Breaking Loose is Hard To Do
Breaking Loose is Hard To Do
by cgb
Title: Breaking Loose is Hard To Do
Author: cgb
Email: luberluber@yahoo.com.au
Category: Humor
Episode related: 406 Window of opportunity
Season: Season 4
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Why should the guys have all the fun?
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Title: Breaking Loose is Hard To Do
Author: cgb (luberluber@yahoo.com.au)
Web: http://appelsini.tripod.com/Christine/ Category: Jack/Sam UST, fun, silliness, hilarity etc etc Rating: G
Spoilers: Window of Opportunity
Archive: Sure
Summary: "Down doobie doo down down..."
Author's notes: I write too much angst so once in a while I cut loose (a bit like Carter...) and write something silly.
My thanks to Lil (otherwise known as "Cookie") for some good beta lovin' and Shaye who is omnipotent when it comes to omniscience.
*
"Colonel! Teal'c's playing golf!"
The Stargate had been activated and the shimmer from the event horizon cast its usual ghostly glow over the gateroom.
Colonel Jack O'Neill was practicing his back swing with a nine iron and Teal'c was staring at the event horizon with a satisfied smile on his face. Major Samantha Carter had just walked in and was trying to figure out a safe spot to stand. She took two steps forward, thought better of it and took two steps back.
"And he's good at it!" O'Neill said. "A year or two of amateur tournaments and the right trainer - he could turn pro."
Teal'c rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Carter threw up her hands. "Colonel, you're sending golf balls to Alaris!"
"There are golf balls on the moon but do you hear anyone complaining?"
"Nobody lives on the moon - at least not yet, Sir."
"Relax, Carter, we'll all forget about it tomorrow - well Teal'c and I won't - which is great because I think Teal'c's just fixed that left knee problem he was having." O'Neill bent his knees a couple of times, demonstrating the 'correct' posture.
Carter sighed. "Colonel, I'm having trouble getting my head around this whole time loop thing. I mean, in my memory it was only a day ago I was writing a report on the data we collected from P4X639, and now you tell me we've been there twice already."
"Yeah, you said that last time."
"Is anything I say a surprise to you?"
"Not unless you're going to tell me you're a guy - are you a guy?"
"What? No!"
"Then I guess not."
Carter looked like she was about to say something, but decided against it. She turned around. "I'll be in the lab if you need me..." she said as she walked out.
"You know," O'Neill said, after she'd gone. "Carter's gotta learn to have some fun..."
"Indeed," Teal'c said.
"I should..." O'Neill jerked a thumb in Carter's direction. "I should go help her out." He handed Teal'c his club and rushed off to catch up with Carter.
Teal'c watched him go. "Indeed," he said again, and he bent forward with the nine iron and executed a practice swing.
*
O'Neill caught up with Carter in the corridor outside the Gateroom. "Hey Carter, is there anything... you need me to do something?"
Carter smiled. "No, Sir, it's not necessary - and I can see you're busy."
"Uh - yeah. You know..." He coughed and covered his mouth with his fist. "This loop thing has got me going a little crazy..."
"I understand, Sir. If it were me, I'm sure I'd be going a little crazy too."
"You would?"
She shrugged. "Sure."
"Well - you know, Carter, there's no reason why Teal'c and I should be the only ones having fun. I mean, until we sort those symbols on the altar out, there's no tomorrow for anyone."
"That may be true, Colonel, but some of us have work to do - and we don't have unlimited time to do it in."
He held up his hands. "Of course."
"'Of course'?"
"You have work to do - of course you do."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, Major. You like to put duty ahead of.... well, whatever it is that Teal'c and I are doing, and that's great. The Air Force needs its mavericks, but it needs dependable souls too - like yourself."
"I can be a maverick."
"Sure you can! You can be quite the little maverick." He faked a punch to her shoulder.
"Are you trying to bait me, Sir?"
"Is it working?"
She narrowed her eyes and looked thoughtful. "Yes."
