I'll Never Forgive You
I'll Never Forgive You
by Deb
TITLE: I'll Never Forgive You
AUTHOR: Deb
EMAIL: dvp@flash.net
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack, angst, AU
SPOILERS:
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG13
CONTENT WARNINGS:
SUMMARY: Sam goes to an AU where she learns she is responsible for Charlie's death.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
"I will never forgive you...ever." His words kept ringing through her mind. Considering what she had done, she couldn't blame him. As she remembered the events that had just taken place, Major Samantha Carter silently cried. Through tear soaked eyes, she looked at the jungle environment around her. Thick vines, heavy underbrush, light fog. No wonder she hadn't seen that reflective object. If she had, she could have avoided all the pain and guilt she was now feeling. She began sobbing again and continued to do so until she heard a noise. Someone was approaching.
She didn't move. Not because of fear, but because she knew who it would be. There had been no signs of inhabitants on this planet, other than the occasional bird or small primate. She knew it was the rest of SG-1, looking for her no doubt, since she had been separated from them for almost six hours.
"Sam!" It was Daniel. Yelling over his shoulder "Jack. I found her." Daniel rushed to the huddled person immediately concerned. "Sam" he whispered "oh god Sam. What's wrong? Are you hurt?" She shook her head. Somehow, he didn't believe her. "Jack hurry up there's something wrong..." Sam stopped him. "I...I can't see him. I..." Confused, Daniel asked why not, what happened. Sam doesn't say anything just quietly sobs in his arms.
Looking around for some clue as to what might have happened to her, something catches his eye. Something shiny...no...reflective. Oh no. Pointing to it he asks her "Is that another..." "uh-huh." Confirming his suspicion. Realizing that Sam had more than likely just spent the last six or so hours in an alternate reality, he comforted her some more. "I guess the alternate reality that you went to wasn't a walk in the park." She shook her head again and began to sob. She was so upset with the events she had just experienced, the information she just learned, that she didn't even care that she was falling apart in front of her team.
Just then they heard the sounds of the rest of Sg-1 approaching. Teal'c and Jack followed Daniel's calls and came to a stop at the clearing. Jack took one look at the sight in front of him and felt his heart explode within his chest. Sam was huddled in Daniel's arms, her eyes red and raw. Her cheeks were soaked wet with tears, her body shaking uncontrollably from her sobs.
Immediately Jack dropped to his knees next to Sam. Daniel backed away and watched Jack ever so gently comfort her. Or at least try to. It usually works. He's noticed over the past few months that Sam and Jack had grown closer. No, he didn't think anything *physical* was going on, but he was sure that on a different level there was something. But this time, today, she was retreating from Jack. Daniel watched with pain for both of his friends as they interacted with each other. Jack would reach under her chin to make her look at him, she would jerk her head away and look anywhere else. He would try to put his arm around her shoulder, she would shrug it off and turn away. This went on for some time; each time they danced this little dance, they both would look a little more hurt than the time before. She because of whatever she had just gone through and he because not only could he not comfort the woman he cared for, but he seemed to be making her feel worse. Daniel couldn't take it anymore. "Let's get back to the Gate" He suggested, taking charge. He was by no means a born leader, by any stretch of the imagination, but it just seemed...right...at this moment. "Teal'c get Sam." Jack tried to protest that he would carry her, but she retreated from him again, towards Teal'c.
They walked back to the gate in silence. Sam too upset, Jack too hurt, Daniel too worried, and Teal'c, well, too Jaffa.
* * * *
"SG-1 is returning, sir" The technician announced. General Hammond watched the Stargate come to life from the control room. 'For once they have come back on time. Is it too much to hope that they had an uneventful mission?' the general wondered as he watched SG-1 return. The rippling of the Stargate's center was broken by the team returning. First came Daniel Jackson. 'Well, he's in one piece...how refreshing' grinned the general. Then came Jack. He looked worried, but otherwise OK. 'So far so good'. Then came Teal'c...carrying the major. Hammond darted for the gate room.
"What's going on?" Hammond questioned Colonel O'Neill. Jack looked completely defeated. "I have no idea, sir." It was obvious that Jack was in a great deal of pain. No, he wasn't in physical pain, but something else. It was the kind of pain that hurts worse and lasts longer...that dreaded emotional pain.
