Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or any of the characters you recognize. I'm just borrowing them for entertainment. There is no monetary gain and no copyright infringement intended. The lines of dialog you recognize are from the show, the rest you don't recognize are from me.
AN: Happy Birthday (belated) Gategirl7. Thank you for being such an awesome beta! Any mistakes are mine and mine alone, probably added after I got the edited version back.
IMPORTANT: I am attempting to keep this a little tamer than I usually manage in my writing in keeping with the rating. I think I have accomplished it, but if I haven't and anyone is offended I apologize ahead of time. Let me know how I do if you are feeling kind. Thank you for reading!
Chapter 5
"You want me to call you Jack?" she questioned. Her brain was still a little slow from the intensity of the kiss, but she even so, she was fairly sure she wasn't getting his point.
"Colonel O'Neill doesn't want to have this conversation, Jack does," he pointed out slowly, a smile on his face. His hands were still on her. She was finding it really hard to think beyond the feel of his fingers at the small of her back, stroking her through the softness of her robe. "I'd like to have this conversation with Sam if she's in," he prompted, his low sexy voice sending shivers up and down her spine. Smug bastard, she decided, not mad. Actually she sort of liked that he was proud of making her brain into mush.
"I liked it better when we weren't talking and you were kissing me." Oh God! Where had that come from? His smug smile turned into a supremely male smirk that made her blush. She could feel her skin turning warm as the color spread across her face.
"Me too, but I was thinking we might need to talk about this." He looked almost hopeful as he leaned in and kissed her nose. Were they really going to do this, talk about them?
"What about regulations?" she asked. "How do we have this conversation?" She could see him starting to withdraw again. This was such a touchy subject for both of them she realized clearly for the first time. Maybe they both were assuming too much about the other's motives. Maybe he was right; it was time for them to both put their cards on the table.
"I want this, you, Jack," she hurried to assure him. She needed him to know that she was trying to solve problems and find a solution, not rejecting him. "I just don't know how to make that happen."
"I'm not sure either, Sam" he stood a little straighter and took a step back. "Maybe we don't manage it," he acknowledged. "Your career is not anything I want to hurt."
"Neither is yours for me," she answered. This wasn't one sided. She wouldn't let him shoulder anything alone, not the decision or the responsibility if things went badly.
"I've been through the retirement scenarios in my head. I don't see them letting either of us retire or transfer right now." Jack's voice was full of resignation, "Not with the level of threat being so high right now." He reached toward her and adjusted her robe closed a little at the neck, tying the belt a little tighter. She shivered a little at the closeness of his hands to her. "I'm sorry, Sam." His voice was so emotionless, like he was giving up. It scared her. "This wasn't fair. I shouldn't have come. Nothing has changed for us except the cat's out of the bag."
Sam's stomach dropped. Jack was giving up. She could see it in his eyes and the stance of his body. He was pulling back right in front of her and closing himself off. They'd spent years closed off. More than anything, she knew she didn't want to go back to that again.
"No, Jack, it has changed," she insisted. He wasn't physically moving away from her, but she could see him closing himself off mentally. He wanted her; that thought thrilled her and gave her hope as much as his trying to protect her scared her.
"I've been through every scenario in my head, Carter," he told her, pushing a hand through his hair. "This isn't fixable without hurting you. We can't be on the same team and have a relationship." He captured her eyes before continuing. "Us not being on the same team is not an option." Sam couldn't argue. She'd thought through the possibilities also and she didn't see any legal ones either. "I'm sorry," Jack told her. He set his beer back on the counter. "I should go before I make this any worse." He looked as defeated as she felt.
If he walks out now, I've lost him. That thought crystallized in her head. She watched him take a step away from her, but wasn't sure what to do to change the situation. Everything he said was right, but it's not as simple as that, she thought.
They'd almost died today. She'd killed a man she had memories of loving deeply. Life turned too quickly. Living in fear, wasting life wasn't an option either, she decided. "The only way you can make this worse is walking out of the door." There, she'd said it. She'd put her feelings on the line for him. What they were doing to protect their world, their corner of the universe, was important and vital, but she had a hard time believing that she and Jack didn't deserve some happiness to go along with all of the sacrifice and danger they experienced on a day to day basis.
