I Believe In You
I Believe In You
by Cindy
Title: I Believe In You
Author: Cindy
Email: sg1phileshipper@skynet.be
Category: Romance, Angst
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: Beneath the Surface
Season: 4
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: First night back on base after the events in "Beneath the Surface"
Disclaimer: Oh no, not again. Oh well, I have no choice. These characters don't belong to me. They are property of MGM, Showtime, Double Secret and Gekko. Please don't sue me, no fringe intended. Thank you...
Author's Note: This very shippy song inspired me to write this fic. It's so Sam and Jack. Though I add the song, this is no songfic; I'm not using it in the fic itself. And if you wanna listen to the song, it's by Leann Rimes.
Dedication: To Isis, Tanja and Lucy. Thanks a lot for the nice chats we always have. This one is for you ladies.
I Believe In You (Leann Rimes)
You breathe and life begins
You speak and my world makes sense
That's how it is when it comes to you
Your mercy has no end
You're more than just a friend
It amazes me you feel the way you do
I believe in you and nothing less
I believe in you, can't help myself
You're all the hope, the reason that I need
I believe in you
Just because I need no one to prove your love
For all that I have seen
It's easier for me to believe in you
You are so beautiful
You are the miracle that dries the tears, heals a wounded heart
And it's so clear to see your hand in everything
You were there for me
There to see me through
I believe in you and nothing less
I believe in you can't help myself
You're all the hope, the reason that I need
I believe in you
Just because I need no one to prove your love
For all that I have seen
It's easier for me to believe in you
Through the fire and through the rain
I know your love for me will never ever change
I believe in you and nothing less
I believe in you, can't help myself
You're all the hope, the reason that I need
I believe in you
Just because I need no one to prove your love
For all that I have seen
It's easier for me to believe in you and nothing less
I believe in you, I can't help myself
You're all the hope, the reason that I need
I believe in you,
Just because I need no one to prove your love
For all that I have seen
It's easier for me to believe in you
I believe in you
And now, the story...
It had been a tough week for both of them, both physically and emotionally. For starters, they had been held to work against their unknowing will. Their memories had been erased. They didn't know who they were or where they came from. After a while, they started discovering bits and pieces of their real lives. But the feelings had always been there. Even erasing their entire memories hadn't changed the fact there were strong feelings between them. They were emotionally bonded. Linked together in all their lives. Married in an alternate universe, engaged in another alternate universe. But in the universe they wanted to be together, they couldn't. They had been together has Jonah and Terra, but they couldn't be as Sam and Jack. Regulations and the US Air Force stood in their way. The chain of command was standing as a wall between them. A wall neither of them was willing to take down; At least not just yet.
She couldn't sleep. She was tossing and turning. She had even tried counting sheep. Nothing helped, all she could think about was Jonah. She missed him. She missed their complicity and them being together. She missed being held by him and the light banter. What she probably missed was the fact that they were allowed to be together. The only thing she wanted was to go back to the way they were. She had enjoyed Jonah's company more than anything. They had spent most of their free time talking. They had grown very close and started depending on each other. And they had discovered that were Colonel and Major and that everything was against them. And that was it. It had been a shock to both of them, but they had easily slipped back into their respective roles. And it had been hard on both of them. It had cost Sam a lot of heartache and the result was simple: she couldn't sleep. She kept thinking and hoping, and despite the fact that she was worn out, her eyes wouldn't close.
A walk around the base would do her good. At least that's what she thought. She slipped out of bed and left her bed to wander around the corridors of the SGC. She didn't know where she was going, but she ended up outside the Gate room, not having ran into someone at this late hour. She opened the door, the gate room being lit by a few lights hanging on the walls. She walked to the ramp and sat down. She put her elbows on her knees and laid her chin in her hands. She just sat there and stared in front of her.
