What I Really Meant To Say
What I Really Meant To Say
by CrysB
TITLE: What I Really Meant To Say
AUTHOR: CrysB
EMAIL: crysblaz@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Song/Filk, Future story
PAIRING: other pairing
SPOILERS: 2010
SEASON / SEQUEL: future
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst
SUMMARY: What he should have said ...
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: song is by Cyndi Thomson
She was the first person he saw as he walked into the room. It was the first time he'd seen her in 5 years. Since he'd walked out on the SGC, on his job, on his friends, on her. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. The next thing he saw was the man at her side. His face darkened. Joe: Her ambassador.
Jack O'Neill looked around the room and spotted Daniel, Teal'c, and General Hammond by the punch bowl. He headed toward them.
"Hey." He said as a greeting. They all turned.
"Jack!" Daniel asked then threw his arms around his friend. "How are you?" he asked as he withdrew from the hug.
Jack shrugged. "I'm good." He said and then turned to Teal'c. "Hey Teal'c. How've you been?"
After bowing slightly he answered. "I am well, O'Neill."
"Good." Jack said and with trepidation turned to the General. "General."
"It's good to see you, Jack." He said with a smile.
Jack smiled back. "You too, George."
"Where have you been? When you left you didn't leave an address or a phone number or anything." Daniel asked.
"I'm been in Minnesota. Got a cabin in the woods." Jack explained.
"You know there's still a job waiting for you, if you want it." General Hammond said.
"Are you still with the Aschen?" Jack asked although he knew the answer every time he went into the small town he lived near.
"You know we are." General Hammond replied not liking where the conversation was going.
"Then you know my answer." Jack shot back. There was a tense silence.
And that's when he felt her presence. He turned and saw her. She looked exactly as she did 5 years ago.
It took me by surprise
When I saw you standing there
Close enough to touch
And breathing the same air
"Hello Jack. How have you been?" She said softly.
And all the feelings he thought he had buried came hurdling back. Get it together! Remember why you're here. She got married to Joe today!/
"Just Fine. Peachy." Jack said. No! Tell her!/ His inner voice said.
You asked me how I've been
I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine
Oh but baby I was dying
Oh! God! Did I just say that? I'm not fine. I don't know what fine is anymore!/
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say
"Come dance with me." Sam said in her soft voice.
That will make things worse, Jack. Much, much worse!/ "Sure." He said and followed her on the dance floor.
Once on the dance floor they stopped and Sam held out her hand and Jack took it. He lightly rested his hands on her hips and she put hers on his shoulders. As they started to sway to the music memories of what happened 5 years ago came back.
They had just met they Aschen. And Jack had a bad feeling. So when it was announced that they were going to have a treaty with the Aschen he made known his feeling. It was that conversation he remembered.
FLASHBACK
"Sir, I'm telling you I feel something's going on!" Jack shouted at General Hammond.
"And I'm telling you that your feelings don't count this time" The general shouted back.
"Don't any of you care?" Jack asked his team.
And no one answered. Daniel ducked his head in embarrassment; Teal'c stared straight ahead; and Sam ... Jack looked at Sam; hoping she would back him up.
But she wouldn't. He saw that in her eyes. Jack's shoulder's slumped.
"Fine." He said. And he walked out of the general's office for the last time.
"Sir! Wait!" Sam followed him and caught up to him
"What do you want?" Jack asked.
"I want to talk to you." Sam said
"There's nothing to talk about." Jack said and started walking away.
"I think there is." Sam challenged.
Jack stopped but didn't turn back around.
"No SAM, everything that needed to be said was said in the General's office." Jack said and then headed to his office. Once there he cleared his desk of paperwork and wrote his resignation. He cleaned out his office, closed the door and said good-bye to Daniel and Teal'c and left Stargate Command.
END FLASHBACK
After a few minutes of silence between them he spoke.
"Do you love him?" He asked quietly.
"Yes, I do." Sam said quietly.
Once the current song was over, Jack removed his arms from Sam and stepped back.
With a deep sigh he said the two words that he knew would shatter his heart into a million pieces. "Good-bye Sam."
And walked away with tears threatening to spill over.
And as you walked away
The echo of my words
Cut just like a knife
It cut so deep it hurt
I held back my tears
Held on to my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you'll ever know
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say
Jack raced out of the building and took solace in his truck. He started his truck and headed for the small airport he had found. Once onboard he let his mind shut down. As the plane took off what was left of his shattered heart broke at the thought of Sam spending the rest of her synthetically lengthened life with a man who called himself Joe. And then the tears, which he had managed to hold back the whole day, started to fall.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm really not that strong
No matter how I try
I'm still holding on
And here's the honest truth
I'm still in love with you
Yeah, that's what I really meant to say
That's what I really meant to say
That's what I really meant to say
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