Correct Application Of Pressure

Chapter 1

Even now, after ten years of working at the SGC, I remain in awe of the simple majesty that is the Stargate. As it spins into life before me, its inner circumference rotating effortlessly, the chevrons slowly locking into place, I am reminded of the countless journeys that I have made and the people that I have met along the way.

People like Colonel Daniel Jackson.

I glance to my left, seeing him watching the gate's activation, my own sense of undiminished wonder reflected in his eyes. He must sense my perusal of him because he briefly pulls his gaze away from the gate and stares at me, a soft smile gracing his lips.

"This just never gets old." The wonder in his eyes is now encapsulated in the sound of his voice.

"Chevron seven is locked." Sergeant Harriman's words echo around the concrete confinement of the gate room.

The wormhole connects, the plume of energised plasma erupting from its core before pulling back and forming the placid watery membrane of the event horizon.

"Colonel Jackson, your team are clear to go. Have a safe journey home." General Landry's voice booms across the loudspeaker.

"Thank you, General." Colonel Jackson comes to attention, snapping off a stiff salute toward the control room before nodding toward his team, who start making their way up the ramp.

Instead of joining them, he crosses the short distance to where I stand with the rest of my SG-1. He shakes hands with Mitchell and Teal'c thanking them for their assistance in getting his team safely home. He halts in front of Daniel, his blue eyes swiftly and professionally sizing up his alternate self. Seemingly satisfied with what he sees, his proffers his hand toward him and Daniel reciprocates. 

"It's been interesting meeting you, Doctor Jackson."

"Likewise."

He pauses in front of me, the unconcealed relief that he will be returning home almost emanating from his body in tangible waves. For a moment he just stares at me, his eyes intense and unwavering, their blue depths a maelstrom of mixed emotions and unfulfilled dreams. The smile on his lips falters slightly before he fixes it back into place once more.

I'm probably the only one here that knows the reason behind that faltering smile. The only one that knows that he was thinking of his deceased wife and the life that they had shared so happily until fate tragically snatched her away from him.

"Words can't describe the debt of gratitude that I and my team owe you, Colonel Carter." His words are couched within the professional military decorum dictated by our ranks. "Your expertise and diligence has given us back our futures. Nothing that I or my team could say or do could ever repay that."

There is so much hidden between the lines. Things that only I can pick up upon. It makes me feel both profoundly proud and respectfully humble.

"It wasn't just me." I don't want to take the praise for an endeavour that wasn't entirely all my own doing. "If the Asgard hadn't provided us with the technological means for correcting the convergence, you would still be here."

"All the same, you were the one that figured it all out."  He takes hold of my hand,  cupping it between his. His eyes leave mine and shift back to Daniel. "Doctor Jackson, I hope you realise that you have a very special lady here. "

Daniel shifts awkwardly next to me, uncertain as to why the Colonel has directed his remark toward him and not toward the team as a whole.

"I can assure you, Colonel, that everyone on the team thinks very highly of Sam's technological and military expertise. She's pulled our butts out of the fire too many times for us to deny it and we'd never take it for granted. Trust me, we know she's a very special person."

"But what about you, Doctor Jackson?" The Colonel presses, his eyes intent and purposeful. "Do you know just how special Sam could be?"

Daniel's eyes dart from the Colonel to me and back again, as though looking for some hidden meaning behind the military officer's cryptic aside.

"I hope you and your team have a safe journey home, sir." I use the change of subject to break the uncomfortable moment between us.

The Colonel nods his head, releasing my hand and taking a step back. "Care to take a walk with me?" Deftly he pivots on his heel and heads toward the Stargate.

I hesitate briefly before following him, catching him up at the base of the ramp.

"What was that all about?" We step onto the ramp proper, the sound of his shoes and my boots clanking on the steel walkway underneath.

"Just sounding him out." He takes a couple more steps before coming to a halt and turning to face me. Behind him the rest of his team are entering the Stargate, the slurping sounds of their bodies crossing the event horizon a strange accompaniment to our conversation. "Giving him something to think about. A little insurance in case you bail out on our little promise."

I briefly wonder if I could wind up in a courts martial for striking a superior officer from an alternate reality.

"You had no right to do that. This is my life. My reality."

Although my words are muted due to the close proximity of my teammates, the Colonel nonetheless hears the admonishment within them. He closes his eyes briefly before reopening them.

