal'c just looks at me. Hawkins has his hand on her shoulder. Oh this is so not going to plan. Things are getting way out of control. The others laugh and I turn to glare at my marines, they just shrug at me. Bastards. I take Danny by the arm and lead him to the side. He winces and looks up at me, not happy.
"Okay, what happened?"
"Those two just gave Makepeace their letters Jack, they're not playing fair..."
"And you?"
"I...I...Makepeace punched me in the arm..."
His bottom lip sticks out and starts to quiver. Great. Just great. You're not helping Danny, you're just not helping. I have dreams y'know...and you' re spoiling them. I thought today would be the day. I really did. I woke up really horny this morning, and I told myself I'd get Sam into my bed by hook or by crook, and now she's flirting with...with...with a marine!!!
"So you just told him your letter?"
If it's at all possible, he looks even more sheepish. He looks down and away, and a sudden truth dawns...
"Aw Danny, you didn't tell him the word did you?"
He looks on the verge of tears. Oh for crying out loud...I take a hold of his arm and drag him back to the gate. Right, we're gonna win this time. This time. I turn Danny towards me and lean in real close. Time for some commanderly advice.
"Right Danny, I need you to concentrate really hard okay? We have to beat them this time. You go after Teal'c, and tickle him to get the letter, and try and get him to give you the word. You got it? He sniffs, and nods, and I sigh and turn to Makepeace.
"Alright...let's get on with it. Pick a word and get out of here Makepeace, we won't go so easy on you this time..."
He just laughs, and the others laugh with him. You traitor Sam...you traitor. I think I may have to give you a good spanking for this. Hmm...no O 'Neill...I really don't have time to think about it...I can't run so good when I'm...excited...I just watch them as they huddle in the corner, then they turn and run. Now they're gone.
I swivel on the spot and take hold of the collars of the two marines, shoving them hard against the wall. I smile as I see their eyes grow big. They actually look worried. You damn well better be...you better be.
"Right...I'm gonna make this absolutely perfectly clear okay? You two, will do your damnedest to catch the members of the other team okay? But leave Sam and Makepeace to me. Do I make myself clear? Do I?"
Quake you maggots...quake!...
"Yessir!"
Ah...the sweet, sweet sound of insubordinates snapping to attention. I don't think I could ever get tired of that sound...no way. Hmm...I wonder... 'Captain Carter, get yourself to my quarters and into my bed, now!' 'Yessir! '. Hehehe...
"Uh...Jack? Shouldn't we get after them?"
"Huh?...uh...yeah...yeah get going Danny, and find Teal'c. I'm gonna go get Makepeace..."
And so the fun begins once more...
The four of us peel of in different directions, and I walk down the main corridor to the elevator. Let's take things easy. No need to run until I catch sight of one of them. Plus I need to save my creaky old knees, especially if Sam acquiesces later on...hehehe...Jack O'Neill you're a dirty old man...
I stop then, as I hear the unmistakable sound of Marine standard issue boots squeaking on floor tiles. Aha! Now where did that come from? There's only offices up here...he must be hiding out in one of them...Stealth mode Colonel...
I press my back to the door and edge up to the corner, and I'm just about to sneak a look around when I hear a voice. A woman's voice. Laughing. I edge one eye to the wall and past, then I see Sam run out of one of the office doors, and then Hawkins jogs out after her and follows at a leisurely pace with a huge smile. Okay forget Makepeace Hawkins...you're ass is mine! If you think I'm gonna let you use this grudge match for a little hide and seek with MY Sam, then you are sadly, sadly mistaken. You're lucky that her clothes look undisturbed, or I would kick the crap out of you here and now! No...I must get him without Sam hearing...
I slowly edge around the corner, and luckily Sam seems to have disappeared. Hawkins is peering into door after door, whispering her name. He leans in one door calling her name in a sing song fashion, and I take a distinct pleasure in the terror that crosses his face when he leans back out and comes face to face with me.
"Hello Hawkins..." I say in a similar lilting fashion. He just stares at me for a second, then tenses, I grab him by the collar before he has a chance to leap away, and haul him through the office door with me. This is going to be fun. I slam the door behind us with my foot, and hold him up against it.
"So...mind telling me what the hell you think you're doing?"
"Uh...doing sir?"
"With Captain Carter Hawkins..."
"Uh..."
