Aiden Parker's Stargate
Aiden Parker's Stargate
by amber
Title: Aiden Parker's Stargate
Author: amber
Email: slugsg1@hotmail.com
Category: FutureStory
Season: future Season
Pairing: Daniel/Janet, other pairing, Sam/Jack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: character death, minor language
Summary: One man, given the chance to do soemthing great. What he did was far from it.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Title: Aiden Parker's Stargate
Summary: A hero of a different kind.
Author: Amber
Email: slugsg1@hotmail.com
Rating: PG to M, some adult themes but nothing TV hasn't already shown us. Disclaimer: I own nothing, Stargate owns me. Yadda yadda yadda...I don't get any profits...:) Warning: spoilers up to about season five Completed: August 2002 (8 month project! Am I glad its over or what?) Author's Note: After having the charter of Aiden dancing in my head for months, I found it hard to put it into words. Several deleted pages later; I finally made a start...only to have to change it again due to development in the real story line that I did not foresee...grrr! Feedback, as always will be treasured. This story takes place several years after season five. Archive: Heliopolis, anywhere ask first Aiden Parker's Stargate
"We'll fast forward to a few years later and no one knows except for both of us And I have honoured your request for silence You've washed your hands clean of this" Alanis Morresette, 'Hands Clean'
I was once was part of something great, greater than any one could of believed. And it was a secret, which made it all the more special. I was part of this thing that hardly anyone knew about, and I was doing something important. The first part was my dream; the second part was my parents. All in all you would have thought that it would have worked out wouldn't you? I guess the saying is true; all things good must come to an end.
For such a tight nit group, not one of them did much talking; sure they talked to each other, but nothing personal. It's a rule with in the air force, personal lives stay out side. I know that if you mix up the two you can't work. I joined the SGC, or Stargate Command in June 2003. I was 25 and still very much naive to the world. Since then I have burdened unimaginable horror, joys and scandal because I am not allowed to talk about this to my wife. It ruined my marriage, my sleep constantly ravaged with nightmares and eventually she left, unable to deal with her pain as well as mine. Secrecy clauses are designed to do two things, keep something secret and break up homes.
My name is Aiden Parker, I used to be a Lieutenant with the United States Air Force and I am about to do the unthinkable...I am about to break the oath that I took 35 years ago.
I am going to tell you what really went on with in something called the SGC.
There are several characters in my story; four of them have the leading role, yet in different ways. General Hammond, the leader of the SGC. Small and powerful, a tone in his voice rarely used unless there was a need. He stated the obvious, never saying much more than what had to be said. On the other hand, there is Teal'c, a quiet big man who can strike fear anyone's heart with just a look. I guess it's a fortunate trait because he never says anything much. Janet Fraiser was the head doctor there, though she was small, I know that no one ever second-guessed her. She was also rumoured in an affair with Doctor Jackson. Daniel Jackson, an endless encyclopaedia. The man speaks more than 23 different languages, knows a hell of a lot about archaeology and apparently was a bit of a hit with the ladies. He was also the only one who could ever grasp any of the concepts that Samantha Carter came up with. Major Carter has the ability to put a daze on anyone's face as the rattles off some theoretical impossibility, and yet she was not just a scientist, she was a very skilled airman or woman if you want to be politically correct... And there is the man I whom I didn't meet too much later. Colonel Jack O'Neill. Back where I trained in area 52 the man is a legend, quickly followed by his team, I come here to find that he is also a hit with the alien races...A renegade officer, he record was already blemished, but I guess that it is even more so now.
This is the tale that I am choosing to tell you, for it is the one that shows how desperate people can really get...
The Janet Fraiser and Daniel Jackson Saga
Sam sighs as I hand some kind of strange twisted metal contraption of seemingly great importance to her. This isn't her I'm sure, the one is Area 52 was feisty, full of life and daring...Now she is a sad moping mess, her eyes dull and lifeless. Hell, they all are. pathetic really. They walk around dead to the world and everyone steps out of their way, whispering on what could be wrong...and I haven't heard a single thing of it. Though, I have a good idea. Colonel O'Neill has left or something, and they are depressed form that. Ok, reasonable enough, but hell, its not like the man is dead...
Oh I was so wrong there!
You see, I was doing some strategic studies with the Major and she just seemed right out of it, never hearing a word I said, so I snapped. I have a short fuse.
"God, what the hell is wrong with you lot? You go around moping all day, and everyone is too scared to say anything to you lot. I'm sick of it, you may be SG-1, but that doesn't make you anymore special!"
She turned and stared at me. "Colonel O'Neill was taking by a Gould, he was then on a ship that we blew up. He is dead; I guess we are having trouble getting over it. Forgive us." She then frowned, straightened her shoulders. In and instant she was a different woman.
"Pass me a pen, I want to try something."
She sighs as I pass her the pen and then concentrates on trying out a counter attack on Apopthis' favourite battle plan.
She looks at me, her eyes far away. "I'm going to run this past the computer." And she stands, leaving abruptly. Ok. I think I hit a nerve. Again.
With nothing more to do, I begin to pick the stuff up when I knock a glass off the bench. This is not going well. I go to pick it up when a jaggered piece hits my finger.
Ouch. I have never been good with blood, but don't tell anyone, having a weakness is like having a disease...
Next stop, the infirmary with the delightful Janet Fraiser...Groan.
But what the interesting thing is that Daniel is in there, sitting on a bed, his legs spread with Janet in between them. No they aren't having sex, but talking, rather intimately together. So I guess the rumours are true...Daniel gets hurt on purpose to spend more time with Janet.
They thought I didn't see anything, that I didn't say anything, but at the time I thought it best to be diplomatic after my little altercation with the major. The strange thing is that I was never reprimanded for it, in fact, it seemed like I was praised instead for making the team snap out of it.
I was a hero!
There haven't been many times in my life where I haven't known what to say, but at the time, I had no idea, so I stepped out of the door way and kicked the wall with my foot loud enough to make a bang, and to hurt my foot. They sprung apart fast then superman ever flew and tried to make everything look natural as I walked in.
"Doctor Fraiser, I cut myself..." I sound like a little kid I realise, but who cares? I'm too busy not trying to stare at the madly blushing couple.
I am dismissed with a neat little bandage and wonder up to Walter in the control room. He is sitting there, a cup of coffee in his hand staring out into the no active gate. He turns to give me a smile in greeting.
"Aiden, what are you doing up here?"
"I kinda said to much to Major Carter?"
The cup goes down and he stares at me. "Like what?"
I shrug. "About the whole team about being zombies with Colonel O'Neill's departure."
Walter's eyes open wide, his mouth drops open and he stares at me, horrified. "You didn't?"
"I didn't know that he was dead!"
Walter sighs and leans back into his chair. I'd like to have his job, it would be one of the easiest around I reckon... "I guess they, no we all have to realise it."
"How long has Doctor Fraiser been here?"
"Since a couple pf weeks after we started. Why?" I tap on the desk, thinking hard. She would know them all very well. A smile cracks on Walter's face. "You're wrong pal."
"Wrong? About what?"
"Janet, there has never been any hint of a thing between her and Teal'c."
I smile, and get up from the chair. "Its not Teal'c I was talking about."
Walter jumps up slightly alarmed. "The Colonel?" Then his face changes as he finds the answer, but I am already down the stairs, looking for the Major.
Instead I find Teal'c.
"Lieutenant Parker."
"Teal'c, hey."
"I believe that you have spoken to Major Carter about O'Neill's death."
"Yeah. Look, I didn't know that he was dead, I thought he had just retired or something."
Teal'c nods slightly at that, and I am afraid that I am about to get hit...
"I must thank you for this." Huh? He's thanking me? "It is hard too get over ones death, but O'Neill has been dead for weeks, it is time that we moved on. You made Major Carter realise this, therefore the rest of. Thankyou."
I don't even notice as he leaves, I'm too busy trying to prevent the massive coronary that I'm about to get. I was just thanked for my stupidity. Who'd have thought? Mum would be proud; she said that being stupid wouldn't win me any respect!
Major General George Hammond. Nice bloke for a General, I guess. He is, well, a little harsh at times but that's the air force for you. He thanked me too and then told me I was now the fourth in SG-1. Reading between the lines, there was a little warning there about meeting some animosity from the other guys.
Anyway, I met it, and overheard it, and saw it.
"He's just..." Daniel collapsed into a chair, his hands limp in defeat.
Janet walked over and knelt in front of hi, her hand on his knee. "Aiden doesn't know the Colonel, Daniel, but he's helped us all move on. Perhaps there is something good about his naivety."
Daniel looked at her side on. "I just wish he'd be a little more tactful around Sam."
"He can't be expected to know what went on Daniel. None of knows what went on."
"Nor should he." He then looked up at her, his hands gripping hers tightly. "But us..."
Her face immediately darkens. "No Daniel I don't want to talk about it again." She stands and leaves, only to have Daniel grab at her arm, forcing her to turn and face him.
"I'm sick of hiding in closets Janet. We are too old to be playing games like this."
She glares at him, I'm sure that is she were a Gould, her eyes would be flashing about now. I abandon my eavesdropping post, through the doors and reach the elevator in time to see Janet storm out.
Carter Theorem
Two years ago, when I first started in Area 51, there were whispers involving the names of Carter and O'Neill and some alien virus, but since at the time the names meant nothing to me I ignored them and threw myself into Strategic manoeuvres and Backwards Engineering.
It was purely fascinating studying how other races engaged in battle. I loved the brutal take no prisoners' way of the Gould, and marvelled on how stupid and egotistical they could be. I would compare them to our own and then make up new and better plans.
Engineering was difficult I must say. I found myself dabbling with theorems and principles that were considered impossible to the world outside the SGC. Occasionally we managed to successful remake one or two alien devices...
These things combined landed me an interview and later a job within Cheyenne Mountain, so my wife and I were taken from our childhood home in Nevada...
So I came to Colorado expecting to see bright enthusiastic faces, but only got dead eyes that would glance up at me. Then I found out that the colonel was dead. Amazingly enough the whispers started again and this time, I paid attention to them.
"Aiden! There's a seat right here for you!" Sergeant Law is grinning happily at me from behind her cup of coffee. Beside her, Walter is much more subdued. He nods in greeting and continues eating.
"Major Carter's still in her office." I comment. "She's been in there since last night." I take seat and sip my own coffee. Strange how we can get addicted to the stuff... "She is still grieving for him, and it's been a while..."
"She'll never get of the Colonel's death Aiden." Law says it in such a way that I look at her. Her eyes are glinting mischievously. Walter has recognised her tone as well and glares at her.
"Law..." he warns, but there is no stopping Debbie law when she's in her element; base gossip.
"They were in love with each other, but never got to express it."
Interesting I must say, but I can't help but snort in disbelief. It's like high school all over again.
"How can you know that?"
"I delivered a file into their briefing once. They were sitting next to each other."
I burst out laughing. "That's it? That's all you have?" I can't believe that she founded a theory on just that! People of the opposite sex sit next to each other all the time. When I look back at her face is serious.
"They were looking at each other Aiden, they were both slightly smiling and they were sitting slightly too close. Like every other briefing"
A glance at Walter confirms it.
He may not have a glamorous job but he sure sees a hell of a lot what goes on around here. He stands up, the plate unfinished and walks out of the commissary, his face dark with anger. Slowly I turn back to Law. She smiles and stands.
"It might be just gossip Aiden, but there is usually some truth behind the rumours for it to start."
"Major?"
She looks up, startled by my voice. I would have been too, you could have heard a pin drop...
"Lieutenant."
"I ah, have something to show you..." I take the papers out of my pocket and hand it to her. She looks at them closely, her brow furrowed. "Walter gave them to me, it's a transmission from the Tokra..." I hand her the scribbled notes that Walter had given me only minutes before.
Her face visible pales and I know that she has reached the end of the note.
"...Sources inform us that the Gould Kelvai is in fact in Colonel O'Neill's body. He never died."
"How long ago did this come through?"
"10 minutes I guess, Several Tokra are on their way to inform us. Hammond's holding a briefing."
Sam nods and stares at the note, not quite sure what to make of it. She then hands it back to me. "Thankyou Parker, I'll be right there."
I nod and take the note and then head back up to the briefing room.
Law was right I think. There is a little truth behind it all...
Selmac and Aldwin arrive. Selmac is apparently Samantha's father and he walks up to her, a small smile on his face.
"Sam."
She doesn't say anything and just hugs him. Selmac nods to the rest of us and General Hammond quickly leads us up to the briefing room.
"Approximately we received intelligence from one of our new intelligence men on the inside said that he recognised the face of Kelvai. Finally we received word that it was in fact Colonel O'Neill."
"How did Kelvai escape? We saw the ship explode..."
"No one knows Major Carter." Aldwin says. "Energy reading were closely examined and we found a slight spike that could have been interrupted as an explosive forces, but we think that it was a ship jumping to light speed."
