Beneath the surface
Beneath the surface
by Dena
TITLE: Beneath the surface
AUTHOR: Dena
EMAIL: natalieverrydt@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Missing Scene/Epilogue, Romance
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Beneath the Surface
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4; Beneath the surface - sequel
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship
SUMMARY: What whil happen now that the bounderies of the miletary are back in the game?
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's my first story and I would really like to know what you tink of it even if it sucks.
Chapter 1 (Samantha Carter)
"SG-1 good to see you again!"
"Good to see you too General"
I swiftly nodded to General Hammond, as I was guiding Brennah to Janet, who had already arrived with a full medical staff to take care of her. "Janet, glad to see you!" Janet looked at me for an instant and than resumed her work as if she was the only one in the room. 'A true doctor'. "The same here, Sam! You know for a while you got me pretty worried here. So, enlighten me, who is my patient and how did she get this shotwound?" Not yet adjusted to the use of my name, which I still considered to be Therra, I answered the question asked:"This is Brennah, a friend of ours. When she tried to get us out of the facility the Commander shot her."
Janet turned herself to Brennah:"A true heroine, so I hear. Well then I suppose we will have to do everything to keep her safe and sound, won't we. MAKE WAY, we're moving the patient to the OR!"
With all the medical personnel gone and the usual guards of the Stargate retreated, it was just me, Jack, Danil, Teal'c and the General in the Gate-room. When I looked at Jack I couldn't help but thinking of those few precious moments we had had in the facility. Suddenly I startled at hearing the voice of General Hammond.
"Are you OK Major?"
'Boy I was going to need a lot of time to adjust to all those names. There was Carter, Sam, Major, and Samantha. I mean which person wants to live with so many names anyway.' At the facility everybody had just 'one' name, mine was just plane and simple 'Therra'. 'I actually liked the sound of that name. It was short but powerful.'
"General, I'm sorry, I was just trying to remember some things from this base."
" Well considering what they've done to you, I suggest you take things slowly. Give it some time to come back, it will come back, eventually." Turning to face the rest of SG-1 he continued:" I suggest you all take it slowly the next couple of days. Go wash yourselves, we'll debrief in 2 hours and than you can all go home for a few days. Dismissed!"
With that we all faced eachother, looking for the meaning of that last word in eachother. Everyone's face, safe Teal'c's, was covered with a big question-tag. It mustn't have gone unnoticed because now it was the General's turn to look confused.
"Is there a problem of some sort"
Because none of the others intended to answer the question, I took the task on me the answer it.
"Well Sir, I, ..., 'we' are not entirely sure what 'Dismissed' means, ..., at least I can't remember." General Hammond looked with a surprised face at us.
"You don't remember what "Dismissed' means?"
We all shook our heads in a negative way. "Well, it means that you're free to go. You know this is worse than I thought it to be. Can anyone tell we what you 'can' remember?"
As he was looking in my direction, I felt the obligation to answer the question.
"I ah, ..., I remember my name, though it does sound odd. I remember flashes of missions. I recognise people, but I can't remember their names. It's all so weird, knowing you know, but not being able to remember it."
"I see,..., what do you remember guy's?"
This time it was Jack who opened his mouth:" I remember practically the same things Therra does." Obviously he hadn't realised he had called me Therra.
The General turned to me:"Care to explain, Major?"
"Explain what?"
" Who 'Therra' is for example?"
So used to responding to it and people hearing to use it to address me I answered with my d'oh face:"It's me offcourse."
" You?"
"Yeah, well 'you' know me as Sam Carter, but they know me as Therra. Even I can't get used to the idea that once I had a different name. I take it'll be a while before I'll get used to people calling me Sam."
"But if you were called Therra, what were your names then, in order to prevent any further confusion?" Looking in Jack's direction he answered: "Well I go by the name of Jonah nowadays."
'You know, sometimes I wonder why he acts so sarcastically when the situation gets difficult. I guess it's just his nature.'
"I'm called Carlin and this big fellow here is Thor", Danil added.
