Only Child Syndrome 4
Only Child Syndrome 4
by danjanshippyqueen
Title: Only Child Syndrome 4
Author: danjanshippyqueen
Email: danjanshippyqueen@hotmail.com
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Season: Season 5
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Much crying, self-recrimination and a bitch slap from Sam.
Sequel to: Only Child Syndrome 3
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
In that instant Daniel's heart stopped. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, all he could do was think that somehow this must be a mistake, he found himself selfishly wishing that it was someone else's baby who was no more, that his was fine, but he knew, somehow he felt it. He found himself feeling an irresistible urge to be with Janet.
"Where is she?" He demanded,
"She's through here." The doctor turned on her heel, leading him a little further down the corridor before stopping outside a door, with a wave of her hand she indicate that this was the room. Daniel looked through the window of the door, a tiny glimmer of hope still existing that perhaps this was all a mistake. But he saw Janet, her head turned as she looked out the window, her hands were placed over her stomach as though she were trying to protect which she had already lost or somehow hold on to the feeling of a new life growing inside. Whichever it was, the act was futile now, the new life, which had been blossoming, was gone. Daniel slowly opened the door, she either didn't hear or ignored it. He approached the bed, still moving slowly, as if this would somehow help the situation. She still did not move, he gently called her name. It took her a few seconds to react, turning her head slowly to face him, she looked pale and fragile. Her eyes were brimming with tears.
"I'm sorry." She said quietly, bursting in to tears. Daniel moved, quickly now, to hold her. He sat down on the bed, putting his arms around her and scooping her upwards, drawing her face to his chest. He gently stroked her hair,
"Shhhhhh." He softly whispered as his own eyes filled with tears. "Shhhhhhhh, you have nothing to be sorry for sweetheart." He pulled her closer, trying to somehow ease the pain she felt. If he could have somehow transferred all her hurt to himself in that instant he would have done so without hesitation. He gently rocked back and forward, all the time holding her tightly. "Shhhhh." He tried to soothe her.
"I'm sorry." She repeated over and over, quietly whispering it into his chest through her sobs. Daniel could do nothing but cry, cry at his own loss, the loss of the child he would never know, cry at Janet's loss, her feelings of self-recrimination and guilt. He knew that she was blaming herself for this, that she thought that this was somehow her fault. Not just because of what she was saying, but because that was who she was, it was in her nature.
Time had no meaning as they sat like that, trying to comfort one another. Janet's sobs subsided, she pushed herself away from Daniel. He grabbed her hand, still needing to have some for of contact with her.
"I wanted this baby so much." She said quietly, the sadness evident not only in her voice but her whole demeanour. As much of a statement of the obvious as this was, they both needed to hear it said out loud.
"I know." He agreed, "So did I."
"I'm sorry." She repeated again.
"Janet stop it. It's not your fault." He said, fighting to hold back the tears.
"It has to be." She said resolutely. "It was my baby, growing in my body. I must have done something."
"No, no you didn't. It was our baby and you didn't do anything wrong. It just wasn't meant to be." He said squeezing her hand.
"Don't patronise me Daniel." She said, a hint of anger in her voice. She yanked her hand from his.
"I didn't mean to patronise you. I just........I don't know what to say to make this better." The tears were freely rolling down his cheeks.
"There's nothing you can say or do to make this better Daniel. I don't think you can even understand what this feels like for me." She spoke in a much softer tone, but there was still venom behind her words.
"No, maybe I can't, so tell me." He said, not allowing himself to react to her anger, knowing that it was only misdirected at him, that she didn't mean it really. He was putting the loss he felt in that little box in his brain, along with his parents and Sha're. He was cutting himself off from it.
