Coming To Terms: Sam
Coming To Terms: Sam
by Confushi Sushi
Summary: Sam comes to terms with the tragedy.
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene/Epilogue
Episode Related: 718 HEROES Part 2
Season: future Season
Pairing: Sam/other
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 02/21/04
I'm finally alone. For the first time since it happened there's no one to offer lame condolences. I don't have to listen to endless platitudes, apologies that will never be enough.
I can just sit on my couch, hug the throw pillow to my chest, and lose myself in my sorrow. My self-pity only makes me angrier though. Yes, I lost my best friend. Cassie had lost her mother, her second mother. I know what it feels like to lose your mother at that age. I couldn't imagine doing it twice. But here I am, indulging my own sadness. Right now Daniel is with her, but I still feel like I should be doing something more.
When the doorbell rings, I just want to stay where I am and ignore it. But whoever it is is persistent. I go to the door, fully prepared to lose it should there just be a deliveryman or some equally trivial caller.
I am completely unprepared to see Pete standing there, a bouquet of flowers in one arm. "Hey!" he begins cheerily, until he sees the look on my face. I know its red from crying, tear stains blatantly apparent. His next words are gentle and so full of concern. "What's wrong?"
I closed the distance between us, burying my face in his shoulder as the tears begin again. His arms instinctively wrap around me. It's a while before I can speak. "She's dead."
I know he's not sure whom I'm talking about. "Who?"
"Janet!" I sob, "Janet's dead!"
He ushers me back into my own house and closes the door. Hugging me tighter he replies, "I'm so sorry. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. You know that right?"
I nod against his shoulder. He realizes I just want to be held right now. Without a word, I let him lead me to the couch. Pete sits in the middle and I sit beside him, drawing my feet onto the couch beside me. Nestling into the crook of his shoulder, he wraps his arm around me and we just sit like that for a long time.
"It happened on a mission, didn't it?" I nodded against him, too choked up to form the necessary words for a reply. "She was a doctor, so someone must have gotten hurt before hand."
"Another team was pinned, one of their men couldn't be moved. We went in to get them out." I remember the firefight. 6 jaffa had been closer to 60, complete with Death Gliders and Al'kesh. By any rights, we should all have been dead. But everyone had made it. Everyone except Janet.
He doesn't prompt me to continue, but I do anyway. "We didn't know how many of them there were until we got there. The jaffa were everywhere. There weren't enough of us to hold them off for long. Colonel O'Neill was hit. I thought he was going to die. We didn't hear about Janet until we got to the 'gate." That was the most painful experience. For a time I thought I was going to lose two people that were close to me. But the insert had done its job and the Colonel had no serious injuries. Were the shot a little higher or lower, though, then it would be a different story altogether. I'm crying on his shoulder again. It hurt, but I needed to tell someone, to tell him.
"Everyone else is ok?"
"Wells is going to make a full recovery. The Colonel's wound wasn't serious."
He took a moment to digest the information. "Then she was happy."
"What?" How could he know what she was? Pete didn't even know her.
"Remember the little sting incident?" his tone was apologetic. I know he's still a bit embarrassed about that whole fiasco. After making completely certain he would be all right I had torn him to pieces. He had no right to be there.
"What about it?" I still didn't get what that had to do with anything.
"Well, when I woke up in the infirmary the first person I saw was Doctor Fraiser. She asked how I was doing and I told her I was ok. Then she said 'Do you have any idea what you were doing back there? Forget about almost getting yourself sent to an early grave, what about the other people that you endangered with your little stunt? Your little distraction could have gotten everyone else either hurt or killed. Just thank your lucky stars that everything turned out ok'. That is a woman you don't mess with. She wouldn't have standed anyone else dying along with her. So, she was happy." Janet had never told me that she had beaten me to the scolding. Despite myself I feel a smile forming on my face. That was definitely something that she would do.
"It's still not fair." The moment is a fleeting one.
"Of course it's not. This sort of thing never is. You just have to get through it, you know that's what she'd want."
"I know." He leans over and kisses the top of my head.
"You don't have to do it all at once. I'll be here for you every step of the way."
"I know." I repeat. I adjust, capturing his lips with my own. Slowly, I pull back from the kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too." It still hurts, but I just might get through it after all.
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