She sits back, slightly shocked by the news. He's been dead almost two years now.... She isn't the only one who is stunned by he news. Daniel is on his feet, arms crossed, head to one side not knowing what to do with himself, Teal'c has his head tilted, one eyebrow raised, his back straighter then normal.
They feel guilty for leaving him there. This I understand.
It is Aldwin who speaks first.
"We must act quickly. I know that the news is of great shock to you, but if you are to retrieve your friend, you must do it while you can."
"Where is he now?" Hammond asks. The rest of my teammates just stare blindly. I wonder if they are actually hearing any of this, or if the are imagining what the reunion will be like?
"Right now he is on a planet harvesting stores. I have the coordinates." Aldwin pressed. General Hammond looks at the original Sg-1 team members. He seems torn about his decision. He wants to have the Colonel back, but he also doesn't want to put any of the team in danger.
He lifts his chin. "What do they have to do?"
Selmac half smiles. "We will return for you in a day, then we will gate to Vorash where additional forces will be waiting."
"You're going away? How can you be sent on a mission when all you do is read computer read outs?"
I sigh again. I knew Kate wouldn't be happy. "Please, Kate, don't ask questions, you know I can't answer them."
She spins to look at me. Her shoulder length brown hair whipping around to conceal part of her dark face. Her blue eyes flash at me angrily. "We are husband and wife. We are not meant to keep secrets."
I don't give her a reply to that one. Basically because I think she is right.
She finally sinks to a chair and looks at me. "How long will you be gone Aiden?"
I sit beside her and take her hand. It's warm and comforting, easing the putrid feeling of fear that I have riddled through my body. "I don't know..."
Her face drops as she considers something that she's never had to worry about before. I know what she is thinking. The same thought hit me about an hour after I got home.
"Are you coming back?"
I want to lie, to make her feel safe, to make me feel safe but I cant...
"I don't know..."
Sometimes I feel guilty. A few days later I am standing in a cell, looking a brick wall and am wondering how Sam is coping rather than how my wife, Kate was... But I could always leave my life behind when I went to work. People wouldn't even know I was married unless I told them. For some reason I never flaunted the ring...it always got in the way...
She is just sitting there, staring off into space, her head tilted to one side as she remembers something that I am not allowed to know. Teal'c is standing near the entrance, close to me. That man never has an expression on his face...Selmac, aka Jacob Carter walks over and whispers to him.
"Did you see him?"
"Indeed." Teal'c pauses for a moment, a look shot in Sam's direction. "It was Colonel O'Neill, General Carter."
Jacob sighs and shakes his head. He is about to say something when the door opens and the Jaffa pull us out into the long halls. I'd love to know the material they make these with. Stupid question really, the whole gate system seems to love naquada.
Its here that I see Colonel O'Neill for the first time.
It wasn't what I expected.
He's tall, around 6 feet, a little taller maybe, with dark brown hair. He certainly doesn't look as old as 40 something, but I guess you can blame the sarcophagus for that...the brown hair too...the clothes aren't elaborate gold numbers, but rather simple Abydonian garb. The only clue that he's not human is that nasty looking gold jewellery that is curling up his wrist like a snake. The ribbon device.
He's reading some tablet thing when we come in, and doesn't look up. We are pushed into seats and just wait till he's ready to say something.
Finally, the tablet goes down and his hands clasp in front of him as he leans back in a chair on the same table as us.
"Major Carter, Daniel Jackson, Teal'c." He gives me a look over, reading my nametag. "Aiden Parker. I see I have been replaced."
"Not you." Daniel blurts out. "Jack."
He smiles a little and studies the former friend intently. "We are one and the same." He leans forward. "Maybe a little more than the other, but still the same."
Daniel shakes his head. "No its not. Its very different."
"My host seemed to think so too."
Seemed? I am not the only one who notices the past tense. Sam's back stiffened, Daniel sits back and Teal'c cocks his head.
"We know that the host does survive Kelvai. We can not be fooled."
Kelvai laughs, and its horrible, I cringe, trying to get away from it without moving. "Of course it does, or I would not be alive Teal'c. I also can not be fooled."
His last part of the statement is laced with vicious venom that at bites at me. Never had I heard such words spoken with so much hate... He knows that we are hear to bring the host back, and we know that there is a good chance that we wont be coming home alive...
He gets up and walks towards me, his eyes searching mine for something. Fear, hate, desperation? Well they are all there, my hands quiver and I stuff them in my pockets. His face twists into a smile and he barks at the guards.
"Take the rest back. I want a word with Parker here."
I throw a look at my friends, willing them to save me. Only Daniel gives me a sigh, anything done would be done in vain. Its then that I realise I couldn't care less about the man in front of me. I don't care how much he is loved by the SGC; I don't care if he is one of ours...
All I care about is getting home.
And I would leave him behind to do it.
Kelvai: Soul Destroyer
"You are scared, are you not?"
"Yes."
"I am not what you expected, am I not?"
"No."
"What did you expect?"
I look up at him, suddenly not scared, as I know that this is the truth.
"Something more."
"More doesn't mean elaborate possessions."
"For a species obsessed with power I would of thought so."
The eyes flash angrily and he sits back down. Kelvai sighs and looks at the door for a moment.
"For a long time my host believed that someone would rescue him. Did they try?"
"I don't know. I am only new to the team."
He smiles then. "Of course." He looks at me, the face neutral. "What did you give up to come here?"
What did I give up? What kind of interrogation is this? "Everything."
"As I expected. All I wanted to do was to live out my life quietly in some corner of the galaxy, not to be bothered...and I was doing that until my old friend Selmac had to disturb everything."
"I don't believe that you were doing nothing."
The eyes glow again. I wonder how the hell they do that...
"We are all doing something." He stops right on front of me, the eyes flash quickly, re-installing the fear that I had lost only a minute ago. "What would you give up to get out of here alive?" I stare at him, bending my neck slightly upwards. What would I give up? How can I answer that?
"The iris codes." He says softly. "Give me the iris codes so that I can take this body back to earth."
Then something occurs to me that Daniel would of thought of, and Sam...
"Is that all that there is? A body?"
"Hope keeps us alive Aiden Parker. Colonel O'Neill didn't have a lot of hope. All the things that he could of lived for he couldn't have. It was only about 6 months when I stopped hearing his voice."
"What did he live for?"
Kelvai looks rather stunned then, and I too am shocked. Here I am asking the questions to some parasite he would easily lift my hand and kill me.
"He lived for petty things of no importance. He lived for the Stargate and for SG-1." He smiles wickedly and I want to take a step back form him..."And for a person of great importance."
"And now?"
Kelvai straightens and he looks down at me before heading back to the throne. "And now there is nothing."
"What did he say to you?"
"If I give him the Iris codes, we can go."
"You didn't! Did you?" Demands Sam.
"No, of course not."
"Did he torture you?"
"No."
That has them stumped. Frankly, it has me a bit stumped too.
"Why not?"
Why not?
"I honestly don't know."
I look up at them; their faces are screwed, deep in thought. "I say that we make a break for it."
"No." Sam says it a bit too loud. "We have come for something, we are going to bring him home. No one gets left behind. Is that understood?"
No one answers, we are not game too, but I can that they are thinking about something that I don't know about.
Or do I?
Kelvai had said that O'Neill had lost hope in a person of great importance. That could mean a lot of things, but if you throw this in with what Law said in the commissary the other day. That's why Walter wouldn't say anything, and didn't want he to say anything...
Shit I must have been blind not to see this!
Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill were lovers.
As this revelation pops into my head I cant help but glace at her. She's looking out the cell door, pacing it.
Does this mean that O'Neill doesn't love the Major? Or is it that fact that she didn't rescue him? Or does she have someone else? Or was it a bad break up? Or...
As one, our eyes dart around the room, finally settling on a line of 6 Jaffa. Two are dressed in robes and look more like priests that Daniel had shown me pictures that he had drawn of for his references.
"Oh crap..." Daniel mutters softly. He knows what is going on.
"What?"
"I do believe that Kelvai is going to implant you with a host." Teal'c says, pausing as he looks at the priests. "And that he is going to retract my symbiote and Selmac."
"Oh." Indeed crap Daniel.
Kelvai walks in and doesn't even glance at us. He simply nods and the priest pulls a Gould from someone's belly, taking it toward us. He waves it in front of us and it hisses madly at me. How the hell can they just stand there looking at it?
I am knocked to the floor and the Gould is placed on my back. It slithers towards my neck.
Its sticky and wet, the cool skin sending shivers up my spine...I feel it lurch up and I close my eyes...its then that salvation comes to me.
My Jaffa relaxes his hold slightly, thinking that the Gould has me already somehow.
Fear does one of two things to people. It either makes them fight, or it makes them run. Today I am choosing both. I whirl my arm around, my elbow catching the Jaffa in the jaw. He is sent reeling back. I jump up, throwing the snake like creature away from me. It squeals and wriggles away. Kelvai is on his feet, and its then that I realise my teammates have taken action as well. Teal'c is now holding a staff weapon, shooting his fellows mercilessly. I pry a Zat from the waistband of my guard and aim it at Kelvai, firing a shot in his direction. I send another one quickly after it. Two to kill.
The energy doesn't do anything to him; it merely spreads across the barrier and dissipates. I forgot that they had force shields... Now his attention is purely focused on me.
My gun lowers slightly as his eyes hold me. Never have I found something so captivating! There is nothing like it, in that brief second his eyes glow yellow, I can see into the Gould's soul. He wants us dead. Not just our bodies, our souls...
His arm comes up, almost in slow motion and the ribbon device fire at me. I am sent reeling back into the wall, where my body feels like it is crushed. I don't remember falling to the floor.
Its Aldwin's soft voice that filters through the mist and I stir, groaning as my back protests. Ouch.
"Aiden, tak it easy, that was a pretty bad fall..."
Daniel. My eyes open and I prove that it is he. Then I realise that Aldwin never came to the planet with us..."Where are we?"
"Aboard the ship."
"Oh." I really want to know how I got out, how we escaped but not right now. I've got much of a headache.
"Are we going home?"
Daniel eyes lift from mine briefly and his gaze fall somewhere behind in.
"Eventually."
Well, at least we get there sometime before I die, that would be great.
As I drift back into a pleasant dark world, a thought flitters across my mind.
Today, I nearly died.
The next time I wake up, I hear a hollow voice, one horrifyingly familiar.
"Release me."
I sit up. For a moment the world spins but I ignore it and climb to my feet. Leaning on the wall, I stumbled into the cargo bay. She is standing there, her arms crossed and her chin is raised defiantly. At the other end of the room, is Kelvai, in chains, staring back at her.
"We got him?"
"In a matter of speaking." Daniel mutters from behind me. I turn and step up closer to him.
"The Gould still in him?"
He nods. "Jacob is taking us to Tollana get it out of him."
"The Tollan?" I feel like I'm an idiot. I'm repeating everything, but it just inst sinking in.
Daniel nods a second time. "Daniel, there is nothing left of him..."
"You're not supposed to believe what they say Aiden, its all smoke and mirrors."
"But he was so honest about the host surviving... I think that Kelvai is telling the truth."
Daniel looks at me darkly. I am shocked by what I see. Pure and utter loathing. How stupid can I be to believe in what a Gould says? I can't help it, but I believe it.
"What if Jack stopped believing in something Daniel? Hope keeps us going, what if he lost hope?"
Daniel frowns angrily at me and then walks into the cargo bay to stand by Sam. Daniel puts a hand on her shoulder and he leads her out of the bay and past me to sit beside Teal'c and the others. They don't believe I know.
I shrug. After 6 months I am still an outsider. Like I care.
I walk into the cargo bay and stare into the face of Kelvai.
"Do you know where you are going?"
"To Tollana. They will extract me from there." He angles his head slightly. "You're friends refuse to believe that there is nothing of O'Neill left."
Yeah, ok. Perceptive guy. "How is there nothing left?"
"How?"
He grins cruelly, as if reliving the moment on how his soul died. "He fought valiantly. Torturing me with bad comical words, his comments trying to make me angry while I probed his head, looking for his weakness. I finally found it."
I nod. "Major Carter."
He glances sharply at me, wondering on how I guessed it.
"That and his son Charlie."
He had a son with her? Where does she get the time to raise a kid...or maybe he was married before...
"I would ask him what happened to his son, how did he die, when was Carter coming to save him, why she wasn't here yet...over and over again. I made him relive his nightmares, and now there is nothing more of him. I have a quiet mind in which to live."
Quiet. I do love the peace, but now when I close my eyes, all I see is the slimy creature writhing in front of me, then I see the fangs and I can imaging the pain as it ploughs it way into my brain.
"You see it don't you?"
"See what?"
