Chapter 2
Sam slammed the locker door closed and leaned against it trying to calm the adrenaline rush she was experiencing.
She had done it. She despised herself for it, but she had done it.
If that little display did not get her kicked out of the military then nothing would. She closed her eyes against the pounding in her head and rubbed her temples trying to make it recede.
It did not work.
Ever since Anise of the Tokra had caught her in her lab a week ago, the pounding in her head had been slowing building.
Anise was on base assisting with a project that Dr. Lee had been working on for the last several days.
Sam had not seen her and had not planned too. It was Anise that initiated the contact when the Tokra had sought her out in her lab.
The Tokra needed her assistance, Anise had said, or more to the point Jolinar’s. Jolinar was a symbiote that had taken over Samantha’s body while trying to escape a goa’uld assassin. Jolinar had saved Sam’s life later on at the forfeit of her own. However Jolinar’s memories were still hidden in her mind.
According to Anise those memories were essential to retrieving a powerful device that was now in the hands of a rising system lord named Sekhmet. The only two who knew what it looked like or how to work it were Jolinar and Marteuf. Marteuf was dead. That left only Sam with Jolinar’s memories to find it.
“We need your assistance, Major Carter.” Anise had said after updating her on the problem.
“I understand that, but you have to realize that Jolinar’s memories are not as reliable as you may think. I can’t just access them on a whim.” Sam explained.
“It is imperative that you try. If Sekhmet should discover how to use the device, it would do much damage to our cause and to the cause of the Tauri.”
“Look, I will do my best to access the memories and then I am sure General Hammond will be more than willing to let SG-1 retrieve it….”
“I am sorry, Major Carter, but your team cannot assist you in this endeavor. It can only be you.”
“That is not possible. I work with a team Anise.”
“Please do not dismiss this until you hear all of what I must tell you.” Anise said earnestly.
Anise proceeded to tell Sam of this new go’uld, she felt her stomach turn in revulsion at the atrocities it had committed. She also began to understand why she must go alone.
Her team could not come.
The next hour was spent formulating a plan and then meeting with General Hammond. At first he was adamant about Sam going alone, but soon came to realize that it was the only way. Still the idea of one his officers going it alone did not sit well with him nor did the route she had to take to get there.
The first part of the plan should have been easy. She had to get kicked out of the military. This was not a hard thing to do, the hard would be to make sure her team would not pursue her after the fact. That would not be easy.
Next, she would be trained and then go undercover working for the Tokra.
Then, she would go after Sekhmet.
No one could know. These parameters had been her decision. After hearing the specifics of the mission, she realized that the rest of her team would do everything they could to prevent it. Not even her father would be informed of it until it was too late to interfere.
In truth, if it were possible she would not do it either, but Anise had been correct….only Samantha Carter could pull this one off.
BAM!
Sam was yanked from her memories when the door to the locker room slammed open and her CO stalked in.
“Have you lost your fucking mind, Major!” For all his trying to calm down on his way here, once his saw his 2IC standing there all of Jack’s anger boiled over again.
Sam looked at the angry face of her commanding officer and steeled herself against the fight she knew was to come. ‘OK, Sam you’ve come this far….just finish it.’ She struggled to meet the Colonel’s glare without flinching. It was not easy. Colonel Jack O’Neill was a force to be reckoned with on a good day and right now he was not having good day. ‘You can do this…….’ She returned his glare ‘You can do this……’ She resisted the urge to just blurt out the truth. ‘You have no choice……’
She could tell he was fighting with his temper, working out a way to be reasonable and she appreciated it, but if she was going to do this she had to keep him mad…..very mad.
Intensifying her glare she put as much disrespect as she could into her voice and words.
“If I had, sir would you understand me better?” She cringed inside at her words hating herself for using them, hating the almost undetectable pain in his eyes, but she had no choice.
She had to push him past their friendship, past any feelings he had or once had for her. He had to request, no demand, her dismissal. At the very least demand her resignation. She had to make him so angry that he would not try to find her once she left the mountain.
“No? Well let me speak slowly so you will.” Jack’s body stiffened at her condescending tone. “I have an offer to work at Area 51. I will be contract labor…civilian. No more military bull shit to deal with, no more “Carter, move your ass”, no more blank stares when I try to explain my “doohickies”. No more miracles to perform and hell, if it does not work out there, I’ll just wait for the NID to come knocking. That would be exciting!” Sam almost choked when those words came out. ‘Where the hell did that come from?’. Sam thought.
Referencing Jack’s undercover sting of the NID had not been a good thing to say and she could tell from his expression that he had caught it too. She needed to redirect fast!
“Carter, what the hell does the NID have….”
“Nothing.” She cut him off quickly “Look, as a civilian I can have a life. No more Jaffa trying to blow my head off. No more alien parasites digging inside my mind. I can have a relationship that isn’t constantly be undermined by my secret double life!”
Crap, it wasn’t working. He was shaking his head at her. She could tell he was turning her earlier words over in his mind.