"I'm sorry, Sam." Regret is etched in the lines of his face. "You're right, I shouldn't have done that, but I don't want you wasting another five years of your life getting around to telling him how you feel." He casts a look over my shoulder to where Daniel is still standing. "You deserve to be happy."

The annoyance that I know I should be feeling at his meddling doesn't materialise. In its place there is an understanding of just how frustrating it must be for him to watch Daniel and I make the same mistakes that he and Sam made during their first years together. It must be agonising watching us let our fears and anxieties hinder the development of our relationship when he has firsthand knowledge of how different it all could be.

It's important to me that he doesn't leave thinking that I am upset with him. In the few short days since we met I have found myself becoming fond of him. I don't want our last moments together to be tense ones.   

"You must be looking forward to getting home. Getting to see your daughter again?"

"I am, Sam. You couldn't believe how much I've missed her." His tense posture eases. "When I thought I would never see her again..." His words trail off and he becomes lost in his own thoughts. For a brief moment the utter sadness that I witnessed in my lab returns, then it is gone, replaced once more by his professional decorum. "I can't thank you enough for finding a way to return me to her."

"Just give Amelie a big hug from me when you get home, that will be payment enough."

"I'll do that, Sam." A smile of genuine happiness crosses his lips making him look decidedly younger. He takes a pace forward, his arms going around my waist and pulling me against him in a tight embrace, oblivious of military protocol and the dumbfounded stares of those around us. "When she is older, I'll tell her all about you and how you managed to send her daddy back home."

He pulls back, one hand softly holding me at the waist, his eyes searching out mine, their blueness bright with gratitude. He runs an index finger tenderly across my jaw line."I see so much of my Sam in you." His voice catches slightly and he clears his throat . "I know you can do this, Sam. Just have the strength of your convictions." He places a soft kiss on my forehead before releasing me from his hold, moving away, turning on his heel and almost marching toward the event horizon and home.

"Colonel?" I call after him, stopping him before he can embark upon his journey through the gate. Before that last tangible link between us is broken forever.

He turns around unhurriedly to face me.

I bring myself to attention, my back straightening. Gradually I raise my right arm, crooking the elbow, raising my hand in a well practiced salute. Colonel Jackson hesitates and I see the muscles in his throat constrict as he swallows deeply. He takes a deep breath, bringing his body to attention and returning my mark of respect.

We hold the joint pose for a long moment, our eyes locked upon each other, saying our goodbyes through the medium of military discipline. Eventually Colonel Jackson drops his arm and I follow suit. He takes one final look at me before turning and stepping through the event horizon.  

A few seconds later the wormhole disengages, shrouding the gate room in silence. I remain standing on the ramp, staring at the point of his departure, a feeling of loss slowly creeping through my body. I have to blink several times in order to wash away the unexpected tears that have formed in my eyes.

Vaguely I become aware of the sounds of mingled voices, as those present in the gate room begin to leave and head back to their workstations. The harsh metallic sound of the opening blast doors resonates around me, sending small vibrations through the steel ramp until I can feel the tremors in my legs.

I shake my head, my mind already shifting gear, mentally preparing the report regarding the convergence and its satisfactory resolution. Turning, I head back down the ramp, stepping off of its metal base onto the concrete floor and stop dead in my tracks.

Daniel, is watching me, a mixture of confusion and curiosity warring for control of his facial expression. Ocean blue eyes bore into mine, a riot of mixed emotions skimming across their troubled surface. I see something else skirting around the periphery, showing itself for the briefest of moments before disappearing again as it is once more brought under control.

Was that jealousy?

He holds my gaze for a moment longer, until it becomes so uncomfortable that I am forced to look away. When I look back, it is to see him striding out of the gate room.

Correct Application Of Pressure

Chapter 2

I have been sitting in my car outside Daniel's apartment building for the last two hours. More than once my fingers have subconsciously curled around the ignition key only for me to sigh my resignation and pull my hand away before I can start the engine and drive myself home.

I have come here tonight for a reason.

To finally tell Daniel how I feel about him, to let him know the secrets that have lain dormant in my heart and to hope that he feels the same way and that there could be a future for us together.

However, having the strength of my convictions isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I wonder, not for the first time tonight, just how my alternate self managed to do it all those years before. How she managed to toss away the self doubts and uncertainties and embrace the self assuredness needed to follow her heart and obtain her dream.