Kelvai's face turns serious for a moment, but his eyes flash. "The Gould, writhing on your body as it plunges in." He leans back against the wall. "You will never forget it Mr Parker." He shuts his eyes, signalling that the conversation is over.
But I'm not glad. How could I possible enjoy conversing with a Gould?
And Now There Is Nothing
Suddenly I can't breathe. I try to pull away strong hands hold me down. I try to turn, I kick out, and then the hands relax slightly. I push away, leaping from the floor...
I leapt from the bed. Kate looks back at me, dressed in a slinky nightgown. She's sitting on the bed... I run a hand through my hair and realise that I am shaking.
"Aiden..."
She was so happy to see me walk through the door, she had waited till the night for us to make love, and I realise that I had pushed her off of me...
"Aiden, what's wrong?"
What's wrong? Everything. But I can't tell her that. I don't want her body writhing on me, I don't want to feel it moist with sweat, and I don't want to feel anything. And I can't tell her why.
She gets from the bed and takes my hands, caressing them with her fingers. Something I used to love now repulses me and she feels me shudder.
"Something happened on the mission didn't it?"
I just look at her. I hope she understands it all without me having to say a word.
"Can you tell me?"
I feel my knees bend beneath me and she's next to me on the floor in a second. I grab on to and hold her, my fingers trying to grip her but she just keeps sliding away. I then let the tears fall down, pretty soon I am sobbing.
"I nearly died..."
I get a few concerned looks as I walk down the long halls to finally find Major Carters office. I can hear there whispers, its almost as if they are shouting to each other.
"...That's Parker, he's part of SG-1, the one that the Gould..."
Gould. Is that the only word that the base can speak? We now what they are, the have destroyed the Colonel's life, and me...well, I still sees its ugly face weeks after our return home.
In fact I am beginning to see it everywhere. Its there in Sam's eyes as she turns to see who had walked into her lab. It takes everything I got to stand my ground as her eyes flash yellow.
"Any news?" She asks hopefully?
"No." I shake my head miserably. "Well, I'm sure that they will tell us when there is."
"I don't see why we had to come home." She states, for the millionth time.
"There isn't any real point in us staying around while waiting for it to be removed."
She sighs, her shoulders slump even more. Sam's eyes are clouded, her lids puffy from the lack of sleep, her face grey. She looks about as bad as I do.
"You should get some sleep Sam."
All she does is nod and takes another mouthful of coffee. "Yeah."
Daniel appears in the door, shadowed by Teal'c. Daniels eyes are sad and already I know that the news from the Tokra isn't good. Sam doesn't see it. Hyped up on coffee and adrenalin, she leaps from her chair and repeats the same question.
"Any news?"
Daniel nods. "We have to go and get him."
"When?"
"Now."
Her eyes light up and for a minute she doesn't look tired and drawn. Hope. It can do such wonderful things.
She's up and running to the locker room before we realise.
We all follow, slightly less hopeful. So I guess it's true, love really is blind...
What is it now? The fourth time that I see him. I guess it's the second, since the Gould doesn't count.
The jokes are no longer there.
The smile is gone.
There is just nothing left.
It's almost like watching a ghost ... or a zombie. Colonel Jack O'Neill is just sitting there on the bed, his shoulders slumped and his hands hung limply by his sides. The head is bent at an unnatural and his brown eyes just stare into the space directly in front of him.
Not exactly the image of a hero...
We walked him through the gate, pushing him in the direction that we wanted. His legs still operate, but he now needs to be told what his body does. But that's no the only thing wrong. Major Carter isn't with us. As soon as the Colonel was safe in the infirmary she took off without saying a word to any of us. Janet the ever-doting mother of the SGC stands in front of Teal'c Daniel and I as we watch earth's former saviour.
"He won't recover will he?"
Janet beside me tares her eyes from the couple and looks to Daniel. "No, I don't think so. All his tests are normal, except for the protein marker, but it's as if he wasn't never taken..." She trails off and continues to stare.
I may be the outsider here, but I know Sam should be here, and I also know why she isn't.
She walked through those big doors on Tollana hoping that her being there would make a world of difference, that their shared emotional and physical past would make enough of an impact for Colonel O'Neill to remember and return to normal. In a way something right happened out of all this, just not he way that we had planned.
Samantha Carter's soul was repaired, but another part was torn off.
At least he's back though, right?
We slowly leave the room, for there was nothing more to see. I watch the others leave for the elevator, obviously going to see Sam. I want to go with them, but someone taps me on the shoulder.
A smiling Sergeant Law.
"So you're back?"
Her tone makes me want to throw up. "Not now Law." I try to walk past her, but she stops me. Am I beginning to sound like Walter? Before I would have talked to her about it all day long...
"Oh no, you're not getting away that easily, so was it a big reunion, hugs and kisses?"
She hasn't heard. Oh god, and I don't want to explain this to her, I don't even really know enough to explain why the man is a vegetable.
Law's face drops and her weight shifts back away from me.
"God, what happened Aiden?" Kate said almost exactly the same thing to me...
The elevator doors open with a ping. Only several metres away and I'd be home with Kate beside me...the doors close and I realise that I'm still there, standing in the hall with Law's thin fingers wrapped around my arm. I want to tell her everything; I want to tell someone about it...
But I don't.
"Nothing." I mutter and push past her, and I hit the elevator button.
I can feel her pale green eyes boring into my back and finally I hear a soft sigh and she leaves me waiting an eternity for the elevator.
Aiden?"
"Yeah Kate?"
"Aren't you coming home tonight?"
"I have a few things to do here. Slight emergency."
Her silence is deafening on the other end of the phone. I only made the call out of etiquette. It's been two days since we brought Colonel O'Neill back and I haven't been home yet. I know that I should face my demons, but I cant, I'm not ready to.
"Oh. How long ago did you get back?"
"Only a couple of hours."
"Oh. Hurry home OK? I miss you...."
"I miss you too."
I put the receiver down and hen it hits me. It's the first time that I have lied to her, let alone doing it twice in the conversation.
I don't miss her. I'd rather be here, 28 floors underground than in the same house with her. Its wrong, I know, but I don't know how to fix it. Only Kelvai does.
Something is definitely wrong here.
Very wrong.
He hasn't moved. He still sitting there, like an invalid, his mouth partly open and some drool is collecting in the corner of his mouth.
Some hero.
I'm alone in the infirmary, and this is my chance to fix what has happened to me. "Its all your fault." I accuse him. "If it weren't for you I would still be able to touch my wife, I would be able to let her touch me. Kate is no idiot, she knows something is wrong, and I can't tell her about it. Why? Because I am not allowed to. I have to keep this to myself, waiting, hoping that it goes away. But it never will. You were right, I would never be able to forget that slick creature slithering along my back towards my neck...I still see it every time I close my eyes. When ever I look at someone I see you."
I almost expect for the head to angle up and the eyes to glow and mock me with the cruel laugh.
But nothing happens.
It's all very well for him to be able to sit there, to sit, see and hear nothing. He feels no pain, no horror, shit I don't think he evens knows where he is. Lucky bastard. That's what I want. Anonymity. To be able to sit in a room and not know anyone, not see anything, not hear anything.
I told Kate that I almost died. Now I wish that I had.
Eventually we were all ordered off base by Janet and told not to come back for a week. So I had to go home then. Colonel O'Neill was shipped off base and put in a military hospital, that's how she put it anyway when she told us all, but really he's in a mental home where they have orderlies looking after his every need. Its almost like he was a Gould again...
I received a nasty surprise when I got home. I opened the door and was greeted by an empty room. A second later a see a curious face belonging to the woman I had married not so long ago. Overjoyed, she wipes her hands on the apron around her front and throws herself at me; sighing in my ear 'you're home!' I hugged her back, not knowing what else to do, and shocked myself when I buried my head in the crook of her neck, pressing her body closer to mine. It actually felt good to be out of the SGC.
For some reason, Kate continued to throw me happy looks as we ate dinner. The woman was positively glowing, not in the evil Gould way, but from happiness, and eventually I couldn't put up with it anymore. So I asked her what was going on.
It turns out that yesterday; she found out that she was pregnant.
I can still see my reaction; it is one of the many memories that play over in my head. The fork falls to the table and I just stare at her, not able to muster the energy to say something about 'wonderful'. Instead, all I thought was 'hell no!' It came at the worst possible time, and for a moment I hoped that she was joking around. I was only 25, and in my mind that was too young to be having children. Meanwhile my mum would be dancing up and down at the news...
'Say something Aiden..." She was worried then, the happy grin gone.
'Sorry, its just such a shock. We hadn't planned for kids at this stage..."
'I know, but..." It was the lamest cover up for being disappointed, but Kate bought it and went on to explain everything she had done about the baby since yesterday after noon.
So to summarise, Kate is pregnant, unwanted by me, Colonel O'Neill is a vegetable, any residue of what his soul used to be is completely gone, Sam Carters plans for a happy reunion smashed, and the rest of them are falling apart too...except for Daniel and Janet, those two haven't changed a bit.
September 2004: 6 Months Later
"Aiden what do you think?"
Am I allowed to say don't care? "Its cute honey, but don't you think we should concentrate on something else besides clothes?"
"I know, but I just love this..."
How can anyone love a pair of white PJ with a bunny on them? "Kate, lets get some lunch, I'm hungry." I take the item from her and put it back on the rack, dragging her from the store and out into the freedom of air... Then I hear a voice other than my wife's nagging whine...
"See, what did I tell you, no one cares, they are always to busy with themselves."
"Daniel, shut up."
I can't help but grin and walk to the edge of the garden and peer around the corner. Surprise surprise, Daniel and Janet arm in arm walking out form the mall. She's holding a bag from the Salad Place and I would take a stab at they were going to have a picnic or something in the park, the same place that Kate and I were heading. So I guess he finally go her to go out in a public place. Good on you Daniel.
"Hang on a sec Daniel, I'll be right back." She disappears into the newsagent and all I can think about is Law is going to love me.
"Kate, there's a friend of mine, come on I'll introduce you." I grab her hand and drag her from our hiding place, slightly carrying her, as she is getting to large to move quickly.
"Daniel!" I call out cheerfully, waving to catch his attention as he turns around, a slightly nervous look etched on his face. He steps away from the basket on the sidewalk, but he doesn't know how much I have already seen.
"Aiden, hi, how are you?"
"Great, Daniel Id like you to meet my wife Kate, Kate this is Daniel Jackson, we work together. "
"Hi Daniel." She extends her hand, glowing brilliantly and he distractedly takes is, finally managing a smile.
"Hi." His eyes then pop wide open. "Aiden didn't tell us that you were pregnant."
"Didn't he?" She looks slightly confused, but then smiles again. "Well Aiden keeps these things to himself, doesn't like to mix family and work together."
Daniel's shocked expression falls slightly, and I know he's think about Jack, cause he was like that too, that's what Walter and Law told me.
"It's a good motto." He confirms."
"Daniel, are you ready?"
He spins quickly to face Janet as she comes out of the store. She looks up and her step falters slightly. "Oh, Aiden, what are you doing here?"
"Hi Janet, Kate and I are having a day out. Kate, this is Janet Fraiser, Janet, my wife Kate."
More hand shaking. "Do you work with Aiden too?" She asks pleasantly.
"Yeah, I'm the base's Doctor..." I bite my lip to keep form laughing, she looks extremely uncomfortable, and so in the end I decide to put them both out of their misery.
"Well, I'll see you two on base..."
I wait till we are well out of their range of hearing before slowing down to explain to my rather pregnant wife.
"Aiden, I don't think they like you very much."
"Its not that, well yes, they don't, but you see..." I lean forward and whisper in her ear. "They are together, but no one knows about it except for me and a few gossips on base."
Kate grins and giggles like a schoolgirl. "Well that explains it then." We peer around and see Janet and Daniels till standing there with animated arms, flying everywhere. Janet turns and and Daniel makes a grab for her but she glares at me, pushing his hand off and walks back in to the mall. Daniel stands there for a while, and then picks up the basket and heads towards the parking lot.
"Oh dear, trouble in paradise..." I straighten my back and it hits me, Kate doesn't know I, but I think we are in trouble too. "Maybe you should talk to them Aiden?"
"What, and make things worse? I don't think so."
"It might wake them up a little..." She is looking at me, as if she was making point. Shit, she double-talking here..."It would make them realise that they might have something worse saving."
"Yeah." I mumble, that's all I manage to say, I take her hand and head t towards the park, but I am not hurrying. I thought that she wouldn't have noticed.
"Doctor Fraiser?"
She looks up slightly startled, but as soon as she sees it's me, a slight blush rises in her pink cheeks. My brain smiles but my mouth remains still. I just had a very interesting talk with Daniel, not that he knew what we were really talking about, but I got a reaction out of him when I asked it Janet was single.
"Is there something wrong Aiden?"
