Charlie#10:Where do we go from here?
Charlie#10:Where do we go from here?
by Demon Faith
TITLE: Charlie#10:Where do we go from here?
AUTHOR: Demon Faith
EMAIL:rosabeth@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Romance, Series, Thoughts, 1stperson POV, Song-fic, Angst
SPOILERS: Major for the rest of the Charlie series. Minor for: shades of Grey, Hathor, COTG, FIAD, Broca Divide and Cold Lazarus.
SEASON/SEQUEL: A little bit after Charlie#9. All set after Season 3.
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: Language, implications and loadsa angst!
SUMMARY: 'Where do we go from here' Charlie and Jack think
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Jack, but I own Charlie. The song words are from Evita and were written by Tim Rice
AUTHOR'S NOTES: NUMBER TEN!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you honestly believe it, cos I can't! I'm at #10; I'm really quite pleased with myself. So, to celebrate, I've given you a break from long drama-invested nutcase plotline, and settled for a nice, angsty song-fic! I love the film Evita and thought these words summed up the situation perfectly.
And, also, as I just realised my nice opening paragraph has no reference to Charlie, I've updated it for this landmark story!
Okay, or indicated whose thoughts the following paragraphs represent. That clear?
Right, on with number 10!!!
Stargate Command. The first line of defence for Earth, though very few people were aware of it. And SG1 was the best in the SGC. Quite surprising really, considering SG1 wasn't exactly your regular USAF team. Sure, it had your typical Colonel in command and his 2IC was an Airforce Major. But the other two members were...slightly unusual. Dr Daniel Jackson, their rather accident-prone archaeologist/anthropologist/linguist, who Jack thought was more trouble then he was worth, and Teal'c, an alien to Earth with an even stranger alien housed in his stomach, which just happened to be Earth's deadliest enemy. Not your run-of-the-mill team but the best, none the less. The very
best.
Then came Charlie. Beautiful, intelligent and spirited, she was soon entwined in SG1's lives. Weaving a spell of mystery and intrigue, Charlie came through the bad times to
create the good times. The new legend of the SGC.
Charlie: The Girl to Save the Universe
Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be,
We had it all, you believed in me,
I believed in you.
Where do we go from here? We've come a long way, Charlie and me. From a stuttered beginning at Area 51, trying to save Daniel from that bitch of a Goddess. We just can't seem to get rid of her! She came back later, when we got locked in the Armoury. That's when I found Charlie's demon, the guilt that had plagued her constantly. The death of loved ones was always difficult, especially when you feel you've caused it. I know that feeling all too well.
We thought we'd got rid of Hathor that time. But, no, she came back for more, this time up close and personal. She took Charlie. And I was too busy playing 'jealous lover' to realise what was happening. The showdown in the Briefing Room, pointing that gun at her and knowing exactly what I had to do with it. Another guilt trip there. And if that wasn't enough, we find there's another Gourld, a meaner, nastier one who just happened to be the leader of Apophis' clan. Though, of course, we didn't know that then. Eight long months of separation: boy, that was tough. Charlie won't talk about it; I don't know what she's hiding from me. I was so low, shutting myself in my office, writing long letters to her, telling her what I'd been doing, how much I missed her, how I so wanted her to come back. They're still in a drawer somewhere; I couldn't bear to burn them. Then, the whole thing with Dakatte and Apophis. Charlie taken from me again, this time drugged and alone, not truly knowing who or where she was. And, then the bastard took her and...I can't bear to think about it. I just want to forget it, but I can't. I'm reminded every day, when I see my gorgeous wife, with a Goa'uld child in her stomach.
Then, when I could finally try and protect her, she slips through my fingers to Maybourne. Another scum of Earth, I though I'd put him out of business with the whole undercover thing. No, our luck is bad. Then, to escape him, we disappeared to the Land of Light, where Drey'ac dies before us and we gain Ry'ac as a charge. Another person to protect at all costs.
Finally, we try to get married. And, what happens then? The Tok'sokar try to screw things up. And my brave, courageous Charlie gets us out. And, now, we stand together, our whole lives ahead of us, though I've probably lost a few years. And, where do we go from here?
