Aftermath
Aftermath
by Zoser
Summary: Jack needs to mend fences.
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Episode Related: 317 A Hundred Days, 318 Shades of Grey
Season: Season 3
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: adult themes, language, sexual situations
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 01/08/04
So she'd smiled, if it meant that she could escape faster, she'd smile. Just to get the hell away from him; just to get by herself, to sort out her feelings. He was back, again. Well how long this time and how much pain would he leave in his wake next time? The son of a bitch, did he even realize what he had done? He seemed actually happy and acting so cocky - look what I've had done - caught the bad guys -helped the aliens - eased intergalactic tensions - eviscerated my team. Well she had had enough. If she had to have a celebratory meal or drink with him, she was sure she'd choke on it. The guys could follow the bastard to hell and back, right now she was headed for her lab. Tomorrow they would be busy, without him, in a debriefing about that last mission with Makepeace and he would probably be busy for a week with debriefings about this covert mission. Maybe in a week she would feel less like kicking him senseless or have her transfer papers in. She just didn't know which was the better solution. The thought of a booted foot in contact with his fat head brought a sick smile to her mouth and the idiot thought she was basking in his reflected glory - asshole.
In fact, his exterior was all show, he was confident when it came to his mission and dealing with the traitors, but he knew no matter how they smiled something was wrong and it was his fault. No, damn it, this mission wasn't his idea, it was a direct order.
When O'Neill found himself alone at last, all the post-mission rigmarole finished, the back slapping done with, he had only the reports to write up and the feeling to sort out. Hell, he hadn't had the chance to sort through the Edora mission before he was thrown into this covert one. Lucky him, he got a second chance to alienate his team. They were all smiled and welcomed him back to the fold but he could see the smile were hollow and they left as soon as was humanly possible. Not one wanted to spend an extra second with him. This wasn't his damn idea, it was rammed down his throat and even Hammond couldn't stop it. What the hell did he do next, how could he salvage his team. Should they talk - Oh God, spare me. Should they just throw themselves into work - it could get one (probably him) or all of them killed, or what - he just stunk at this. Teal'c would understand. Daniel would tell him everything that he had done wrong and Carter -well Carter would be - no, was probably hurt. He treated her like a doormat or an automaton. If she were a guy, she would have told him off, or taken a swing or when the time was right hung him out to dry. But no, she always came through. Maybe he should talk to her.
He walked up to her lab and stood quietly in her doorway. He still didn't know what to say. She had her back to the door, sitting at a computer monitor, reading the screen while doing arm curls with hand weights. That was something new. He had visions of one of those weight wrapped around his neck. Put the weights down, click to the next screen and resume reading and exercising. He stood and hoped she would notice him. After a few minutes, his resolve fleeing, he retreated. He realized that he was only a coward when it came to the personal - face down a Goa'uld, run from Carter.
That night, driving home after a mind numbing day of writing and rewriting reports, he found his car outside Carter's place. Daniel's car was there, too, so maybe he could just stroll in, admit to being an insensitive ass, have a beer and be forgiven. As he raised his fist to knock, the door opened.
"Oh, hi Jack! Just on my way home."
"Sam home? I need to mend some fences."
"Oh really, hmm. Did you wear Kevlar?"
"That bad"
"She's pissed and in more ways the one."
"Huh"
Jack walked in and Daniel walked out closing the door behind him. He would have left then; she still didn't know he was there. He didn't want to look like a coward in front of Daniel, who hadn't driven away yet, so he went looking for Carter. She used her spare bedroom as an office, so he headed back there. In place of her paper, book, gizmo strewn office was a brand spanking new bathroom with biggest damned tub he'd ever seen indoors and in it, with bubble up to her neck, was Carter. There were candles and a wine bottle on ice on the ledge behind her and a stemmed glass in her hand. Without looking up she said, "Back so soon, change your mind about a soak?" Jack just stammered. She looked up clearly shocked, "Oh... it's you" the distain so marked in her voice and face. He still hadn't found the right words and started to excuse himself and leave. She stopped him with a "Well, what is it? What the hell do you want? Or are going to run away like you did this afternoon." No Colonel- no sir, just anger. He looked surprised; unaware that afternoon he had been not only noticed but ignored.