Ten minutes later, she was still sitting in the same position. She moved her hand to her neck and started rubbing her stiff shoulders. The hard labour on P3R118 and her tiredness were taking its toll. She was stressed out and the muscles in her back, neck and shoulders were screaming for attention. A good massage would be wonderful, but it would only take away the pain temporarily. What she really wanted was the pain to go away forever. Not the physical pain, no that she could handle. But it was the emotional pain. It was hard to be around someone you cared for deeply day and night, but that you couldn't approach in any other way than professionally. And she was aching both in her heart and her soul. She was aching day and night. Whatever she tried, it didn't work. She was in too deep. For all that they could be, for all that they wanted to be. She was longing for that one forbidden touch, that one tender gesture, that one look. That one emotional gesture that would make all her walls crumble. She had to watch every movement and gesture when being around him. She had to hold back and it was slowly killing her inside.
Sam sometimes wondered how it was for him. Did he feel the same she did? Was he silently suffering while being eaten inside? How did he handle the Jonah and Terra adventure? Maybe his year in Black Ops were and advantage, or maybe he was hurting as much as she was. She didn't know and it didn't show on Jack's face. He was very good at hiding his feelings and his inner thoughts.
Sam pulled her knees against her chest and put her arms around them. She laid her head on her knees and fought back tears. She had felt them coming for some time now, just after the Zatarc adventure, but it still came as a surprise when she felt moisture on her knees. She hated being weak and she hated crying, but everything was coming down on her like a brick wall: The turmoil she had been feeling for years. All the hard work and not enough sleep, rarely rewarded with personal success. Of course, she couldn't complain on a professional level: She was a US Air Force Major. She was part of the most successful team in the SGC. But that wasn't enough, not anymore. She wanted more, but on a personal level. But she couldn't allow that feeling to come to the surface.
She didn't hear the door opening. She was silently crying; her head buried deep in her knees. She wasn't sobbing or anything, but he still knew she was weeping. He knew, because he felt the same. And it seemed so unfair to both of them.
He gently laid his hand on her back and she looked up at him. She didn't seem surprised to see him. And he hadn't been surprised to see her here either. Her eyes were red and puffed, but she didn't try to hide it. She didn't want to try and hide her feeling for him. For the first time since they met, she let him in. Which only made him realize how must she was hurting.
"Are you okay, Carter?""I'm fine, Sir.""Yeah... Neither am I."
She smiled at him, her special Jack O'Neill smile. Touching him where only she could touch him: his heart. She opened her mouth to speak, but Jack laid his finger on her lips.
"Don't, Carter.""Don't what, Sir?""Whatever it is that you were going to say, don't say it. It'll only make things worse.""I was about to say that you look as bad as I feel.""Oh, okay. I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning, I've been...""I know Sir, I can't sleep either. And believe me, counting sheep doesn't help either.""I just can't seem to stop thinking.""I know. Neither can I...""We were pretty comfortable, weren't we?""Yes, Sir.""I guess we should be thankful that we got our memories back in time.""Before things went any further. I know, Sir.""It would have been much harder to stop. It's already hard enough.""It's like hell. I just wanna...""Carter, I want the same thing. But we can't.""No we can't, Sir."
The both slipped into an uncomfortable silence, staring at the wall, which suddenly seemed very interesting. Sam was the first to break the silence by coughing and moving one of her hands to her stiff shoulders. Jack noticed and pulled her hand away.
"Let me, Carter."
He sank down behind her and laid both his hands on her shoulders. She sighed.
"Do you think that a good idea, Sir?""No, I don't. Do you mind?"
He started pulling his hands away, but she turned her head and looked him straight in the eyes.
"I don't, Sir.""Good, because I was once told that I give incredible backrubs.""I believe you."
Jack started his tender ministrations on her sour and stiff shoulders. Sam leaned back into his touch. It felt good to be touched like that by him. It wasn't what she dreamed off, but it was better than nothing. Sam closed her eyes and felt the pain subsiding. He had magic fingers and she enjoyed the sensation of feeling them dig into her sour flesh.
"Feeling better already, Carter?""Much better, Sir. You do indeed have magical fingers.""Wanna borrow them?""Yes please."
They grinned at each other and Sam started feeling better. The light banter and jokes did the trick and made the pain go away just a little. They sat in silence, enjoying each other's company. A moment later, the door opened and General Hammond walked in. He nodded at them.