Nagging insecurities persist, keeping me glued to the driver's seat of my vintage Volvo with the same viscosity as an insect trapped on flypaper. Telling him the truth is a big gamble. With one roll of the dice I could ruin everything.

Is it really worth the risk of losing my best friend by admitting to him that I have non-platonic feelings for him? What if my feelings are not reciprocated? What if Daniel doesn't want to embark upon an intimate relationship with me?

I exhale a deep breath and rake frustrated fingers through my hair.

The cell phone located on my passenger seat chimes into life and vibrates its way toward the seat's edge and oblivion. I snatch it up, switch it on and place it against my ear, hoping that it might be the base calling me back from my three day furlough for some kind of emergency. 

"Carter."

"You know, if you stay out there much longer my neighbours are going to call the cops on you." Daniel's voice drifts through the handset.

I lean across the passenger seat and look toward his building, toward the window on the fourth floor where his apartment is situated. The window blind is pulled up, revealing Daniel backlit by the room's internal lighting. He gives a finger wriggling wave toward my car.

"How long have you been watching me?" I'm fervently wishing that it hasn't been all that long.

"Oh...since about ten minutes after you got here." His voice is devoid of concern. "I figured you'd come on up when you were good and ready." He pauses and I can hear him doing things in the background, the sounds muffled by the phone. "I've just put a pot of coffee on."

"Costa Rican or Columbian?" The sense of déjà vu slips across my senses as the words leave my mouth, causing me to involuntarily shiver.

"Actually, it's Kenyan." Daniel breaks the moment as only he knows how. "Your mug is prepped and ready."

I nibble on my bottom lip trying to decide what I should do. If I go on up then I have to see this through. My procrastination has probably already aroused Daniel's curiosity. However, knowing him like I do, he probably wouldn't push the subject, so in theory I could pop in for coffee and still be able to make it back home with my secrets safely intact.

But is that what I want?

"Sam?" Now there is an edge of concern to his voice and I know that if I could see him more clearly, he would be frowning.

"I'm on my way, Daniel." I disconnect the phone call and open the car door. Stepping out into the deserted street I take a moment to inhale the cool Colorado mountain air, letting it infuse my senses and calm my nerves. I lock the car and head toward the apartment block.

A few minutes later I am standing outside Daniel's apartment my hand raised to knock on the door when I notice that it is already slightly ajar. I push it open and walk inside, closing it securely behind me.

"Daniel?"

"In the kitchen."

I make my way through his living room pausing briefly to look at some of the artefacts that adorn the shelves and walls. Some are mementoes from bygone archaeological digs that he has been on, others form part of the legacy bequeathed him upon Catherine Langford's death. I smile at a photograph, taken before he became a part of the Stargate programme, of Daniel sitting astride a rather irritated looking camel.

"I thought you might like some cookies with your coffee." I turn to find Daniel standing behind me, a plate of cookies in one hand and two mugs of steaming coffee in the other. He places them carefully upon the glass coffee table and takes a seat on the couch. His eyes invite me to take a seat next to him.

I sit down beside him, aware of his eyes scrutiny. He is wondering why I am paying him a visit during one of our rare moments of downtime?

In the early days we used to spend a lot of our out of work time together, when things were simpler between us. When he had a wife and I had a perfectly good excuse to suppress my feelings for him.

Over time things changed, he lost Sha're and my feelings became more difficult to ignore. There were times when I couldn't trust myself around him, terrified that in a moment of madness I might say or do something rash. I backed away, only participating in group activities. Learning to school my emotions and lock away the tendencies of my heart.

After Kelowna I couldn't bring myself to go anywhere near his old apartment, it reminded me too much of everything precious that I had lost. Just the thought of being in a room he once occupied filled me with so much grief, that it threatened to physically break my heart in two. For the first time in my military career I ducked out of an assignment. It had to be left to the Colonel and Teal'c to sanitise his belongings.

"Want to try a cookie?  They're walnut and maple syrup and they're actually quite good." Daniel's voice breaks me from my melancholic musings. He reaches toward the plate on the table and snatches up a cookie, biting into it, crumbs tumbling down to lodge in the fibres of his sweater. He dislodges them with a brush of his other hand. "Mrs Finkle, my elderly neighbour, bakes them for me. She figures that as I don't have a girlfriend I must be slowly starving to death."