"I feel......." She hesitated looking for the right words. ".....empty. I feel like a part of me has been ripped out." She continued, the words pouring out as tears streamed down her face. "There's an empty space where my baby should be, an it's all I can think about. I feel inadequate for not being able to keep my baby safe, I feel angry because it's been taken away from me. I feel a thousand different feelings and I feel stupid for feeling them because you can't lose something you never really had." She finished, breaking down. She was right, Daniel couldn't understand her feeling of emptiness and inadequacy, but he could understand the others. "It was my fault Daniel." She said, still sobbing. "I was arguing with Cassie." She admitted guiltily.
"That still doesn't mean it's your fault Janet, please stop blaming yourself."
"It has to be, we were shouting, and then.....it hurt, so bad and then there was blood. It had to be my fault Daniel. It had to be." Daniel wasn't sure who it was that she was trying to convince, herself or him. He could anger building up inside him towards Cassie, he knew that it would be easy to blame this on her, but he also knew that that would help no one.
"Where is she?" Daniel asked,
"I don't know." She said tearfully. "She didn't come in the ambulance." Daniel felt a surge of rage at this statement, she'd left Janet to come to the hospital alone.
"Sam, Jack and Teal'c are waiting outside. Will you be ok if I go talk to them?" Janet nodded. He kissed her on the forehead before standing up and leaving the room. Outside he quickly wiped his eyes before he stormed down the corridor, his anger at Cassie building up with every step. He found his three friends in the waiting area, looking impatient.
"Hey, Danny, what's going on?" Jack asked. "They won't tell us anything, is Janet ok?"
"She lost the baby." He said dejectedly.
"Oh god." Sam muttered.
"Aw, jees Daniel......I'm sorry." Jack said his heartfelt sympathy showing.
"As am I." Concurred Teal'c.
"Yeah me too." Daniel muttered.
"Is she ok?" Sam asked.
"Well, obviously she's upset. But you know Janet, she'll pull through." He said with a half smile,
"How about you?" She enquired.
"Me? I'm fine." He replied. They all looked at him doubtfully. "I'll be fine." He reinforced. "I'm more concerned about Janet right now. Cassie didn't come to the hospital with her." He said angrily.
"What?" Sam asked.
"They were arguing when Janet.......you know.....she called 911 and then left Janet to come by herself."
"She what!" Sam exclaimed angrily. "Is she still at home?"
"I think so." Daniel said sitting down wearily, as though his anger had transferred to Sam.
"Right, that's it, I'm going over there." She said turning to the door.
"To do what?" Jack asked, she turned.
"Probably to shout at her, this is just......so way out of order." She said heading for the door again, Jack shrugged, accepting her answer.
"Carter." He called after her again. She turned, "You need a ride?"
"No sir, it's ok. I'll get a cab."
"Ok." Jack sat down next to Daniel as Sam left, Teal'c stood stoically as ever. "So....how you really doing?" Daniel laughed,
"I have no idea."
"Well....you know, that's ok. It's takes a while to work your way through these kinda feelings."
"I know you're trying to help Jack, but please, I will be fine, it's harder for her, she's my main concern right now." He said not making eye contact, Jack smiled sadly, thinking maybe if he'd acted this way, he and Sara might still be together, but then he was still in two minds about whether or not he still wanted that, at least after getting to know Sam. Daniel stood up, breaking Jack out of his train of thought. "I should get back...." He indicated down the hall. Jack nodded.
Sam got to Janet's in about half an hour, she stormed through the front door to find Cassie sitting watching TV as if everything was normal. She looked up for a second.
"Oh, hey Sam." She smiled, Sam looked at her indignantly,
"Oh hey Sam? Is that all you've got to say?" She asked angrily, standing between Cassie and the TV, switching it off.
"Hey." Cassie jumped up, annoyed at the interruption to her viewing.
"Don't you even want to know how your mom is?" Sam asked.
"I guess." She sighed. Sam stood shell shocked by the girls callousness.
"She lost the baby Cass." She shouted angrily.
"Good." Cassie shouted back. A reflex reaction kicked in, Sam slapped her, hard, causing her to stumble backwards. Cassie recovered from the shock, standing up straight. "You can't hit me."
