Wrapping Christmas Presents and Drinking Beer is Hazardous to your (Mental) Health
Wrapping Christmas Presents and Drinking Beer is Hazardous to your (Mental) Health
by Dr. Kate
TITLE: Wrapping Christmas Presents and Drinking Beer is Hazardous to your (Mental) Health (Part Two of the 'Christmas: 1999' series)
AUTHOR: Dr. Kate
EMAIL:keldred@telstra.easymail.com.au
STATUS: Finished.
CATAGORY: Same as the last one. Humor, Romance.
SPOILERS: Big ones for the last story:-)Um, some general ones for the show. Some Jack/Sara stuff (the show with the crystal Jack. What show was that?) Also, the pilot episode, but these are not like big spoilers. Just reminders, really. Nothing to ruin the episodes for anyone.
SEASON/SEQUEL: Sequel to 'Toy's 'R' Us is Hazardous to your (Mental) Health' Some time in the third season, I think.
RATING: PG13
CONTENT WARNINGS:
SUMMARY: SG1 go back to Jack's place after that shopping trip to wrap the presents.
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, anywhere else that wants it, ask. And keep my name on it!
DISCLAMER: I don't own them, I'm just borrowing them. And I'm not making any money. There! That good enough? Also, there's a situation here that is like one in the Tom Clancy book, 'Patriot Games'. It kinda belongs to him (Tom Clancy), but I take artistic license.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: See bottom of story.
SG1 were puzzled.
No matter how hard they tried, there was no way the wrapping paper was going to be big enough for the telescope.
"What about..." Sam moved the paper around. It still didn't work.
Daniel looked at the telescope thoughtfully. "How about you take it out of the box?"
SG1 were sitting in a rough circle on the floor of Jack's living room. Sam was struggling with the telescope, Daniel was trying not to laugh, Jack was nursing a bottle of beer and Teal'c was looking confused. "I still do not understand the need to cover the gifts in brightly coloured paper, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel tried to explain it to the Jaffa. "We cover the gifts to disguise them. So that on Christmas Day, it is a surprise when they are opened."
"I see." Clearly Teal'c did not.
"It makes it fun, Teal'c," Jack clarified.
"Fun?"
"Yeah... All the little kids gather under the tree, and rip open their presents. Then they throw the paper all over the house, and make a mess. It's fun!"
"Until the time comes to clean up. Then it becomes a really stupid idea." Sam put down the telescope. "It's no use, Jack. We should have bought a smaller gift."
Daniel looked at the rolls of gift wrap. "Why don't you use two pieces of paper?"
Sam looked at him, and laughed. "Why didn't I think of that?" She grabbed another roll of paper.
Jack got up. "While you do that, Sam, I'm getting another beer. Who wants one?"
"No thank you, O'Neill." Teal'c shook his head.
"Yeah, sure, Jack. Thanks." Daniel gave him his empty bottle.
Sam looked up. "Yeah, I'll have another one." She looked back at the telescope. "And I'll need some more tape."
Jack walked into the kitchen, grabbed three beers, rummaged in a draw for the required tape, and then walked back. "Here ya go." He handed them around.
Sam took a beer and the tape. She opened the beer, took a swig, and then put it down. She started with the tape. "Hey, Jack, can you hold these for a minute?" She handed him the scissors.
"Yeah, sure." He sat on the couch.
Daniel was once again staring at the back of his gift. "Wow! This comes with the expansion pack and everything! Cool!"
Teal'c looked over Daniel's shoulder. "Exactly what does your gift do?"
"Oh, 'Age of Empires'? It's a game, for the computer. You kinda play god in it."
"A false god?"
"Yeah, I guess so. You have to guide a group of people through one of many different civilizations on Earth. You can be a nice god, or you can be an evil god. If you're a nice god, and you play the game right, your people advance, and you win. If you're evil, and play it wrong, you lose."
"You know, it is possible to be an evil god and win," Sam said.
"Well, yeah, if you cheat."
