remember
I Will Remember You
by Sherrill C. Martin
TITLE: I Will Remember You
AUTHOR:Sherrill C. Martin
EMAIL: bosco4@gte.net
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: This story is a prequel to "I Will Always Love You" and the same warning applies. This is a 'different' type of story, so be forewarned.
RATING: U
CONTENT WARNINGS: For those of you who don't like the sadness of the other story, this one is a little more... intense, I guess would be the word. So, beware.
SUMMARY: None given
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I had a couple of requests to know what happened to Jack in my story "I Will Always Love You". This story didn't turn out the way that I had intended. As I said in IWALY, I only write down the words that pop into my mind. I seem not to have much choice in the matter!
Sam still sat in the hard, orange plastic chair that she had been lead to three hours previously. She stared hopefully down the corridor, watching for any sign of movement. Finally, after another excruciating half hour she watched Jack as started down the hall toward her. She smiled softly at him, admiring the silver white of his hair and the fact that the slight stoop to his shoulders didn't diminish his six-foot-two frame in the least.
Standing a bit unsteadily to her feet Sam took several steps toward Jack, then stopped abruptly when she saw the angry look in his eyes.
"I told you not to make me come here!" He growled, even as he closed the distance between them and gathered her trembling body into his arms, nearly crushing her against his chest.
Sam turned her head to the side and nestled just beneath Jack's chin, her ear just over his heart. His heart was beating wildly and fear shot through her. Nothing ever scared Jack, yet if his racing heart were any indication, Jack was frightened out of his mind.
"I'm sorry, Jack," Sam whispered over and over until she felt him begin to relax against her and his heartbeat slowed to a more manageable level. "Tell me," Sam whispered when he began showering the top of her head with little kisses. She knew now that Jack wasn't angry with her, just with the situation, '...and Lord knows,' she thought to herself. 'We've been in enough situations together to know the difference.'
"I want to go home," he mumbled, his mouth pressed against her forehead until she looked up at him. "We'll talk then."
Sam nodded her graying head and moved only far enough to slip beneath Jack's left arm. Cuddled up against his side she wrapped both arms around his still slim waist and, together, they walked out of the hospital.
~*~
The ride home was torture for Sam. She so wished that Jack would tell her what the doctors had told him. However, she was very afraid for what he might say, especially since he hadn't uttered a word since they had gotten into the car.
Flipping the signal to turn down their street, Sam caught a quick glimpse of her husband as he stared morosely out at the rain-slick road ahead. Fear again sliced through her, but Jack was completely unaware. Sam had become proficient at keeping her fear for him buried deep within her. As the car neared their house Sam groaned beneath her breath.
"Oh, Jack," she nearly cried, but caught herself just in time. "I forgot that Cassie and her kids were coming over." She shot a quick look at him just as she turned into the driveway and Cassandra's three girls came running to the car to greet them. She smiled at the girls through the window, then turned back to Jack. "I'll explain to Cassie, she'll understand."
"NO!" Jack practically yelled. "I'm sorry, honey. It'll keep."
Opening his door, Jack was pounced upon by Malisa, Cassie's youngest, before he could even get out of the car. "Hi, Grampa Jack!" Malisa cried as he lifted her onto his lap and gave her a quick hug.
"Hi there yourself, Malisa," he returned her greeting with a forced smile.
"Malisa Owens, get out of that car and leave Jack alone long enough for him to get out." Cassie walked around to stand beside her chastised daughter. "Sorry, Jack," she offered with an apologetic smile.
"That's okay, Cassie," he told her as he got out of the car and shut the door. "Excuse me a moment." Making his way around to the back of the car, he walked over to open Sam's door and help her out.
"Jack, it's so good to see that chivalry isn't dead," Cassie said with a smile as she gathered her children about her to keep them out of the way of the couple as they made their way into the house.
As soon as they entered the house the girls raced, giggling, up the stairs to the room Jack had built specifically for the children.
"You girls behave," Cassie called after them, then turned to face Jack and Sam who were standing arm in arm beside the fireplace. "No matter how much I love them, they still manage to get under my skin."
"Don't worry, Cassie," Sam replied with a grin. "It gets worse!"
"Thanks for the encouragement," Cassie groused as she dropped down into an arm chair. "So, what have you two been up to?" She grew concerned when Jack and Sam exchanged a quick glance. Sitting up straighter in the chair, their longtime friend watched them another moment, then stood to her feet. "The clothes you wanted to give the girls can wait until later, Sam," she said sincerely. "I'll just go get them." Hurrying from the room before either of her friends could stop her, Cassie raced up the stairs almost as fast as her girls had done earlier.
"Oh, Jack," Sam worried. "We can't let her leave like that." Slipping out of Jack's embrace Sam walked across the living room and to the foot of the stairs. Cassie was just coming downstairs with her disappointed children in tow. "Cassie, please don't leave," she implored her friend.