"Well now that's cleared up, I guess it's time you go and get your shower because you look like you can use one." As he was moving out, he looked back one more time. "Don't forget your medical check up!"
So now it was just the four of us. As I was looking around the room, trying desperately to keep my eyes of Jonah, ..., Jack, ..., what ever, ...,I suddenly felt kind of strange. I felt a sharp pain in my head, followed by a series of images racing trough my mind. They all contained a strange woman, which was 'so not human'. She had something in her head, just like Thor. A goa'uld, yeah, that's it. Once more pain flickered trough my brains. I grabbed my head as I let out a cry of pain, my legs were no longer able to carry my weight, with the consequence that I collapsed. It took Jonah just about two seconds to get to me and grab me by the waist. If it weren't for him, I would have got to know the floor of this building a lot sooner than the others. He gently put me on the floor, supporting my back with his strong arms. Unable to stand the pain any longer I felt myself losing control over my body and then fully lose consciences.
When I woke up, I was laying in a soft bed in a slightly illuminated room. I instantly recognised it as the infirmary.
'I must have spent hours here that I'm able to recognise it so easily.'
When I looked around I saw Teal'c and General Hammond stand next to the bed.
"Major?"
As I turned to face them I could feel my head hurting. In a consequence I closed my eyes, which seemed to be helping, but not for long unfortunately. Finally finding my breath I tried to figure out what had happened to make me end up here.
"What happened?" I whispered.
"Well you collapsed on the floor Major. Apparently Jolinar made you remember a little to much in too little time."
"Jolinar, who the hell is Jolinar?" I grasped.
Hearing my question both Teal'c and the General looked at eachother at the same time before facing me again. "You do not recall the presence of Jolinar in your body?"
"No and who is she anyway?" 'Now I'm getting scared because I know they aren't telling me everything'.
"Did you see the creature in Teal'cs body yet?" the General asked.
I nodded in response:"A Goa'uld right?"
"A goa'uld larva actually, but that's besides the point right now. God how do you tell this to someone, ...." Taking on a fatherly tone he continued:"Sam, I know that this must be hard to except right now, but a few years ago a goa'uld named Jolinar used you as a her host. While being in your body she died and left all her memories to you."
"When I collapsed I saw all these pictures of a strange woman, is there a chance she was Jolinar?"
"Most likely, Major. Well Teal'c, I think it's best if we let the Major rest now for a while."
" I believe that to be a good idea General Hammond."
As they both strode out of the room, Jack entered. Feeling a little drowsy of all the information I had just obtained, I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come. When I could feel my body surrender to that most welcome sleep, I felt a very familiar hand in mine.
"Therra, are you awake?" When I opened my tired eyes, I looked directly in his. I softly squeezed his hand to let him know I was OK, but just needed some sleep. All the sudden I felt the warmth again that I had felt at the facility.
"I'm sorry!"
I startled at his words:"Sorry for what?"
"For not being aloud to love you anymore."
As always he got directly to the point, whereas I usually liked that, I actually hated it this time. I felt like my world all of the sudden had stopped turning for some reason.
"But Jonah,..." I couldn't get any further because a crop had formed in my throat, blocking all the words I was going to say. When we were told who we were, we had both realised that what we had wasn't aloud in this strict military hierarchy, but somewhere down the road I had cherished this little hope that they would allow us to pursue a relationship. Now that he was walking out on me, because that was what it felt like, my whole life just seemed meaningless. I couldn't hold the tears forming in the corner of my eyes anymore, so I let them slip away. At first one at the time, then a steady flow that covered my eyes. He lifted his hand to wipe them away, but I swiftly drew back.
"Please Jack don't,..., just go."
"But I didn't mean to ..."
"Didn't want to make me what, ..., upset. Then I'll have to disappoint you because you already have! Just go now!"
"Fine if that's what you want, then I'll go but don't expect me to forget about you so soon!"
With that be burst out of the room right into Danil who just happened to walk into my room. "Jack, I'm sorry I didn't see you" 'Gees were that tears in his eyes? Nah Jack doesn't cry, I mean he 'never' shows his emotions.'