Sam was relieved when Jack turned back to her. He didn't say anything, but she could see him fighting with himself. He was bound and determined to take the decision out of her hands and protect her. That wasn't what she wanted. "Have an affair with me, Jack." The words were out before she could make them stay in. The surprise on his face was quickly replaced by a naked desire so stark it sent waves of warmth and wetness sliding through her body to pool between her thighs.
"We do this, have an affair and get found out, you have to know Sam, your career will be over, your reputation shot." He took a deep breath. "This will hit you more than me, Carter. You know that," he told her. "I can't do that to you." He was right. Sam knew that when she suggested the affair. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything to help her if they got found out either. Sam knew that also, but she wanted him. He was worth the risk.
Sam could see how hard it was for Jack to pull back, but he was doing it. She knew all the reasons why, but the rejection stung. They'd done this dance between them for years, just never in the open. If he withdrew now, Sam knew she would too. It would be over. They'd go back to friends, but there would be a distance they couldn't breach between them. This admission had changed them. There was no going back, just the choice of which path they took going forward.
"That's my decision," she informed him. "My career, my reputation, my choice," she could see he was about to argue. "In this, Jack, you are not my commanding officer and it is not your responsibility to protect me from a decision I understand as well as you do." She wasn't sure if she was reminding him or herself. "If you don't want me or you don't want to take that risk with your career, then say so, but don't make decisions for me." The surprise on his face almost made her smile, but the fact he still wasn't saying anything was scaring her.
Jack's eyes were intensely dark as he stood silently looking at her. The moments stretched, making her incredibly uncomfortable. Was he going to reject her anyway? She half expected him to turn around and leave without saying another word. That would be like him when he felt like he was doing the right thing but the right thing was something that hurt him to do. He wasn't above ignoring everyone else and going with his gut.
"This can't change anything between us at work or in the field," he stated finally. His voice and stance didn't give away anything, but his words gave her hope.
"These feelings aren't new. We've been hiding them for years without it affecting the job," she informed him, bristling slightly. He should know that.
"Yeah," he agreed, "just needed to say it." Jack's stance lightened slightly. "You absolutely sure about this, Sam?" he asked one more time. Relief spiked through her at the same time her heart started to beat loud in her chest. They were going to do this. They were going to take a chance and do this.
"I'm sure, Jack," she told him, hoping he'd reach for her again. When he didn't move, she could see him still questioning himself. If either of them thought about this anymore they would back out.
"For two people that suck at talking, we've been doing a lot of it," Jack pointed out. Sam smiled, that really said it all. They did suck at talking. It had taken the threat of death for them to admit to the feelings they were discussing now. She smiled ruefully, that was the story of her life. His answering sheepish grin helped. He could always make her feel better and that lopsided half grin of his tended to melt her from the inside out.
When Jack made a step toward her, she knew he was going to pull her into his arms and kiss her again. The excitement pulsed through her at the same time as the knowledge that she needed to start to establish her place in their budding relationship or he'd take the lead there just as he did in their professional lives. She didn't want that. She needed this thing between them to be on equal footing. That was the only way it had a chance of lasting.
"We do suck at it," she stated, sliding her hands down the front of her robe. "I think it's best if we stop talking." In one fluid motion, she released the belt and shrugged her shoulders, sending the soft, furry garment sliding down her body to pool at her feet.
Jack's reaction was all she could hope for. He stopped in his tracks. "God, Sam," he breathed. Jack's hand touched her cheek before he lightly skimmed down her skin, running his hand between her breasts and down across her belly.
She closed her eyes and sighed at the waves of sensation racing across her skin. When Jack's lips met hers, Sam wasn't prepared for the intensity of his kiss. The careful tentative tasting he'd started with before was gone. His hands in her hair held her still while his lips and tongue devoured her mouth. She felt surrounded by him, safe, wanted, possessed. A whimper low in her throat slipped out as his hand slid low across her back, pressing her softness more firmly against his hard body. She felt Jack smile against her mouth before he deepened the kiss once more.
Sam shivered, there was something erotic about being completely naked with Jack fully dressed, holding her tightly, kissing her until she wasn't sure if she was breathing in air or him. She caught her breath in surprise when he slid his hands lower until he was cupping her butt and lifted her easily onto the counter behind her.
