Rippling Glass
Rippling Glass
by Calypso
Title: Rippling Glass
Author: Calypso
Email: kittykat509@hotmail.com
Category: Romance
Season: Season 5
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Beneath a canopy of stars, Sam dreams up a way to end the problems between her and Jack. The only question is whether or not she has the guts to do it. J/S
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Rippling Glass
By: Calypso
Spoilers: Children of the Gods, some of season four/five
Disclaimer: Yeah, Yeah, I don't own it blah, blah, blah.
Authors Note: I know that this is a little broken, but remember, when you dream, it’s disoriented, you don’t think straight. For Sam, only the important moments in this dream occur clearly. I know it's a bit dreary right now, but I swear if I go on it'll get better. This chapter was originally two very short vignettes, I've added quite a bit plot wise so please read it all. I'd like to know if anyone wants me to keep going.
The water… That light, I’ve seen it before, in another life time… another place. So many worlds, so much pain. Is this the end for us? I look around me and I see the three people I trust most, Daniel and Teal'c lying there across the way, and Jack - no, Colonel O'Neil standing guard. When we’re like this I can almost deceive myself into thinking things will never change, that I will always have them… just like I thought I would always have mom… but I didn’t, and I won’t.
It hurts so much sometimes, it hurts just to think, to think of the nightmares, the memories. God that's the worst; the memories. Memories of Jolinar, of Sam O’Neil , of me. I’m a strong person, strong outside, strong because I have to be. They need me, Daniel needs me to be a friend and a scientist, to understand him when the others can’t. Teal’c needs me as a friend, as something he can understand in a world he cannot… and Jack? I don’t know anymore, everything was once so clear, rules, regulations, and my career. Then she came, and I saw what could’ve been, saw for a moment through her eyes, and I began to wonder. Was that how things should’ve been? I just don’t know anymore, and for one of the few times in my life, I can’t decide for myself.
I look up, at the unfamiliar stars above, no Big Dipper, no Southern Cross, and no Polaris. Where am I? Who am I? Suddenly I see it, a shooting star, I remember the last time I saw one, it was when dad was dying, but now he isn’t. He survived even when things changed, and so did I. Maybe this time I will to. I lay down now, to sleep if a can, and to think if I can’t. And it’s then that it comes to me, I know when I saw that light before, I remember now, it was on Abydos, when I first became apart of SG1, then it was just the beginning, and maybe now… just maybe… I’ve found another beginning.
I hear the colonel getting up as Danny settles down and for a moment I watch his form in the starlight. At last, the weariness I've fought off all day claims me and distantly my mind fades away into the calmness of sleep.
~*~
Cool blue glass, that what this dress reminds me of. It’s so wintry against my skin and so long too, I usually don’t wear evening dresses, especially one this long. The frame that surrounded moms looking glass was this color, a deep aquamarine… well that’s odd… how did? It doesn’t matter, moms mirror is here now, right in front of me and as I look inside it I see myself as she was. The beautiful angel of my child hood, and then I see it, my hair, it’s long… just like… like what? I don’t recall, so I dismiss it, somehow I think I normally wouldn’t, but I do. I wonder why.
When I was little I used think what if I touched moms mirror? Would I step through the looking glass into a world of dreams? And more importantly, would she be there? I brush my hair slowly, I don’t know where the brush came from, I don’t see what’s around me, and you know what? None of it matters. I reach out to the glass and I step through, right into the stargate's tunnel.
I seem to float for an eternity, oddly enough this dress doesn’t hinder me… isn’t it supposed to? I mean that’s why I don’t wear dresses right… or maybe… no… wait… yes, that’s why. It’s because of Mom, she used to wear them, and she always looked like an angel to me. MY beautiful angel. Oh mom… why can’t I ever see you? Why can’t I find you?
Oh, here I am. SGC, I like it here, I belong here, and so long as I have work to do… well anyway I belong here. Where is everyone? I walk through the halls. I see other SG teams… odd how they don’t notice the dress… where is Daniel? Teal’c? Jack? Where?
"Sam!" I turn around… oh its Janet. ‘Hello Janet’… oh wait a minute I thought that… but she heard it… how?
"You’re gonna miss it, come on, and you got all dressed up too!" I don’t understand what she’s talking about, but I follow anyway. Janet leads me into a room… room? More like a ballroom, it’s huge. The marble, it must cost a fortune… It’d be a pity if it became stained… and blood is so hard to wash out…. Blood?
"Welcome" Daniel’s voice booms around me… where did that come from? Oh, he’s behind me… dressed like an ancient Greek herald… Olive wreath and all. Picking up a scroll he begins to read, and as the truths he reads bombard me, I begin to cry.
I’m guilty… guilty of loving someone I shouldn’t, someone I’m forbidden to even think of as a lover… guilty of breaking my own heart, guilty of self delusion… so guilty, of so many things. "Your sentence Samantha Carter." Turning I see Teal’c, dressed like a Jaffa… On a pillow he holds a gun "To be carried out now" Nodding I take it. In the seconds that follow I turn to the man kneeling in front of me. Ironically, despite the changes in everyone else, he is as he was. The graying hair, the green fatigues, and his eyes… so pleading, so loving.
"I’m sorry." I whisper and before I can think, I fire the gun.
~*~
Gasping I wake up into the darkness of early dawn. The image of his eyes as I killed him fresh in my mind.
Blinking, I suddenly realize that I'm not remembering, but staring into Jack's eyes. That he isn't merely a figment of my dreams but real. The warmth of his nearness and the concern in his eyes override my common sense and before I can stop myself I've flung my body forward into his arms, my head resting against his shoulder as I try to keep from crying. He seems surprised for a moment, tense, but then he relaxes and rests his hands on the small of my back. "You O.K. Carter?"
I inhale sharply, suddenly embarrassed and humiliated to act so rashly. "Of course Sir." I back away from him as fast as possible, the regulations of the US armed forces suddenly falling between us like a wall. "Just had a bad dream." I offer him what I think is a shaky smile, then rise to my feet as fast as possible to take my turn at watch. Behind me I sense him getting back into his bedroll, and instead of listening for hostile forces, I listen to his breathing as it evens out into the night.
The air here is piercing, crisp as a babbling brook. Against my skin the breeze feels almost sensuous, almost like a lovers gentle caress. I take the air into my lungs, savoring the smell of cleanliness, of everything that was calm and right, everything that was different from turmoil that I felt so often.
The sun will be up soon, and another day of masquerading behind the role of a US Air Force Major will begin, a day filled with 'yes sirs' and 'no sirs', and the avoidance of his eyes at all times. My heart sinks at the prospect and I remember suddenly my dream. I walk closer to where he rest, his sleeping bag between Daniel's and my own empty one. Calmly I point my M-16 at his heart, feeling the same nonchalant rush that filled my dream self. One little motion, that's all it would take. One motion, and I could steal his life away and lock him in my heart forever.
Instead, I steal a kiss.
~~~
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