The word ‘girlfriend' reminds me of why I'm here. If everything goes right tonight maybe Mrs Finkle can put away her oven gloves once and for all.

"Maybe I'll try one a little later." I'm not sure whether I could stomach eating one right now without nervously choking on it.

He nods his head and pushes the plate of cookies away from him as he picks up his coffee mug. He takes a long mouthful of the hot brew, his eyes still looking at me enquiringly.

"So, what were you doing camped outside my apartment, Sam?" The feeling of déjà vu intensifies. Although the question isn't the same as the one that I had asked the alternate Daniel, the manner of its asking is.

I pick up my coffee mug, letting its heat warm my chilled fingers as they wrap around it. I softly blow air across its rim, cooling the hot liquid inside, using the distraction in a vain effort to stall for time while I try to put my thoughts into some coherent order. I take a cautious sip of the coffee and swallow slowly.

"Would you believe that I've been trying to buck up the nerve to come up here and  talk to you?" I guess honesty is the best policy. I take another sip of the coffee wishing that it was laced with brandy or whisky to give me a shot of Dutch courage.

Daniel frowns, an endearing furrow appearing between his eyebrows. "Since when have you ever had to find the courage to talk to me, Sam?"

I shrug nervously, bowing my head, still searching for the right words in a mind that has become irritatingly blank and non compliant. Suddenly I feel restricted sitting on the couch, so I put down the coffee mug and stand, making my way over to the fireplace.

Daniel's eyes follow my every movement.

"I'm glad that we managed to get all the teams back home, to their loved ones."

"I'm not sure that the team in black feels very happy about it." Daniel's voice has an edge to it. "We pretty much consigned their world to oblivion, they were depending on the ZPM to save them." He shrugs his shoulders, his eyes becoming harder. "I can't say that I feel sorry for them, they were prepared to sacrifice every other reality to save their own."

"Wouldn't we have done the same, in their situation?"

"I'd like to think that we would have found another way. That we wouldn't have been so ruthless." The deep blueness of Daniel's eyes catch and hold my own. "As interesting as this conversation is...I don't think that you came here tonight to talk about the convergence."

It's true I haven't come here to talk about the convergence, although in its own way it has had an influence on my being here.

"So what have you come here to talk about?" Daniel sits forward, his hands clasped together, his eyes attentive. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Anything that is bothering you?"

I close my eyes at his words and inhale a deep breath.

"How much do you know about Colonel Jackson?" I guess a part of me is trying to figure out just how much Intel Daniel might already know about his alternate self, after all he was the one who interviewed the Colonel and his team.

"I don't know much. A little bit about his team, their mandate, the fact that they were returning from a diplomatic mission when the convergence brought them to our reality." Daniel's eyebrows knit together in a frown. "Why? Are you here to talk about Colonel Jackson?"

"Partly." The frown deepens until it is wrinkling his forehead. His eyes become guarded and for a moment his demeanour mirrors the one that I witnessed in the gate room. His body looks tense. "Did you know he was a widower?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"He has a young daughter. He was desperate to get back to her." Daniel's silence prompts me to go on. "His wife died in a tragic off world accident a year ago. She was an Air Force Major, his second in command." I watch as his eyebrows begin to inch upward as realisation starts to dawn. "He had been mourning her death for a year when the convergence brought him to our reality, being here didn't exactly help his grieving process."

"Because you and all the other Samantha Carter's reminded him of his late wife." Daniel's razor sharp mind has filled in all the intentional blanks in my rhetoric. He always has been good at joining up the dots. "He was married to you in his reality."

"Yes."

I reach for a framed photograph that sits on his mantelpiece, it's of the two of us taken at one of General O'Neill's famous beer soaked barbecue's. We are lying together in a hammock, Daniel's arms casually wrapped around my waist, my hands resting lightly upon his forearms. We are grinning at the camera. We look happy, relaxed, together.

It reminds me of the photographs that Colonel Jackson had shown me. It could quite easily have been one of theirs, taken at any time during their marriage.

Maybe there is hope for us. All I have to do is take a leap of faith and see this thing through.

"They were happily married for six years, together for seven. That is until she died of radiation poisoning on Kelowna."