"Going home, Sir.""No Colonel, I just came in. Question is; what are you two doing here at this hour? Got up early or stayed up late?""Um, I guess we didn't realize it was this late already. Or early, whatever you want to call it. We were just sitting and talking.""I can see that and I somehow knew I'd find you in here. But my real question was, what are you doing to Major Carter?""Sir?!"
Jack shook his head in confusion and looked straight at the General. He waved his arm and Jack's hands. They were still resting on Sam's shoulders. They just grinned at General Hammond, looking like a couple of kids being caught with their hands in a jar of cookies.
"Oh that. Well Sir, there's a simple explanation.""I'm sure there is Colonel. With you, there's a simple explanation for everything.""Of course, Sir. Major Carter had a stiff neck and I thought...""And you thought you'd give her a massage to ease the pain.""Well yes, Sir.""We do have an infirmary for that, Colonel. I'm sure Doctor Fraisier has something for the pain.""No doubt about that, Sir. But this was much more fun.""Cut the jokes, Jack. What is really going on here?""Um... nothing, General.""Good. Why don't you two go to the doc now?""Yes Sir."
Sam got up and waited for Jack to join her. He waved her away with his hand.
"General, did you order me to the infirmary too?""Yes and ask something for your brain, cause it seems screwed up.""What do you mean?""Jack, do you need a picture? You and Major Carter fraternizing.""That's not fraternizing, Sir." "Maybe not to the both of you, but to an outstander it would be called 'caught in a compromising situation'.""Oh, that. I didn't realize, Sir.""I know, Colonel, and that's why I want to two of you in my office as soon as you come back from the infirmary.""Yes, Sir."
Jack saluted and left the gate room. A small smile played around the General's lips. He picked up the phone.
"Doctor Fraisier, let's start Operation Blue Lagoon."
At the same time, Jack caught up with Sam in front of the elevator. At hearing footsteps, she turned around and smiled.
"Did you get lectured, Sir?""You sure, you betcha."
He slipped back into the role of the sarcastic Colonel. It was the easiest way to hide how he really felt. It made him forget all the troubled feelings he had for his 2IC. It was hurting him to see the person you wanted to be with every day of your life, unable to touch her.
The chiming of the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He followed her inside and the doors closed behind them. He was leaning against the opposite wall, trying to stay as far as he could from her. He was watching her intently, but she was avoiding his gaze. The floor seemed much more interesting. Jack sighed and walked over to Sam. He leaned against the wall, touching her arm in the process. She looked up at him.
"Carter, Hammond wants us in his office when we come back from good old Doc.""Are we in trouble, Sir?""Should we be?""I don't think so.""Well Carter, to be honest, I don't know."
Jack grinned at her. She looked back at him, the magic broken by the elevator coming to a sudden halt, throwing her on the floor in the process. Jack kneeled down next to her.
"Are you okay?""I think so. What happened?""Um... I think we're stuck.""Great."
Jack offered her his hand and she eagerly took it. He helped her to her feet and their eyes locked. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, staring at each other and still holding each other's hand. Jack gently caressed the palm of her hand with his thumb. Neither of them moved, afraid to break the moment. The phone rang and the spell was broken.
"O'Neill.""Colonel, it's Hammond. Are you doing okay in there?""Yes Sir, we're fine. We just...""Colonel, what's wrong?""It just got dark in here, for crying out loud!""Um...we'll try to fix it.""Thank you, Sir."
Jack hung up and turned around. Sam sat against the opposite wall, knees against her chest, but he couldn't see her. It was too dark.
"You still okay, Carter?""I'm fine, Sir. I hate elevator, that's all.""Um, where are you?""Here, Sir.""Keep talking, Carter, I'll try to find you.""What do you want me to say? Okay...Um... I'm the smartest person in the US Air Force, I'm the strongest one...""You're right about that."
She slightly jumped when she felt him whispering into her ear.
"Sir, you're here.""Yeah Carter, I'm still here. And there's no place I'd rather be."
She was happy the lights were out, cause she was sure she was turning as red as a tomato. She didn't even know what to reply to that outburst of honesty. It came rather unexpected. Sam didn't know if he really meant it or if he was just kidding.
"Have you gone silent on me, Sam?"