I take seat opposite her and suddenly I have no idea what to say, "Yes actually, there is."
She looks concerned, expecting to have to test me. "What is it? Do you have a fever...?"
"No, it's not me, its Daniel."
"Daniel?" Ouch, now that was cold.
"Yeah, I think he's a little depressed..." Now what? "Over Jack..."
"It is a big shock Aiden..."
"I just think it would help if you went and talked to him. Sam isn't much good and I don't know any of them well enough for them to open up to me..."
Janet sighs and finally nods. "Ok, I'll have a talk to him... maybe you could ask him to come down for me, say I need to run some tests or something..."
I smile. "Will do. Thanks Janet."
I leave almost skipping down the halls. I don't have to wait very long and they are in his office looking awkward but their fingers tentatively touch each other. Their tips hover for a moment, as if both are trying to decide whether to take the plunge forward and allow themselves to risk being found out. Their brown eyes lock, and their faces are pale and drawn... I would have expected Daniel to take the step forward as he is the one trying to bring it all out in the open...Its Janet's lithe fingers who reach out, grabbing onto his. She wraps them around his hand and all Daniel does is stare back at her, shocked I guess. Then he reacts, pulling her close to him, they hug, only briefly but it is a gesture that speaks a thousand words.
They are going to make it work.
And I am glad.
Sometimes I see faces.
I don't understand how it happens, but it does.
I can put names to them and I can tell you characteristics about them. Its almost as if I know them better than myself.
This scares me.
Janet and Daniel still live in secret, but the knowing smiles of staff and other personnel, they all know and they grin at me, a slight nod and they know what I did. Once again it seems I am a hero.
But I cant save them all can I?
Sam smiles at me from behind her cup of coffee, she lifts a hand in greeting as I slide into the chair opposite to her.
"I went and saw the Colonel today." I blurt out, not knowing why the hell I did. The cup drops quickly to the table and her eyes open wide, shocked and angry for bringing up the forbidden topic. So I stumble on. "He looks good, nothing has changed much. Have you been to see him?"
She continues to stare at me and then finally finds words. "Yeah, Daniel and I went last week." She mumbles and looks to get up.
"Daniel was off world last week Major. You haven't been to see him at all. Why? He is your friend and commanding officer, you at least owe it to him..."
Her eyes narrow and she glares at me. She rises from the chair and leans closer to me, her eyes flashing angrily, I fight the urge to recoil away from her; I can see the yellow in her eyes...
"I don't owe anyone anything." She hisses and leaves.
Oh but she does, she owes it to herself to make this matter settle, and I want to help, I really do, but another part of me is just sitting there, laughing at her, at them all.
Rise Again Dear Ones
For some reason I went to the catholic schools, listened to the nun...what was there names again, ah yes, Sister Yvonne and Sister Irene. The former terrorised us with threats while the other was the best, a kind hearted woman that every one of us genuinely liked. Then there was the priests, Father Lloyd and father Tam, affectionately named Tim Tam by us kids, endorsed by the mistake of one teacher, whose name escapes me now.
Every day we would listen to bible stories and how great it was back then, and how unjust. Nothing has changed much. As soon as we became old enough, we forgot it all, rebelled against it all for what? I guess to prove that we had a mind of our own. There is one tale though that comes to mind, about this man who died and was brought back to life. I cannot remember the details, it has been to long ago and for some reason I still refuse to pick up a bible; its almost as if it has a disease on it...
Today started off like any other day, whispers and rumours with the occasionally worry about the Gould, my hurried escape from Kate...I haven't kissed her since that day with Janet and Daniel...Let alone sleep with her... I thought my life couldn't get any more messed up then, but it all changed when I met a young Lieutenant by the name of Elliot.
Colonel O'Neill had been brought on base by Daniel in an effort to break through the damage that Kelvai had done and also to get Sam to interact with him on some level...that's what they told me anyway.
"I just don't see why Daniel has to go back for more equipment." Sam shrugged. I may be a scientist, but this was just annoying. He may get away with a lot of things, but Daniel should have been better prepared.
"He said that he needed something else to conduct the experiment Aiden Parker."
"I heard that Teal'c." What does he think I am, stupid? That...thing has no idea what ids going on in my head.
I stomp away and sit by a tree in the dirt, wincing a little as the bark bites in to my back. Then I hear a loud clunk and the gate begins to dial...crap, I don't need this. I jump up and aim my gun at the incoming wormhole as we all hide. Strange, when you think about it, the army is just a big game, we run, hide and someone seeks. Yes mum, I am doing you proud, not by doing my duty but by saving my childhood.
Who comes through the gate is not what I was expecting.
It's an SGC team, travelling with Aldwin. Shooting a glance at my teammates, they are not surprised. I am really growing tired of this. They get up and go to greet them with a smile.
"Sorry to pull you off mission like this..."
"Think nothing of it." Says the Major of the other team. "Mission was boring anyway..."
The gate begins to dial again and they move away and wait.
Daniel is back, with F.R.E.D. He stops and opens up the tarp, helping Colonel O'Neill off the back. He stands limp in the gateway, his eyes focused down.
That was the final straw.
"What the hell is going on here!"
They all stare at me, and I swear that they had forgotten I was there.
Daniel looks around then at me, obviously the only one who is going to speak.
"We are fixing what was done." He said simply and then Aldwin stepped up to the gate and began dialling out. It's not to earth.
Oh this is going to be so much fun.
All I can say is at least this planet is desert. Well most of it anyway.
We have been walking for several hours without rest and my feet are beginning to feel like lead. Looking at my other members I try and see when their steps falter slightly, when they gasp for breath or pause to ease their aching legs. Problem is that they don't. They all seem driven by some indistinguishable force to fix what was done; this I think means fixing Colonel O'Neill's zombie status. I still haven't been told exactly what the plan is, and the other thing that I can't work out is how they planned this without the grapevine hearing about it. If Sergeant Law had heard of it, then the whole base would have surely known. Or maybe I have under estimated the SGC's loyalty to this one man? Well, there is one thing certain, the one thing that I understand in the whole mess is that I don't share it. Back on that planet, I still believe that we should have left him behind.
"Major Carter, come in?"
The radio's crackle to life and I jump, trying to see who it is. I look around and again my crew are not startled.
"Major carter, state your name and rank."
"Lieutenant Farraday, SG-10."
"Nice to hear from you Farraday. We are approximately half a click from your position."
"I'll leave the porch light on."
And the radio goes dead.
I run up to the lead and pull Carter's arm around so that she faces me. She stares at me darkly but I have to know what is going on. We are committing a crime here and I haven't been given a choice. She was given choice, why should I be any different.
"Major, I demand that you tell me what is going on! I have been dragged to this planet with the only explanation of that we are fixing what was done. Obviously this is an elaborate plan and some how I have been left out of the briefing. I think it is time that I get filled in."
She glances at Aldwin and Daniel who give a little nod and the sighs before turning back to me.
"The Tokra discovered a sarcophagus that we could use in an abandoned temple. The only problem was that not far from it is a Gould stronghold. SG-10 overheard us and demanded that they be a part of it so we agreed. Farraday suspected something and cornered us. He then told Major Martins. We waited for a time that we would all be off world and Daniel had Teal'c place Colonel O'Neill in the mobile unit before we left for an easier trip."
"We are risking ourselves to make the Colonel right again? Why wasn't I given a choice?"
They all stare at me, slightly shocked by my admission. So am I.
"Most people would have agreed to it Lieutenant Parker."
"I am not most people. Unlike any of you, I have something on Earth to live for. I am not consumed with petty idealisms of what love should have been and what it should be allowed to be. I should have been given a choice."
She stares at me, but there is no blush, only flashing eyes that I swear are yellow.
"I am making the choice for you Parker. We need you on this, after this, you can report us to General Hammond. I guess that my instinct on you was wrong." She adds and then continues walking.
In other words, I am not worthy of a choice, which is reserved only for Colonels and their beloved Majors...or at that time Captain.
I hate them.
I really hate them.
We came.
We saw.
We conquered.
Real simple.
Not.
While we waited for Colonel O'Neill to be rejuvenated by that hunk of gold, we sat and waited, while I found myself praying to a lost religion that I no longer believed in. Then I don't think I was really praying, I was just hoping that some one would hear my pleas and also put me in that thing, then I might be 'fixed' too.
It never happened. He was still unconscious when we pulled him from the Gould device, totally oblivious as to the wild run we went through back to the gate, and being chased a Jaffa horde. I can still see the trees lit up by the gold flashes as I ran past, throwing glances over my shoulders, but then I ran into a tree.
It hurt, I saw nothing but stars, and Lieutenant Farraday, one of the men under Major Martins' command hauled me back to my feet. I can still remember his voice, higher pitched then normal, screaming over the din 'are you alright?'
It made everything better. I quickly nodded and began running again.
That had made all the difference. None of my team members stopped, they were too busy protecting Teal'c and the precious cargo held in his big arms.
Rather shocking, someone out there cares that I might not be all right, all the more, they noticed.
So through the dark maze of trees and playing dodge ball with staff weapons, I realised that things might be all right from here on.
I cant help but sigh as I role onto my back. The ceiling is dark and I cant really see anything, then realise I am blinking the sweat out of my eyes. Beside me, Kate slides up beside me and nestles against my shoulder, her breath heavy and hot against my neck, making me shiver. I look at her out of the corner of my eye and consider going for another round but think better of it. It's been a while, I'm not that fit. With in a few minutes, her breathing slows and she is asleep. I smile into the dark, reliving on how it all happened.
We brought Colonel O'Neill back and he was starting to come to and that was a big enough distraction for General Hammond not to reprimand his three renegade teams for the moment and after a physical by Janet and her staff we were all sent home. I burst in the door, calling out for Kate and rushed through the house, expecting her to be there, fearing that she had left me when I couldn't see her. So I waited. An hour later the door clicks open and I hear her familiar high heeled shoes tapping on the floor. God, how I had missed that sound... I stood behind the door in the lounge room and waited for her to come in and jumped on her from behind. At first she had screamed and fought a little, but she had recognised my hand across her and then I whispered "Gotcha Kate." She squealed in delight and turned, firmly kissing me. What happened next wasn't slow and romantic; it was frantic and desperate as we tried to make up for the time that we had lost. Somewhere between the lounge and the bedroom, she asked me if everything was all right now and I told her that it would be. Her answer was good. The rest was fantastic.
Jacks eyes lifted from the floor and they followed us as we walked in, more correctly, they followed Sam. She stood behind us, the majority of her body hidden and protected by Daniel and Teal'c as we had our first meeting with him.
"Hello jack." Daniel said cautiously.
His eyes shifted, settling on the speaker. "Daniel." It came out as a hoarse whisper, almost as if he was speaking for the first time. The voice wavered, high and low pitch in just those tow syllables. If I didn't know better, I'd say that he was going to cry.
"It is good to hear your voice again O'Neill."
Again, in slow motion, the heroic eyes changed, drifting left to Teal'c. "Teal..." His mouth struggled around the c in the Jaffa's name, his eyes shut in concentration, the jaw twisted as he willed himself to speak. "...Keh. Teal'keh."
Jack looked up, hoping for an apology that he couldn't get his friends name right, the big man nodded, an almost imperceptible smile on his face. Then his face changed again as he gazed at the figure between them.
I swear that he smiled, the eyes glowed with happiness. "Keh..." He shook his head, mentally kicking himself and looked up again. "Sam."
And she smiled. It was one that I had never seen her do. Her whole face lit up, her eyes twinkled and her grin broadened. "Colonel." She said softly, still smiling.
I don't get seen.
Why?
Sometimes I still see those haunting eyes, they glow yellow at me hissing loudly as the owner approaches and it's all I can do to not run screaming. I may sound like a girl, but this is what fear is, it completely renders us useless. Kate still gets a confused look on her face but I think she just ignores it now...
The baby, now that's a thought. Well...
The doctor frowns slightly and moves the ultrasound across Kate's still flat belly. On the screen is just the blurry blob; I know that that blob is in fact the baby.
The doctor frowns again, deeper and then turns off the machine. I have seen that look before, Sg-1 wore it for a long time, as did I... I can't help but look at Kate, there is still a vague smile of hope on that beautiful face and she gives me a grin and then turns back to the doctor. I don't want to be here...I want to leave them here, just like before, and yet, I stuck that out till the end...
She props herself up on her elbows and looks intently at the grey haired man in front of us. "Doctor?"
Gone is the happy ray of hope that lit up her voice. It now comes out strangulated, her breath rasping slightly through her teeth and the face pale. She knows that there is something wrong. Something very wrong.
He pushes the machine away and sits down facing us. This would be a very hard job I reckon, much harder than anyone would imagine...
"Kate, Aiden? I am very sorry, but your baby is..."