"Let's just cut to the chase Marine, from now on, if I so much as see you even glancing in her general direction, or find you within ten feet of her, I will personally, happily, remove your precious kidneys with a very blunt teaspoon. Do I make myself clear?"
"Uh..."
Like I thought. He's a Marine, so he's not real smart. His eyes are searching mine, perhaps hoping that I'm joking. Well I've never been more serious in my life. I tighten my hand where it lies around his throat, and he gives a little squeak as he tries to draw in a deep breath.
"Captain Carter, you, me with a spoon, result, you never speak to her again. You understand?"
"Uh...sss...Yessir!"
"Good boy"
I release my hand and let him slide to the floor. Stupid Marines. Stupid, stupid marines. I fish my skeleton keys from my pocket (well I had to steal something from the General's room) and I am about to lock Hawkins in when I remember the real point in this game. I turn and look for him and he's trying to crawl under the desk. The big wuss. I grab a boot and haul him towards me, and he starts to blub. What a hero.
"Aw please sir...sniff...don't hurt me..."
"Just give me your letter and I'll leave you alone to cry Marine..."
"It's S sir.."
Right. S. I lock the door behind me, and set off down the corridor that Sam took, at a gentle jog. I am going to win this, I am going to win. I round the corner and find myself in a larger corridor, where some of the smaller labs and the infirmary is. Hmm. Sam's clever, I'm sure she'll think that the infirmary is the perfect place to hide as I did before. Okay then. Which door should I enter by? One of the infirmary doors is slightly ajar, and I drop to my knees and ease myself inside. I was right. Someone is in here. I can hear them breathing. I slide behind a workbench thing, and ease one eye around the corner to look out. Oh. It's not Sam.
No...it isn't Sam. It's Makepeace!
Oh yes...oh yes! Right, Sam can wait a little longer, right now I have to get Makepeace. I'm gonna wipe that smug grin off his face. Just you wait...Hmm. He's jammed tightly behind that unit over there, and if he hears me he'll just bolt for the door. Not good. Well, that unit is on wheels, if I kick this one, it'll shove that one against the wall and the only way out is past me. Not that he'll get past me of course, but I really could do with some insurance...damn...no syringes in sight. Okay. Here goes. Oh hehehe! That gave him a fright! I've never seen anyone jump so much as when I kicked that unit. All credit to him though, he was on all fours and ready for action instantly. Maybe those Marines do receive some kind of training.
"Carter? That you?" He whispers.
Huh? Why would he think it was Sam? Unless he knows she's hiding out around here. Duly noted Makepeace, and thanks for the tip. But I have to deal with you first. He moves then, and I edge my eye to a gap between desks, and see him coming towards me...oh this is gonna be good. He edges forward, obviously going to have a look out the slightly ajar door I came through. He creeps up to the corner, and just as he is about to move out past it, I stick my head right into his face and say...
"Boo!"
"Agh!"
"Hello Makepeace...gonna give up now or am I gonna have to make you?"
I give him my biggest shit-eating grin, and his face goes from surprise to hatred. Right back at you Marine, right back at you...
"O'Neill...you just make the biggest mistake of your life coming after me...I'm gonna beat the crap out of you"
"Is that right?"
Let combat commence! Makepeace hunkers down into a fighting stance, but I have no time for squaring up, so I just leap across the room and onto him. God he's strong...he wraps his arms around me and tries to squeeze, and we roll to one side.
"Nnn...give it up flyboy..."
"Rrr...you first marine..."
"Oof!"
Ow! Okay, so this isn't going so well. I mean, I never thought this was gonna be easy, the guy's strong, but squeezing on my ribs like that really isn't fair Makepeace. That's dirty. Guy can't wrestle straight. Jeez that hurts...okay...I'm not gonna play fair either. If I could just get him on his back...aha! Right...I need some sort of advantage...I stretch my hand up on top of the desk and find I've come into contact with some sort of utensil tray...oh yeah!
"You're going down O'Neill!"
"Nnn...oh yeah?"
Damn...I can't get a real good hold on any of these things...damn...can't I lay my hands on a scalpel or something? Just to frighten him with of course...wait a minute. Okay...this will have to do. I haul my arm down from the desktop, and brandish my prize in front of his face. He stops struggling and looks first at my weapon, then at me.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Am I supposed to be frightened by that?"
Okay, so maybe a stethoscope doesn't look that frightening, but as most people tend to forget, it has one, nasty, horrible attribute, that will bring anyone to his knees. I grin evilly at Makepeace, and his composure cracks a little.