"She died on Kelowna?" The surprise in his voice is palpable. When I look away from the photograph toward him I see that his eyes have widened in shock.

"Before you ask, there was no reprieve for her, no ascension." I carefully return the framed photograph to the mantelpiece. "I reminded him of someone he lost, someone he was still grieving for." I turn away from the fireplace and take a step toward where Daniel is still seated. "More than that, he showed me something I thought I could never have."

"What did he show you?" There is a hesitancy in his voice, as though he isn't too sure that he really wants to be asking that particular question.

"That if I want it badly enough, I can have a future outside the SGC."  My heart has started to thump erratically in my chest. I can feel the blood pulsing at my temples. " He showed me that I didn't have to return to a lonely house night after night, that instead it could be warm and friendly and full of love." I nibble at my bottom lip, my nervous energy wanting an outlet. "All I have to do is take a chance."

"I'm happy for you, Sam." The tone of his voice belies that statement, he doesn't sound happy at all.

"Daniel, they even gave me a blueprint on how to achieve it. They bent the rules, manipulated them to serve their needs. They kept it all a secret from the powers that be, but only long enough so that neither their integrity nor their professionalism could be thrown into doubt. In the end there was nothing that the authorities could say or do that would deny them."

"It sounds like a good plan."

Again there is the muted enthusiasm in his voice. He is trying desperately to keep his emotions neutral, but under my intense scrutiny he fails and I see desolate sadness wash across his features.

"Daniel?"

"Hmm."

He isn't looking at me, in fact he is steadfastly avoiding me. The world begins to tilt on its axis, my equilibrium spinning off in several directions at the same time.  To make matters worse my stomach decides it is now on a rollercoaster and plummets toward the floor.

Oh God!

"Daniel, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then why aren't you happy?" My heart is thumping wildly in my chest again, but this time not in excitement, but in dread.

Could I have really gotten this so wrong?

Have I just made one of the biggest mistakes of my life?

He raises his head slowly, plastering on his lips a semblance of a smile. "You deserve to be loved, Sam, you deserve to be happy. I want that for you more than anything in the world."

"Then I don't understand."

He rises from the couch and slowly walks toward me, his step measured, his face a mask of concealed emotions. He doesn't stop until he is directly in front of me, until I have to lift my gaze to counter the height difference.

"I'm glad that my alternate self was able to furnish you with a means of getting around the impasse.  I know how difficult the fraternization rules are when it comes to relationships between military personnel." His hands rest on my shoulders, squeezing them softly. "I know he isn't your commanding officer anymore, but I also know that any relationship between you could still be frowned upon, given his higher rank and the fact that you used to be in the same chain of command. I hope with all my heart that Colonel Jackson's methods work for you."

Okay, now I'm taken aback.

Literally.

What the hell is he talking about?

"Daniel?"

His fingers brush an errant strand of hair out of my eyes, tucking it gently behind one ear. They move to my neck, trailing tenderly along the skin, sending an involuntary shiver cascading down my spine. His lips curve up into a melancholic smile.

"I hope you and Jack will be very happy together."

I think I have stepped into a time dilation field. Although I see Daniel's lips moving and I hear the words spoken, it seems to take an eternity for them to register in my brain.

"Jack!" My voice rises an octave as my synapses finally fire into life. "Jack O'Neill? As in General Jack O'Neill?"

"Ah...yeah." Daniel's eyes dart back and forth behind his glasses in confusion.

"You thought I was telling you that I'm getting together with the General?"

"Why else would you tell me a story about your alternate self finding a way to be with her superior officer?" His eyebrows have risen high upon his forehead. " I thought you were telling me that you had found a way for you and Jack to be together."

"And I'd come all the way over here to tell you that because..."

"I'm your friend and I'm Jack's friend. I'd be someone that you would be comfortable talking to about it, once you'd figured it all out."

"How about Teal'c?  He's my friend too, you don't see me spending hours parked outside his apartment."

"That's because he lives on base, Sam. I think the Air Force would take umbrage at you parking your Volvo in the corridor. " A small smirk forms on Daniel's lips.

I narrow my eyes and give him a snarky look.

"Wiseass!"

"So you and Jack aren't..." Daniel's deep blue eyes now shine brightly with relief. Hope flickers intermittently, flaring momentarily before being extinguished by his still hesitant nature.

