Spoilers: For Season One "Before I Sleep". This is a tag for the episode.
There is a companion piece to this, also a tag for the episode, which is called "A Funny Kind of Bliss"with Rodney's PoV.
###
"Actually, John, give me a minute, will you."
"Sure," he had said as he'd left her alone on the balcony.
And she'd spent that time looking out to Atlantis and the depth of the blue waters surrounding it.
Taking some pleasure at the simple beauty of nature, of being there.
Sooner than she'd thought the door opened behind her and she heard a few tentative footsteps before he said anything.
"Elizabeth? John said you wanted a minute...and you've had a few. Are you okay?"
She spied Rodney watching her, not pleased at having to disturb her, but waiting, concerned, for her answer.
"I'm just enjoying the breeze," was her calm reply, at which he visibly relaxed.
"Yeah, it's a lovely day, nice out here, but we really should be starting the meeting..." He said as he made for the door impatiently at a slow pace, trying to draw her through with him.
"Everyone is waiting in there." He motioned towards the conference room across the gate room.
The gate room where he'd drowned.
Just not in this timeline.
"They can wait a few more minutes, I'm sure Teyla and John are having a pleasant conversation with Aiden. I wouldn't want to interrupt."
"But the mission..." he said in an excitable manner.
"Patience. We'll get to that, Rodney," she said, smiling back at his puppyish look of anticipation
"Just take a moment to appreciate this."
"This?" His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to work out the implications of her simple word.
"We got to Atlantis. We're very fortunate it was so easy...for us."
His head dropped, watching the floor thoughtfully, musing on the reminder of what Elizabeth's older self had revealed.
Silently he sidled up closer to her, leaning on the balcony next to her, glancing uncertainly between the distant horizon and her face staring out to it.
She felt she ought to say it what she felt, even if he wouldn't believe her sentiment, so she said it, strongly wanting to convey to him how much it meant to her.
"You know that if it hadn't been for you, I, she, wouldn't have survived to save us all."
Rodney seemed startled by the mention of what 'he'd' done, replying in a meek voice. "Well, it wasn't really me, and as Sheppard pointed out, ultimately, I failed."
He sounded dejected and she couldn't stand to hear him brush it off as nothing.
"Don't belittle yourself, Rodney. You died saving others lives and you did die. That timeline did happen, just not to us."
"I guess that's true."
It was a sombre admittance.
"She knew you'd do that, even back then when she didn't know you as well as I do."
He took a chance to look to her. "Am I that transparent?" he asked, but didn't sound so annoyed at the possibility.
"Only to me, it seems, don't worry. But you've come even further since that day, even though you never did that in this time, I know you would have if it came down to it and you've done nearly as much several times already."
"And here I managed to pull my plans off too. I haven't died yet!" he exclaimed cheerfully.
His face lit up in happiness and well-deserved pride but she found herself feeling sombre at the idea that he hadn't been able to save them in the original timeline, that he couldn't always come through, that it wasn't always possible for anyone to save them.
"I'm glad."
It came out too serious for her liking, with Rodney clamming up suddenly.
They stood there with only the sounds of the ocean for comfort.
She found herself thinking about the advice of her older, wiser self once more.
'Trust yourself, Elizabeth. All that matters is right now.'
She knew she was right, she'd definitely had enough time to think about such things.They were at a point where something was about to change. They might even be able to go home soon, see their loved ones, escape from the constant threat of the Wraith possibly. If that threat didn't arrive first.
However, she found herself settled here, Atlantis as much her home as anywhere she had lived over her busy career and she had friends here, people she cared for. But the situation wouldn't be changing just yet, there was still time to live here and enjoy the peace, explore the city she had helped preserve. To do what they had come here for, as Janus had wanted to happen so dearly.
He would be elated if he could know they had made it the second time round, living in his beloved city. The happiness was crushed somewhat by the memory of those who had had to die the first time for all of this to be possible; as Rodney had done selflessly, ignoring the warning her other self had given him.
It occurred to her that there, in that other time, he had shone through, but his potential had been burnt out in the process. They were all lucky that wasn't so here, she thought, still slightly sick to her stomach at the fact that he had actually died for her.
"You excited about the mission?" she asked innocently, met by his steady reply.
"Who wouldn't be excited at the possibility of being able to go home?"
From the quickness of the response she could tell he hadn't given it any thought, for him there was no doubt to the matter.
The comment made her feel guilty, knowing that she didn't relish her reunion with Simon entirely. She wasn't sure what he'd say, whether he'd be angry or understanding. She almost hoped he wouldn't have waited for her, though she chastised herself for even thinking it, much less admitting it.
"You miss Earth." It was a statement, she could already tell it was true, it certainly was for 99 percent of the people on Atlantis.
"Anyone in particular?" she asked, curious of what he might say and rather evilly envious that there might be a person he had left back there. Perhaps even hurt he'd never mentioned anyone, if he did say so.
"Snickers."
"Pardon?" she blurted out, puzzling what he meant. Then it hit her; his favourite chocolate bar! She should have known he'd think of himself, and his stomach. Though sometimes that was unfair, to be honest, he was hypoglycemic and needed regular snacks.
"My cat," he said as if it were the most obvious cat name in the world.
"Oh," a dawn of realisation and relief washed over her and she broke into laughter briefly at her silly mistake, followed by an awkward silence for thinking badly of her friend.
He shuffled his feet, squinting out at the sea, looking not quite brave enough to ask something.
She had no idea what it would be.
Funny how he'd have enough valour to die saving Atlantis and its team members and so little tact as to be obnoxious, but he couldn't bring himself to pose a simple question to her.
She smiled, pondering the mystery of Rodney McKay. She understood him best but only he really knew what went on inside that head and heart of his. She wished she knew what it was that bothered him so. She could only concede to making him feel a little better.
She leant over and he stiffened, about to withdraw, confused at the intrusion into his personal space, as if he thought he was in the way. Almost a look of panic of his face, but he let her move in further, as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek.
He flushed profusely, stuttering to say something but regaining a modicum of intelligence a moment later.
"What was that for?" he asked in such a shy doubtful voice she'd never heard from him and looking nervous for the reply.
She smiled slightly, feeling foolish at not realising it would embarrass him so much.
"For being you, Rodney," was her simple and truthful answer. She hoped he could tell what it meant, who he was in her eyes. One of the best men she had ever known despite his many shortcomings.
She peered over her shoulder as she strode off to the meeting, "Coming?" pausing at the entrance for him.
He stood pensively leaning on the railings his eyes distant and more troubled than before.
"Sure, just give me a second"
Whatever it was, she couldn't think of anything to say, so said nothing, leaving him on the balcony as the doors swooshed open in front of her.
A few moments later he ran to catch up with her, hand moving to the small of her back as he escorted her to the briefing room. Back to normal after their reprieve, he began his theorising about the outposts with the hungry enthusiasm for learning that was usual for him, as they walked inside side by side.
Featured Stories
Fortune\'s Favor by Offworlder FAM
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
Most Recent
Alisa - The College Years by LE McMurray 13+
Having left Atlantis to go to college in no way meant Alisa McKay's life would...
Having left Atlantis to go to college in no way meant Alisa McKay's life would...