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A Twisty Joke
by Adelie King
In the commissary Daniel Jackson and Teal'c were eating
their breakfast. Major Samantha Carter and Colonel Jack O'Neill had eaten and
left quickly. They watched Sam and Jack's sexual tension lately going through
the roof. It was so thick a knife could cut through it. It was also April
Fools' Day and a good time to have some fun with it.
Daniel decided to comment on it, "I don't know why those two
don't just get a room and get it over with T."
"We already know why Daniel Jackson. Your nation's military
will not allow such a relationship." Teal'c calmly but logically reminded him,
"You know currently they will never act on it."
Daniel sat there and thought for a minute, "I'm willing to
bet they would under the right circumstance even with the regs in place." He
speculated creatively, "I bet if one or the other initiated the other would act
Teal'c speculated, "If O'Neill initiated Major Carter would
do nothing. If Major Carter did I am sure O'Neill would act instantly." He
looked at Daniel seeing the wheels spinning in Daniel's head.
"You want to test that theory and have a laugh over it at
the same time?" Daniel stuffed some waffles in his mouth, "It is April Fools'
you know and they'd figure out it was joke anyway."
"I always enjoy a good prank." Teal'c smirked wickedly "What
do you have in mind?"
Daniel wrote a note down on a note pad and showed it to
Teal'c. "We ask Sam to give this to Jack casually during the briefing and see
Teal'c saw the note and grinned with amusement not drawing
attention, "That is truly devious of you but don't you think Major Carter might
read it first?" He asked logically and suggested, "Why not hand it to O'Neill
and say she asked you to give it to him?" Teal'c hands it back.
"Because it's more believable if Sam hands it to him."
Daniel explained gesturing with the paper, "If I hand it to him he's going to
think I want that when Sam explains she didn't write it." He saw Teal'c's
expression and added, "I ask her to hand it to him soon as he walks in the
"Wouldn't Major Carter get suspicious and read it first?" Teal'c inquired
logically again, "Then the impact would remain useless."
"Good point." Daniel agreed then suddenly thought aloud,
"Maybe this will make it easier." He folded the note and wrote Jack's name on
it. He showed it to Teal'c and justified, "That way I don't have to say
anything." Daniel continued, "I just hand it to her and she will just hand it
"That should work perfectly." Teal'c agreed calmly with a
bow of his head, "Say nothing and remain inconspicuous as possible." He paused
and added, "Then we shall receive a good laugh."
Daniel snickered, "I can't wait to see Jack's face when he
reads it." They headed to the briefing a half hour later.
The briefing hadn't started but everyone was getting seated. Daniel went up to
Sam and handed her the folded yellow college ruled paper and sat back down.
Sam saw Jack's name written on it and had gotten many notes
from Daniel in the past so she thought nothing of it. Also since it might be
private she was too mannered to read it as predicted. Soon as Jack was seated
Sam handed him the note routinely without thinking.
Jack took the note casually as he did every one and unfolded
it. Then he read it.
WANT TO FUCK!?
His eyes flew open drawing closer to the words doing a double take getting a priceless expression. His head popped up and his eyes wandered in confusion a stir starting in his trousers. Jack folded the paper and held it in his hand trying to think of a reply for a moment.
Daniel and Teal'c smirked and looked at the table wanting to
laugh soon as they saw Jack's face. But they remained silent inconspicuous as
planned and continued to observe.
Jack told Sam lowering his voice writing an answer under the
request, "Just name when and where." He clarified with a smile looking at her
and added, "And we'll get to it." He grinned in a sexy way sliding the folded
note back to her.
It was then that Sam began to wonder what the note said confused
why he was looking at her like that. Sam finally opened it with suspicion and
saw what it said.
WANT TO FUCK!?
Her eyes grew and her mouth fell open. Then she saw Jack's answer
YEAH SURE YOU BETCHA!! How about we get a
room after the briefing?
After a minute she recovered getting her composure back recalling
that Daniel gave her the note to begin with. Sam peaked at Daniel and Teal'c
with overacted innocent looks on their faces. It was then she also recalled the
date and suspected it was a joke. However Jack took it seriously so instead of
laughing as she would've she slowly lifted her head and glared at Daniel.