I knew it, I just knew it. Some things aren't supposed to be I guess. I am suddenly aware of someone pathetic figure clutching at my clothes, and a high whisper hisses out of the owner.
"Why?"
Question of a lifetime I think. No one can answer that, no one.
I hear the answer, but don't remember, not that it really matter anyhow; there was nothing that we could of done.
"Aiden?" The teary eyes look up me, glistening in the dull light. "Do you have to go?"
I nod. "Yes, I'm sorry."
"Couldn't you explain...?" She trails off when I shake my head. The SGC doesn't wait for crying wives.
"I'll be back soon."
I shut the door behind me and as I walk to the car all I head are her broken sobs from upstairs.
It's a relief to be inside the SGC again, all week she has wept over a child she didn't even know, and though I was sad, I was secretly happy that the event had happened. I am not ready for a child but with all we had been through I thought that it would help me realise what I had there. I know what is there, I wonderful woman who loves me, a job that gives me tax free pay and a house far bigger than what either of us need. It is all positive.
For a man on the outside looking in.
I am a man on the inside wanting out.
It hits me as I walk down the halls the Major Carter's lab. I want out of the SGC, Kate, I want to run away and escape, hide where no one can call my name and expect me to answer, where no one will know my face and where no one will care.
"Aiden." Her blonde hair falls away from the front of her face. "I'm glad you're here. Take a look at this for me." She steps away from the microscope and I put my eye on it, waiting for the picture to come into focus. And I forget about my problems for a while.
"Wow." It's a piece of naquada, roughly welded together with a piece of steel. Think how strong things would be if we could do this one a mass scale?
"I know it's a little rough, but it's an idea." She says from behind me.
"It's a damn good one." I straighten back up and look at her; I can feel my eyes dancing in excitement. "Lets test this mother."
Her eyes widen and then she smiles and jumps to the other side of the room, fiddling with a thousand things at once before turning to me with a triumphant smile.
"Bring it over."
For some reason I can forget most of my worries at work. I almost feel contented with my self as Sam and I subject the metal to numerous strength and endurance tests. It held out and now we sit in the cafeteria with the others while Sam tells the other the story of how the naquada alloy worked. The only thing is that I am not at that table. I am at my rightful place with Walter and Law.
"Shouldn't you be over there with them?" She hisses in my ear.
Yeah I probably should, but I'm not going to tell them that am I? "No seats left." I then take a mouthful of coffee. It seems that the whole base is addicted to caffeine, which is understandable as no one appears to go home or sleep around here.
"Aiden..."
"No Law, no. They are back together and I for one am glad. Its not my place to be sitting there." I shoot Walter a look and I can tell that he feels the same. He just looks up at me and then back at his plate. He never says much, his looks say more than words ever could. Law is angrily glaring at me, and I almost imagine what she is about to say.
"Aiden, I can't believe that you are just letting this go. You get a place in Sg-1, a legend in its own right and you save the team, and colonel O'Neill and now you are just giving it up to sit behind a computer and fix things like the rest of us?"
I glare at her and she narrows her eyes and then leaves, Thank god, some times she just gets a bit much. Walter looks up and me and there is nothing but approval there and I fight back the urge to smile.
"She doesn't understand. And she never will, because she is on the outside."
"No, she doesn't." I agree. "But I wish that she did."
Walter nods and looks at the door. Law isn't there anymore, but I can feel her essence, reeking with hatred and frustration. He then looks over my shoulder to the four on the table. Its quiet in that corner, but its happier than what is used to be.
"She is living in the world where all this hasn't happened, Law hangs on to her ideals too much. That's a thing we can't do here."
I look at them and Daniel sparks a half grin as Jack shoots him a look. I have no idea that that means but it makes me smile and suddenly I know where I want to be.
"No, we cant. We can't do that anywhere."
This feels so good, something that I have wanted for such a long time. The soft hands, the soft lips, the soft body...it all melds into mine and for a moment I become one with the owner. This is bliss, I love this with all my heart and soul. Her thin fingers clutch at my back and she draws my body close to hers.
"Aiden..." She whispers. I know what she's thinking, and I know the answer.
"Yeah, I know."
She nods slightly and then leans forward and I kiss her again. She kisses me back, hesitantly at first but slowly she grows stronger, more confident. I pull away and gaze into her eyes. They glisten in the dark and she smiles awkwardly at me, a little embarrassed.
"Why?"
I honestly have no idea, but I can't tell her that can I?
Can they really expect us not to notice the secret glances thrown over each other's shoulders so that they can look at each other? It really is quite obvious when you think about it. A hand touching an arm, a smile, a concerned look, encouraging words and arguments. It's all there, the proof that there is something between the Colonel and Major Carter. I wish that I had been there back in the beginning to see it all at its peak. Honestly part of me refuses to believe that they managed to keep their hands off each other for the 6 or so years before Jack became infested with Kelvai.
Kelvai. A tortured soul, trapped with a human body and incapable of many things. I guess I can relate with him. He wanted out of his prison and couldn't get out; he was forced to live in another. The only difference it that Kelvai could change bodies if he really wanted to. I cant.
Sam giggles softly at something the Colonel does, looking over he's holding onto a piece of metal so he must have gotten something wrong about its uses. Ok, I've only known him for a short amount of time, but these sarcastic jokes a starting to get to me a bit. No one is that ignorant. I would bet my life on it that Jack O'Neill was really quite smart underneath that uniform. Being a macho man he'd never show it though. Believe me, I know, I've known quite a few macho men in my time.
I'm not one of them.
"Come on Carter. Don't just sit there and laugh, what the hell do you want me to do with it?"
"Sorry sir...I need to take it and get a sample of water from the stream."
"Oh." He gives her a twisted smile. "Of course and walks away, muttering something under his breath.
Teal'c walks up beside me and I swear that he almost smiled...now that is a bit of a shock, but he did.
"Is that how they used to be?"
He looks down at me, deciding on whether I am worthy enough to answer the question or not. I know that I don't have a right to know all their secrets but for some reason Teal'c grants my request.
"Indeed." He looks back up as Daniel comes into the clearing holding several sheets of rubbings from some artefact down the hill. "This is what they used to be like."
He then moves over to the group and helps Sam with the analysis machine. I slowly walk over and take the samples from jack as he returns. Out of the corner of my eye he goes to stand beside Sam as she and Daniel debate some theory involving statues and naquada.
Oh well, let them fight it out. I put several drops of indicator in to the water and shake waiting for the colour, actually I am hoping for the colour change. Why? Because Law was right, I don't want to lose my spot here.
It doesn't come.
"... Daniel, if there is naquada here, then the statue could be infused with it..."
"No, I don't think they have the technology to do it..."
"Let me see it."
Daniel pulls the little statue out of his pack and holds it out. I walk over and hand her the sample.
"There's no naquada Major."
"There's not?"
"Not in the water anyway."
She shakes her head, desperately trying to think of something. "Well, we'll try the soil, trees, the statues..."
"Carter, would you rather if we moved to Daniels little spot down the hill?"
She sighs and glances at him. Her gaze is steadily held and finally she gives into jacks earlier request.
"Yes sir."
He smiles triumphantly and picks up part of the machine, "Lets go campers, and we're walking."
Sam groans inwardly. No one likes to be proven wrong about something, and I guess that she is no exception in this case.
Finally the first coffee break arrives. I've been looking forward to this all morning. I've trudged from one end of the valley to the other and so far there has been no reaction with the solution. Sam keeps claiming that its here somewhere as he sensors picked it up, but she's getting desperate I can tell; her voice pitch is rising ever slow slowly. She paces and stares at the bunch of metal at her feet and I swear if no one else was here, she'd be yelling at it. Jack and Teal'c patrol around. They both seem right at home. Jacks knowing smile at Sam when she isn't looking says it all. I think he is enjoying the moment when I come back from my little trips to prove her theory of naquada on this planet wrong, again and again. Daniel is also enjoying himself. He has so far translated a statue and is now moving onto a pillar. Occasionally Sam, Jack and he will growl at each other. And Teal'c? He sits back and leaves them to it. One hundred dollars says he's laughing at them on the inside. And me? Well, I find it hard to believe they with such childish behaviour displayed all most consistently, that they have managed to save the earth on numerous occasions from destruction.
Eventually Jack gives us the order to get on our feet again. Teal'c and I grab some things and head for a big hole. I mean it's a hole, there isn't anything in there, just like this miserable planet and yet I still have to lug this over and test the stupid stuff. We walk and walk and my feet are aching and my head beats with pain. A note to any persons dreaming of romantic ideals involving space and other related situations, you have been misinformed. Its not a glamorous job and I despise it with every inch of my body. So why do I keep doing it?
I haven't realised but I've stopped dropping indicator into the vile. I can't help but stare at the murky liquid and my hand is shaking. I try and clamp it down with my other hand, but it still trembles.
Indeed. Why do I keep doing this if I hate it so much?
"Is there anything wrong Lieutenant Parker?"
"No Teal'c. Not anything that I know of."
He nods his head, accepting either one of two things. My obvious lie, which he believes, or that I am not going to tell him what is wrong.
"Very well."
I think he believes the latter.
The Love Affair
We never found naquada. It was so strange to see Sam flustered that her machines had been wrong. Daniel tried talking to her, Teal'c tried, even I had ago.
"Some times even the most advanced technology can be wrong Major." I said softly.
She just shook her head and glanced up at me angrily. "No, there must be something wrong with it."
"Did you run a full diagnostic before we left?"
She gave me a look of horror, as if I were the devil himself for asking such a question.
"Of course I did, as I did with everything Aiden..."
"Then it is just one of those things."
She stands up, glaring at the world for wronging her. "No its not." And she walked off.
Daniel wandered up to me slowly and stood there, watching her with me as she disappeared behind the trees. "Don't take offence by it Aiden, it will blow over."
It didn't though, the entire time that we stayed on the planet packing up I could feel her anger seething beneath the pale skin as she waited for Jack to give the order to go home.
I was packing up the last of the items when I hear footprints not far from me.
"Carter."
Looking up I turn to see Sam and Jack near the Stargate. I am out of their line of view and they mustn't know that I am here...
"Yes sir." She sighed, trying to calm the anger with in.
"I think you should let up a bit." He sat on a stone step descending from the gate. "Its not any of our fault that its not here."
"Sir..." She started in a tone that clearly said to leave it alone, but he just gazed up at her and held it until she sighed again and sank to the ground beside him. "It's just so frustrating...The UAV has never been wrong..."
"Therefore you have never been wrong?" His eyebrows rose slightly and Sam looked at him before nodding, a small grin hitting her mouth.
"Yeah, I guess. I'll get over it."
"Everyone's wrong at some stage in their life Carter."
Sam slowly got back to her feet and Jack stood beside her. "I know Sir, I just haven't been wrong for a while."
"Now you know how I feel." The colonel said with a grin and immediately her face lit up with a brilliant flash. Never had I seen such a smile. She smiles a lot but these are special ones reserved just for him. She nods her head and looks at her feet for a moment, hiding her silent laughter. When she looks back up they are closer, their bodies leaning in towards each other.
Jacks face is no longer smiling. Instead the smile is replaced by a look that seems deadly serious, even a little frightened. Sam's face also drops, their eyes darting furiously, scanning each other's faces waiting for some reaction. But it doesn't come. Jack's hand slides up her arm and snakes across her back, her own thin fingers grip his upper arms and cautiously they take that last step, their faces so close that I can no longer see their facial expressions. Their feet shuffle slightly as they find a new balancing point and then I move to a better vantage point. I scoot along the tree line and drop, hidden by ferns and dirt. They just are stand there, looking at each other for what seems hours, and then finally Sam's small hand reaches up at touches along the top of his brow, her fingers running gently along the scar in his eyebrow. Jack takes her head in his hand, his thumb gently stroking the side of her cheek. It moves over and traces her lips. Her eyes widen slightly and she leans in closer, but still I can see that she is afraid to take the final step. His eyes dart along of her body again, watching, waiting for any sign of rejection, but he doesn't find any. Slowly his head drops colder to hers, waiting for her final acceptance. There is a pause and before the reaches up and their lips meet. Their bodies tremble slightly with tension, both afraid of what they were doing yet unable to prevent it any longer. Jacks hand moves slowly from her face to her waist, while another entwines it self in her hair. Her hands move to his back, her fingers clutching at the jacket desperately as if she didn't hang on then he'd slip away from her. He moves closer to her, their bodies attempting to meld into each other, their legs tangling themselves in each other. There is no distance, no space between them anymore. Its how it should of been all those years ago.
All to soon the kiss ends, both reaching an agreement as they pull away. Their faces remain agonisingly close, their eyes dark, yet glistening with joy. A corner Jack's mouth curves slightly upwards and she returns the smile. He then hugged her, pressing her body close against his, she didn't resist, her arms wrapping themselves around the muscular back, her head nestling against his chest while Jacks rested against her blonde hair. He kisses her hair softly and then Sam pulls away. She has a job to finish, and so does he.
