Last Breath
Last Breath
by Desdemona
TITLE: Last breath
AUTHOR: Desdemona
EMAIL: s336819@student.uq.edu.au
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack, angst
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: character death
SUMMARY: Last thoughts, last words, last feelings, and that one last breath...
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
"GO!!"
It hurts to talk. A lot. Almost as much as it hurts to just lie here.
"We're not leaving you here, Sam."
This from Daniel. I can't believe they're still here - can't *believe* I'm lying here and they're *arguing* with me - at a time like this! I take another breath. It's so hard... But I do it.
"There's no point... You can make it to the 'gate..."
"Major. We're *not* leaving you here."
I think that was an order to shut up about it. You think following orders matters to me now Colonel?
Even if one of them carried me the two miles back to the gate, I wouldn't make it. If I was lying in the infirmary right now, I wouldn't make it. I'm dying. I can feel it. The blood bubbling up in my throat. I can taste it in my mouth. And the wound, where the staff weapon blast met my chest, is searing, white hot pain. It's making my whole body burn. I can't believe I'm alive, let alone still conscious. And they're *arguing* with me.
And it's so hard to breathe...
I shake my head at them in refusal. "I'm dying anyway... please... go... there might be more Jaffa..."
My voice sounds so strange and weak. Not like my voice at all.
This time they're just looking at me. Not arguing, but not going either. Teal'c and Daniel are on one side of me. Daniel's holding my hand. He looks like he's about to cry. I wish I had the breath to tell him it's okay, that he shouldn't be too sad for me. I always knew this was how it would probably end. A soldier's life. A soldier's death. And it's not so bad. The pain is there, but at a distance now. At least I can still feel something.
Jack is on my other side. He isn't touching me, but his face... God... His *eyes*...
And suddenly it hits me.
I'm dying.
A hundred thoughts and images flash through my mind at once. All the people I'll never see again. All the things I'll never get to do. The things I should have said but didn't. Even... God even that new Mel Gibson movie I was going to see with Janet on the weekend... And now won't be able to.
I look at the three men surrounding me. I can tell their thoughts are similar to mine.
I need to speak again. There's so much I need to say...
"Tell -"
I break off as I start to cough. God. And I thought talking hurt. But there's too much blood and I'm choking - I feel like I'm drowning. I squeeze my eyes shut and fight the urge to gasp for breath, forcing my contracting lungs and throat to relax, until I can take smaller, shallower breaths. It works, finally, and I open my eyes again.
I can see the fear on their faces. They're all closer now too, leaning in as though they could grab hold of me and keep me from going over the brink.
I have to try and speak again. Because not only are there things I need to say - there are also things they need to hear.
"Tell... my Dad and my brother... Cassie and... Janet... General Hammond... tell them I love them all..."
Daniel's crying now. I wish he wouldn't.
"Mark... he's going to be so angry... tell him I died doing what I loved... that I'm proud..."
I have to stop for a moment. It's so hard now. Harder than before. The burning pain is gone, replaced by growing cold. And I'm so heavy...
"We will tell them, Major Carter," says Teal'c.
His voice brings me back a little. If I had the strength, I think I'd cry. All I can manage, though, is another breath.
"I'm glad you didn't go," I admit to them. I don't want them to watch me die, but still I'm so glad they're here. My team. My surrogate family. "I love you guys."
Not the most professional thing to say. I should have said something like 'it was an honour serving with you all'. But screw that. I'm on my deathbed. I can say whatever the hell I want to.
I not even sure if they heard me, though. I can barely hear myself - there's a loud rushing noise in my ears. My eyes blur over. I force it back.
*Not* *yet* -- I'm *not* finished yet. I fumble for another few moments of clarity.
And they did hear me.
"We love you too, Sam."
Daniel, of course. He's stroking my hand gently, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face. I look to Teal'c and he nods once in agreement.
Then...
Jack.
I've never seen him look like that. He's shaking with the attempt to control himself. His eyes brimming full.
I reach for him. The last of my strength going into the slight movement of my arm. He catches my hand in both of his and it almost seems like a dream when he lifts it, trembling, to his lips, and kisses my fingers.
He presses my hand to his cheek, holding it there. Daniel and Teal'c - I'm glad they're here, but they have faded to the background. It is just me and him now.
Realisation and understanding come quickly then.
Realisation of what we've missed out on - what we passed up in favour of friendship and our careers. And understanding of the fact that it couldn't have been any other way.
I can see it in his eyes. He knows it too.
But I'm not finished yet. There's one last thing...
"Jack."
He's never heard me say his name before. Not really.
"Sam..." he answers me, and it is more a sob than a word.
"Kiss me goodbye?"
My last words. I know that. So whispery quiet. Barely there at all.
My hand still clutched in his, he leans down to me, pausing to brush my hair back from my forehead and caress my cheek.
And I know I taste of blood, and the smell of my own blackened, charred flesh is in our nostrils, and I'm so heavy and numb I can't kiss him back. But still, it's perfect. The feel of his lips on mine is perfect.
He pulls away to look at me, his fingers still touching my face.
And looking into his eyes, for one final moment, I smile.
And I take one... last... breath...
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