"There is no Jack. There never was a Jack and there never will be a Jack." I shake my head at him, trying to reassure him. "It was a brief infatuation, nothing more. Nothing came of it and nothing happened between us."

"Really?" Daniel  still sounds unconvinced, as though he still can't allow himself to believe the truth of my words.

"Really." I place a hand on his arm, gently squeezing it, feeling the soft fibres of the sweater crumple under my touch. "Daniel, I didn't come here tonight to talk about me and Jack." I have taken the first hesitant step away from the comfort of who we are, now I take a tentative stride toward who I hope we can become."I came here tonight to talk about you and me."

"You...and ...me?" He whispers the words, as though fearful of voicing them any louder, in case it shatters this moment between us.

"It's taken me a long time and a lot of soul searching to reach this point. To even admit my feelings to myself ,let alone anybody else." I raise trembling fingers to his face and softly brush them against his evening stubble. "There is so much I want to say to you. So much that I need you to know, about how I feel, about what I want."

"Tell me." His hand cups my chin, his thumb tenderly brushing across my bottom lip. Eyes the colour of a summer sky stare intently into mine. "Tell me everything."

A large boulder has taken up residence in my throat. I have to swallow convulsively to clear it.

"You are an integral part of my life and your friendship over the years has surpassed anything I have ever experienced before. It's because of that friendship that I have held back, that I have denied the truth of my feelings for you." His other hand has left my shoulder and is softly stroking my back.

 "At first I was content just being your friend. You were married and although I was attracted to you, I would never have come between a man and his wife. I saw how much you loved Sha're. Saw the undeniable pain and sorrow when Apophis took her away from you. The revulsion in your eyes when you found out that he had impregnated her. I can't even imagine how you must have felt. All I know is that I prayed that we would find her and return her to you. I would have done anything to achieve that, Daniel.  I would even have traded myself in her place."

"God! No, Sam." His fingers brush across my cheekbone. "Don't say that."

"I would have...willingly."

Tears form in his eyes, pooling wetly, but refusing to flow. He dips his head until our foreheads touch, the contact further binding us together in this moment of confession.

"After her death I kept my distance. Your grief was so hard to ignore, if truth be told I think each and every one of us was grieving with you. I couldn't blame you when you said you wanted to leave and start afresh, it seemed the most logical thing to do, but deep inside, my heart ached for your return. As luck would have it I got my wish, but I still couldn't be with you, Daniel. It was too soon, you were too wounded and I knew it would take a very long time before you trusted your heart with anybody else."

"Sam..."

I stop any further words with a finger to his lips.

"Kelowna was my catalyst. Watching you slowly succumb to the radiation sickness tore my very soul apart. Knowing there was nothing I could do was worse than just sitting there and watching you leave me in stages. I don't think I will ever forget all those blood soaked bandages and the smell, Daniel, the smell of your body as it decayed will stay with me forever." I feel him pull away from me and his eyes lock with mine. The first few tears break free from their containment and slide quietly down his face. My own tears well and blur my vision. "I wanted to tell you how I felt then, I even tried to, but in the end my words were awkward and  inadequate, putting the onus on a dying man to try and make sense out of them."

His hands glide down my forearms, his fingers entangling with mine and holding them tightly. Tears are running steadily down his face now, dripping off his chin to patter softly against the sweater he is wearing. I don't mean to make him cry. I don't want to hurt him, but if we are going to do this he has to know everything that is in my heart.

"When you died I felt so forlorn, alone and drowning in a sea of grief. Everyone around me carried on, buying into that ‘way of the warrior crap' that so defines the military. I felt as if I was the only one truly mourning your passing and that year was the most unbearable I have ever had to face. I won't lie to you, Daniel, I was angry with you. For choosing Oma over us...over me."

"Sam..." My name comes out upon a choked sob. His fingers tighten their clenching hold upon my own. 

"Then I found out that you had visited the others. I couldn't believe that you had done that. I couldn't believe that you had bypassed me. What had I done? Wasn't I hurting enough inside to deign your appearance? Did I have to be half dead or tortured to the brink of insanity before you would come to me?"

"Oh God, I'm sorry, Sam. I truly am. "Undiluted pain washes across his face at my disclosure. "It was never my intention to hurt you, but I didn't know...I didn't see..."