Certainties disappear,
What do we do for our dreams to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive?
As we used to do.
What can we do? Nothing is certain for us anymore. We have a Harseisus child to care for, to keep away from NID. Charlie's lost some of her sparkle; her energy is being drained again. She can't do much, just sit and rest the days away. So, what will it be like when the child comes?
And, then she has a husband like me. I promised to stand by her, but I don't know if I can give her what she needs. Truth be told, I'm getting on a bit and here is this vibrant young girl with a child she hates and a husband who's inadequate. No matter what Teal'c and Daniel said, I don't deserve my Charlie. I don't know what kind of husband I can be; I failed last time. What says it won't happen again?
Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how,
Nothing has changed
I'm beginning to wonder why he's still here. Heck, I'm wondering why he came in the first place. All I can do is sit here and think, doubt, run harried scenarios of disaster through my mind. This isn't what we wanted, this isn't why we fell in love and got married. Yet, this is what I have to offer him. Pathetic, isn't it.
I don't deserve someone like Jack. He's so kind, caring and considerate. I'm just an Indian Rebel, with much more of a past than I'm willing to admit. I know I'm holding him back, preventing him from doing things he wants. I heard him on the phone the other day, talking to Ferretti. SG2 were going to see a hockey match and invited SG1. But Jack said no, said he was 'busy'. I know what that means. He doesn't want to leave me on my own. Danielle's shut up since the wedding; I think she's disappointed in my 'prince'.
Danielle. The curse on my soul, the plague on my existence. A disaster waiting to happen. My child. The thought makes me sick. Creation of life, something so special, so important; with a monster like Apophis! His child inside me, creating havoc with my mind and body. Having more control over me than I do myself. If she's capable of this now, what about when she's older? I'm already convinced she's evil, an enemy within. Attacking me from the inside now, trying to destroy the one who created her. Some gratitude! And now I've saddled Jack with this too; he thinks nothing has changed. He's wrong. We're different now, older, wiser. And burdened.
Deep in my heart I'm concealing,
Things that I'm longing to say,
I have so much to say to him, so much to share. He's always been there for me, loving me against all odds. We're together, we've finally made it, and yet, this child is pushing us apart. Every time we try and find something deep and meaningful, some disaster crops up to stop us. Sometimes I feel like we're drifting apart, floating out to the sea of broken hearts. I won't let that happen to us! The Goa'uld can't win the battle; destroy what's left of love in our hearts. And we do love each other, sometimes I think too much for our own good. In this job, connections are dangerous, families potential hostages and weaknesses. The military don't like marriage. We just shrugged and said what the hell. Forever entwined, that's me and Jack. And I have to tell him; or soon, it could be too late.
Scared to confess what I'm feeling,
Frightened you'll slip away,
I keep thinking it's a dream. Or, a nightmare. That one day, I'm going to wake up and find myself in a completely different place. I've always felt like that; out of place, not quite at home anywhere. But, here I am, finally content. Nothing has ever felt this right, this secure. I briefly tasted it with Sarah, now I've found it completely. Peace in my soul, calm in an ocean of unrest.
Though, I fear I'm going to lose it all. And, how easy it would be. Walk through the Gate and get gunned down, or worse, Charlie gets gunned down. I've almost lost her so many times; we've hardly been together! Now, we have two months to learn, get to know everything the other feels, something akin to what Sam and Danny have. Now, there's a marriage advert. They work in such harmony, are so completely sensitive to the other's needs. And fate has thrown them together, as it's done to Charlie and I. We've been dealt an Ace, now we just have to play it.
But, I also fear for Charlie. I'm so afraid of what will happen when that child comes, what she'll do. What we'll do.
How can I tell my wife to watch herself? Take care? Don't die? I can't. There's too much pain involved with death.
You must love me.
He's here, he's with me. That's all I need. Maybe I don't deserve him, but I know that we can get through this together. We have to be strong, but we can only do that together.
I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. My Jack.
You must love me.
'Love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage'. Reminder of carefree living, rhymes, games, and joy. Perhaps I've found it again. Charlie and I will survive this. The Goa'uld can't take this from us, we're strong together.
I love her so much. I don't want to lose her. My Charlie.
THE END
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