“Hell, I might even get laid every once in a while!” She blurted out.
That did it.
Jack looked up at her with an intensity that took her breath away. “Sam, as civilian, you could do all that here at the SGC as well.”
He was serious. She almost gave in. Almost said to hell with the world, to the universe. She could become a civilian and live the rest of her life with him. She had considered it before.
Unfortunately she would never be able to look that person in the mirror everyday and if the Sekhmet got the weapon there would be no life to live.
Without breaking eye contact or letting the struggle inside her show she simply and unemotionally destroyed the hope she saw only moments before. “There is no one at the SGC I wish to do any of that with, Sir.”
Of all the lies she would have to force out in this nightmare telling Jack O’Neill that had been the worst one.
For a fleeting moment she saw the pain her words had inflicted, then nothing. His entire expression showed nothing, which told her everything. She had done it.
“Well then, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Doctor Carter.” The doctor sounded like something foul he wanted to spit out. He walked to the locker room door and roughly pulled it open. “You have one hour to have your resignation on Hammond’s desk. Otherwise I will kick you out of here myself.”
‘Okay, Sam finish this.’ Fighting back tears she put as much distain in her voice as possible. “Whatever you say, Jack.”
He froze in the doorway…“Only my friends call me Jack.” He replied icily.
His words hit a nerve and Sam had no problem sounding angry as she responded. “Then I guess that is why I never got past calling you, Sir.”
He did not move for a moment then slowly walked out. “One hour, Doctor.”
The imperceptible click of the closing door signified that the final nail had been hit and her coffin was now nailed shut. There would be no going back now.
Sam leaned back against her locker and slid to the floor. Bringing her knees to her chest, she laid her head against them and let the tears silently fall.
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Thirty minutes later the walls of the SGC shook with the volume of General Hammond’s voice. Sam stood at attention in the General’s office getting the chewing out of her life.
Jack, as her CO, was required to stand in and listen to her reprimand. He stood behind her leaning against the wall saying nothing. He had no desire to be there, but knew this was another necessary evil he had to endure. His mind still whirled at her words back in the locker room. She had all but said he was the reason she was leaving the military, but despite her words he knew that she loved her job here at the SGC. So much of what she had said made no sense. And what was with that crack about the NID? He stared intently at the back of his soon to be ex 2IC.
“And furthermore, Major, your actions on PX3-752 and in the gate room were inexcusable. I am within my rights to throw your resignation out of the door and court marshal you instead!” General Hammond hollered.
Although Sam knew this reaming out was for the benefit of the Colonel and the SGC at large she was pretty sure that the General was pissed at her for the way she had played her part. Being insubordinate was definitely part of it. Flipping off her CO in front of everyone had not been. That she had improvised. And of course the General had no idea what was said in the locker room. Those words she would take to her grave.
She was only half-way listening to the General as he continued his scripted tirade at her. Her mind’s eye kept returning to the locker room and the Colonel’s face when he told her that she could have been a civilian at the SGC too. There had been hope there…….had been. She could feel his eyes boring into her back and wanted nothing more than to turn around and tell him it was all a lie. That being here at the SGC with him was everything she wanted….
“Major!”
Jack and Sam jumped at the General shout.
“Sir!” Sam snapped to attention.
“Am I boring you, Major?” She signed inwardly. In for a penny. In for a pound. “Yes, sir. You are.”
The expression on the General’s face was almost comical. He actually turned red at her response.
Behind her, she heard Colonel O’Neill jerk away from the wall with a sharp intake of breath.
Jack could not believe her audacity! He resisted the urge to reach up and try and knock some sense into that lovely blond head of hers.
With a low growl the General continued. “Very well, Major. A court marshal it is.” He glared at her angrily. “Now, get out of my sight.”
Sam turned on her heel and saw the Colonel standing directly behind her, still blocking the door. She raised her chin defiantly without any outward sign of remorse for her actions.
He said nothing just looked at her intently a cold expression on his face. But she could tell that inside that head of his he was trying to figure this out. Trying to understand this change in her.
She kept her expression neutral, but inside a part of her was pleading with him to realize this was not what she wanted. If there was any other choice she would take it, but there was not.
Jack studied the woman before him. Her face showed no sign of what was going on in her mind, but then…..there….just a flicker….of something….regret maybe? Unfortunately, it was gone so fast, he questioned it existence. Her expression closed off again and became a cold mask once more. Whatever was going on with her it was obvious she wanted nothing from him in it. It pissed him off royally too.
Sam watched as Colonel O’Neill broke eye contact with her and looked at the general. “If you need my testimony at the hearing just let me know, sir” He said coldly.
He stepped aside to let her pass barely glancing at her as she grabbed the doorknob.
Inside she figured she should feel some triumph in accomplishing her goal. There was no way in hell Jack O’Neill would come looking for her once she left the base. She should be pleased….but all she felt was cold and empty.
Without looking at him she exited the office before he could see the tears begin to form once again in her eyes.