"I would have done anything to see you again. To share one more moment with you. To feel one more touch of your skin against mine. I would have done anything to know that you were alright. That you were still there in some form or another, but I had nothing, only blind faith in you and the fervent wish that there was still something of you left in the universe."

"Please, don't say anything else, Sam." As if backing up his plea, he pulls me solidly against his body. His arms engulf me in a tight embrace and I feel his chin come to rest upon my head. Instinctively my own arms wrap around his waist and I cling to him as though he was a lifeline in a storm tossed sea.

For a long time we just stand there in the middle of his living room holding one another. The sounds of muffled sobs and hitching breaths filling the air. Our trembling bodies rock softly against each other as we try to wrestle with our riotous emotions, seeking out solace within each other's arms.

"Sam?" Daniel's voice is thick with emotion, and it catches on my name.

"Yeah."

"Just give me the bottom line, will you?  Just tell me exactly what it is that you want?"

I take a deep shuddering breath and pull back from him enough so that I can look up into his face. My hands brace against his chest and I slowly slide them up and around his shoulders until they encircle his neck. It's the exact same position that I found myself in with his alternate self a few days ago, only this time I'm with the man I want to be with.

"I want you, Daniel."

He stares down at me with watery blue eyes. The moment draws out longer than I hoped for and my uncertainties reignite inside me once more. Then slowly, so agonizingly slowly, his head descends and my eyes flutter shut as his lips cover mine.

They are soft, tender, gently moving against mine in this first cautious kiss. His arms tighten against my waist, pulling me further against him, his lips sealing themselves over mine with more pressure. His tongue brushes against my bottom lip and I open myself to him on a muffled moan.

Minutes later I pull away from him, the dazed recipient of the longest, most scorching kiss I have ever received. My lips tingle and a warm lassitude has seeped into my body. Any lingering doubts that I had about Daniel's feelings toward me have evaporated within the heat of that kiss.

"I want to be with you, Sam." His voice has lowered to what can almost be described as a seductive huskiness. His eyes shining brightly with unconcealed desire. "I want you in ways that you couldn't possibly imagine."

"Trust me, Daniel, I can imagine a lot."

His fingers comb through my hair as he pulls me back toward him for another searing kiss. This time I kiss him back with equal fervour, devouring his lips with mine.

We pull apart to take in much needed oxygen.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Daniel is breathless, his eyes serious, very serious.

"Yes. It's what I want. It's want I've wanted for a very long time."

"Not just for tonight then?"

"Not just for tonight," I kiss him softly on the lips, "but for every night."

He engulfs me in another all encompassing embrace, his lips peppering my face, eyes, nose and mouth with a succession of feather light kisses.

"You think we can do this? That we can pull this off, without anyone suspecting?"

"I know we can, Daniel." I run my hands beneath his sweater, surprised to find that he isn't wearing a vest underneath as my fingers encounter warm, pliant skin. I sweep them across his abdomen, feeling the muscles there involuntarily tighten at my touch and revel in the realisation that I can now really do this. I can touch him in the ways that I have always wanted to. "We keep it under the radar. Keep our professional lives and private lives separate. Don't give anyone a reason to suspect that something is going on between us. If our alternate selves can do it, then we can do it. Someone very smart and courageous once said that it's all about the correct application of pressure. That if you apply pressure at the right place and at the right time, you can make anything bend to your will."

Daniel's hands haven't been idle during my exploration of his body. He has been deftly undoing the buttons on my blouse until it now hangs lose and open,  exposing my bra clad torso for his inspection. He dips his head and places an open mouthed kiss on the rise of my right breast, the sensation sends jolts of pleasure cascading through my body.

"And who was this wondrous person that bestowed such pearls of wisdom upon you."

"Oh...you wouldn't know her. She was married to some military type in a reality far, far away."

I grin unashamedly at him and after a moment he grins back.

"Please tell me that you're not planning on going home tonight?" His hands slip inside the blouse, resting softly against my waist, his thumbs drawling whirling circles against my hip bones.

"Um...why?"

"Because I have some ideas of my own regarding the correct application of pressure." His lips slide hungrily across mine. "I was hoping to perhaps bend you to my will."

He tugs on my hand and leads me toward the bedroom.

"Daniel?"

"Hmm."

"I have something important to tell you."

"What's that?"

"I think you're going to have to tell Mrs Finkle that her baking days are over."

The End.