No regrets
No regrets
by Colonel Sho
Title: No regrets
Author: Colonel Sho
Email: c.mcclurg@btopenworld.com
Category: Angst, Filk/Song, Hurt/Comfort, POV, Thoughts
Episode related: 306 Point of View, 416 2010, 510 2001
Season: Season 6
Pairing: Sam/Jack, Sam/Other
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Follow up of 'it's all coming back to me now', only this time in Jack's point of view as Sam comes to talk to him in 2010.
Sequel to: It's all coming back to me now
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
No Regrets
song: No regrets.
Artist: Robbie Williams.
Authors notes: Follow up of 'it's all coming back to me now', only this time in Jack's point of view as Sam comes to talk to him in 2010. Disclaimer: As much as i would like to own them..i don't.
*Tell me a story
Where we all change
And we'd live our lives together
And not enstranged*
Damn, i caught myself thinking about her again, come on Jack she's long forgot about you now.
*I didn't lose my mind it was mine to give away Couldn't stay to watch me cry
You didn't have the time
So I softly slip away*
I remember the last time i had seen her, it was her engagement party to Joe. I don't know what was going through my head at that time, all i knew was that she was too good for him, she was too good for either of us. I had taken her aside, man what was i thinking i could have ruined her party, i know that i upset her that evening much more than she deserved, what am i saying she didn't deserve any of that. I had to tell her, it was eating away at me inside, i had to tell her that i loved her and that i always will. Well i had told her, she didn't take it too well, tears were in her eyes, i can't stand to see her cry. I couldn't tell what she was thinking other than 'how could i do this to her, today of all days'. She was right, i had no right to tell her how i felt especially then, but i couldn't keep it to myself. She told me to grow up and move on with my life as she had done, all her feelings for me where in the past, gone completely. Hearing those words, my heart pounded, i dont know what i had been expecting but it haden't been that. I had to get out fo there...fast.
*No regrets, they don't work
No regrets, they only hurt*
It's true what they say, regrets do hurt, and they don't slove anything. Why did i have to tell her, why couldn't i have kept it to myself, like i had done, like we had both done.
*Sing me a love song, drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine*
She never rang me, and i didn't have the courage to face her, i had told Daniel to tell her how sorry i was. I haden't gone into detail while explaining it to Daniel, but i think he understood why i had to tell her..glad someone did cause i sure as hell didn't and still dont have a clue why, he said i felt the urge to tell her i loved her, to make her see that she could be making a mistake in marrying Joe, i didn't get what he ment be all that, but i just smiled and said 'yeah your probably right'. I still think about her and what could have been, i know its not healthy to dwell on 'what if's' but i still love her, after all these years. Teal'c can see it, he asks me if i'm feeling ok, i usually say 'oh same ol', then he slaps me around the back, i guess as he has seen me do to Daniel...but this is Teal'c we're talking about here... very big muscles attached to very big meaty sticks (his arms) he, along with everyone else keeps telling me that 'i'm doing fine' i tell ya i don't know how many 'ur doing fines' i can take. I'm not fine, if i was fine i wouldn't still be hung up about ........ "Carter!"
Ok this was inexpected she was standing on my lawn, god she looked good.
*I know from the outside
We looked good for each other
Felt things were going wrong
When you didn't like my mother*
Everything i had just been thinking about came back to me... ten fold. We would have been good for each other..sure one of us would sooner or later have ended up dead, more than likely me, god only knows how Sara put up for me for 10 years. I guess there had been hints that it wouldn't work out, but she never gave me the chance to show her how it could have been. What had i done, was i over protective or something, maybe she thought i would mother her to death, now i know thats rediculous..i'd probably end up neglecting her, but then again thats wasnt' very likely to happen either.... god what had i done? why wasn't she mine?
*I don't want to hate but that's
All you've left me with
A bitter aftertaste and a fantasy of
How we all could live*
I didn't want to hate her, but in a way thats all i could feel for her now, all the love i had once had for her had gone, all i had was hate for her and Joe. Joe was an alright guy i guess although i would never have thought of him as Sam's type, but then again i didn't know her type all i knew was that it wasn't me and it deffinatly shouldn't have been Joe. She asks me how i've been, what do i saw to that, i can hardly say 'well ever since i stormed out at that party i've been regreting every moment that you and i have ever shared and then afterwards i start to think about how great life would be for us if we were together' now i could say that could i? Not only would it be melodramatic..all be it the truth but it would be out of order on her, and god knows i didnt want to hurt her again.
*No regrets, they don't work
No regrets, they only hurt*
She's here asking for my help, she didnt have to come, Daniel, Teal'c or Janet could have come to see me, why her, why now did she think she could just waltz back into my life after what i've been through after all that she put me through... ok Jack now your over acting..but then again why would i say those things if they didnt have some part to play...aww i blame TV for over dramatizing things.
*(We've been told you stay up late)
I know they're still talking
(You're far too short to carry weight)
The demons in your head
(Return the videos they're late)
If I could just stop hating you(Goodbye) I'd feel sorry for us instead*
I know she's probably having a hard time, i also know that it took a lot of guts for her to come and see me. I can she's thinking. She shouldn't have come, she's hiding behind her military training, not letting her emotions show..she was never really any good at that, her voice would get all shakey and her eyes... i could write book abut her eyes and how they always told what she was feeling. She should be the one going through this, i was the one that messed up our friendship in wanting that little something more..my dad always used to say that 'it was always that little something more that i had to have that always got me into trouble'. He was a wise man my father, Sam's wise, shes had to deal with so much in her short life..short compared to mine. I don't hate her but i do, its one of those love/hate moments.....don't ya' just hate them? Janet had told me that i was her loss, not the other way around, that made me feel a bit bigger i guess, i was her loss, she lost out.
*Remember the photographs (insane)*
I remember when Sam's double had came through the mirror deal, she and the Jack in her reality were married, celebrating their first anniversary. Looking at her picture of their wedding made me happy, i thought one day maybe me and Sam could have that...but no.
*The ones where we all laugh (so lame)*
I remember the way she used to laugh at my jokes, god i loved her smile, it could light up even the darkest of days..I remember when my lips had met hers..That was like no feeling i can desribe.
*We were having the time of our lives
Well thank you it was a real blast*
I thought she would have be like this if she ever came to see me, i knew her so well, she was acting professionally, i hated when she did that back then, she was allways the one who kept one foot firmly in the door, where regulations were concerned that was. Other than that the time we ahd together was special i'll never forget it, i don't want to as much as i ahve been tempted do to so in the past.
*No regrets they don't work
No regrets they only hurt
Write me a love song, drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine*
That's it why Jack be cold towards her, she's the one who put her self out to come and talk to you.
*Everything I wanted to be everytime I walked away Everytime you told me to leave I just wanted to stay* I was out of order walking away from her that night, maybe it had been for the best then..but not in the long run, i didn't know that night would be the last time i saw her.
*Every time you looked at me and everytime you smiled I felt so vacant you treat me like a child I loved the way we used to laugh
I loved the way we used to smile
Often I sit down and think of you, for a while Then it passes by me and I think of someone else instead*
It's true what she said i did need to grow up, stop sulking, i think this talk has made me realise that i had acted like a stupid, selifsh little boy. She had made me realise this, and as hard as it had been..on the both of us i think... i can see that this converstation is gonna end up in turmoil, i'm not helping things i just want them to go abck to the way they were.. and thats not gonna happen cause deep down i'm still hurting.
I guess the love we once had is officially dead
I said i wouldn't help her, she stormed off...... i had hurt her again.
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