The color Red by Karabdai

The color Red von Karabdai

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The color Red

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You know, red is a funny color. I used to hate the color red. Actually I was fascinated by it and at the same time scared of it. It was just easier to hate it. It's strange to hate a color. When someone asks, you what do you hate? they expect to hear a place, a person or a thing. Why would anyone hate a color?

It's in fire, lava, the sun. A hot color that denotes destruction and sometimes death. Waves of energy ebbing and flowing. Fire and light that flows.

It's in stoplights that tell all to stop or risk death. The screeching of brakes and the crash of metal. Heed the warning for all could be lost in one fraction of an instant. Red is a sign of danger, danger for all.

Red is blood, blood that makes us human, is our lifeforce. When it spills death comes. Blood that comes from a cut that a knife causes in a quest for power. Bloodlust that brings nothing but hatred and fear.

Red was the color of the liquid in my chemistry set I was playing with when I was 7 as my parents screamed again and again for what seemed like forever. You never loved me, its all your fault, how could you have let it happen, never wanted him in the first place, you take care of him I've had enough. Doors slamming.

Red was the color of Valentines day, February 14. A harsh day for those of us unworthy in the ways of love. Red valentines for all those who are beautiful, happy and full of life. But for us others that red is the pain of rejection and disappointment. Harsh lessons learned when those we thought worthy of the red heart turned to their friends and laughed at us. Marcia Redman, even her name had the color red in it. She was beautiful and so far out of my league everyone but me knew it. She said she's meet me at White's diner on Valentine's Day my freshman year of college. She didn't. Who needs love when all it brings is pain and heartache and destruction.

It is better to live in a place without red.

But here on Atlantis the color of red has come to mean something different than it used to. No longer just danger but hope, understanding, love and kindness. It means a place to call home even when that physical place is millions of miles away. Red is the power to overcome adversity in the face of overwhelming odds. Of wanting to accomplish something for the greater good and not just for personal gratification.

She wears red. She cared when Sheppard and I were testing the personal shield. Even though it was all in good fun she cared that I had been thrown off the balcony. She cared when I went into the black energy cloud being to activate the MALP to get it to go through the Stargate.

I didn't like to disappoint this woman who wore the color I despised. She seemed to want to get beyond the snarky exterior and care for the person underneath all that. I was ashamed when she found out I broke and told the Genii of our plans. I tried to hide my arm because I thought I deserved the pain. I had let her down but she looked me in the eye and seemed to tell me that she still believed in me and we would get out of this.

Red now reminds me of the sunsets on Atlantis we watch on the balcony by her office. Just after the Storm we sat and watched as the sun set and we knew that even with all the bad that had happened and with worse maybe to come we had the sunsets to look forward to. Time to sit and to think of all the good we had done and to just enjoy being alive.

Maybe I could come to not hate the color red. It might take some time but if my Elizabeth keeps wearing it how can I hate the color that makes her so beautiful.

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The color Red von Karabdai

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