"Sorry, Danil"
As I continued crying I heard someone walking up to me.
"Say Sam, how are you feeling?"
'God why does he 'always' has to be so optimistic about everything'
Apparently he had heard my sobs.
"I guess 'not fine'."
Walking to the other side of the bed he continued:"Sam what's wrong? Do I need to get Janet in here?"
I gave him a slight nod with my head as I tried to dry my tears, but they just kept falling. I felt Danil putting his arms around me, pulling me in a tight hug. I put my head on his shoulder as I started to cry even harder. It seemed like all the tears that I've never wept were going to come out now.
"It's OK Sam! God what did he say to you to make you this upset" he whispered.
At that moment Janet walked in to check on me.
"What the hell is going on here?" she asked no one in particular.
"I found her crying, I was just trying to comfort her!"
"It's OK Danil, I never said you did this to her."
Still in Danil's arm I felt the pain in my head come again. I disentangled myself from him as I grabbed once more my head in agony.
"Janet, I think Jolinar is back!"Danil said.
When I couldn't stand the pain anymore I started to kick an imaginary enemy and twist my body in every possible way, if just that pain would go away.
"Please make this pain go away, please!"
I kept shouting but that only seemed to make it worse, so I gave that up in a very early stage.
"Danil keep her on the bed, get on top of her if you have to, make sure she doesn't hurt herself. I'm going to inject a sedative but will take a few seconds to make its way trough her system."
I felt Danil's body twitch in pain as I tried to kick my way free, but surprisingly he didn't gave up and was now pushing my body even harder on the bed.
"There it's in. Just give it a few seconds Sam, then it'll be all over again."
Slowly I felt the pain, aswel as my resistance towards Danil go away. I praised Janet to the stars in my mind before I saw things becoming pretty black. After that, I guess I finally fell asleep.
Chapter 2 (Danil Jackson)
"God, I've never seen her like this, in so much pain."
"Neither have I Danil, neither have I."
"I thought you said she would be fine with the drugs you gave her before."
"It's like you said Danil, I thought, ..., and I guess I thought wrongly. However she was responding to the medication pretty well, so it's my lucky guess that it has been triggered by something else this time."
"Something like a pretty intense fight, maybe?"
"Yeah, maybe, ..., did you see what exactly happened in here while I was nursing Brennah?"
" Nope I didn't. After searching for the infirmary for nearly 2 hours, I had finally found it and as I was making my way in I bumped into Jack, who was obviously storming out of her room. Only I got in the way. You know I would have sworn that he was crying as I made my aquantence with his chest. As I thought it would be impossible for the reason we all know, I put away that thought and moved on to see Sam. I found her crying like a little girl who has just lost her teddy ... bear, ..., 'oh my God'."
" What? Is there something you're remembering?"
"I know what's wrong with her, she did lose her teddybear!"
"You kind of lost me somewhere down the road Danil, care to explain what the hell you are talking about!"
"I'm sorry Janet, I think it's not up to me to tell anyone, ... , kind of sensitive matter, if you see what I mean. And even if I would tell you, not even I know the full story. I think that when Sam's up to it she'll tell you herself."
"Danil, won't you a least give me a clou here, tell me what I'm up against?"
I looked at the creature that I knew as being a smart and tough woman. All I could see now was a little pile of misery. When I faced Janet again I softly answered her question:"A broken heart."
Janet nodded in an understanding way as she lifted her hand and gently caressed Sam cheek.
Seeing that I was nolonger of any need in the room, I quietly made my way out. Having no idea where I was going I suddenly ran into General Hammond.
"Danil, you seem lost son."
"Well 'that's' probably because I 'am' lost!"
"I was just heading towards the debriefing room, care to join me Dr. Jackson?"
"Well I belief we had debriefing in ten minutes anyway, so I might as well go with you now, before I lose my way 'again' in these endless corridors. You know it actually took me about two hours to find the infirmary!"