Uh oh, he called her Sam. That was not good. She felt stupid about it, but when he called her that, he left her speechless.
"Sam, are you okay?""Yeah... I just...""You just what?""Never mind, Sir."
Jack turned his head and tried to gauge her reaction, but it was not easy in the dark. Suddenly, the emergency lights switched on and she caught him staring at her.
"Sir?""Sam?""You're staring.""Yes I am. But you're worth it."
Sam was surprised by so much honesty and she still wasn't prepared for it, even if she saw that one coming. She felt like being caught in a whirlwind of emotions and feelings. It was too much, too soon, too sudden. Before she knew it, tears were trickling down her face. Her intense feelings had caught her off guard. Years of hiding and repressing how she felt about her CO were literally the last drop. Jack was surprised to see his favourite cry and his heart wrenched at seeing her like that. He did the only thing that came to mind and pulled her against him. But as soon as he touched her, she pulled away.
"Please don't, Sir. I can't take it anymore.""I'm sorry, Sam, I didn't mean to...""I know, but I can't handle it anymore. I can't hide it anymore.""Sam...I..."
He stared intensely at her beautiful, watery face and laid his hand on her cheek. At first, she stirred a little, but soon she leaned into his touch. He wiped her tears away with his thumb.
"Sam, I know how you feel. I know it's hard. You're feeling miserable and alone. You want something so much, but you can't have it. It seems unfair and cruel and it's slowly killing you inside."
He sighed deeply and looked her straight in the eyes, his heart in his eyes.
"I feel the same, Sam."
The choice was up to her now. She could either make him or break him."
"What did you say, Sir?""You heard me, Sam. Not being with you is tearing me apart. I want to be able to hold you; I want to comfort you when you're sad. And mostly, I just want to be with you. I want to talk to you, I want to laugh with you, and I want to cry with you. And as much as I want all that, I can't have it. You're the only person that keeps me sane and it's killing me inside that I can't be with you. I need you, Sam."
Sam stared at him, her mouth wide open. She noticed he was fighting back tears, a battle he could not win. She kept staring at him, before she laid her head on his shoulder. Her turned and moved a little and she felt his arm encircling her waist. His hand came to rest on her stomach. She took his hand in hers and intertwined their fingers.
"This brings back some nice memories, doesn't it?""It does, Sir. What are we gonna do now?""I don't know, Carter. I really don't know. I can't speak for you, but I feel like I can't go back. And I can't go forward either. I feel like I'm stuck.""Yes we are. Going in little circles, but not moving on.""We have to stop this, Sam. It's killing us and we can't go on living like that.""I know, Sir.""But first, I'd like it if you'd call me Sam when we're alone or off duty. And secondly, we'll talk to Hammond about it."
Jack paused and looked at Sam.
"I think that's why we have to go and see him anyway. He suspects something.""But we didn't do anything wrong.""Makes you wish we did huh, Sam?""If you say so, Si..."
Sam was stopped in mid sentence by Jack's finger on her lips.
"The name is Jack. Use it.""Yes, Sir.""Please, do it. Or do I have to make it an order?""No, Si... Jack.""I like it much better."
Jack grinned at her and lightly touched her face. He squeezed her hand and pulled her to her feet. He laid his hands on her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes.
"I promise you we'll find a way to be together, Sam. And if not, I can always resign.""You can't do that. Nothing is worth resigning for.""Yes Sam, you are more than worth it."
She gave him a sly smile and his forehead came to rest against her, staring intently into her eyes.
SECURITY ROOM, SAME TIME
General Hammond looked at Doctor Fraisier, a huge grin on his face.
"General, I think we can call Operation Blue Lagoon a success.""Yes, Doctor, we can. Question is, are they gonna act upon their feelings?""I don't know, Sir. I guess it all depends on what you're going to say to them. And if they can't be together, it's gonna tear them apart.""Oh, I exactly know what I'm gonna say to them. I thought it over for quite some time.""And?""I think they're gonna like what I'm gonna say.""I hope so, Sir. They deserve to be happy. Do you think we can stop our little charade now?""Yeah, you can call Sergeant Michaels and tell him to restart the elevator.""Good General."