"What...what are you going to do with that?"
"Oh Makepeace...I think you should tell me your letter, and I think you should tell me now"
"No way O'Neill, you don't scare me...I'm gonna win..."
Is that so? I tuck both of his wrists beneath my knees so I can have both hands free. With one I hold the end of the stethoscope dangling in front of his eyes, and with the other I start to undo his shirt buttons. Suddenly he realises what I'm planning, and his face turns an attractive shade of white.
"No...you wouldn't...don't do it O'Neill..."
"Oh Makepeace...maybe you should tell me that letter huh?"
"No...never...oh God...don't do it...please...please no...oh God no ARGHHHHH!"
He he he. Music to my ears...
"ARGHHHHHH! Okay okay! It's an I...the letter is an I...oh please stop!!"
"Why thank you Makepeace, I am truly grateful"
Heh. Those stethoscopes sure are cold. They must be designed that way...
Great. Now I have to get after Sam. Hmm...I can't leave Makepeace on the loose though, he'd probably come after me to exact his revenge. Hey...I wonder what Janet keeps in that cupboard...
Right.
Where are you Sam?
I'm coming to get you!
It took me several minutes to deal with Makepeace, but at least he won't be coming after me now. So...that's everything else out of the way, and I have only one dream to fulfil, that of dragging Sam off to my quarters! Uh...oh and I have to guess that word thingy as well. Sigh...well I can make her give me the word as I'm torturing her...hehehe!
Okay. I know she's around here somewhere, somewhere in this area and floor of the building. I walk out of the infirmary and across towards one of the main intersections, but stop when I hear a drawn out wailing sound. What the hell was that? Then I hear footsteps coming towards me, and as I flatten myself against the wall, Teal'c goes past at a gentle yet consistent trot. He spares a look over his shoulder as he runs, but his pace never falters. It looks like he's been running for a while. I stay where I am, and within a few seconds Danny goes past, pounding the corridor and panting, trying desperately to keep up with Teal'c's now taunting pace.
"Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal'c..." He whines, the same sound I heard before.
"I will not stop Daniel Jackson, you must catch me. It is the rules"
Well. That looks as though it's been going on a while, and I think I'll leave them to it. I have better things to do. What was that? Aha...there was a sound from one of the isolation rooms. Here I come Sam! I fling open the door, and am greeted with the not particularly pretty sight of the two Marines that were supposed to be on my team, playing poker over one of the bunks. They flinch when they see me, and much though I'd like to beat the crap out of them for this, I haven't the time nor the inclination. I'm up for a different kind of exercise. I give them a patented O'Neill 'glare' and shut the door. Footsteps! I hear footsteps! And they're too light for Teal'c and too sprightly for Daniel considering the state he was in. It must be Sam, and she's around here somewhere.
A flash of green catches my eye, and I pad across to the left hand corridor. It's her! Finally it's her. I turn the corner with a jaunty step, and she hears me and whirls around, a lazy smile stretching across her features as she does so. I raise one eyebrow, and she plants her hands on her hips. Showdown.
"Hello Sam"
"Hello Sir. Something I can help you with?" She raises an eyebrow of her own, and tilts her head to one side.
Oh just a few things Sam. God I love it when she's playful. First you can give me your word and get this whole thing over with, then you can come with me back to my quarters and well...whatever takes our fancy. I say none of this out loud, and merely grin at her. She straightens, and I can see her body (Oh God that body) is ready for flight. Ooo a chase! Well, that would be a nice appetiser for what I'm planning...nothing like getting all hot and sweaty and pant a little...then we can do it all over again!
"You gonna give me your letter? Or am I gonna have to torture it out of you?"
"You'll have to catch me first..."
And with that she's off, and Lord she can't half run. I lurch off after her, and follow her around the corner. Oh she looks good from this angle. If I could just get a little closer I'd tackle her. She giggles, and risks a look over her shoulder. That just makes me run faster.
"Not fast enough sir!"
"I'm gonna catch you Sam...and when I do I'm gonna have to spank you for being insubordinate!"
More giggles, and she sways her hips a little for my benefit as she slinks around the next corner, choosing her route so she won't come across any shut doors. Hmm...that wasn't fair Sam...I can't run quite as fast when I' m...excited...I knew this would happen...
"C'mon Sam, give in, you know I'll catch you!"
"If you catch me it'll only be because I let you!"
Yeah...I know you want this as much as I do. So why don't you just let me?
"Well anytime you feel like it Sam, I'm holding back you know"
She spares me another glance, but this time she scowls at me. I really should know better by now about baiting her like that. She has this feminine pride thing, that won't just give up. If I'd kept my big mouth shut I could be carrying her down the corridor by now. She straightens herself up, and shoots off down the corridor like a gazelle. Jeez...she really can move. I wish I was younger...yikes, that's something I never thought of. Maybe I'm gonna be too old to keep up with her! Well...there's only one way to find out. And with that, I summon what's left of my reserves, and fling everything into one last, desperate sprint.
God she's almost out of sight! I watch her slip around the next corner, and realise my chances may be slipping away. It's not my fault, it's my knees I swear! I can't be expected to keep up with these knees! I'm just thinking about this, when I turn the corner, and see Sam struggling with the locked door at the end of it. Just what I need, she looks over her shoulder at me, and I feign surprise at finding her stopped so suddenly, and let my full weight collide into her, breaking the door open, and knocking the both of us into the security room. The force wasn't enough to knock us to the ground, but at least I've got her in a dead end.
"Oof...giving up a bit quick aren't we Sam?"
"You're the one who's out of breath Sir, you would never have caught me if this door hadn't been locked" She backs towards the other door, but I know for a fact that door is locked as well. I locked it. I gotta get some use out of these skeleton keys don't I?
"I wouldn't bother Sam, that door's locked as well"
"And how would you know that?"
I take the keys from my pocket, and lazily swing them around my outstretched digit. She looks less than happy.
"Now...how about you give me your letter...no... I got Hawkins and Makepeace 's letters already, so how about you just give me your word.?"
Her face falls even more at the mention of her 'team-mates' defeat. I had to stress Hawkins name. She has to know I kicked that boy's ass. He's not worth it Sam...now me...I'm worth it. I grin as I think this, and I swear she knows what I'm thinking. She smiles a little, and shakes her head. I tuck the keys away, and start to advance. She just looks at me, a strange smile or her lips.
"So...that word Sam...how about it?"
I move closer. She puts her hands on her hips. I swear she has some trick up her sleeve.
"You really want that word huh Sir?"
"Yes...yes I do"
"You really want it?"
"I really want it Sam...c'mon, give it to me, that's an order!"
I'm standing right in front of her, and looking down into her sky blue eyes, wide with her exertions. She's thinking, and she's so close I can't help but wonder what she's going to do next.
"Okay..." She says, and with that, she stretches up and wraps her arms around my neck, a hand in my hair, and draws my incredulous lips down to hers.
Oh God.
Okay so forget the word...this will do for now...Her soft lips press and move against mine, and I have to entwine my arms around her just to stop myself melting to the ground. My traitorous knees have chosen this moment to go from being sore, to have turned to mush, unable to support my weight. She presses closer, and her tongue demands entrance. I let it in. Oh hell yeah I let it in. She pulls me against her body and deepens the kiss, letting one arm trail down my back to grab my rear, and pull my hips to hers...oh baby...Her other hand rakes through my hair and subtly changes the angle of my head to one she prefers...She commands my tongue with her own, instructing it's movements...Hey! How come she's in charge of this kiss! Ah hell...she can be in charge of whatever she wants...if this is how things are going. I'm certainly not averse to a little, ah...female domination if you know what I mean...
She slides both hands up to cup my face in a fierce grasp, and practically consumes me with a hot, fiery, final kiss, then she slowly draws back from me, holding my bottom lip between her teeth, and letting it slip out teasingly from between her teeth as she takes a step back.
Oh God baby...
I just stand there, gaping at her, while she stands coyly, innocently biting on the perfect little nail on her right pinkie finger. How can she kiss me like that, and suddenly look as shy and unassuming as a little ten year old? Oh God...I start to tremble from the knees up, and as she reaches out to touch my lips with her fingers, I close my eyes. That gentle touch withdraws, and I hold my position, waiting for those lips to find mine again. Look what she's turned me into. A lovesick fool waiting for her next move, her next touch. She's cast a spell and I'm caught up in it's sweet, heady thrall. Willingly.
So...
Come on then...I can only take so much teasing Sam...