Their hands hang onto each other as she walks towards the broken UAV and me, but her eyes stay focused on the man behind her. Slowly their fingers loose their gips and I then get up and dart back to the valley where Teal'c and Daniel are probably wondering what happened to us all.
The doors to the infirmary burst open as Jack pushes through them rather loudly. We all follow him into the clean tiled room. Janet is standing in the middle of the room, clipboard in hand talking to one of the nurses. She looks up, startled by the Colonel's
Dramatic entrance, but I can tell the exact minute that she recognises us. Her jaw tightens; her stance becomes defensive with a hand on one hip and the other by her side, still holding on to the clipboard. Her expression tells me that she is in no mood for our leaders legendary bad jokes.
Jack's hand rises, the mouth opens, but the sound that comes out isn't his.
"SG-1, take a seat, loosen your belts and hold out your tongues. I am in no mood to muck around today Sir."
His hand falls and the mouth hangs open slightly. Sam walks past him, casting him a grin and takes a bed. I do the same and look up just in time to see Janet follow Daniel to his bed. She stands in front of him and he turns his head slightly, their brown eyes locking onto each other. Daniel then turns and Janet draws the curtain as his undoes his belt. A nurse turns to me with an apologetic smile. She also draws the curtain and turns back to me.
"Sorry Lieutenant Parker...."
"Yeah I know, its all procedure and protocol." I sigh and hold out my tongue for the thermometer.
"It does get a little boring at times doesn't it?" She removes the thermometer and hikes up my shirt for the stethoscope. "Still, I rather the quiet to the mayhem. Be right back."
I lie down in the bed waiting for the nurse return with what is bound to be a big needle. I can't help but enjoy the quiet but a few words of the muffled conversations filter through.
"...Tonight?"
"...Any headaches?"
"It looks like a sprain..."
"I'm working late. Cassie is coming home tomorrow."
"Cough for me please sir."
"Tell me that I don't need a needle today?"
"I don't think I have to stitch that cut...no it will be fine."
"Ouch, I thought you said that it wouldn't hurt!"
"I don't mind waiting up."
"I'm sorry Colonel..."
"Pull up your sleeve Major..."
"Indeed, my symboite will heal it."
"Amazing...."
"Daniel." One feminie voice suddenly turns harsh. "I am tired and I don't have the time..."
"Make the time Janet." The male voice stiffens, the words come out relatively like a hiss.
Oh great, they are stuck there again. I wish Daniel would see that she isn't going to commit to whatever the have going on and just move on! Of course when it comes to love, feelings of lust, desire, passion, wanting, longing, lasciviousness...no one of can be told. We all have to learn for ourselves.
The curtain with draws back and my nurse appears with a rather large looking needle.
Groan.
Shutting the door behind me I can't help but stare at my surroundings. It's changed. She has gone and changed all that I was comfortable with! The table by the door is now replaced with a plant; the dining table near the kitchen is gone all together, relaced by a large stylish rug and a comfortable looking couch. In my absence Kate has changed our unisex dwelling, one where leadership was equally distributed and now? Now there is no evidence of me at all here. Blindly I sink into the couch and stare at the wall. She's brought a picture, several of them. They are filled with bright and cheerful colours. Then it hits me, Kate is happy again.
How long have I been gone?
I hear the door click open and the jingle of keys and turn my head to see her there, a shopping bag in hand. She stares at me and then shuts the door, walking defiantly past me into the kitchen. I guess its up to me to say something. I don't really want to do it but I am guessing that she doesn't want to either.
The kitchen has changed too. Damn! She's changed our whole lives without consulting me.
"Kate...I..."
She stops unpacking and looks at me. Now I know that I have no idea what to say.
So I shrug. "I don't know what to say."
She nods and picks up a can. "That's the problem. We don't say anything anymore."
"I know." I take a step towards her in a futile attempt to close the distance between us. "I don't know how to fix it."
She closes the cupboard door and leans against it, her shoulders slumped in defeat. But she straightens again, not ready to give up on it.
"Aiden..."
But I am. "Kate, is it worth fixing?"
She freezes. Her soft hands fall to her sides and her eyes widen in surprise. Oh god, I must have said that out loud. I didn't mean too...but it's the truth, I don't want it anymore. The truth really does hurt.
"What did you say?"
She hard what I said, I know she did. She is just having trouble grasping the idea. Again I have no idea what to say so I just sigh and look down at the large rug. Finally I look back at her. Kate Parker nee Jordan really is beautiful. But none of that matters anymore. She has these green eyes that have this ability to look into my soul and reveal all my secrets. That's the problem. I can't stand to look at her in case she finds out all I have seen, heard, thought and done.
"I'm sorry."
"Why didn't you tell me? We could have talked, worked it out...." Her voice is so soft, timid.
"What could you have done Kate? There is nothing that anyone could have done to prevent this."
"You could have told me what was wrong."
"No I cant. I can never tell you don't you see?"
Its then that she realises my troubles are because of my job. "Then leave Aiden, leave it and we can start all over again..."
"I don't want to start over again." She takes a step back, repulsed by my admission. This time I don't follow her. "I don't want any of this. I don't love with you any more."
There seems to be eerie silence hanging over the base, well, mainly over SG-1 and those immediately connected to their problems. This means me. Every time one matter clears it's self up, another takes its place. What I wouldn't give to be young again and not to know anything about the world! Naivety, that's the key.
It's late at night and for once the SGC is relatively quiet. A few lonely souls pass me in the corridors, too tired to really care about lighting their heads in greeting. I spot a familiar face a lone soul sipping coffee slowly in the corner of the commissary.
"Shouldn't you be asleep?"
She looks at me warily and puts the mug down. "I could ask you the same question." Law then leans forward. "Did you hear about Walter?"
"No." I shake my head. "Haven't been on base for a couple of days."
"Some kind of circuit breaker blew and Walter got electrocuted."
"Ouch, he's alright?"
"Law nods her head happily. "Yeah, you know Walter, nothing can kill him."
Next we find ourselves walking through the big double doors in the infirmary. Walter is in the back corner staring at the ceiling, looking fairly unhappy.
"Walter, hey, how are you?"
"Little sore...shhh..." He holds his finger to his lips and we immediately quieten. I then hear footsteps and the soft click of the door.
"Daniel, why can't you leave this alone? You promised..."
"I promised you I wouldn't talk about it here. Janet what am I supposed to do when you refuse to talk about it at all?"
"Just leave it Daniel."
"No Janet. I can't just leave it."
It wasn't the answer that she was expecting. From our vantage point I can see Janet staring down the taller man, her eyes are narrow and dark, she looks evil.
"Accept it Daniel. Its over. It never really started and it would have never worked."
"It would have never of worked Janet, because you refused to give it a chance." It's the kind of voice that I have never heard from the soft-spoken linguist. It's comes out as a growl, on intended to hurt the receiver. It contains pure poison, hatred and anger. I agree with what he said though. Daniel was the one willing to make an effort and Janet was the one too scared to take that step forward. Just as I had originally thought.
He stares her down for a second, and for a moment I thought I saw his brain in charge, not his heart, but he then looks away, and then back, compassion riddling the brown iris'. He'll try again, and keep trying till he can't take it anymore.
"Janet, I'm sorry..."
"It's the truth Daniel, it might hurt, but yes, I never really wanted to do this..." He stares at him and then...oh I don't believe it! She isn't looking him in the eye. It might look like she is, but her eyes are blurry. She is reciting a speech practiced a thousand times.
Daniel just looks at her, and then nods. He seems to have accepted his defeat, but I think that he is just tired of fighting for his right to be with her... He walks over and takes her head in his large hands, and gently kisses her forehead. He leaves his lips against her skin for a second and then steps away.
"Goodbye Janet." So he turns and leaves her standing there. What Daniel didn't see was the tears in her eyes, nor the fact that she closed her eyes as he kissed her, savouring that last affectionate gesture exchanged by the two.
I would have to say, looking back at the events surrounding the part of my life, that this is the most thrilling time to be at the SGC. There was more problem with congress, Senator Kinsey and a renegade by the name of Simmons. Of course I never really heard what was going on, but the gist is that one was demanding that the gate be closed, where the other wanted to access to it. It was very confusing, even Law got muddled up in the gossip. What she hasn't said much was on Daniel and Janet. After their little altercation, she just stared at the wall, a part of her completely crushed. To this day she hasn't told me why and I can only guess at the reason their fight hurt her so much. On Sam and Jack, after the moment in the woods I saw nothing more of it. If I didn't know better, I would never have been able to guess that these two were attracted to each other. Like each other sure, but no in that way.
It's late when I drive into the car park. The guard looks up form his coffee, reads my card and then ushers me in. It's a long lonely walk to the elevators. Always is, but I finally get there and prepare to go the science labs when I am stopped by Walter himself.
"Aiden, they want you in the briefing room."
"Who's they?"
"General Hammond and Major Davis."
"Davis?" I do not like the sound of this. "Pentagon?"
Walter nods his grey head and looks distractedly back at his unmanned console. "Yeah..."
The gate fires up and he dashes back to his computer. I can't help but check my watch. It's SG-7 back on time. Hardly anyone here makes it back when they are supposed to. So I obey my orders and climb the stairs to the next floor up.
I knock on the door and step in. "You wanted to see me sir?"
Davis looks up. He's not what I expected. He still has dark brown hair and lean. His face much younger than what I guess he is, a clue provided by the thinning hair...He doesn't look like the politician type, he just seems to honest, too much of a doormat. But of course I don't know the full story there. Apparently he is very good at what he does.
"Take a seat Lieutenant. Major, Lieutenant Parker. This is Major Davis form the pentagon."
I nod in greeting. No one ever salutes around here. I sink into a chair and wait for further instructions. Davis organises himself and turns to me.
"As I have already explained to General Hammond, I am here due the problems betweens the Senator and the President. I have been asked to compile a report on how effective this base really is." He looks down for a moment and then slides me a folder. "What I need from you Parker is to write me a report on your findings. You have been here for the least amount of time and also have seen combat. I believe your opinion would be indeed valuable as, hopefully, an unbiased view point."
Bias? He is expected me not to be biased about his? Well, of course not, but I think he is expecting me to have nothing but praise and love for the SGC.
"Of course." I smile, one that I know is fairly sinister. "I will do my best. When do you want it by?"
"End of the week if that is possible."
I am finally dismissed and I make my way back down the concrete maze and this time I go to the cafeteria. I can't help but notice that the love for the SGC extends all the way to Washington. Davis is in love with the romantic ideals that it holds, I can tell by the passion in his voice as he talks about keeping it open. And why not? This is the high point in his career; it doesn't get any better than this. For them. Am I the only person who hates the SGC, its ideals and the people with in it? It has made me bitter; I can acknowledge that now. The Air Force has not turned me into a man, but in fact has ruined my life and everything that I once held dear.
I now have a new mission, set by Davis himself. It's so clear no, why I had been brought to the SGC. It was not to be a hero within the SGC, but to be a hero of a different kind. One within myself. It is purely sinister, not one that any of the SGC personnel would have ever thought was possible by one of their own...For them, even thinking of such destruction is an immortal sin. And I smile, truly happy for once. Mother, be proud! I have found my purpose in life. I am going to bring the SGC to its knees.
"It has to stop."
"Stop? We haven't even started."
"And I cant pretend about that any more."
It's the first time that we have said anything to each other outside the safety zone to each other. And I must say, it's a fine way to start an intellectual relationship too!
"So what then? Are we taking this public?"
"No."
Her face, for a brief instant is a picture of confusion. Her brow furrows as she tries to read my face in an attempt to understand me better. Of course she is going to think that it would venture into the open now, there is nothing, in her eyes, standing in the way. But then her face falls a little, and now I know that it is time for me to speak again.
"We are over. I want out of this." The second time in my life that I have had to say those words. But her reaction is different. The woman in front of me has been taught to deal with disappointment and how to hide her emotions, no matter how strong. This I am glad about. I couldn't take another crying fit right now.
"There was never a we, Aiden. We were ever in anything." She then walks away. It's the truth and I must admit, it hurts a little. I would have like to of thought that it had meant more to her. She meant a lot to me, but with my mission I cant have anyone or anything standing in the way of me an my objective.
She was my outlet; something made me feel good for those few hours so I could forget my inner turmoil. I wanted to admit what I had done, but what morals I had left refused to allow me to own up.
The night following my receiving of that magic mission we spent together. She was clearly surprised about how passionate I was about it all. So was I to tell the truth. Usually it was mechanical, routine, but in the end it was better than having to face reality. Much better. Time after time I went to her small flat instead of home. She didn't ask questions, though on the inside I am sure she was screaming 'why', she just accepted (thanks to all those years of government training) but I think that she just wanted be to be loved. To be loved by me for just those ever hours was better than nothing.
