You need some major editing work done on your story. It's not even worth reading farther into the story until you fix all the grammer mistakes. Freshman in high school write better than you. There is no way that can be taken as a compliment. Your sentence structure is horrible and you make mistakes with basic english(feets? really?).Grammer mistakes make the writing hard to understand and takes away from the reading experience. There are many beta readers(editors) online who would be happy to read your story and give you grammer advice. You should find one. For the good of all humanity and the universe in general, find one. Please.
You need some major editing work done on your story. It's not even worth reading farther into the story until you fix all the grammer mistakes. Grammer mistakes make the writing hard to understand and takes away from the reading experience. There are many beta readers(editors) online who would be happy to read your story and give you grammer advice. You should find one. Good luck.
Alastair - Would you like to help me with the grammar?
Right now I'm doing some changings. I realised that I had to choose between reading a boring book, or to re-write this story.
I went stuck with the story :P
Please, if you would like to help me. Send a note to my mail: Dragon_eyes_07@Hotmail.com
While the story itself seems to start out real interesting, there isnt enough content yet for me to decide if I like it or not. What is there though are many, many grammer and spelling mistakes which greatly detracts from what the author is attempting to say.
Also the character of Jack seems to be at odds with how we saw him while he was a General. He would'nt have gone hopping down stairs like a child for example.
One final note: It'd be General Landry, not Hammond at the point in the timeline.
About the grammar spelling mistakes ect... I'm sorry about that...
Since English isn't my main language, It's a little bit hard. I use word, when I'm writing to get some grammar and spelling checked. But that doesn't help me enough I guess. :)
About Jack... well... no comment on that one accept that it was a good point =P
About the generals.... That was a...mistake *blush*
I'll re-write some parts, it will be the same story, but I'll keep the story intact. Right now I have a lot to do in school which I need to take care off, but the next chapter will soon get up. As soon as I have made some changing on the previous chapters, I'll finish the next chapter and post it up.
Thank you for your response
Great story! I'm really looking forward to the rest of the chapters. (hint, hint, post the rest really soon please)
I've been on a trip for over a week now with the school and I have to fall back into school studies. But I'll write more, I'm brainstorming the next chapters and I'm close now... =)
I like this.
Aw, Thank you :D
I really like this chapter. Looking forward to reading the others. Good story so far! :-)