Daniel stepped up. "We got separated and when we found Sam, she was huddled on the ground upset." The general looked questioningly at the scientist. Daniel continued "There was a quantum mirror nearby where we found her...It was pretty well-hidden in all the jungle vegetation. I think she unknowingly touched it. I don't know what happened to her...where she ended up...but I think it is safe to say it wasn't pleasant."
Jack looked surprised at this revelation. He hadn't even noticed the mirror. He had been so concerned with his major that he had been oblivious to the surroundings.
"Teal'c take her to the infirmary." The general ordered. The Jaffa nodded and left. "Get yourselves checked out, too. Then meet me in my office for a briefing. Dismissed."
* * * *
"Go away!" The knocking on the door still didn't stop. And it probably wouldn't. Sam finally dragged herself off of her bed and opened the door. "What do you need Daniel?" Her eyes were nearly swollen shut from crying. She looked weak and small, definitely not the Sam Carter that he knew.
Daniel stepped into her quarters. The rest of SG-1, along with General Hammond and Dr. Frasier, had decided that someone really needed to find out what happened to her. Dr. Frasier, the obvious choice, being Sam's best friend, was tied up in the infirmary and couldn't. Jack had wanted to, but considering how Sam had reacted to him on the planet, it was decided that that would not be a good idea.
"I want you to tell me what happened, Sam." He said as he guided her back to her bed to sit down. He sat down next to her and continued. "Everyone is worried about you...me, Janet, General Hammond, Jack..." She cringed when he said he name. Daniel noticed and also remembered how she had reacted when he had called for Jack when he found her. Taking an educated guess at the source of her pain he asked, "What happened between you and Jack...uh, I mean...the other Jack." She just looked sad, but remained silent. "He didn't...hurt you, did he?" She just quietly nodded, silent tears running down her cheeks.
Daniel jumped to his feet surprising both of them. He started pacing the floor and waving his hands wildly in the air. "I'm gonna kill him." He said, louder than he planned to. "I don't care if it was an alternate reality. I'll go through the mirror myself. He had no business forcing himself..." "What?" "What." "You think he forced himself on me?" She looked confused, but still sad. "Well, yeah...didn't he? I mean you said he hurt you." "Oh Daniel. Not in that way." She starts sobbing again. Daniel sat back down beside her. He enclosed her in his arms, letting her cry for a while. When the sobs subsided, he quietly said "Tell me, Sam. What happened?" After regaining her composure a little, she proceeded to tell Daniel what happened.
"What is SHE doing here?" Sam heard coming from the control room. "Why didn't anyone tell me she was back? Who authorized this crap!?!"
Sam looked around the gate room. Although there was no immediate reason for her to think she was any place but home, she was a little confused to her 'welcome'. The voice sounded like Colonel O'Neill sure enough, but there was so much anger in his voice. She looked over at Daniel who was sitting in the corner. He had been reading something, but looked up at her as soon as the colonel had started his tirade. 'Surely the Colonel can't be *that* angry that she had gotten separated from them.' She thought to herself.
"Colonel. What's..." She was stopped. She looked up to find Daniel slowly shaking his head 'no' and signaling for her to stop talking. He looked deadly serious. Confused, she obeyed.
Daniel warily walked over to the end of the ramp where Sam was standing. "What ARE you doing here Sam?" he asked her in a whisper. "Why wouldn't I be here? I AM a member of SG-1"
Now it was Daniel's turn to look confused. "You haven't been since..." He trailed off.
"Since...what?"
He paused a moment, and then in an even quieter whisper, continued "Since Charlie died."
"What, Kowalsky? Why did I leave after he died." She asked.
Daniel motioned for her to keep her voice down and looked at her strangely. He quickly looked back at the control room, where the angry colonel was. He slowly looked back at her "Kowalsky's not dead. I meant O'Neill. You've been gone since Charlie O'Neill died."
'Well that doesn't make any sense' Sam thought to herself. If Sam wasn't confused before, she definitely was now. She had figured that she was in some sort of alternate reality, what else would explain this. Besides, both Daniel and Jack had been to alternate versions of their reality, so it was the most logical explanation. But those other realities weren't like this. She was always part of the SGC, whether she was in the military or not, and Jack definitely was never angry with her. Hell, he was usually in love with her. She regained her thoughts and asked "What do I have to do with the death of Colonel O'Neill's son?"
At that exact moment, a very irate Colonel O'Neill burst into the gate room. "Do NOT even ACT like it WASN'T YOUR FAULT!" The colonel was screaming at her. "But...but..." She was terrified. "...but I didn't even know you when Charlie..."
"Do NOT say his name! You do not have the right to say it! NEVER say his name EVER AGAIN!" As Sam looked at her colonel...no not her colonel...a colonel, she could see the rage in his eyes. And something else. Disgust? Repulsion? Against her better judgement, she had to know why Jack blamed his son's death on her.
"But Colonel, I didn't know you then. How could I have been the reason?" Smack! He hit her. Colonel O'Neill actually hit her...across the face. She fell to the ground from the force of the hit. She immediately brought her hand to her cheek. It was throbbing. Normally she would get up and defend herself, but she was stunned. 'This can't be. Jack can't hate me this much' she thought to herself as she looked up at him. He was enraged. Why did he think she caused his son's death? Well, not her, but the other Sam. The woman he thinks is standing in front of him. She felt the tears well up.
"Oh save your tears you...you...whore..." Thankfully, she didn't hear the rest. Daniel had gone over to her and helped her up. He was no leading her quickly out of the gate room.
* * * *
Doctor Jackson sat in his lab staring at the woman who reminded him of a certain woman he used to know. They had been pretty good friends before 'the incident'. Then she left the SGC and they drifted apart. 'I wonder what she's doing now?' He wondered to himself, then finally looked back at this Sam. She just sat there, silently stunned while she rubbed her sore cheek, trying to make sense of it all. She was jolted from her thoughts.
"You're from an alternate reality aren't you?" Daniel asked, although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.
"What? Yes, I'm...I'm pretty sure." 'I hope I am' she thought to herself. She became quiet again. After a few minutes of silence Sam got up from her seat and walked over to Daniel. He noticed she looked nervous. She took a deep breath, then asked "What happened? I mean with Charl... uh, Colonel O'Neill's son." She found herself still too afraid to say the boy's name.
Daniel looked down at the ground and sighed. Apprehensively he rubbed his hands over his face. "You don't really have to hear this. I mean we'll send you back to the planet you came from. You can hopefully use the quantum portal to go back to your own reality. You really don't have to..." She just shook her head "I need to know."
* * * *
Silence, darkness, heaviness. It surrounded Daniel as he sat in Sam's quarters. Sam had finished explaining what had happened more than an hour ago. Now Daniel noticed that she had finally drifted off to asleep. He was exhausted himself. He quietly left her quarters. He squinted as the bright lights from the corridor blinded him. He couldn't see the person walking up to him quickly, but he had a pretty good idea who it was. He was dreading this. He knew Jack would want to know what happened. It was going to crush him to hear it. "How is she?" Daniel just lowered his head and took a deep breath. "She's been through a lot." Jack just stared at him, tensely waiting for more information he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear. "Come on. Buy me a cup of coffee and I'll explain it to you." Daniel said. They headed towards the mess hall in silence.
* * * *
Daniel was so relieved to find that there were few people in there. "...and as she was getting ready to head back to P3T885, he started in on her again. She said he wasn't even making sense, he was so livid. Anyway, the last thing she heard from the other you was 'I will never forgive you...ever.' Add that to all the other things that he said to her and the guilt she feels and well, she's a bit emotionally raw." He finished off his coffee and looked up at his friend, who was sitting there silent.
"Kind of a lot to take in, huh?"
He nodded slowly, then looked at Daniel. "So let me get this straight." He started slowly, "In that other reality, Major Carter and I were working together on the Stargate Project, but I was still married to Sara and Charlie was still alive?"
"Yes."
"But Sam and I were having an affair; an affair she pursued, that I was hesitant to start."
Daniel nodded.
"And one day, she stopped by my and Sara's house...while I was in the middle of sorting through some stuff from the base and proceeded to 'seduce' me, to which I finally gave in."
"Yes."
And because of her seduction, I forgot that my gun was out ... and Charlie came home, found it and..."
"Yes." Daniel said, hoping that Jack would be OK.
Jack nodded like he understood, but then stopped. He looked up at Daniel, who could see the pain in his friend's eyes. "Why would I blame that on her?" He asked so quietly that Daniel had to lean in to hear him. "I was obviously the careless one and..."
"Jack, don't do this to yourself." His friend quietly nodded. Not only was Jack having to deal with Sam being in so much pain...pain that he felt responsible for, but he was also reliving that horrible day that his son died.
Daniel continued "Apparently he was always very careful about having guns in the house with a child there and he was still a little hesitant about the affair, and Sam distracted him, told him not to worry..."
"I still wouldn't blame her." Jack said in a whisper. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes and he tried to blink them away.
"YOU weren't the one blaming her. It was another Jack in another reality with another Sam."
Jack looked up at Daniel, his eyes clear. "I have to go talk to her. I can't let her feel this way." And was up and gone before Daniel could even think about saying anything.
* * * *
The final chevron was locked. She couldn't wait to get outta here. Daniel was saying goodbye. He was sad to see his old friend, or at least a version of her, leave. As Sam was getting ready to walk through the gate, Colonel O'Neill walked in.
"What, leaving so soon? Are you sure you've had enough time to kill a child and break up a marriage?" She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm, preventing her escape. "Oh no, you're not leaving just yet. I have a few things to say." He said with an eerie calm.
"Jack this isn't *that* Sam. She..." pointing to the woman standing in front of them "...didn't do anything to you or Charlie...and she hasn't done anything like that in *her* reality..."
Jack stopped, turned to look at Daniel, and promptly told him to 'shut-the-hell-up.' Then he calmly turned back to his hostage.
"You ruined my life...all because you couldn't conduct yourself as a professional soldier, you just *had* to wrap your slutty little legs around me. I have never met someone so selfish, so trashy, so utterly unworthy of life as you." His grip tightened. He was still calm, but the underlying rage was almost palpable. She was paralyzed with fear. "But not only did you destroy my life, you also destroyed Sara's life. And unlike you, Sara is a wonderful person who did NOT deserve this. And above all else, you ruined my son's life. Oh wait, no you didn't ruin his life," he said sarcastically, "you ENDED his life!"
By know the tears were streaming down her face. She managed to break loose from his grip. She ran up the ramp towards her escape. "Sam I want you to know something. I will never forgive you...ever."
* * * *
Jack quietly opened Sam's door and shut it behind him. Thankfully Daniel hadn't locked it when he had left. He didn't want to wake Sam up with his banging on the door. He carefully walked over to her bed and watched her sleep, like he did so often on missions. But it was different this time. There was no peace, no contentment. Just painful guilt.
He wasn't sure why, but he found himself easing onto her bed, to lie next to her. So much was racing through his mind: the memory of Charlie, the knowledge of his other self treating her so terribly, his feelings for the woman laying next to him.
Sam was still dreaming about those final moments in that other reality when she woke with a start. Immediately tears started to form and she felt...scared. 'No Jack, please don't tell me how horrible I am...please' she begged silently. Jack, sensing her anguish, quickly tried to reassure her.
"It's OK." He whispered while gently stroking her cheek, trying to wipe away the tears. "You're back where you belong. You're safe." He hugged her while she just kept saying she was sorry. Jack just held her tighter. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't even you. I'm sorry for what you went through."
She looked up at him. His eyes were sad. "Daniel told me what happened," he said calmly. She realized he wasn't going to yell at her...he didn't hate her. He was *her* colonel. Not that other one...the one with no compassion. She wondered if that other colonel, before the incident, was once kind and gentle, like the Jack who was laying with her now. The thought of her Jack possibly one day hating her as much as the other Jack made her begin weeping again.
"Sam. Please stop crying Sam." He begged and gently kissed the top of her head. "I promise I will *never* treat you like that. Look at me." She complied. "Do you understand? I *promise* ."
She buried her head in his chest and sat there in silence for a few minutes. "I promise" he said again. She nodded her head, ever so slightly, against his chest. "Sir. I know I'm being irrational. I know it wasn't..."
"Shhh. I know," he said while rubbing her back gently, "It's OK. Just lay here with me and get some rest." After a awhile, he glanced down at his major and saw that she had fallen asleep. Not sure if he should stay there or not, he thought he'd give her some space and started to get up to leave. Although he tried not to wake her, Sam felt him leaving and stopped him. She didn't want to be alone...without him...without *her* Jack. She needed him to stay to replace the memory of the other Jack. She looked deep into his eyes. He understood what she was saying. The feeling of being needed swept over him...and he embraced it. As he laid back down next to her, he grabbed a blanket to cover them. Being securely tucked in, he put his arms around her and she graciously accepted them. Jack whispered in her ear, "Don't worry sweetheart, I'm here for you. We'll get through this...together." Then they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Deb
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