Name: merkaba (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.23 20:43 · Für: Chapter 4 - You Can't Go Home
Good writing!  I have read stories of Sam being attacked before and they always seem to turn her into a wimpering idiot.  While she obviously has alot to go through, you do a great job of showing that Sam is still the same strong woman she has always been.  You show her vunerabllity and fear without taking away her fundimental strength.  You stay very true to the character... all of them actually.  I am really enjoy the story and your writing!

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 19:46 · Für: Chapter 18 - MIA
Please write more on this stroy line! Thus far I am very hooked, you have a tallent for writing that should be explored and enforced! Write more, fast! yet don't rush......

Author's Response:

Thanks for the input.  Yes, there are several places that transitions suck...I've never been real good at that.  But as you can see, I love Sam and Jack...okay, I just love everybody in the show, but Jack and Sam are my two favorites.  As for the "canon splices" as I like to call them, they really are filler and and a way to show the passage of time, but i knew no better way than the typical, trite "it was six weeks later...."  With the episode insertions, I feel there's a passage of time that is automatically implied.

Keep reading..I'll keep writing...I promise to not take too long!  I do have a couple more chapters up and am working on the "transition" of the next few.  The thing is nearly done and knowing someone is out there waiting helps to motivate one, doesn't it? lol

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 19:34 · Für: Chapter 17 - And We're Outa Here
I love the setting, very circular which I love, Well Done -Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 18:19 · Für: Chapter 16 - Kidnapped and Goodbye
Trying to convey urgency in a characters voice is hard enough, you seem to have done it well with sam, Congrats! Well Done! -Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 18:15 · Für: Chapter 15 - Time for Vacation
Ahhhh intresting relationship twists, I love it.....-Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 18:11 · Für: Chapter 14 - Exploration
Love the emotional upheval in Jack, yet how are you going to play it out? - Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 18:06 · Für: Chapter 13 - Still Waiting
Short sweet and to the point! I love it! - Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 18:02 · Für: Chapter 12- I HATE Waiting
Hizza the plot reveals itself again! Again, a well writen chapter, that also explains the previous. A sugestion could be made about melding the two chapters togeather for a more coherient thought proccess but I like what you have done none the less, well done! -Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 17:56 · Für: Chapter 11 - Nintendos?
Nothing new, great jpb on ligistics but relivancy is key! Transition, but the rest is very well done! - Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 17:50 · Für: Chapter 10 - In Trouble Again
This is a well writen Kheb episode, however in the chapter I would have linked it revalance to the story, or are you just telling the story over time? if so use creative transitions to help smooth the chapter breaks over.    Other wise, very well done! -Reading On 

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 17:42 · Für: Chapter 9 - Still Can't Go Home
The emotional development of Sam is very intresting and makes for great reading, again your exicution of the chapter has impressed me. -Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 17:29 · Für: Chapter 8 - Remembering
 Well done the only thing that I would sugest is a better transition from the last chapter to this one. I was a bit confused concerning the program Sam created? I thought that she had not done any work sence the attack. Overall you wrtiting is exceptional and all you need is a more explained transition...-Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 17:21 · Für: Chapter 7 - A Day in the Sun
The vacation was a great idea, however I  am waiting for this 'program' twist - Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 17:04 · Für: Chapter 6 - The Set Up
Well done! It lookslike the plot is coming along very nicely! -Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 16:56 · Für: Chapter 5 - Settling In
The dreams were a very nice touch!-Reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 15:52 · Für: Chapter 4 - You Can't Go Home
Well done with development and exicution of the characters! However, my only advise is that the flash backs are sometimes confusing....but the story remains great! -reading on

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 14:56 · Für: Chapter 3 - Home and Hearth
A look into Sams mind! I have thus far loved the organization of this story as well as its content, Good job -I'll keep reading

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 14:50 · Für: Chapter 2 - Broken Woman
Very well done! The more that I read the more you ACE the character profiles! Daniel is great, right on target! Same thing with Jack. That is the trouble that I have found in a lot of other stories dealing with Jack/Sam paring, they leave the actual character behavior and profile behind to creat a new 'monster' wiht the same face -I will read on....

Name: Veratyr (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.21 14:36 · Für: Chapter 1 - Discovery Is Deadly
I love the story thus far! The scilence of MC is very dramatic and emulates the kind of emotions I believe you were aiming for!, I'll read on and let you know!

Name: KrisK (Signed) · Datum: 2007.07.17 18:11 · Für: Chapter 12- I HATE Waiting

This is a very intriguing story, good job incorporating the canons, too.  Hope Sam and Jack have some time to talk soon!

Thanks for sharing!

Name: kate (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.07.13 11:34 · Für: Chapter 6 - The Set Up
are you going to carry on with this story it is great so far

Author's Response:


Of course, I will be continuing.  This is ONLY the beginning!  Thanks for the input.  Keep an eye out for more!



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