He clapped his hands together. "Swell! Now, what's something you've always wished you could do around here?"
"Well..." She gave a sheepish grin. "There's something I've always wanted to try..."
*
Carter tapped away at her laptop.
O'Neill looked bored. "You know Carter, when I said you could do whatever you wanted, I pictured something a little more exciting."
"Just a second, Sir..."
"S'okay, Carter. I got time - plen-tee of time..."
She stood up and motioned for O'Neill to sit. He did as she instructed. "Okay," she said. "Make an error."
He looked blank. "Make an error?"
"Try to save to the floppy drive or something."
He blinked.
"Here." She leaned over him and pressed a few keys on the keyboard.
An error message flashed on the screen and a computerised voice announced, "I can't do that, Dave..."
O'Neill turned away from the computer to look at Carter. She was grinning. "See?"
"See what?"
"It's from the movie '2001'. You know - the computer - Hal."
"That's it?"
"Well... I can also get it to play 'Livin' La Vida Loca' when it starts up..."
"This is your idea of risque?"
Sam looked indignant. "Sir, it's against regulations to download from the Internet for personal use."
"You ever think they might overlook it in your case, Carter?"
"Why would they?"
"I don't know - because you're weird science girl or something and they assume you know what you're doing."
Carter looked crestfallen. She sank back against the desk and frowned. "Damn - I always wanted to do that..."
"Well, it's a start - but I think we can do better. Think of something - bigger."
She folded her arms and raised a finger to her chin. O'Neill lifted his legs onto the desk and leaned back in his chair, looking like he had all the time in the world - which he did, he thought, smirking.
Carter's face lit up. "We could shorten the legs on Daniel's desk and make him think he's grown."
"Bigger."
"We could change the nameplate on Janet's office to 'Dr Feelgood'."
"Bigger."
"We could hide the jello crystals from the cooks in the commissary."
O'Neill held up his hands. "Woah, Major! Back up! We want to have fun, not start a riot."
She shrugged. "Then I'm fresh out of ideas, Sir."
He snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"
He jumped to his feet and grabbed her hand, dragging her into the corridor after him.
*
O'Neill steered a slightly bewildered Carter into the control room. He pushed Davis out of the way and sat Carter in the central control seat, strategically placing her in front of the intercom microphone. He turned the mic on. "Sing," he said.
Her eyes went wide. "Are you kidding me?"
"Carter, trust me - in four minutes that gate will open and there'll be a flash of light and NO ONE will remember how awful you sounded."
"You'll remember."
"I promise not to laugh - and even if I do you won't know what I'm laughing at."
"I really don't like the sound of that..."
"Carter!" He knelt down in front of her. "Carter, Teal'c and I are going to figure out those symbols on the altar in two, three more loops maybe. This could be your one and only chance to live dangerously. Are you going to pass it up?"
She chewed on her lip and stared out at the gate.
"I'll get you started: 'down doobie do down down...' come on, this is one we can all appreciate... 'down doobie do down down'..."
He performed a little dance with his hands and she watched him, smiling nervously.
"Three and a half minutes - come on Carter - 'breaking up is ha-aard to do - ooo..." He pointed at her indicating it was her turn to sing.
She looked at the mic, as if it was about to jump off the console and attack her. She swallowed once, twice, and then sang: "Don't... take your love away from me..."
It was quiet and a little warbled. O'Neill made a "louder" gesture.
"Don't you leave my heart in misery...." She sang, a little louder this time.
The control room went quiet. Carter stopped singing and looked around her. In the far corner of the room she saw Davis and another technician, Sergeant Michaels, grinning and giving her thumbs up.
"Don't look at them!" O'Neill said, jumping in front of them. "Look at me."
She began singing again. "If you go I'll be blue - 'cos breaking up is ha-ard to do."
And then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "REMEMBER WHEE-EENN... YOU HELD ME TIGHT, AND YOU KISSED ME ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT..."