Breaking the kiss, he framed her face with his hands. Sam took in several deep breaths trying to calm her body as she met his eyes. "I don't do things halfway, Sam," he told her. "I don't think I'll survive loosing someone else I love." Her heart melted at his words. This amazing man had lost so much in his lifetime and given so much, she felt humbled by his admission and intensely protective.
Sliding her hands along the back of his, she laced her fingers into his and held on. "I love you too, Jack. You're not going to lose me." Releasing his hands and reaching for his face to pull him to her, Sam tried to put everything she felt into her eyes. "I'm with you. I'm going to protect you, me, us, with everything I have Jack. I'm in this as long as you want me."
The relief that was in his face was quickly replaced with a fierceness that made her shiver at the intensity. "Always, Samantha, that's how long I want you." Jack pulled her to him, sliding her across the counter and catching her against the hard planes of his body. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist at the same time he took her mouth possessively and stepped away from the counter.
"God, Jack," she moaned, pulling back from his kiss. "Take me to bed, please."
"Tired, Sam? Need to rest?" The teasing lightness of his tone was betrayed by the breathlessness of his voice. Jack slid a hand down and flattened it against her lower back, holding her tightly against him as he thrust his hips against her, pressing the hard length of his pant covered body into her answering wetness. Sam couldn't help the moan that escaped her. Sam tightened her legs around him and pressed herself hard against the ridge of Jack's erection.
The pressure against the bundle of nerves protected by her nether lips sent jolts of electricity through her body, threatening to send her over the edge. The feeling was so sudden she wasn't ready for intensity and cried out. She felt as much as heard Jack's moan as he pressed himself harder against her core.
God, if he didn't stop she was going to climax without him even entering her. "Please, Jack," she begged, not entirely sure what she was asking him to do. She buried her face in his neck when he thrust against her again and tightened his hold on her as pleasure threatened to overwhelm her senses.
"That's right, Sam," Jack encouraged. "Come for me," he instructed. "Let go." His last statement was punctuated by another thrust. Sam cried out and pressed her center harder against Jack as she broke and crested.
She wasn't aware they were moving until she felt the world shift as she was lowered onto her bed. She reached out as he untangled himself from her, her arms feeling empty for a moment before the bed dipped with Jack's weight and he settled himself back over her.
The velvety hardness of his body pushed at her still shuddering entrance. Sam tilted her pelvis to allow him better access at the same time as he thrust forward, burying himself in her depths. "Oh God, Sam," he cried as he pushed up on his arms over her and took her mouth once more. Sam's body hadn't completely returned to earth after her first climax. She gasped in surprise as he started to move within her and she realized how close she was to making the jump again.
Jack's generous build was stretching her body and filling her in a way she'd never felt before. As his pace became more erratic, Sam was already halfway back to breaking apart again. She could feel Jack holding back, like he was scared he'd hurt her.
"Harder, Jack," she instructed. "I'm yours, don't hold back. Make me yours, Jack," her voice broke as he picked up the pace, fusing their bodies with each powerful thrust.
"Mine," his cry was more moan than word as his movements became less controlled.
"Always," she answered, her body building impossibly high as she matched his pace, adding her power to his own. She needed to feel him soar with her. She needed to know he was hers too.
"Let go, Sam, fly with me," Jack instructed, his voice harsh with effort as he buried himself in her one last time and twisted his hips in a way that brought him against her sweet spots, creating friction and pressure all at the same time. Sam couldn't help the cry that tore through her as her release hit her in powerful tidal waves. She was dimly aware of Jack's answering shout as he emptied himself against her womb.
As she came back to earth, cold air brushed across her left side. Jack was to her right, half covering her. Sam had never felt anything so right. The weight of his arm across her as he pulled her closer into his side felt safe and secure.
"What's going on in that head of yours, Carter?" Jack asked without moving. She shifted slightly to look at him. He had his head propped on the arm he had half under her and he was watching her intently.
She had to smile at him slipping back to his pet name for her. "I was thinking that this feels right," she told him, snuggling into him deeper, enjoying his warmth.