Ultimately I was using her, its only now that I realise it, but its something that I will miss. But I can live without it. Now, after my withdrawal from the field units yesterday, there are no more emotional ties, no physical ties between freedom and me. Be proud mother, for soon I, Aiden Parker, will soon be free!
This was the point in my life where I grew up. Sure it took along time, but it happened. No more did I crave the gossip about the relationships that happened beyond those metal doors, no longer did I try and help Daniel and Janet. I lost my gossip pals, Walter and Law, but I already knew that I would. It would hurt all of them, but in end I was only thinking about saving myself as I always did and still do.
After all, it really is every man for himself.
My Report
Davis beams at me. He hides the smile in order to look professional, but his eyes sparkle with such brilliance I almost feel sorry for him. In his hands is a large wad of paper with a blue cover entitled 'Report'. Highly original I must say.
The Major has just flicked through it, and I can tell that he is happy. With words like valiant, heroic, selfless, sacrifice why would he be happy with it?
"It was a bit of a struggle major, but I got it all done."
He nods, a small grin seeping into the small corners of his mouth. "Thankyou Parker, we really appreciate it."
I nod and place a fake smile on my face, desperately trying to thwart the evil cackle that is rising in my throat. So I walk away and leave Davis to talk some more with General Hammond. I don't intend to say goodbye to this place, but one can never truly leave unless you have said all there is to say.
I spot my old team members sitting in the commissary, eating whatever slop they are serving up this time. Sam, who is facing me, raises her head and smiles, gesturing for me to come over. So I grab some Jell-O and take a seat.
Jack looks up from his plate, he's sitting next to Sam, with Daniel and Teal'c opposite them. I'm up the head of the table, isolated from the mainstream conversation. The
Colonel gives me a quick look over and continues eating. Sam shoots him a look, one that is neither evil nor loving and then smiles again for me.
"We hear Davis has you doing a report for the pentagon."
"A bunch of senators actually."
Daniel frowns and looks at me. "What was it for?"
I shrug, for a smart guy; he can be a real idiot. "The funding. They wanted my report on what has happened here."
Jack looks up at me from the corner of his eye. '"What did you say Parker?"
I turn to him. His eyes a dark, and I cant read much into them, but his jaw his set, and I can see little veins in his neck as he twists his jaw slightly. He has sat back form the table, and is resting against the back of the chair, his hands clasped together on the table.
"The truth." I return his stare and I can see his eyes flash with something. It's not the yellow glow of Kelvai, but of something else...intelligence? He is a lot more perceptive and smarter than what he lets on. But I have to wonder why doesn't he show it? Its not school anymore, there is no peer pressure to the cool and dumb... But none one that matters anymore.
"And that would be?" His eyebrow rises slightly, waiting for an explanation. He doesn't trust me.
"What I heard and saw Colonel O'Neill. It was not an empathic report, though I was asked for my opinion, I didn't give it."
His eyes narrow slightly, and I see Teal'c's eyebrow also go up, probably wondering why O'Neill is being such an ass over this.
"When do you depart Lieutenant Parker?"
"Ah, today, in a few hours. I'm taking my time left to say my goodbyes to this place."
"Lets hope it's not for long." Jack looks up at me, raising his glass in a rather cheerful manner. His tone is laced with sarcasm, his smile mocking me. All I do is nod and exit the room.
He's onto me; he knows what I am up to. How though, has my dislike been so obvious? I try and rake my memory for a place that I have voiced it, but I give up. Why bother putting so much time and effort into it? I'll be gone in a few days and in a week; this gate will no longer be operational.
It's a wonderful feeling. I have never felt anything like it. To stand in a room and have 20 or so very powerful men hanging onto my every word and gripping something that I wrote like it was the bible...They have given me power, for they are trusting my document to decide to future.
One man, by the name of Kinsey speaks up.
"Mr Parker, this is no the report that I saw earlier."
"No, its not senator."
"Care to explain this then?" The other senators nod in agreement and I check my watch. Davis will be here in five minutes.
"I wrote two, the first one, the one you saw was the lie. The second is the truth gentlemen. I wrote the two in case someone didn't like what the truth was and tried to hide it."
Kinsey chuckles and the other senators crack a smile. "Very good son. Very good. Shall we get started?"
I flip open to the first page. The Infirmary. Oh god, I cant do this! What have they done to me to deserve this! I am over come with terror and consider fainting until Davis walks into the room. It's his hopeful gleam that reminds me why I am here. Retribution. Any way, i've done it in a fashion that no one will get prosecuted.
Davis takes a seat and looks up at the others.
"Major, glad to see that you could make it." Kinsey snarls. He just nods, he's too over confident. With my stage fright now gone, I do believe that I am starting to enjoy this.
"Alright Gentlemen, we will start with the infirmary. This part of the SGC was one of the top places to talk privately around there. On several occasions I witnessed couples engaging in conversation about their personal lives outside the SGC rather than talking about patients or the threat of the Gould."
I pause to take a breath and risk a glance at the dear major. He's horrified! He is staring at me as he tries to digest what I have just said. In slow motion he reaches for the blue folder and I start again.
"Often during examinations pre and post missions regular flirtation would occur between personnel. They would try and keep it discreet, but concrete echoes. Before I go any further, I want you to know that no regulations were broken. WE are trailing the SGC here, no the people."
Kinsey nods. He doesn't care about the people in it, only about the building itself, which is what is costing the money.
"Was Doctor Fraiser aware of this?"
What do I say to that? Yes she was it? "No, it was done without her knowledge."
"Then, Parker, care to explain how you know and she doesn't?"
And I smile. It scares Davis a little, he sits back wringing his hands nervously in his lap. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time."
Kinsey smiles, he knows that that means. I was eavesdropping. "Go on."
"Next, the commissary. Another hot spot for gossip, this is where rumours were transported, to one another. Some people would try and quell them, while others would listen and instigate more."
'Any chance of an example?"
I look up at them, their hopeful faces gazing up at me and I realise tat they are no better than the rest of them. They too, are fascinated by the rumours and the love lives of others. Anything to do with sex is interesting for them.
"The usual relationships, love affairs that went on within the walls, sometimes even with the SGC itself. All I can say to that is he security guards must of enjoyed those few episodes..."
"I don't understand..." Davis finally stammers. "Parker this is wrong, what are you doing?"
"He is telling the truth for once Davis. Finally we are getting a first hand account on how SGC personnel waste the taxpayer's time. Kinsey is in his element, that's his motto, protecting the Taxpayer.
Davis shrinks in his chair, his life falls apart as he realises that he has lost it all.
So I go on. "One would think that we would mind our business in a government installation, but because not a whole lot goes on, these little things become the most important source of entertainment. Let me tell you gentlemen, the SGC is just one big rumour mill."
Its brown, murky steamy and completely unappetising and yet my whole body craves it. Coffee! Yes. It slides down my throat, scorching my insides and jolting me awake. Three hours and we have finally taken a lunch break. It's all going rather well, except for poor old Davis. He walks towards the coffee machine, yet can't quite make it and in his state of shock sinks into a chair, dropping his head in his hands. I'd swear if he were alone, he'd be crying.
I grab and extra cup and walk over to him, holding it out. He stares at it and then his eyes slowly reach my own.
"I don't want it."
"But you need it." I shake it a little to tempt him. "Go on, take it. It's only going to get worse."
He then stares at me defiantly. Maybe I have been mistaken, Davis isn't defeated yet?
"Why Parker?"
"Why?" I raise my eyebrows. He just stands there waiting. "Its all true major, I thought we were supposed to report this kind of thing."
"No." He takes a desperate step towards me. "Not this, this you over look. Turn a blind eye to it..."
"So you knew?" He falls silent. "I could report you for this major." And then I walk away, having sucked to remaining strands of life from the major. So proper and correct and yet, he has a fault, and my report has unearthed it. Like so many others.
I can only imagine what he looks like, ashen face dead eyes, perhaps staring at the ground trying to figure out a way to save all that he stands for... All I can do is laugh. I wonder if they realise that what they all stand for is a lie?
Colonel O'Neill walks strongly around the corner, his eyes flashing angrily. Its strange in some cases of turmoil, people fall apart, where some get stronger. His stride falters slightly as he spots me coming out of the elevator. They would have been clearing everything out for three days now. I don't have much stuff here, so I put it off.
"Parker. Finally back from the Pentagon I see."
"Yes sir." What's that tone? Is he mocking me?
"Must have been some meeting."
I shake my head trying to looks mournful. "It was sir, it was."
"Davis said that your report would have saved it."
"I guess Davis and the senators disagree on that."
"You don't seem to upset by it."
"Colonel, I'm sorry. I did everything I could, I really did. Maybe they should have used one of SG-1 to save the place, not me. I don't know enough to be intimately involved with it like you guys." I sigh and look back at him. He looks slightly uncomfortable and his eyes are darting down the hall, back to the elevator and me. Oh yes sir, I know your dirty little secret. "But know this sir, I loved it, I loved the excitement, the boring hours, the dull light, the cold, the hot, I loved it all."
He nods slightly but his eyes tell me that he still doesn't believe him. I wonder how much Davis actually said when he told them that it was closing down. Probably what Kinsey told him to say? Its shutting down Davis, we will not negotiate nor spend any more money on the place. It's a waste of time.
Jack doesn't say anything more, but glares at me and continues to walk determinedly in the other direction. To General Hammond's office to complain. The man is such a child, how did one so thick make it to be a colonel?
So I wonder slowly to Sam's office. Why? Well she was nice to me, I think I should at least say good-bye...and I think that I have things I there.
She's standing slumped in doorway, and I can hear a masculine voice talking away rapidly. Daniel finally comes in to view and he is hanging on to a piece of paper.
"...What do we do now Sam? No one can just return to normal after this."
Sam shakes her blonde head and steps forward to meet him. "I don't know. We say goodbye I guess." It sounds a little pained, I don't think that she believes that it is over yet.
Daniel just shakes his head and smiles at the ground. "How can we say good bye?" He mutters.
Sam looks at him intently. He's not is he? He is not; please don't tell me he is...
"Just go talk to her Daniel."
She knew! She knew about them! For a moment I remember the old days, before it got far too complicated but Daniel raises his head and I am brought back to the furore. He looks sharply at her. "We said goodbye along time ago Sam." He then marches out of the lab and doesn't even cast me a glance as he heads around the corner. I walk slowly into the office and smile sadly at Sam.
"Aiden." She says it rather short. Don't tell me jack has been talking to her. "I'm sorry about you're report." She says this tiredly and I don't know what she is thinking.
"So am I Major. I just came to say goodbye." I shrug and offer a lame smile. "Davis took it pretty bad...."
"Yeah, we could guess that. What are you doing after this Aiden?"
After this? "I have no idea." For the first time that day I have spoken the truth. "I guess I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it."
Sam smiles to the reference of jack's clichs and then straightens herself. "Good luck Parker." She says softly.
And I nod, and leave them behind.
The Skyar Enterprise
In my life I have done a lot of things, and there is a good few years that I can tell no one about. But I have told you. For the first time in weeks my dreams weren't plagued with faces that I thought I had forgotten about. There was a time that I thought I was seeing Kelvai's haunting eyes in everyone again. It was only when I started a diary that all this came out. So the idea was born to not let this lie in a hole for any longer.
It's a great story, great in so many different ways, not all of them good. Great for the things that Stargate Command did, great for the people that served within it, great for the battles won and the lives lost.
Great for the love that conquered all and ruined all.
15 years from the day I said good-bye I honestly felt happy, contented, id walk into work every day, sell some suits, have a drink walk home again. New York is a busy busy place; there are a lot of people rushing past you in an attempt to beat the clock. I am apart of that crowd, or at least I thought I was until I sat down at a little sidewalk caf for a coffee and I watched the people rush by.
I take a bite out of the pie and chew it thought fully trying to decide if I like this new flavour...I cant remember what it is, but I like it and take another bite. Then I look out on to the street and watch the maze of yellow cabs drive past, well crawl due to a traffic jam not far from me. The air is filled with horns blaring and angry drivers trying to get somewhere. I'm glad I sold my car years ago. You can never get anywhere with a car here. That's why I walk; I get to work on time. There could be other reasons but I'm not...
"Aiden?"
The voice reaches through my brain, its soft and unsure, timidly trying to push its way to me. I look up and see a familiar figure making his way through the stalled cabs to me.
"God, Aiden, that you?"
I take his extended hand but don't quite manage a smile. "Walter?" he nods vigorously and takes the spare seat. His hair is completely gone now and he seems a little fatter around the middle. Age, it does it to all of us. I finally smile and take a sip of my now gone coffee.
"How have you been?"
"Not bad, you?"
"Holding my own. Been working in clothing store. You know Skyars?" He nods. "Yeah I'm in men's clothing there."