"Well I have the utmost confidence in you that you'll be able to find your way around here I no time, and in meantime I'll just have to play tourguide to you all, won't I."
I gave him a sheepish smile and than just focussed myself on memorising the way to the briefingroom.
When we finally got there, Jack and Teal'c were already there. From the look on Jack's face I could tell that this was going to be one of those difficult debriefings.
'Why on earth can I remember debriefings like they happened yesterday and yet I can't find my way to the place they were all held.'
"Well now that we're all her, safe ofcourse Major Carter, I presume we can start this meeting. By the way doctor Jackson, how is she doing right now?"
I was hoping he would ask this question because it would make things a lot easier for me. If I could just pick up a glimpse of Jack's face when I would tell them the news, I would probably be able to determine the cause of Sam's condition. Looking slightly in Jack's direction, I answered Hammond's question:" Actually she not doing well right now. She had another attack about fifteen minutes ago."
As I was talking I felt Jack's eyes itching on the side of my face. When I briefly looked at him, I saw eyes filled with fear and concern. 'Good I've got his attention.'
"It was far more worse then the other one. I had to pin her on her bed so that Janet would be able to administer a strong sedative. I've never seen her like that Sir. She was literally crying out from the pain."
This time I could see rage flicker trough jack's eyes. This was enough to tell me what I had already known, he 'dumped' her, just like that. 'I'm gonna make him pay for this.'
"Well why didn't you tell me this sooner Dr. Jackson. Is she alright now?"
"Janet thinks she'll be OK, it was a pretty strong sedative she gave her so she won't be up in at least another few hours."
"Well then I suggest we start with the beginning, gentleman, care to tell me what happened to you in the last couple of days?"
Realising I wouldn't have to count on any contribution of Jack I started to inform the General of the events of the past few days, causciously leaving out those certain events that had happened between Jack an Sam, under my watchful eye.
After the debriefing Jack held me back as I tried to leave the room.
"Danil, how is she 'really' doing?"
When I looked at him, I felt disgust for him, disgust for one of my best friends.
"I dunno, Janet's with her now. ... . You know, Janet thinks that this time the memory-race 'wasn't' triggered by Jolinar, she blames it on stress this time."
I carefully watched his face as it turned from concern to anger and from anger back to concern.
"What do you mean stress?"
"I dunno, a shitty break-up perhaps."
I didn't miss the dirty look on Jack's face when I mentioned 'break-up'. For a second we just stood there staring at eachother.
"Oh, come on Jack, I saw you two at the facility, you were happy, as I was happy with Kegan. And I also saw you leave Sam's room, your eyes filled with tears and I saw Sam crying because of what you just had put here through."
"Dannyboy, ..."
"Don't Dannyboy me Jack, ..., look I 'do' blame you for Sam's condition, you hurt her Jack, not only mentally but also physically. ... It's because of you that she is in so much pain and I acspect that 'you' are going to solve the cause of all her pain."
I didn't actually mean to be angry with Jack, because I knew very well that it was all 'very' forbidden, but I had to blame someone for the pain Sam was in and Jack happened to be around. "Danil, you know very well that it's not allowed for a CO to have an affair with his 2IC. Besides at the facility I dated Therra and 'not' 'Major' Samantha Carter."
"This is the biggest bullshit I've heard in years, Jack. You do realise that Therra and Sam are one and the same person, do you. And don't tell me that Therra had a different character, because she hadn't. She didn't change, she just learned some things about herself. You know I actually feel guilty towards Sha're, because I was seeing Kegan. Now that I realise that I have a wife somewhere in the galaxy, a wife that I deeply love, I still feel the same way about Kegan. I 'still' love Kegan, even now that I know that I already have a wife. And from what I've seen, 'you still love Sam', I mean you always have, only you never had a chance to tell her. Now that you know that she actually returns that love, you just throw it all away. You threw away everything you ever wanted, a happy loving live with the woman who's lying heavily sedated in the infirmary, only because you turned her down."