"Ah, ok," Jack relaxed the tension that had started to seep into his body. "So it feels right?" He picked his head up and was studying her, "just right, not amazing, or fireworks, or angels singing?" His voice was petulant bordering on whine. "Wow, I better start over. I'm losing my touch." The man made her laugh.
"Well you know, now that you mention it, maybe everything happened too fast and I'm not remembering correctly." Sam yelped as she was rolled over and smacked across the butt.
"Too fast, Sam, really?" his voice was incredulous, but also lighter than she could remember hearing him. "I can do slow and steady," he declared, nuzzling her neck from behind and kissing down her shoulder blade. Shivers spiked out across her skin. God, the man seemed to be able to make any spot on her body an erogenous zone.
"That sounds like a challenge," she pointed out.
"Maybe," he murmured between nips of his teeth and flicks of his tongue. Sam couldn't help squirming a little as the feeling built, sending warm molten liquid pooling in her belly and between her thighs.
When he reached the curve of her butt and began to trail nips and kisses down her sensitive flesh, investigating every nook and cranny with lips or tongue, the feelings were becoming incredibly intense making her press her center into the mattress looking for anything to give added pressure to where she wanted it.
"You're squirming a lot, Sam," Jack pointed out as he pulled back from her to flip her onto her back. "Let me know when you're satisfied I've been at this long enough. I want to make sure I've gotten it right this time." The evil look in his face did not bode well.
He bit the inside of her ankle for good measure, pulling a gasp from her as he soothed the flesh with his tongue. By the time that he had kissed and licked his way up her legs, across her thighs and was hovering over the apex of her legs, she was literally shaking with need.
"God Jack, I want you. I need you inside me," she told him, slightly embarrassed by the pleading tone in her voice. Sam barely contained a scream when Jack finally connected with the center of her being. He pressed the little bundle with his tongue rhythmically. Relief coursed through her as she built toward climax. All the desire he created and passion he'd built in her flowed toward release with the intensity of a building storm.
Sam's eyes flew open when she felt his tongue replaced by his open palm, soothing her. The gathered energy banked and stilled. She wanted to scream. "Jack," she shouted, trying to wiggle to press herself against his hand with the added pressure he was denying her. The need to climax was almost painful.
"What is it, Sam?" he asked, calmly, as if he wasn't pushing her to the brink and pulling her back again. She wanted to punch the covers, the bed, Jack, anything.
"I give, you win, there were fireworks, light shows, exploding suns," she agreed. "Please, Jack."
"Good girl," he commented as he settled himself on her. One thrust was all it took for her to be sailing again. The man was going to be the death of her she decided as she began to calm. She wasn't prepared when he flipped them both over and she found herself on top.
"Thought you might want first seat for a while," he told her, settling his hands on her hips and helping her to move. As Sam adjusted to her new position, she realized that life had changed fundamentally for them in such an amazing way. The flood gates of their emotions they'd both held shut by force of will for so many years were open now. Whatever came, she knew they'd fight together. Sam slid her hips forward and reached behind her to grasp Jack's sack and roll it toward his body.
"God," he cried, thrusting up into her as she slammed herself down, taking him as deep in her body as possible. "Your turn, Jack," she said, rolling her hips again even as she used her calves to bring her down and back before seating him as far inside her body as she could take him. Her move elicited a primal grow from him as Jack peaked and spilled himself deep in her.
Sam collapsed over him and would have rolled to the side, but Jack held her in place with a muttered, "mine." It was her turn to chuckle. "Any regrets?" he asked her out of the blue as they lay quietly, his breathing returning to normal slowly alongside hers.
"That we didn't do this sooner," she answered with a smile, enjoying the sound of Jack's heart beating strong against her ear. Why hadn't she tried sleeping on him before, she mused. It was much more comfortable than a sleeping bag on the hard ground. She briefly wondered if she could get away with it next trip off world. "I love you, no regrets here," she told him, fluffing the hair on his chest with her fingers and making lazy circles. She liked that his skin would erupt in gooseflesh when she hit certain spots.
"Right back at you, Sam," he told her stroking her back lightly. With a contented sigh, Sam allowed her body to relax into sleep. They'd be ok. Whatever came, they had each other's backs. She was right where she belonged.
The End.