Reviews For Love Me

Name: kk (Anonymous) · Datum: 2011.06.28 15:37 · Für: Chapter 1

Name: fan64 (Signed) · Datum: 2010.06.06 14:41 · Für: Chapter 1

Hi.  You need to break this up into many paragraphs.  A general rule is that no paragraph should exceed 11 sentences--just a guideline.

You also must start a new paragraph each time someone new speaks.  In this case if Sam talks, Jack's reply must be a new paragraph.

 As a point of physical legistics?  Jack could not hold Sam on his cock without having her against the wall. She is 5 ft 10 and the physics of it are impossible unless she is up againt a wall.  Foreplay is always a good idea to have in the story too...sucking, tongue play, caresses.

Also, most women do not come from intercourse.  I believe the ratio is 70:30.  It's cool that Jack is hung and is able to pleasure her but multiple orgasms take a lot of time and I'm suggesting that other ways would be more likely for that to occur.  You also didn't have Jack come.  Readers like him to come.  Especially in her mouth.

I liked that she ejaculates. Very hot and at her age, very very common.  Play it up though with a Jack POV.  It's very hot in temperature and sprays. Guys go crazy for it and Jack would be so turned on, he'd probably blow.

 Good luck.  Your writing will improve the more you write. So keep writing! :-)

Author's Response: Thank you for the advice and I will do my best to live up to the expectations of all Sam/Jack fans everywhere!  Thanks again!

Name: scarletwitch0 (Anonymous) · Datum: 2010.05.29 17:58 · Für: Chapter 1
Needs formatting.

Author's Response: Thank you for the information I welcome it.

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