*
Carter's voice filled all twenty-eight levels of the SGC.
In the infirmary Janet Frasier leaned against a gurney, while she tapped a foot in time to the song. She smiled and hummed a few lines.
A nurse entered. "Who the hell is that?" he said.
"Major Carter," Janet said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
*
In Daniel's office, Daniel was standing at the blackboard, chalk in hand, looking curiously at Teal'c. Teal'c raised eyebrows.
"Is that Sam singing...?" Daniel said.
"I believe it is, Daniel Jackson."
"Oh - okay."
*
General Hammond was on his way to the control room when the song came over the loudspeaker. He stopped in the corridor to listen.
He noticed Sergeant Siler and motioned him over. "Sergeant, I'm having one of those dreams again, aren't I?"
"Sir?"
"Those dreams I have - where Colonel O'Neill takes over the SGC and turns it into a Vegas lounge."
Siler tried not to look disturbed. "No... Sir."
"So Major Carter is actually singing?"
"Yes, Sir, although might I say, she's a little flat..."
Hammond looked thoughtful. "Yes, yes she is..."
*
"...Think of all we've been through, 'cos breaking up is hard to doo-oo..."
"You're doing great!" O'Neill said, as he clapped a hand on her on the shoulder. And then he kneeled down beside her. "Together now..."
And with great gusto they sang. "They say that breaking up is ha-ard to do-oooo, now I know - I know that it's true..."
As the song progressed, Carter began to loosen up. She and O'Neill formed a dance routine with their hands, while they belted out the rest of the chorus. "...don't say that this is the end, instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again..."
And then, to their surprise, Davis and Michaels joined them at the mic. "I beg of you-ooo, don't say goodbye, can't you give our love another try..."
SGC personnel appeared in the doorway of the control room, enticed by the singing but not daring to come inside in case it was contagious. In the gateroom below, a small gathering had assembled for a better view. Some sang along while others were content to just gape in amazement.
"Think of all that we've been thro-ough, 'cos breaking up is ha-ard to do-oo, breaking up is ha-ard to...."
Self appointed conductor Davis held his hands up. Following his cue, they stopped. And then, as he lowered his hands slowly, they sang the last word in a four-part harmony. "Dooo -ooooo."
Applause filtered in from the crowd gathered in the gateroom and at the entrance to the control room. Davis and Michaels took a bow, followed by O'Neill and then they all held out their hands towards Carter. She got to her feet, and with a sheepish grin, and a roll of her eyes, she took a low sweeping bow. The crowd cheered.
And then the gate sprang to life.
"Uh... unscheduled off-world activation..." Davis said, taking control of the mic.
"Just in time," O'Neill said. Sam gave him a puzzled look and he smiled. "Seeya round like a Froot Loop."
And then everything dissolved in a bright flash and he was back in the commissary, his spoon half way to his lips.
"I'm sorry but that's just the way I feel..." Daniel was saying.
*
"You know what amazes me?" O'Neill and Teal'c were on their way to the briefing room. O'Neill had his hands thrust in his pockets and was looking grim. "I keep expecting them to know what's going on. Carter and Daniel look at me with those big, blank expressions and I'm like, 'aw c'mon guys! We've been through this already!'"
"I too have an irrational expectation that others will remember what I have told them."
"Well," O'Neill stopped just outside the briefing room. "What are you doing this loop 'round, Teal'c?"
"I have been practicing with the device you gave me. I believe I will attempt to 'walk the dog'."
"Still on the yo-yo, huh?"
"It is a most engaging instrument. And you, Colonel O'Neill?"
O'Neill sneaked a look inside the briefing room. General Hammond and Major Carter were discussing some documents on the table in front of them. Carter leaned forward, resting one hand on the table and brushing her hair out of her eyes with the other. It fell back into place again and she tucked it behind her ear with an annoyed frown
O'Neill watched her for a while, smiling. "Teal'c," he said. "I think it's time I retired."
Fin.
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