"You work for Sally Skyar that reporter for RNN?" Real News Now. It's a documentary news station, one that's very popular because of Miss Skyars flamboyant attitude to her job. It's now grown into a multibillion-dollar company covering everything. The woman is legendary.
"That's the one."
Walter shakes his head. "Who'd of thought that she'd make it? CNN hated her with a passion when she first started out."
I raise my eyebrows. "Their loss. What have you been up too?"
"Got married, had two kids. A girl and a boy. They are 7 and 10 now." He smiles and shakes his head as if remembering them. "Real energetic little devils. What about you Aiden? Ever get married again?"
I sigh and think about that answer. "No, I didn't. Never really found anyone." Walter nods sympathetically and looks a little uncomfortable. You can never tell them that's its alright, that you don't care because they refuse to believe that someone can be happy alone. "What brings you to new York?"
"Serena, my wife, she has a conference up here so we made a family trip out of it. She's a computer technician for ASG." ASG, Asglow the rival company of RNN.
"Interesting." Not. "We are attached to opposing companies."
Walter grins at that and then clears his throat. "Hear about Davis?" I stop thinking about anything then, all I can see is this horrible word in front of me. Report. It's in the past, why does he have to bring it up? "No." I look at him, waiting to see if it's good or bad. Its good.
"About a year or so after, he got onto a committee and tried to open the gate again, failed but he never gave up. 5 years later he was called by the Russians who had spotted a tokra scout ship in orbit."
"Tokra? What did they want?"
"Making sure that we weren't dead. Davis went with them, offered himself as a host. He said that he refused to sit here on earth when things had to be done out there."
"Good for him."
Walter gives me a look and sighs. He can tell that I am not impressed but I no longer care.
"Aiden, I know that you weren't exactly torn up about the SGC, but there was a rumour, Annette..."
I slam my cup down, suddenly I cant work out why I am angry. He's pushing me; ever so hard in a direction I don't want to go in.
"And what did Law hear? Or did she start this rumour? Honestly Walter, I thought you could have grown past the gossip thing by now."
He chooses to ignore it; a facial expression doesn't even register on his square face.
"Law?"
"What now?" I say icily. I want out of this conversation.
"No wonder." He just stares at me, his lip curling in a dissatisfied fashion. Walter is disgusted in me.
"No wonder what?"
"No wonder Annette fell apart."
"Look, that's not my fault, Law..."
He slams his hands on the table. "You can't even say her name. After all that has happened you cant even say her name. Why can't you admit what you have done?"
You don't know the half of it Wally my boy. "I admitted it to her Walter. I was using her and I stopped it."
"Aiden, she loved you. You let her believe that. Many more than just her got hurt because of you. We all did."
"Huh?" How could my sleeping with Law hurt them all?
He looks tired. He stares at the pavement as if trying to gather the courage to go on. Finally his bald, fat head angles slowly back up to face me. I know what is coming next and frankly I am surprised that my little secret has been somehow freed from its cage.
"Annette heard about the reports from the pentagon secretary. Apparently there were two..."
He leaves the sentence hanging waiting for a reaction, but he is not going to get the satisfaction from me.
"I wrote the report Walter, I would have known if there were two of the damn things." He just nods and sighs before turning back to me. God I want out of this! I know what he is going to say next...
"I met up with Annette several years back. She got married, has three kids of her own and is happy for once. Aiden, she told me about you two, how you called it off, what happened with Kate, Kelvai, she told me everything."
"That's what you get for screwing the queen of gossip." I cant be bothered drinking the rest of my coffee.
"Tell the truth for once Aiden, was Colonel O'Neill right, did you set out to destroy the SGC?" I pay the lady and get my things. "Did you think that it would make you happy? We all have regrets Aiden, why can't you just acknowledge that the one regret that you have is what you did."
Finally I snap. I can't hold it any more, he has it all wrong!
"I didn't do anything Lieutenant, they did it all, and they destroyed me! I had to take action, for they can't expect to live happily after while I suffer silently can they? Davis wanted a report on the truth and I gave them one. I told the truth for once and I am a better man for it, I'm better off!"
I believe it, I really do.
I do.
I did the right thing.
Did I?
Sure I did.
"Mr Parker?" A soft feminie voice floats across to me. I jerk my head up to see the legend of RNN standing before me. She wears a dark green suit, one that sets off those pretty little eyes of her. Her blonde hair swept elegantly up in a twist to hide the small regrowth. She leaning across my desk, her fingers playing with a pen and a gentle smile is on her lips. Damn, I was asleep.
"Sorry Miss Skyar." I try and remember what I had been working on, figures for something but I don't remember where they are.
Her hand reaches out and steadies my failing hands and I look up at her. What ever she is here for, it is not my figures. There is this look in her eyes, one of determination and curiosity.
"Its Sally." She eases herself into the chair opposite me and smiles. "Had a bad day?"
What? "I'm sorry..."
"You were asleep. I usually sleep when things haven't been going well."
Things not going well? How could they not be? She has everything that she could ever want. Why the hell is she here anyway? What does she want?
"Oh, well...call it a bad few years." I laugh at my won lame joke and her smile widens. Christ she's had some dental work done on those... "Is there anything I can help you with? Miss..." She holds up her hand, correcting the formal use of her name. "...Sorry, Sally?"
"There is actually." Ok, so it's not just a friendly chat, she's come with an agenda. "I need you to clarify something for me."
"Ok." I have no idea what the hell she could need me for... "I'll do my best."
"Is it true that you were in the military?"
"Air force, yes." Oh why oh why do they keep bring this up? I think she senses my unease as she nods and sits back slightly.
"Is this alright? Can I ask you a few questions?"
How can I say no to my boss? "I'll do my best, but Miss Skyar, the Air force is not something that I like talking about."
"Why is that?"
"It wasn't the best time of my life."
She nods sympathetically, then I realise that she is here as a reporter. No wonder she's so damn good. She makes like your best friend, creating a false sense of security. But then she surprises me.
"Maybe one day, you will be able to talk about it to me." She stands up and leaves, pausing to give me a lingering look as she passes through the door.
I'll never be able to talk to her about it about what happened.
But it sure would be nice.
Three days later and I have the figures all done, printed up in a nice little folder for the executives. Slowly I tread my way down the halls around corners and through doors up flight of stairs, an elevator, faces past me, not looking at me yet seeing all. A man passes me, his eyes rest on mine for a second...Davis? We pass each other and I turn to get a better look. I'm sure it was him. But the brown hair is now gone, this man is blonde and is far from the man that I once destroyed.
Skyar's office is just ahead; I'll just hand this over and run like crazy back to my computer... Through big doors I go and...
Shit. Colonel O'Neill stares up at me, his brow creasing irritably, Daniel sits back in the chair, his hands twisting a pen slowly. General Hammond shakes his head, Walter just stares, Major Carter looks up with interest and her expression falls slightly. Law stands with her back to me and then slowly turns.
"Can I help you with something Mr Parker?"
They are all gone. I look quickly behind me, maybe they passed me in the hall and I didn't notice? Sally smiles at me and finishes turning around.
"Ah, I finished my re..." I wince and shake my head. "My figures Miss Skyar."
She strides effortlessly towards me and takes it from my hand, and then looks up at me, her eyes flashing yellow...
I recoil, taking a step back; they are all staring at me! Their eyes accusing me, glowing yellow, I can hear it, squeaking writhing, and its jaws snapping open and shut as it lunges from the table to me...
"No!" I scream and turn and run, I slam the door behind me and it hits the glass with a splat. I can see her glowing eyes from behind the glass door and she reaches fro the handle...so I run, back to the elevator and down the stairs and out on to the streets and finally, home...
There must have been a long amount of time between events, though I have no memory of what exactly happened then. I hid away in my apartment and I was safe, there were no my dreams and I didn't see their faces. I forgot about the outside world and myself until the outside world came looking for me.
The doorbell rings and I sit up from the couch. How the hell could that be? I haven't ordered anything. I walk slowly towards the door and though the hazy glass I can make out a woman's figure. Fantastic someone selling make up. I pause to looking in the mirror in the hall. Damn, how long has it been since I shaved? Showered? I now have a beard, on that is sticking out in lots of different places. My face no longer is a picture of innocence, but one of devilish dimensions.
Finally I open the door. For a second I see her, standing there with her back to me but she turns and its no longer her, but Sally. Her eyes widen as she takes in my appearance.
"Aiden?" She asks in disbelief.
"What do you want?"
"A word." She pushes straight past me into the house, her eyes carefully going over my surroundings. Normally I don't live like a pig, but now it just doesn't seem to matter.
Slowly Sally turns and takes a seat on the couch. I drop myself into a chair and stare at her, waiting for an explanation, a question, anything.
"What happened Aiden?" Her voice is so soft, so caressing, I feel like I am about to start crying...
"With what?"
"Last week...you kinda freaked out on us...we are very worried about you."
I snort at the one. "That's a first."
She leans forward, hope glimmering in her bright eyes. Was there once a time when I looked like that? "Can you talk to me about it now Aiden? Can you tell me what happened?"
"It's classified." In other words, no, but she doesn't catch on.
"And it's killing you. Aiden..." I look up at her. I want to tell you Sally; I want it all to go away, why can't you help me? Why? I know why, because they said you couldn't. She must have seen something because she gets up and squats in front of me. "You need to tell someone Aiden, you need to tell someone..."
I close my eyes. All I can see is folders, files, names, codes... "There was so many secrets Sally...too many..."
"And it sits on you like a burden?" I nod my head .We are treading on dangerous ground here
"Its one I cant get rid of, I tried, I really did..."Then I realise that I am clutching her arms in a desperate attempt to stay alive through this. "But I cant..." there are tear now, one spills over and I wipe it before more follow it. "They wouldn't let me be alright, they just assumed that I got over it..."
"Aiden, I have a proposition for you. I am doing a story on how the military isn't as good as it is all cracked up to be. I have spoken to several others around America who have had bad experiences; some have agreed to expose these installations, where some have declined. It is totally up to you."
Huh? She is exposing it? "Do you have idea on how much trouble you could get into?"
"No, not really. Its all about taking risks Aiden. Surely in your time, you have taken a few?"
She has no idea. My tear o is no gone and I start to feel young again. I lean forward and a wicked smile sneaks onto my face as I remember poor old Major Davis. Stupid fool.
"You have no idea Skyar. No idea."
She leans forward, meeting me half way. "Then tell me Aiden, tell the world what they have done to you!"
I sit back and consider it. This will shut them down for sure, not just the SGC, but all of them when they hear about the disgraceful actions that took place there. This could take my initial plan, one that worked by the way, to a whole new level.
"What kind of story?"
Sally sits back and smiles, having triumphed over yet another New Yorker.
This is about where we came in. Sally sits not far form me, reading slowly through my material, her mouth hanging open most of the time. The concept of Stargate is incomprehensible for most, pretty silly when you think about it. But it happened, it really did. I suppose the audience wants a little fill in on the love affair, as that is far more interesting I guess... for some.
I tried to look Carter and O'Neill up but I found no reference to them, there has been nothing about them for years. Their files say active duty but all I can guess is that they are once again classified. Just to clarify, I hacked the system to get that piece of information. I'm probably going to jail for this so why not add a few more items to my already huge list?
Daniel and Janet. Why the hell did I waste my time with them? They never spoke to each other again. Nor have they seen each other. Janet is married now, and Daniel, he is off in
Abydos living happily in the sand and storms. I think, though, that deep down, he still want to be with her...She just doesn't want him...
Law. I can say her name now. Annette Law. I saw her too, standing at a school with her children happily playing at her feet, yelling excitedly as the father walked towards them. As she looked up her eyes locked on to me as she just stared right past the man in front of her. To this day I don't know if she recognised me, and never will, for I did the same as I did all those years ago, I just walked away. It was good to see her though...it had always been good to see her...
Walter Davis, well we know what happened to him. They all are living relatively happily ever after.
That day in the office wasn't one of my best, it made me realise something and as I wrote this for Sally's documentary it became clear.
I shut the SGC down to make me happy, to hurt all those that caused me so much grief. I enjoyed seeing their miserable faces as I walked past them, the tears on the faces of Fraser's medical staff, the hugs goodbye in the car park as they all said goodbye, steely looks of regret and hate.
I thought I profited from it. Physically I did, but emotionally...that's always a different story isn't it.
In the end I drowned in my own misery, while they all prospered, content with life and what they had achieved. What made me miserable? I guess it was my dark thoughts, and what I had done, and what I couldn't forget...
I still wish that the Gould had infested me, then I wouldn't have had to go through all this and my life would be lived for me. Yes it might have been hell, but it couldn't have been any worse than what I have had to live through.
Its not exactly right is it? I was supposed to win here, but I didn't.
The bad guy never does.
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