Teal'c looked at Daniel. "I do not see how such a game could be 'fun'. What about the people?"
"They're not real people, Teal'c. It's all pretend."
Teal'c still didn't look like he fully understood.
Sam finished wrapping the telescope. "There. Jack, have you written on the card?"
"Yep. Here, you can have it."
"Thanks." Sam stuck the card on the telescope, and then handed the scissors, tape, and left over gift wrap to Daniel. "Here. Your turn."
Daniel started to wrap his present. Sam walked over to where Jack was on the couch, and sat next to him. "So, what are your plans for tomorrow?"
"I'm going to go around to Janet's early and play Santa."
"And I'm gonna go with him." Daniel said from the floor. "Ya know, so I can get pictures of him in the suit."
"You're going to wear a Santa suit?" Sam looked incredulous.
"Yeah, sure. Why not?" Jack smiled. "I used to do that when Charlie was little. I would get up extra early and get dressed, then go wake him up. God, the first time I did that, he was terrified. He bolted for our bedroom, and hid in bed with Sara." Jack looked like he was far away. "It took me an hour to convince him that it was me."
"How'd you do it?" Sam asked quietly.
"Convince him that it was me? Stripped down to my boxer shorts and did a monkey dance."
They all started to laugh, even Teal'c. Eventually, Daniel said, "You were drunk, right?"
Jack nodded. "A little. The night before, Sara and I drunk a couple of bottles of wine whilst wrapping his presents. I hadn't fully recovered yet."
Teal'c smiled. "On Chu'lak we have a tradition that is very similar to your 'Santa Claus'. An old lady called Chu'sha gives gifts to deserving children on one day of the year. I have many fond memory's of this from when I was a child."
"They also have a similar myth on Abydos." Daniel added. "The children get gifts of shoes or clothing, and if their very lucky, usually if the harvest has gone well, they get cookies. Sha're got a corn doll."
"I thought you said that the children get the gifts."
"Ah, well, newly married, childless women get 'enchanted' corn dolls, in the hope that they will have children the next year."
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Fertility doll. Now why doesn't Santa give me one of them?"
Jack looked at her nearly empty beer bottle. "Keep drinking like that, and you won't need one."
"Was that a pick up line, Jack?"
"Maybe- maybe not. Want another one?"
Sam frowned. "No, I better not, if I wanna drive home tonight."
"Don't. You can have the spare room. Daniel can have the couch like last time he got drunk here, and Teal'c..."
"I won't need a bed, Colonel O'Neill. The floor will suffice."
"You sure? I've got a spare mattress around here someplace."
"I am sure."
Jack got up. "Right. Nobody's gonna drive, so we can all get drunk." He walked back into the kitchen.
Sam followed him. She stood in the doorway. "Do you miss Sara?"
Jack looked at her. "You know, it's strange, but I don't, anymore. I mean, I don't hate her. But I'm over her, I think." He opened the fridge, and got out the beer. "I miss Charlie, and I miss having a family. But I don't really miss her." He looked at her again. "Sam, do you realize that you're standing under the mistletoe?"
Sam blushed, and then looked up. "Well, so I am. What are you going to do about it?"
Jack's eyes widened. "Major Carter. Was that a pick up line?"
"Maybe- maybe not."
Jack walked over to her. "Oh, look. Now I'm under the mistletoe as well."
"Then I guess you'll have to kiss me, Sir." Sam smiled archly.
"Hmmn... nah. I don't think I will." He started to walk away.
Sam was flabbergasted. She grabbed his hand. "Jack, we're under the mistletoe. You *have* to kiss me! Isn't that right, Daniel?" She looked to where Daniel and Teal'c were watching from the living room.
Daniel looked guilty. "Ah, she is right, Jack. Those are the rules."
"Thank you, Danny boy."
"You're welcome."
Sam looked back at Jack. "I guess the verdicts in."
Jack smiled at her. "I guess it is. But, you have to remember, I am your commanding officer. This is probably breaking all kinds of regulations."
