Excellent story. I had to read it from beginning to end. Great job! Keep them coming.

Author's Response:

Thanks muchly for my first review!  A lot more should be going up in the coming weeks as I transfer all my stories into the archive! 

Excellent. Very well written. I love J/S and often don't see enough. This is an excellent episode tag. Thanks for sharing.

This is a great story!

Your story seemed to brush from action to action so quickly that it feels like a whirlwind. Have you considered going back and fleshing out the story line? Or fleshing out your dialogue to show the emotions more concisely? I would be glad to Beta if you want some help.

Your story has an awesome foundation and wonderfully intricate plot line. I am looking forward to your sequel. Keep up the great work.

Ahhhh! You can't stop here!! More please.

Good fic. I think that Jack would a bottled it up and Sam would have had to drag it out of him a bit more. But the wording and feelings behind it are very accurate. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks for your comments. I am so glad you enjoyed it. I am still new at writing these characters. I've been watching lots of Stargate as of late, trying to get a better feel for how they talk and interact.

Excellent story. Loved it. Only saw one tinsy, weensy error. Sugar was misspelled near the bottom. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much - I am glad you enjoyed it!\r\n(yea the responses are working!)

Yeah! The team finally figured it out. Please post soon so we can see the fallout. Excellent job so far.

Don't worry about your descriptons of the sound. Most people just imagine a Hollywood picture. Your descriptions were more than enough to ensure our imaginations covered the distance. Machine gun fire can be heard amost a mile away and is very distinct. If you wanted to see pictures of damage. Google War Pictures or Images. The Bosnia conflict is a good place since most of the fighting took place in small cities and villages that look alot like the USA. They are more disturbing simply because you can easily identify the objects that are destroyed or left behind as refust. The image that sticks with me is a bullet riddled brick wall behind a girls bicycle. No blood, just devistation that shouldn't be. CNN and FoxNew are also good websites for images and information.
I did want to add that you don't have to over describe a scene. Have someone in law enforcement or martial arts read your fight scenes and they can tell if you have too much or not enought imagry. Personally, I think you hit it spot on. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks for the advice...not sure I actually want to see the pics. I remember some similar shots from the Olympic spots way back when : ( I wouldn\'t have thought of looking for something like that though. And thanks also for the encouragement. I haven\'t written many action scenes so it was a bit of a stretch for me.

Please repost. Hard to read with no paragraph breaks. Thanks.

Author's Response:

I'm trying but the uploader refuses to see my text files AS text files. No matter how many times i try it. Same with HTML files. And do the cut and paste thing, it cuts out all the spaces. I'm gonna keep working on it, but i may just abandon helio and suggest the folks check it out on fanfiction.net. at least its uploader is working.

Sorry about the inconvenience

Ha! Nice to know that I'm not the only one forced by my muse to write about this particular monster. Good job.

Author's Response: Thanks! Muses work in mysterious ways, sometimes. :)

It didn't post the story. Try posting again without the preview. I've found that it always seems to fail if I preview. You can check it after it is posted if you think you need to edit.