"I can see my door in the reflection of my monitor - you think a soldier would sit with her back exposed to a door?"
"Carter maybe I should come back when you are sober and dressed."
"You could strip down and jump in, the water is delightful" trying to embarrass him.
"I think it would be too easy for you to drown me."
"Probably a bad career move on my part to have a naked dead CO found in my new tub."
"You wouldn't hide the body?"
Finally, a smile if fleeting. "Too heavy, too much work. Anyway if they couldn't find you everyone would think you were doing your save the universe thing. There is beer in the fridge, get yourself one and come tell me what you're doing in my bathroom."
Beer in hand he returned, picked up a thick towel and put it on the tub ledge and sat down on it. He sat, she soaked and they both drank for a while. He tried desperately to formulate sentences and she did nothing to help. Of course, it also didn't help that all he could think about was climbing in the tub with a naked, soapy, tipsy Carter. He took a stab at it. "Carter, I'm sorry."
"Oh you're sorry - sorry for what - sorry for abandoning us to that bastard Makepeace, sorry for insulting and berating us, sorry for running out on us when we nearly killed ourselves getting you back from Eudora, sorry for not giving a shit when we did get through, sorry for not wanting to come back, sorry for screwing Laira or sorry that you just didn't stay there. We didn't abandon you. You walked out on us. " Her voice, getting louder with each accusation, dripped with venom. She was livid. He felt as though she were physically hitting him with each accusation.
Carter had been sitting with her left side toward him but when she let go with the last few words she turned and he saw the bruises - down her face from cheek bone to jaw and on her neck. Jack grabbed her right arm and started to lift her from the water. The bruises trailed down her arm from shoulder to wrist across her all to emaciated rib cage, all purple, green and yellow. She stopped him with a simple "Don't" and slid back into the scalding bath.
"What happened? Who did this?" his voice was low and angry. She just stared at the wall for a few minutes to get a hold of her emotions, to transform herself back to Major Carter from the irate, seething and desperately hurt Sam.
"Jaffa - we ran into four of them on our first mission with Makepeace. We all felt something was off. Even Daniel wanted to bail but Makepeace would have none of it. Split us up, Daniel and Teal'c to do recon, I gathered mineral samples while he watched my six. Only he didn't." She turned her face as far from him as she could so he couldn't see the tears. The memory of the Jaffa ripping her clothes, their hands on her, her inability to push their weight off of her, the claustrophobic feeling slammed back into her. "Teal'c and Daniel got there before they could..." She stopped took a deep breath. Her tone was quiet now and she spoke in a slow deliberate way.
"I hate him. General Hammond had to order us to go on the last mission with him. He even overrode Janet recommendation about letting Daniel and me back on duty. Guess they had to provide you with your last trophy."
The wine, the heat of the bath and the heat of the emotions had gotten to her and she need to get out. "Colonel, get off my towel and give it to me" she said sharply. He stood up and unfurled the bath sheet holding it out to her looking anywhere but toward her. Rising quickly from the steaming water, she snatched the towel from his hands and wrapped it around herself. Feeling dizzy as she stepped over the edge of the tub she grabbed the nearest thing - Jack wet sleeve. Her knees buckled and would have collapsed in a heap if he hadn't put his arms around her. Oh perfect, he thought, what I've always wanted - wet, naked, unconscious Carter who hates my guts. Maybe if I'm lucky General Hammond will stroll in and put me up on charges. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to her bed. He had a fleeting thought that he had a dream like this once but put it out of his mind. He laid her on her bed and sat on the edge staring at his boots. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at his back for a long time fight the urge to touch him. Why did she feel sorry for him, why couldn't he turn around and see her, not the Major but the person? Why did they both feel so alone even while sitting so close? She reached out and he turned.