Daniel and Teal'c smirked then and Sam knew it was a joke
for sure. Jack had to be told it was but he was far too aroused to do so. So she
started to get devious herself coming up with her own devious plan to backfire
it. An evil grin slowly spread across her face as a nasty thought came to mind I wonder how Daniel would react if I followed through on his note as if it were really from me?. She could also have some fun with Jack at the same time.
Her plan in mind Sam leaned over and suggested whispering in
his ear, "I'll meet you in the hall and then we'll decide the most convenient
location." Then she added sliding her hand on his thigh teasing, "I'd better
warn you Sir I haven't been with a man for years."
Jack's eyes lit up with anticipation and he gave a small
smile. His anatomy had even more anticipation, "Oh don't worry Carter. I have a
few ideas in mind already." He looked at her suggestively his brows up. His
hand also rested on her thigh.
Meanwhile Daniel sat confused by the reaction he was having. It was not the
reaction he expected. Sam looked at him with this knowing look and he knew what
he had done was about to backfire majorly, "Uh Oh."
Soon as the briefing finished they rose from the table and
Jack slid his hand across her behind in a libidinous fashion right in front of
Daniel and Teal'c. Daniel's eyes grew and he said in shock, "Oh my God they
"It seems your joke has backfired majorly Daniel Jackson."
Teal'c concluded when he saw Jack's hand go around her waist, "They are going
to act on the note as we speak."
Daniel was out of his seat telling Teal'c, "We have to stop
them." He immediately went after them to confess to writing the note. He called
to them, "Jack, Sam wait." It was too late they were gone on the elevator and
quickly. "It was just a joke." He mumbled to himself worried sick now.
He was at the elevator calling the car it finally got there.
Daniel rode it up and saw Jack and Sam heading for their vehicles. He waited
for them to get in them and tailed her since she was behind Jack in his truck.
They arrived at a nearby Marriot and parked on separate ends of the lot. Daniel
panicked, "You've got to be kidding me."
Jack took Sam by the waist and kissed her passionately
before going into the lobby. "Oh my God what have I done?" Daniel slumped down
grabbing his head in his driver's seat feeling like a stupid fool to do
something like that. Knowing he couldn't stop them now he headed back to the
Jack and Sam actually got a room and went inside locking the
door behind them. "So how long should we let him sweat it out Carter?" He asked
taking a seat on the sofa in front of the TV.
"If it's going to be convincing Sir long enough to have done
something..." Sam replied logically, "We'll just relax and do nothing and show up
smiling at work really confusing him." She predicted, "He should confess
"And then I can hit him for it." Jack added with tension, "I
really got my hopes up Carter." He slouched down to give his groin some
"Yeah I noticed." Sam remarked and glanced between his legs.
"You know since we have the room we shouldn't let it go to
waste." He commented with this seductive grin on his face patting on the couch
next to him. Sam had him going already then she was going to really shock him.
"I had no plans to waste it whatever Sir." She assured him
approaching him in a very sexy strut, "Or I wouldn't have let you get it." Sam
removed her cover shirt and dropped it on the floor.
"This is another April Fool's Joke isn't it?" Jack assumed
with a not to be taken in smile on his face. Then she straddled his lap sitting
across his groin, cupped his face and kissed him on the lips erotically about a
minute. He saw she wasn't and when she pulled back enough Jack commented, "I
Sam peeled her t-shirt over her head and tossed it then went
for her bra. He concluded, "Definitely not." He smiled, "Sweet." She was
kissing him again and his hands were all over her. Jack grabbed her behind and
rose up carrying her over to the bed and laid her down on it with him on top of
her taking control. He was so going to thank Daniel for this.
Afterward she had gotten out of bed with Jack passed out
from all his exertion and was dressing herself to head back to base. What a way
to get Daniel back follow through as if she wrote the note to Jack. It would've
been better if she hadn't of told him and just led him to believe she wrote it
but Jack's face wouldn't have been so funny when she actually followed through.