Hammond turned around and left the security room, before casting once last glance at the security cameras and smiling to him.
THE ELEVATOR
They were sitting on the floor again, shoulder against shoulder. They were not talking, just sitting in a comfortable silence. Sam had her head on his shoulder, her right hand in his left, their finger intertwined. Both were lost in their own thoughts. Sam was staring into space and Jack had a small smile playing around his lips. They both jumped to their feet when the elevator started shuddering and restarted. They looked at each other and smiled. Once the elevator halted at the infirmary level they got out and went to Doctor Fraisier.
GENERAL HAMMOND'S OFFICE, 30 MINUTES LATER
General Hammond had just hung up the phone when he was startled by a soft knock on the door.
"Come in."
The door opened and Colonel O'Neill, closely followed by Major Samantha Carter came in. Jack looked very confident, but his 2IC on the other hand seemed slightly nervous.
"Take a seat.""Thank you, Sir.""How's the shoulder doing, Major?""Much better, thank you Sir. Doctor Fraisier gave me a shot against the pain and it helped. I'll be sour for a couple of days though.""Good. And how's your brain doing, Colonel?"
General Hammond turned his head to look at Jack, who was playing with a pencil. He felt the General's eyes on him and laid the pencil on the desk, throwing a whole pile of files on the floor in the process.
"Colonel, could you please be careful? That's very important information." "Sorry, General. What did you ask?"
Jack kneeled down and started picking up the files. He kneeled down, out of sight of General Hammond. He continued picking up the files, ignoring the General's annoyed coughs and sighs.
"Colonel, I'm talking to you.""Sorry, Sir."
Jack got up and his head came hard in contact with the General's desk.
"Ouch, that must hurt.""Yes it did, Sir. Sorry about that.""Maybe it'll get you your brains back.""Excuse me?""I assume you both know why you're here?""I guess so, Sir.""I wanna talk to you two about your relationship and they way it seems to have evolved.""Sir, if you think we're having...""At ease, Colonel. I know you didn't do anything wrong. But I also know that there's something going on between you and Major Carter that can't be ignored anymore. And I'm sure you also know that if I'm able to see it, anyone else can.""Yes, Sir.""But it is also very clear to me that you won't let your personal feelings get in the way of the job you have to do. I know you would do everything in your possession to keep each other out of danger, but that you would never jeopardize the mission at hand. Which is still the most important thing to me. And seeing that you have saved the world more than anyone has, I'll turn a blind eye on.""Sir, are you saying what I think you're saying?""Yes I am Colonel, but try to be discreet. If anyone finds out about this, we'll all be court martial led.""So, basically, you're putting yourself in danger for us. Why Sir?""Because I like you and it's about darn time you two were happy. Everyone is entitled to happiness and I'm not gonna be the one to stand in the way of the happiness of my two best officers.""Thank you, Sir."
Sam and Jack looked at each other and smiled. They seemed lost in each other's look until the General coughed.
"You're on downtime until Major Carter's neck is better. Dismissed. Enjoy your time."
They saluted General Hammond, grinned at each other and literally fled the room. Leaving the CO of Cheyenne Mountain with a huge smile on his face.
They were waiting for the elevator to arrive, both hoping it would break down again. The door chimed and they got in, relieved to be alone. The door closed and Jack pulled Sam close to him, enjoying the scent of her hair. His arms encircled her waist and she leaned into him. She sighed when he was trailing a way of butterfly kisses on her neck.
"Sam, I got to say something to you."
She turned around in his embrace and laid her forehead against him. They looked each other in the eyes, sparkling sapphire blue eyes mixing with chocolate brown. He got lost in that pool of blue, barely able to speak.
"Major Carter, I'm in love with you.""I love you too, Sir. More than I've ever held possible."
He put his hands on both sides of her face, his mouth coming closer and closer. He claimed her lips in a heartbreaking kiss that set them both on fire. They kissed until the elevator came to a halt, putting a safe distance between them. They got out and Sam smiled when she felt his hand at the small on her back. This day turned out to be wonderful, better than either of them had dreamed. And it was only the beginning...
The End. Did ya like it? Hate it? Let me know.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Cindy
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