During my little outburst Jack hadn't moved an inch, he hadn't even twisted his face once. I think that in way he actually understood what I was saying. I think I made it pretty clear to him that I wasn't going to stop bugging him until he had taken away the cause of Sam's pain. After a few more minutes of awkward silence Jack softly left the room in the direction of the infirmary. 'So he actually did get the message, just hope he doesn't screw up again.' With that thought I too left the room and started a big surgeparty for my quarters, because boy was I tired.
Chapter 3 (Jack O'Neill)
As I was making my way to the infirmary I couldn't take my toughts of the things Danil had said. Actually I can't really remember him ever being so angry with anyone. I guess he just really meant what he said or that he was just sick of all the sexual tension between Sam and me. When I got to the infirmary I stopped walking and just stood there for a few seconds considering the obtions. I could walk out off here and never come back but I know that's no going to happen so the only obtion remaining is the one were I walk in and tell Sam that I love her and will never let her go anymore. That's ofcourse if she 's still talking to me. Because last time we spook I actually hurt her a lot, more then I ever meant to hurt her.
"Are you lost, Sir?"
An airman had walk up to me because he had probably seen my hesitation.
"Nope, I'm not lost, I'm just making up my mind on something, but thanks for asking anyway." Well here it goes. 'God let her be unconscience, because I'm really not up to another fight'. I slowly opened the door and there she was, lying in the bed like a porcelain dall. I felt guilt come over me and this was a feeling I hadn't experienced in a long time, it surely 'didn't' feel good. She was clearly still sedated, 'thank you god'. I slowly took her hand in mine as I sat down next to her in a chair. I just couldn't take my eyes of her. She looked so peaceful and so, ..., beautiful. Yes she was beautiful even if she was as pale as her sheets. 'There's no denying it anymore Jack, you love her pall, you really do.' I let out a little sigh and for the next couple of hours I just sat there watching her, taking every line, every form of her face and body in my mind. In all that time she hadn't moved once and it actually frightened me. 'Should ask Janet if this is normal.' At that very thought Janet happened to walk in.
"Colonel O'Neill."
"Doctor Fraiser", I responded with a little of my earlier fear in my voice.
"How long have you been here?"
"Oh, a couple of hours I guess, ..., say ah, ... , is it normal that she still isn't awake?"
"Well Jack, I'm going to be honest with you!"
"OK, ..., that doesn't sound good, doc!"
"I'm sorry, I guess it came out a little different then I wanted it to be, but anyway, I had to give her one of the strongest drugs present at this facility. If she wakes up and has another attack I won't be able to help her anymore. Or I have to give her another dose of that specific drug and that would probably kill her, so I'm 'not' considering that obtain."
With that she looked at me like I was some peace of shit and it kind of obligated me to tell her what had been going on between Sam and me.
"Ah Janet, you have some free time, ..., I ah, ..., I would like to tell you something."
"Sure, why don't we go to the canteen and have a nice cup of coffee."
"Sounds tempting but actually I would rather stay here, ..., with Sam. I promised myself I'm 'not' going to walk out on her again."
'That clearly got her attention.'
"Again?", she asked as she grabbed herself a chair and sat herself on the other side of Sam's bed.
'She obviously thinks this is going to take a few hours and maybe she's right, because if I have to tell her everything it will probably 'take' a few hours. Once more grabbing Sam's hand I started to tell our little secret:"Well it all started at the facility ..."
"... so now you know everything there's to know and 'we' would appreciate the fact that you wouldn't say this to anyone, not even Cassie."
I gave her my I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer face when I felt Sam's hand move in mine. I gave Janet a brief look and I guess she saw it to because she immediately grabbed Sam's other hand. "Sam? Sam can you here me?"
"Ofcours I can." came the weak reply from the pale creature in the bed. Both Janet and I released a sigh at the same time. Doc Fraisier started to question Sam about her health and after a few questions decided that she would be fine if she took things slowly. I on the other hand had just stood there not knowing what to do, well I did do something, I stared at my most wonderful 2IC as she got some colour on those lovely cheeks of hers.