Jack opened his eyes naked under the sheets and saw her
getting dressed. He sat halfway up and inquired, "Where are you going Carter?"
"I have to get back to the base so not to arouse suspicion
Sir." Sam turned official again, "I can't allow them to think I slept with
you." She paused and added, "Plus I have to get Daniel back somehow for that
naughty note of his."
"Oh let it go Carter." Jack was in a very friendly forgiving
mood after the hot sex they just had. "Get undressed and come back to bed. Then
I can make you forget about it." He lifted his sheet baring what he had for
Sam came over leaned down and kissed him. He put his arms
around her and rolled throwing her back on the bed. Jack was on top of her
kissing her. She struggled, "Sir, I've got to go. I have to cover up where we
were." Sam promised, "I'll be back later." She pushed him off and headed to the
door. "Just relax till I get back." She smiled and added, "I need to get some
things for later anyway."
Jack had this cute smile as he imagined what she was
bringing. Then an idea occurred to him on how to get Daniel back and it was a
doozey. He was immediately out of bed and getting dressed. "I need get some
things and extend the room time anyway." Jack was pulling has pants on as he planned
It was near the end of the day. Sam worked in the lab to keep suspicion down
and didn't even know Jack had come back on base as well. She had gotten her
things and they were in the trunk of her car. She was going to head to the
locker room to head back to the hotel within and hour.
In the locker room Daniel was in a towel after a shower when
Jack came in closed, and locked the door. He was going to have some fun with
him. Jack told him, "You know Daniel ever since I got that note from you.
You've been on my mind all day." He smiled at him with his brows raised in a
"I'm sure I have been especially since Sam rode you for a
couple hours." Daniel remarked with discomfort. "Why are you looking at me like
"Because I just never knew you thought of me that way." Jack
teased and asked, "Why didn't you tell me you thought I was so hot?"
"I didn't." Daniel assured calmly.
"Then why'd you write the note and have Carter give it me?"
Jack kept going, "It was obvious you were too shy to admit verbally you wanted
to fuck me" He had Daniel at a complete disadvantage approaching him like he
was going to move on him.
"I don't want to fuck you." Daniel explained loudly, "I
wrote that to trick Sam into making you think she wanted to." He added getting
panicked back away with Jack following him. "It seemed to work at first and
your face was priceless."
"About what your face looks like about now." Jack's tone
gave away he was just messing with him. Daniel backed over a bench fall on his
butt on the floor. Jack continued amused mixed with seriousness, "You know if
it wasn't for Carter actually fucking me this afternoon I would've come here
and had my way with you."
Daniel crawled away and ran into one of the bathroom stalls
and closed it for safety. Jack had a chuckle and went over to his locker to
start changing. "Don't come out until I'm gone Daniel. I don't want to chance
you seeing me naked." He teased.
"Very funny Jack." Daniel wasn't amused and surrendered, "I
get it I won't do it again." He swore, "Just don't pulverize me."
"Oh don't worry Daniel I won't pulverize you." Jack assured
and wickedly added, "I'm leaving that to Carter."
Daniel cringed and heard Jack leave the locker room. He
thought, "Oh my God, who knows what inventive thing she's going to do to me."
He was worried and with good reason.
Jack got back to the hotel with his things, showered and was just in a towel
when the door clicked and Sam came in rolling her suitcase. "Hey Carter, what
took you so long?"
"Had to change and get my things at my place for the
weekend." Sam explained and noticed his case and observed, "I see you did the
"Well you can't be too prepared." He remarked casually but
he didn't tell her about Daniel because he wanted to give her the chance to get
revenge on her own. "So what are you going to d to Daniel?" Jack asked her
"I have no ideas just yet but I will." Sam assured him, "I
want to get him when he's not looking, surprise attack." She explained. He
couldn't help but smirk knowingly approaching her.
Jack took her hands in his kissed them and requested, "Just
tell me what you have planned because I'm dying to hear it."
"Oh I will Jack. I just hope you can understand it." She
confused him and then kissed him on the lips. He understood that easily and he
acted on it. They acted on Daniel's note again.