"Hmm, apparently, I just did." Sam said sarcastically.
"My mom's always going on about how it's bad to hit people, she'll be mad at you when I tell." She said, sounding more childish than ever.
"Oh, so now she's your mom, but you didn't see fit to go with her and maybe offer her some support while her child was dying?" She asked her, still sarcastic.
"Well....I didn't know." Cassie weakly tried to defend herself.
"And what makes you think if you tell her, she's going to care. I thought now that she was having her own kid she wouldn't care about you?" She quoted from their earlier talk.
"Well........I......"
"Are you intentionally trying to make everyone hate you, cause you're sure as hell doing a good job."
"I........but.......what's it to you anyway?"
"Oh I don't know Cassie, could it be that two of my best friend's just lost their baby, leaving them both totally gutted and you're saying it's a good thing?"
"I didn't mean it like that." She was still trying to defend herself.
"Oh, then enlighten me Cassie, how exactly did you mean it?"
"I just......I don't know.......I just said it....I didn't mean it." She hesitated.
"Well than you shouldn't have said it, should you?"
"No......" She hesitated. "I'm sorry."
"It's not me you should be apologising to. And to be honest Cassie, I don't know if I'm sorry's gonna cut it this time, you've screwed up, big time." Sam said, softening as she saw that Cassie, really meant it this time.
"Is my mom ok?"
"What do you think." Sam snapped back. "I don't know, I didn't get a chance to see her, Daniel's with her." She said more softly.
"Do you think we can go see her?"
"I dunno....." Sam hesitated, putting herself in Janet's position, knowing that she wouldn't want to see Cassie, but then again, her and Janet were two very different people.
"Please Sam." She pleaded. "I have to try and make this up to her."
"Ok." She conceded.
Daniel quietly entered Janet's room again, she was sleeping peacefully. He took the seat next to her bed and sat quietly watching her.
He didn't know how much time had passed when he saw Sam and then Cassie appear at the door. He carefully got up, Janet was still asleep, going outside to see what was going on. Cassie stood looking sheepish, as to an extent did Sam. Daniel looked at Cassie, somewhat disgusted at her behaviour, she avoided his look for a minute before looking him in the eye,
"Daniel......I'm sorry, I've been a complete pain and what I did to mom today was out of order. I don't know what else to soy other than sorry........and I really mean it this time." She told him solemnly. Daniel stood contemplating what she had said for a moment.
"I can see that." He admitted.
"How's my mom." She asked looking through the door,
"She's asleep right now. She's pretty cut up as you can imagine." He said somewhat sarcastically, not able to help the hint of bitterness he still felt towards her.
"Does she hate me?" She asked sadly,
"No." Daniel said confused by her question, "Why would she hate you?"
"It's my fault she lost the baby, if we hadn't been fighting......." Daniel couldn't help but feel sorry for her,
"No, no honey this isn't your fault, this isn't anyone's fault, sometimes theses things just happen." He said sadly.
"I really am sorry, about everything, I don't know why I was acting like that. I knew I shouldn't but I just couldn't stop myself and now I've ruined everything." She said, her eyes filling with tears. Daniel opened his arms to her and she accepted his invitation, half-stumbling into his embrace.
"I just wish it hadn't taken this to make you realise." He whispered to himself. They stood like that for a few seconds before Sam coughed,
"Um...she's awake." She said, referring to Janet. Daniel looked to Cassie, who was already looking at him.
"You ready?" He asked, she nodded. He put his arm around her shoulder as they entered the room, Janet gently rolled over, groaning a little as she was still feeling some discomfort. Cass pulled away from Daniel, hurrying towards her mother.
"Mom I'm so sorry." She said as Janet took her in her arms, reaching out behind her for Daniel's hand. Sam looked in on the picture from outside, they looked like a proper family now.
FIN
Soz for the cheesy ending.
I can also feel another series coming on, dealing with the effect the loss of the baby could have on Daniel and Janet's relationship.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to danjanshippyqueen
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