"I'm sorry" he said in a low but determined voice. She had calmed and sobered. "I know; you'll have to forgive my behavior - kind of childish"
He forged on while he had the opportunity and nerve. "On Edora, after working in the fields, I'd go to where the stargate was. I dug there for weeks, hell it felt like years. I...I never knew if you or Teal'c made it back through." His voice was low and hesitant. "I thought...I thought that if I found some of your uniform or well, you know, something else, I don't think I could have stood it. I wanted to know you were all safe but couldn't face the possibility... I decided in my mind that you were all alright but the gate was toast. I moved on. It was the only way I knew how to survive."
"We would never give up. Didn't you know that?"
"There was nothing there - just rubble. I didn't know if you were alive"
"We even sent ships."
He just stared at the wall, then his boots anywhere but at the blue eyes penetrating his back. He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed his face. He could feel her looking at him, wanting an explanation of something he didn't understand himself. Sometimes you didn't think (at least not him) you just did. And that was Edora - he just did what he had to, what seemed right at the time.
After a few minutes of silence he turned with a smile.
"That's one big honkin' tub you got there, Carter. Were you really planning on getting naked with Daniel?"
Her cheeks colored and started to sputter and answer when she realized he was teasing her. "You'll remember I also invited you."
"That water was hot enough to scald a fellows more delicate regions."
"Retribution"
"That's harsh. But what've you got against poor Daniel?"
"I knew he wouldn't accept"
He raised an eyebrow, "How did you know I wouldn't strip down and jump in?"
She smiled and let him wonder what was going on in that mind of hers. Then her face clouded. Propping herself on one elbow she turned to him and asked what he meant by saying that he hadn't acted like himself since he met her.
Oh shit, he thought here we go, round two. Only she didn't seem as angry. "The only way I could do this was by myself - push you all away - protect you from any repercussions from NID." So the woman who effectively saved his ass countless times he slaps in the face to protect her. Sounded pretty lame even to him.
"Couldn't trust us with the truth? Or did you think we were dirty like Makepeace?"
"Orders, Carter, I was ordered not to involve anyone else." His voice rose and he sounded a little angry. "I didn't think...no, I knew that no one in my team had anything to do with that mess."
"Why did you gate to Edora?"
His voice got low again and sounded sad to her ears. "You wouldn't have followed me there. I didn't stay...I went straight through to the NID base."
So, she thought, he knew that it would hurt me and he used it against me - to protect me as he says or to hurt me more and get me away from him - am I so obvious . He looked at her. Saw the hurt in her eyes and those ugly bruises. They disappeared under the towel and reappeared on her leg.
"I wouldn't have let that happen. I shouldn't have let this happen."
"You're not like Makepeace but you know sometimes things just happen"
"I'd've watched you back." He was adamant.
"I know", she said softly to the man she use to trust with her life, and wanted to again.
"Can we fix this?"
"I'll heal" but she knew that was not what he meant. He touched her hand and wondered if he would. The guilt was settling into his soul and now he needed to escape.
"You are going to be alright, Carter?" Unconsciously he was caressing her hand.
"I think so."
"Are we going to be alright?"
She squeezed his hand and had no other answer. And as if on cue her stomach growled.
"Have you eaten?"
"Haven't been hungry."
"I'll make an omelet while you put something on." She slipped on a T-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. She then made her way into the kitchen where he had coffee brewing and a cheese omelet ready to slide out of the pan. They ate quietly and as her strength seemed to ebb again, he told her he would clean up if she would sit on the couch in the living room to finish her coffee.
When he came into the living room with his mug of coffee she was asleep, scrunched into a corner of the couch. He went into the bedroom and drew the covers down, then back to the living room to carry her to bed. She stirred slightly in his arms and only slightly more as he laid her down and covered her.
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