Sam thought about it. "It is, isn't it. Oh well. I guess I'll have do to without." And promptly she walked off.
Jack turned to Daniel. "Did you understand that?"
"I understand that she won," Daniel replied with a smirk.
Jack glared at him. He then glared at Teal'c, as even he was smirking. "Do you two mind?" He gave up, grabbed one of the beers, and sat down on the couch.
Sam stared up at the stars. They seemed so bright tonight. She adjusted the telescope, and then stared out at the cosmos again. Very clear. Jack had a good telescope.
Sam thought about what had just happened. She giggled. If Jack thought he was going to catch her, he had another thing coming.
She looked back through the telescope. Her Dad was out there, somewhere. She sighed.
"What are ya sighing about, Major?" Jack asked from behind her.
Sam jumped. "Holy Hannah, Jack! Don't sneak up on me like that!" She turned to him. "I *was* thinking about my Dad."
"Yeah?" Jack came and sat down next to her.
"Yeah. I was wondering if he knew it was Christmas."
"He does," Jack smiled. "He sent through a present for you. You can have it tomorrow."
"Oh, what is it?"
"How the hell should I know? It's wrapped up, and I'm not one to pry."
Sam looked through the telescope. "It's beautiful out there."
"It sure is."
Jack shifted, and put his hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at him. "Jack, about before..."
"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried anything."
"No, no... I mean, I liked it that you tried... I mean..."
Jack smiled. "Sam, I don't have any mistletoe up here, but..."
Her eyes answered him. He lent towards her, and slowly, tenderly, kissed her. She kissed him back. They probably would have kissed forever, except Daniel chose that moment to find Jack. His eyes widened when he saw the two of them, and went to make a quiet getaway, except he tripped over, making a hugethudas he hit the roof. He lay there, groaning.
Sam and Jack jumped apart. Jack looked at Daniel. "What are *you* doing up here?"
"Rolling around in pain. Sorry to interrupt." He groaned again.
Sam hurried over to him. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah... just winded. And bruised. Jesus Jack, your roof is hard!"
Jack walked over to him, and offered him a hand up. "Roof's are meant to be hard. That's how they keep things out."
Daniel got up. "Ouch. I'm gonna go curl up on your couch, ok?" He looked at the two of them. "And again, sorry to interrupt." He climbed down.
Jack looked back to Sam. "Talk about ruining the moment."
"Yeah, well, we'd probably better get to our beds as well. It is getting late."
"And I've gotta get up early tomorrow." Jack climbed down, then helped Sam. He walked her to the spare room. "See ya tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
Jack walked off to his room. Sam smiled, and then entered hers.
The End.
Dr. Kate, © 1999
AUTHORS NOTES: Did you like that? I did. It was fun to write, and hopefully, fun to read.
I completely made up both the Santa myths from Chu'lak and Abydos. Daniel talking about life with Sha're on Abydos was (in my opinion) reminiscent of his talk with Jack in the pilot episode (the last time he got drunk at Jack's), and it also set up the sexual tension between Jack and Sam. And Teal'c's (is that the correct grammar? Looks weird) 'Chu'sha' myth gave him some nice memory's. Just because the Goa'uld ran Chu'lak, it doesn't mean that there wasn't nice things about the place. No matter how oppressing, any place with children has laughter.
I wanted Jack to be over Sara, so the way for him and Sam would be clear. That's why I added the kitchen conversation. And I kinda like the idea of him in his boxers doing a monkey dance. Amusing, and it's a nice memory. I like nice memory's.
Jack and Sara drinking a couple of bottle's of wine whilst wrapping presents is a situation I kinda took out of Tom Clancy's 'Patriot Games'. In the book, it's Jack Ryan and his wife, and their assembling a doll house for their daughter on Christmas Eve. It's one of my favorite parts in the book, and I thought I'd honor it here.
I'm about to write the last part of this.
Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Dr. Kate
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