I open one eye to a slit, then both leap open, as I realise she's no longer standing in front of me. The door in front of me is open, and she's gone. And so are my keys. You fool O'Neill! You damn sucker fool! One kiss and you turn into an idiot! She took you for a ride and you fell for it! Right! I'm not pulling any more punches Carter, you're ass is mine! Literally! I shove the door wider and leap out into the corridor. I don't believe this, I just don't believe this! She's got me again! I pound off down the corridor and head straight for the gateroom. That's where she'll be, laughing with the others...
Sure enough, I sweep round the door and into the room, and Sam is standing by the gate with the two card-playing marines. Teal'c is standing talking to her, and Danny is curled up fast asleep on the ramp, hands tucked under his head. They all turn to face me as I enter, and the others regard me with thinly veiled contempt, whereas Sam just hides a laugh in her hand. You'll regret that. I think she sees the anger in my eyes, and she moves behind Teal'c, one hand on his arm. Oh no, no hiding behind the big ol' Jaffa! I take a step towards them, and just as I approach the ramp, the other gateroom door opens, and in comes Hammond and the command staff, with a very irritated Makepeace in tow.
Why does Hammond have this uncanny knack of walking in at just the wrong time? And boy he looks pissed...I have to abandon all thoughts of revenge on Sam at the moment, as he walks into the middle of the room and looks from one red face to another.
"Can anyone here tell me why the hell Colonel Makepeace was strung up upside down in a straight jacket in the infirmary storeroom?"
Oops. I form a whistle shape with my lips and look away. When I look back, the General is standing right in front of me. I guess I didn't look innocent enough.
"Colonel? Tell me I did not make the second biggest mistake of my life leaving you in charge again?"
"Uh no Sir...everything is under control Sir!"
He doesn't believe a word. Makepeace walks right up to me and sneers.
"You son of a bitch...I'm gonna rip the..."
"Arghh!"
Makepeace places his hands around my throat, and I do the same in defence. We struggle like this for a while, whispering strangled obscenities at each other, with an incredulous Hammond looking on. He just watches for a few moments while we wring each others necks and squeeze the life out of each other, then he snaps and turns to his men.
"I've had enough of this, airmen, take these two men to the cells until they calm down and I can think of a suitable punishment. Teal'c, Captain Carter, if you would please tidy this place up and take Doctor Jackson to his quarters" And with that, the General turns on his heels and stomps out. He's not a happy boy.
Well at least the screaming is over. Trust Danny to sleep through everything. Fingers are prised from my throat as airmen pull my arms behind my back and start to move me from the room. Makepeace shouts further unrepeatables as he is led away.
Well...this went wrong. I crane my neck to see Sam as I go, and she stands with the twister mat in hand, watching me go with an amused smile on her face. She gives me a jaunty little wave. Makepeace tries to stay in the gateroom by placing his feet on either side of the door, and turns to glare at me.
"Well at least I won O'Neill! You didn't get the word did you! You maybe got two letters, but your precious archaeologist fell asleep and you couldn't even get the letter from your own team-mate!"
"I would have won Makepeace, if this game hadn't ended prematurely I would have!"
"Yeah? I doubt it!"
Danny chooses this moment to wake up, and he rubs his eyes and turns this way and that, looking very confused.
"Jack? Jack did you get the word Jack?"
Makepeace jumps in before I can speak.
"Of course he didn't you wimp!"
"Oh...what was the word Makepeace?"
"It was KISS you little loser!"
What? WHAT? The word was kiss? I got an S from Hawkins, and an I from Makepeace...and Sam...Sam...I squirm in my captors arms and crane my neck to see Sam. She's standing laughing and grinning by the gate, and when she sees the dawning knowledge on my face she smiles a huge smile.
"Well you asked for it Sir, so I gave you it!"
Oh for crying out loud...I don't believe it...As I am taken from the room she blows me another, more formal kiss, and finally disappears from view. I asked her for the word...I asked her and she damn well gave me it! She gave me the word and I was too dumb to realise! Here was me thinking that she was just kissing me for the hell of it, and it turns out she actually obeyed my order, 'gave' me the word, and also used it to stun me and escape...
What a woman...
We are hauled off down the corridor, and as Makepeace struggles ahead of me, I actually find I am smiling, and I start to laugh. My God...she just outsmarted me more than once, and instead of being livid, I'm actually impressed. And God if that doesn't just make me want her more...Still, she's got me twice now, so next time...next time there will be revenge. Mind you...there's no way she faked that kiss...that was all real...so at least there's some hope for me.
God what a woman. The woman I want.
"What the hell are you laughing at O'Neill?"
"Ah shaddup Makepeace!"
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