'Boy I would give anything if I could just kiss those sweet lips of hers.'
'O'Neill get a grip on yourself, will you!'
"Jack?"
A soft whisper shook me from my daydream and when I realised it came from the woman I had been staring at for the last couple of minutes I could feel my face become as red as a tomato. "Is there something wrong with me, that you're staring at me like that?"
"Yes, you are beautiful."
'Way the go O'Neill, might aswel have kicked yourself with a baseball-bat.'
Now it was her time to stare at me.
"What?"
"I don't really know, ..., do I have to take that statement as a compliment or an ironic way to say that I look horrible?"
When she gave me a bright smile I knew that she was better.
"I meant it to be a compliment but if you want to take it..."
She cut me off with a squeeze in my hand which 'Oh my God' was still entangled with hers.
"Look Sam, I ... "
"Jack, you don't have to say it, I know, I know that it's not meant to ..."
Now it was my time to interrupt her babbling:" Carter would you please shut up and listen to me while I'm talking!"
It must have sounded a little harsh but it did have effect because she shut up in a split second. "Good, I was saying, ... , what was I saying again. Oh right, ..., 'Sam I love you and I am not going to let you go a second time. Screw the regs and everyone who lives by them and I hope we can find a way to bypass them, ..., if that's ofcourse what you want'."
She was just staring at me like I was some kind of ghost or something.
"Samantha?"
I looked at her with a lot of concern in my face, who wouldn't, I just declared her my love.
'Oh my God what if she turns me down'.
Suddenly I felt a feeling of rejection. It was just then that she decided to speak.
"Jack, ..., I, ..., I don't know what to say. I, yes ofcourse I love you too, but just a moment ago you said that ... "
" Sam, that was actually hours ago and in meantime I've been able to determine that I made the biggest mistake in my live. I've never lived by the rules, so why on earth, or should I say galaxy, should I start now, ..., I guess I was just scared that you wouldn't feel the same way anymore, I mean ..."
"Jack I, ..., how could I ever change my mind on you. You're probably the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. All these four years I've been dreaming for this moment, you know."
"I didn't know and if I did, I would have told you a lot sooner how I felt about you."
She was still lying in her pillow, but when she tried to sit up she almost fell back because she was still too weak to do something. Luckily I was in time to grab her, so now we were suddenly in eachother arms, like we had been at the facility. When I could feel her warm breath against my face I couldn't control myself anymore and I just kissed her. I guess it wasn't as a big of a surprise to her, because she was the one who deepened it. We stayed that way for a few minutes and then broke of our kiss in order to sustain ourselves some oxygen.
"Waw, I forgot how good you actually kiss."
"Diddo here."
She tried to hide a yawn but when I felt her lean heavily in my arms I decided it was time to let her get some rest because she wasn't cured yet.
"Sam, get some rest OK!"
I gently placed her back in the bed.
"I don't want to rest and I certainly don't want to be here."
"Now don't you start acting like a certain pain-in-the-ass who hates infirmaries."
"Guess I just spent to much time with that certain pain-in-the-ass."
"You need to get your strength back, so that I can finally take you to my cabin. Now be a good girl and go to sleep. And no buts, you need your rest as well as anybody else."
"Yes dad!"
"Does it show so bad that I've been a parent who heard all the buts like a dozen times?"
"I don't know, maybe if you read me a bedtime story I'll be able to determine that."
"Heard that one to Sammie, that's just buying you time but I'm not going to fall for it."
"You 'fell' for 'me' didn't you?"
"Well yes I did but that is 'so' besides the point right now."
"Ok, Ok, I get it, I'll get some rest, ..."
"But?"
"Only if you stay here with me."
"I will, I will, I'm going to be around more often than you might want from now on."
I gently kissed her on the lips and sat myself back in the chair I had been in for the past few hours. Only this time I too could feel a happy man and for the first time in long I was able to sleep without remorse. I told her and she returned my feelings. Things couldn't get any better. Before I let sleep claim over I softly whispered:" I love you Therra!".
FINI (maybe the beginning of much more)
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