You Don't Know Me
You Don't Know Me
by DustDevil
TITLE: You Don't Know Me
AUTHOR: DustDevil
EMAIL: dustdevil@btinternet.com
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack, Response to Alli's challenge about the song "You don't know me"
SPOILERS:
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: None given
SUMMARY: Some thoughts from Graham Simmonds
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Late shift.
I hate late shifts.
Mind you, I don't hate them half so much when I get to spend them with her. She breezes into the control room in her fatigues with her pack slung over one shoulder and her beautiful soft, blonde hair jammed under a matching cap. It's late, and there is only a skeleton staff here. I'm glad of this, it gives me a chance to watch her, think of her, wonder what she thinks about. She checks a few monitors, then lets her heavy bag slide to the floor as she rubs her eyes and straightens her back. SG-1 are about to leave for PI4F6F. The day/night cycle there is almost exactly the reverse of ours, so they're leaving here at night to get as much daylight on the other side as possible. It's just a standard recon, I remind myself, but I can't help but worry whenever she's off-world.
I can't help it.
I know she's tough and I know she can look after herself. But I worry. She...sometimes she seems so fragile...Those crystal blue eyes. I've seen those eyes wide and fearful, and smiling and warm...the whole spectrum...
She smiles then, and walks over to me. I feel my heart start to thump in my chest, and Lord I hope my face isn't going red. I reach out and turn the radio down a little as she wanders over to my station. The radio isn't really allowed, but the General and everyone else generally turn a blind eye to those who are left alone here, on a back shift. It's quiet, and it gets lonely. She jams her hands into her pockets as she approaches, looking at the screen in front of me. As I look at her eyes I notice she's gone already, her fantastic mind working away at the equations on my screen that enthrall and enchant her. God she is beautiful when she looks like that. She 's a beautiful genius. She draws her eyes away from the screen and looks at me, and a sudden well of emotion stirs in my being as a new song begins to play. And God I think those words could be coming from my lips.
'You give your hand to me And then you say hello And I can hardly speak My heart is beating so And anyone can tell You think you know me well But you don't know me...'
"Not working too hard I hope Graham?"
And oh she said my name. That one, unthinking gesture from her buoys my soul, and oh my heart is beating so. I smile at her and assure her I'm not, trying so hard to keep any stammer out of my voice. She sighs again, and turns to look back down at the gate, as airmen load the buggy up for the mission. It's late and she's obviously tired. They shouldn't make her go out at night. She shouldn't be stuck 28 floors underground on a Saturday night, and neither should I. Though I would rather be down here with her than out there on my own. Just to be close to her...Captain Carter...Samantha...
'No, you don't know the one Who dreams of you at night Longs to kiss your lips Longs to hold you tight'
You don't know me, you don't. And I wish you did. I wonder where you go at night, when you go home? I know you go out with SG-1, because I hear you talking when you come back on base. You go bowling, you go to the movies, you go to bars. I wish I could go with you. I would give anything to go with you. Just to spend an hour with you, a single hour of downtime. Just to be near you and watch you laugh and watch you smile and just to soak you in. To bask in your glow. I'd love that Sam...May I call you Sam? Even to myself? She looks at me again and for a moment I think she knows, that I called her Sam in my head. I'm sorry Sam...Captain Carter.
I do dream of you Captain. And in my dreams we are together and I kiss you and hold you tight.
But they are just dreams.
'Oh, I am just a friend That's all I've ever been Cause you don't know me'
Am I even a friend? Oh you say my name and talk to me, but only at work. If I saw you out one day would you talk to me? Would you? Would you stop and smile and say my name? Would you smile and touch my hand and make me stay? Would you laugh with me at some poor joke, our voices entwining?
'I never knew the art of making love Now my heart aches with love for you Afraid and shy I let my chance go by The chance that you might love me too' I love you Captain.
I love you and you don't know.
Should I say, should I let you know, tell you how I feel? What would you say? What if you said yes, what if you agreed? But I can't, I'm afraid, so I let my chances go by...And my chance is gone again. She picks up her pack after checking the computers, and leaves. Leaves me once again.
'You give your hand to me And then you say goodbye I watch you walk away Beside the lucky guy'
She appears in the gateroom, and I watch as the Colonel smiles at her, and she at him. Packs on, weapons ready, they walk towards the event horizon. She turns and gives me a little wave, them moves on. The other two pass through, and I watch as they stand at the brink, the Colonel and the Captain. He makes some comment, and sweeps his arm low for her to go first. She smiles and laughs, her face lighting from within as she looks at him. He does that so easily. A glance, a word, a single gesture brings a warm smile to her face, her eyes. How does he do that?
I wish I could do that.
I wish I could elicit such reactions with my actions. And not him. Not him. Colonel Jack O'Neill. The lucky guy who walks with her. She shakes her head and pats him on the arm, and as the wormhole takes her, I watch him, and I see his eyes.
The way he looks at her.
The way he wants her.
And then they are gone. The wormhole disengages and the room is dark again, lit only by lights in the gateroom and my glowing screen. And I am alone. And she is out there somewhere. She may be happy, she may be afraid, she may be hurt, she may fighting for her life, but through all of it he is there by her side. Where I wish to be.
I know that you feel for him Sam, I see it in your eyes. The way you're constantly by his side. The fear and pain I see when he's hurt. Would you care as much if it were me? Would you care at all? Would you even notice? Even spare me a glance or a kind word? I think she would. She's kind, so very kind, and though I know she feels for him, if I were hurt, if I were afraid, I think she would be there for me, as she would be there for everyone. But especially for him. But that is all it would be for me, a kind word, a comforting pat on the shoulder. Nothing more, not for me.
'Oh, you will never know The only one who loves you so Cause you don't know me'
The song is right though Sam, I am the only one who loves you. He doesn't love you. Oh he wants you Sam, he wants you, but he doesn't love you, not like I do. He's just like the rest of them Sam, all of them. Don't waste you time with him Sam, please...he's not worth it, he'll just hurt you. I would ever hurt you...never...
Oh Sam...
'You don't know me...'
You don't know me Captain...
And I don't think you ever will...
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to DustDevil
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
You Don't Know Me
by DustDevilSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis