Title: Comfort Found
Author: Sue
Pairing: John/Teyla
Rating: PG
Summary: John left alone with his thoughts about a certain strong Athosian
Spoilers: Anything up to and including Season 4.
Note: Small tags for 'Spoils of War' and 'Quarantine'
Comfort Found
tjtjtjtjtjtjtjtj
He stood massaging the piercing ache she had just slammed into him. He steadied himself. She stood watching him, looking as though she was waiting for a verdict. Teyla or Ronon...between the two, amazingly, Teyla's hits usually hurt worse, far worse. The only female of his team was one elegant fighting machine, wrapped up in a deceptively ultra feminine package. That was feminine in a way that regularly put him off balance, and kept him there.
It was the being off balance that had him over several barrels when it encompassed anything of a more personal nature in their relationship.
"When do we ever get to just knock off?" He most certainly wasn't referring to what she had just done to him, having almost succeeded. Man, she was good, too good, in or out of the gym. "You know?" Enjoy a little downtime. It's been awhile...just you and me." Sheppard positioned his fighting sticks in the neutral position. The practice session was over, as far as he was concerned. That last 'whump' that she had clocked him with a few moments ago had his neck aching into next week. Hot water pounding on it was due before stiffness really set in. This was the closest that he had ever come to having his block knocked off literally, and this was just practice, not actual combat. He sighed, thinking...'my kind of woman,' and glad that she was on his side.
A reference, which McKay had once made about her popped into his head. Initially, the reference had bugged him. Rodney had been the recipient of a good piece of his mind over the stereotypical slight. Over time though, McKay's flippant put-down had gained some mileage with him. 'Xena, move over, hon. Your match is here, and her name is Teyla Emmagen,' Sheppard happily thought. The shapely Athosian was iconic of all that embodied strength, beauty and an indomitable spirit.
Despite his throbbing neck, he deepened his smile, making himself look downright impish. A look, which he thought, made him devastating to the ladies. At the moment, the only lady he wished to impress was standing as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar before him.
His look wasn't lost on her. "Knock off?" It was plain that she was unfamiliar with his reference. The fact that it sounded as though it had come out of left field did not help any. "I..." Before Teyla could get the question out about the other unfamiliar term, the Colonel rounded out her education in idiomatic syntax.
"Downtime...relax. When do we ever get time to just plain old relax?" Being on their collective toes for doing battle with the Wraith and the galaxy's deadly assortment of nemeses was fine, yes mandatory. Training with Teyla was an opportunity that he rarely passed on; he liked what she put him through, regardless of how punishing the 'paces' could be. Yet, at the moment, he was simply a fighting man sorely, and he tried not to wince as he thought this, in need of a little sun-splashed R and R. The Athosian mainland would do nicely for what he had in mind.
"You invited me 'surfing' once, John. Does that count as, 'knocking off?'" The memory of that day of discovery coaxed a smile to her face. "Although, I was the one knocked off my surfboard more than I managed to stay on. Your laughter came readily, and it was good to hear."
"Hey, we had a ball, now didn't we?" Sheppard fished, but he was cocksure, as though he had bigger fish to fry. "Beginners' attempts, falling off more than staying on. Just goes with that territory." Like a delayed reaction, his disarming smile forced Teyla's hand.
"I admit to its having been a very enjoyable experience, despite my lack of skill." Teyla touched his middle about where his navel was with the head of one of her sticks. "I seem to remember a certain word that you were insistent I use to describe the memorable time we spent together."
She blushed faintly, Sheppard noted, and to his delight. Despite her dusky complexion, which reminded him of honey, golden and glowing, anyone familiar with her normal coloring would have seen so clearly. Did she have any inkling at all of how endearing she was when she looked at him the way that she was, a cross between the indomitable warrior and the gorgeous knockout that she so obviously was?
"I firmly believe that no one can ever have too much fun." His look was mildly reproving and when he began getting the words out, his heart distinctly missed a few beats. It was a good thing that she had no idea about his heart skipping several; an unfair advantage was an unfair advantage. "So what do you say? Are you up for a day at the beach? Just the two of us?"
"Yes, fun." But then, Teyla gave him a skeptical look, yet made sure that she did not sound as though she was putting a damper on his tempting proposal. "And you are supposing that our mission will be postponed."
"You bet your sweet..." He decided against using the word that had instantly buzzed his brain; hers was a work of art. "Life." There was that impishness again to go along with that cocky smile. "Until Elizabeth has confirmation otherwise that things have cooled down, she won't be sending us anywhere. Trust me on that; clusters of hive ships using the reported location as a drop-off site isn't her idea of a neutral situation. Better to err on the side of not being sorry. So, come on, what do you say? We're mainland-bound at about high noon? I'll bring everything else that's any way connected with a fun day at the beach. You just bring yourself."
"Will you bring the 'boards?"
"If you want me to, then sure. They're on the list. Maybe you'd like me to tack on a hyper-drive engine on yours."
That suggestion made her laugh. "Only if it will help me to stay on better." Something akin to regretful shaded her tone of voice. "But what of your duties, Colonel?"
Sheppard balked, but downplayed it handily enough. "Like they're going anywhere, not. They can wait till I get back. And what happened to John, all of a sudden, huh? I could make it an order, but you'd probably tack on a, 'sir.'"
Her facial coloring went bright again, and fighting off the stammer, Teyla dutifully said, "John..."
/That's more like it, sweetie.../
"Yeah, better, but work on it--not an order. I only respond to 'John' when we're off-duty, just a friendly reminder." He resumed addressing her concern because her eyes graciously demanded that he do so. "Short of being under direct attack from our worst nightmares, like last time, my duties will get my undivided attention the way they always do...just later." He used one of his sticks to nudge her back, just a notch above her bellybutton. Funny how his heart did the same thing that it had done a moment ago. "We're a go, then...right?"
Nodding went along with her smile; this one was sunnier than the previous one. "Yes," she obligingly stated. "We are a 'go.'" It pleased her when she used his unique terms. Gingerly then she added, "You will have no problem requisitioning a puddlejumper? As I remember the last time..."
"What about it?" Sheppard derisively cut in, but then he hastily amended, "Okay, okay...not like the last time. There won't be a glitch. I'll ask before just helping myself, which wasn't such a terrible idea that first time. I play high stakes poker with the bay boys, they stay happy."
She had more than a suspicion that poker was his game; chess was Rodney's, despite Sheppard's winning from time to time whenever McKay had an off match. Her commanding officer's had invented the poker face. "You once promised to teach me the game." She began walking off, intent on using her towel that lay on the bench. "That day has yet to arrive."
Not missing a beat, Sheppard followed on her heels, seeing that there was an extra towel for him. He appreciated her thoughtfulness though he wasn't in the habit of making a big deal of it. "Check, and teaching you can be added to our list of fun." He grabbed his towel, but instead of wiping himself off, he started in on her. She closed her eyes, enjoying the allegiance of his ministrations to her neck and shoulders. What would happen if his lips found their way to them?
/Whoa, boy, who says you're ready to take it there with her?/ raced through his mind. /Who says she wants that from you if you offered? Don't wreck a perfectly fantastic friendship over reading too much into your finicky imagination./
Teyla, as though having the power to hear his thoughts, half-teasingly said, "Perhaps it is I who should be seeing to your neck."
His recoil was imperceptive as Teyla shifted in the shelter he had transformed the towel into. The lovely Athosian regarded him in pleasant contemplation, and John basked in the radiance of her sensual glow. "My force was excessive, and I apologize."
Balking, the Colonel protested, "Don't you dare, Teyla. What am I all of a sudden? A wimp you have to go easy on? I'll never pull any punches, let alone apologize for the ones I land, so don't you go starting on both accounts."
She thought better of saying anything about the marked discoloration that was easy to spot on his neck. "Not starting." Instead, she generously offered, "It is only fair, John, that I reciprocate." She raised her hands to indicate the massage she felt he was entitled to.
A tempting offer it was, Sheppard judged, but he thought better of accepting. The temptation was what it always was, great, but the setting was all wrong. If any moves were going to be made, they would be made on the mainland; it would be there, or nowhere. "I'll take a rain check on that," he said efficaciously, noting the patient acceptance that he sought, and she typically gave.
Teyla sensed that he was turning her down, but she wanted to be sure. "A rain check?"
Weighting her shoulders with his hands, he explained, "I'll take you up on your kind offer some other time."
/No time like the present/ boomeranged in his mind, as his eyes fell upon his sticks which he had laid down. He was a hair-trigger moment from picking one up and bopping his head with it. His doing that would force her to think that he had totally lost it. Flitting, his eyes went to where they properly belonged, studying her winsome face.
"Hungry?" He grinned, slyly thinking about something else that made him question his judgment.
He had to let go. He had to stop going there and there and there. It was killing him...
His lengthy groan escaped before he realized he had uttered one. It was late, and he had promised himself a good night's sleep, but sleep was way beyond his reach right now. His mind and heart were too caught up in the past...their past...their history.
Thinking back was an exercise in futility if ever there was one. Frankly, what good did it do? His head pounded as regretful thoughts ganged up on him, beating him down. Dredging up every instance of missed opportunity, which he had casually allowed, tortured him. Whatever this thing he had for her was, it had had its start with his settling her lost keepsake around her neck in the darkness of that sanctuary. Since then, the intensity of his feelings for her had grown, as had his ambivalence.
He was ready to acknowledge that it was he who had lent complication to the mix, unnecessary complication, borne of a failed marriage, unrealistic expectations and painfully cold feet.
Talking aloud seemed to be helping...
"She gets into Wraiths' minds, lickety-split. So what? You expected her to read yours, to save you the trouble of telling her what she means to you? Exempt you from giving her the commitment she gives you? You're a real winner, flyboy. McKay throws 'Kirk' at me. There was Chaya and one or two others. Maybe he's right. For being an ancient, Chaya was special, and we did some cool things, but she's no Teyla. Nobody I ever...well...sort of flirted with, holds a candle to my..." He faltered, as though saying it out loud would hurt more. Stubbornly, he said anyway, "My Teyla!" He drove both fists into his mattress. "I blame her for finding someone among her own people? A guy who let her know he cares, who gave her what you thought you might get around to giving her some day? Yeah, right. She got tired of waiting. Damn me, and the some day I blew. Jerk!"
His focus on his room's ceiling had ceased soon after he had begun this gutty soul searching. John squeezed his heavy-lidded eyes shut, his heart and stomach tied in knots. Teyla's distressed look, one rife with uncertainty, had overshadowed her strong, beautiful face when she had told him about her sensitive condition. The pang of jealousy he'd felt had closed him off, turning him into someone unrecognizable, a winded man incapable of catching his breath, but capable of blaming her for behaving irresponsibly by putting herself and her baby at risk.
"All's right with the world? Liar, loser. She's what I've always wanted, and what did I do? Nothing. I did a big, fat zero, and surprise, surprise. I get, what I deserve--nothing..."
He squeezed his eyes harder until vibrant, dizzying colors mushroomed behind his eyelids.
/She found comfort in another's arms because you weren't man enough to step up and be what she needed, when she needed it. Pregnant...God! The only kids we'll have together are the ones in my dreams, our little warriors who'll never see the light of day. Things'll never be the same with us.../
He couldn't stop hearing her incredibly unbelievable words; they kept reverberating in his befuddled mind.
"I'm pregnant, John."
"I'm an idiot, Teyla." Sheppard curled into a snug fetal position, sighing as though taking a normal breath was beyond him. How his chest hurt, with his heart beating away, warring against becoming stone, valiant in its effort, but merely going through the motions of keeping him alive.
/We had...have an unspoken something...didn't...don't we?/
Embattled, his mind, having its work cut out for it, mustered itself to get him together, and keep him that way. His mind willed it, and he sat up, his back was as straight as a ramrod. Stridently, John declared, "I swore we'd find her people...her...the father of her baby, and that's a promise fulfilled. We'll look everywhere until we locate him!"
Resourcefully, his mind latched onto something concrete, something warm and wonderful that had happened a little while ago. His heart beat stronger, with a renewed sense of purpose, and it heartily embraced what his mind supplied.
"We'll always be friends--always, regardless of another guy being in the picture." He relived the private, nurturing moment they had shared, with Teyla hugging him tightly to herself, she, on the verge of tears, he responding to her need for him to lend comfort. Their closeness was their refuge, that would never change. She was going to have a son, and she'd told him that. The thought made him smile again, just has it had when she'd told him the baby's gender. He was the first to know. Her son was going to be fine, despite his exposure to evil incarnate, his close call with being 'extinguished.'
"I'll never hesitate when it comes to you, Teyla, never again. I'll be what you need me to be...solely for you...whatever YOU need..."
Their nurturing embrace had forcefully brought it home for him; his unselfish love for her was overwhelming. Now, just as then, it had the power to cleanse. It chased off his dark lament over what might have been, banishing that brand of negativity. Here, in the fragile stillness of his dimly-lit room, he fiercely embraced this remarkable woman who completed him, crushing her to his bosom. Softly, he renewed the vow he'd made to her of familial loyalty.
He was going to be fine too.
End
Featured Stories
Fortune\'s Favor by Offworlder FAM
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
Winner of the Atlantis challenge for the December 2007 fic challenge contest.
Most Recent
Alisa - The College Years by LE McMurray 13+
Having left Atlantis to go to college in no way meant Alisa McKay's life would...
Having left Atlantis to go to college in no way meant Alisa McKay's life would...
Random Story
Personal Moments: Twilight Libido by Heimedall AO
PWP Set. One moment led to another and then another. How long before they get...
PWP Set. One moment led to another and then another. How long before they get...