"No, Sam," Cassie said with a determined look in her eye. "I sense that you and Jack have something to discuss. We'll come back another time, won't we girls?" She shot her disgruntled daughters a stern look at which they all simply nodded their heads and filed out the front door. Before she followed the girls from the house Cassie turned and pulled Sam into her arms for a quick embrace and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"I'll talk to you later," Sam whispered to her friend, then watched Cassie as she walked out the door. "Love you," she called to Cassie and the girls as they got into their car. Sam stood on the front porch, her arms wrapped around her waist. The sun had gone down and the Colorado autumn evening was beginning to have a nip in the air. Waving to them as the car pulled out of the driveway, Sam waited only until they were just out of site before hurrying back into the house. Jack was not in the living room.
"Jack?" Sam called as she walked through the living room and into the kitchen. He sat at the breakfast table, his hands folded in front of him and his chin resting on top of his hands. Moving up behind him, Sam began to gently, but firmly, massage the tense muscles in his shoulders and neck.
"Ohhh, that feels good," he muttered.
"Jack?" Sam questioned as her hands worked to relax him.
"Sam?"
"Don't do this to me," she told him, a hint of impatience edging her words.
"Don't do what to you?" Jack lifted his head and looked sideways at his wife with a smile that didn't reach his deep brown eyes.
"Don't shut me out." The words Sam uttered cut through Jack like a knife, for he'd certainly been guilty of doing that during their many years together.
"Come here," he said softly as he turned and gently pulled her slight weight into his lap. Cuddling her close he propped his chin atop her head and sighed.
"It's cancer."
~*~
Sam's world splintered and she felt the room begin to spin. Clutching his shirt in her hands she closed her eyes and prayed that it wasn't true. When she opened her tear-filled blue eyes to look into his, she knew that her prayer had been in vain.
"No," she moaned as she shook her head and threw her arms around his neck. "I won't let it be."
"Sam," Jack called softly to his distraught wife as he pulled her arms from around his neck and held her cold, trembling hands in his. "You can do nothing about it, Baby." He waited for her to gain control of her emotions, then, when she looked up at him a few minutes later, he continued. "The doctors say that it's Stage 3." He wished the words back as soon as they were uttered, for he saw from the look on Sam's pale face that he'd taken away any hope she might have harbored for him in those few, simple words.
Sam was devastated. Stage 3? How had it happened so fast. Then the thought struck her. "Where?" She demanded.
"What?" Jack said in confusion at her question.
"Where is the... cancer located?"
Jack looked across the room, then down at the floor. 'How much did she really need to know?' he asked himself, until he finally looked into her tormented eyes and saw that she knew what he was thinking.
"Lungs," he said simply.
"Oh, God!" Sam cried, snatching her hands out of his and covering her face. Sobs tore through her and she collapsed against Jack's chest. He held her for a long time, whispering soothing words to her as she cried. The realization finally hit him and Jack felt a tear trail down his own cheek and it was as if the dam had been breached. Tears coursed from his eyes and he gathered Sam closer for his own comfort, as well as for hers.
~*~
"Jack," Sam whispered into the darkness surrounding their bed.
"No, Sam."
"Won't you even consider it?" Sam was desperate. She had been trying to talk to Jack for days now, ever since he'd told her the news, but he didn't seem to be interested in her suggestions. "Please?"
Attempting to cover a cough, Jack turned over onto his side, his back to her, and he secreted away the handkerchief that was red from the blood he'd coughed up. Balling the handkerchief into his fist he stuffed his hand beneath the pillow, out of Sam's site.
"I'm tired, Sam," he murmured, hoping she'd take the hint and leave it alone, at least for tonight. He really was tired and it hurt to draw a deep breath. Then he heard her muffled sobs. "God," he moaned, then turned back over and pulled her into his arms. "Tell me."
Sam shook her head, working hard to hold her sobs in. Her body quaking from her efforts she held one hand over her mouth, the other clutched at Jack's arm around her waist.
"Tell me, Sam." Jack knew what she was going to suggest and it would tear him apart to have to tell her no.
"Dad says..."
"NO!" Jack said rather forcefully, more so than he'd intended.
"Jack, it's your only hope," Sam whimpered, turning around in his arms and placing one small hand on either side of his face. Even though it was dark, there was just enough light coming through the window for her the see the anguish on his face. "Honey, it's OUR only hope."
"Oh, for crying out loud, Sam," he growled. "You know how much I hate those things."
"But..." She began, only to be interrupted by his definitive answer.
"No, I will not walk around with one of those... 'things' in my head."
"Jack, you have seen how well Dad has done with his symbiot, Selmak," Sam argued, throwing in her last hole card. "We can invite him to visit and he could bring Charlie..."
"Sam?"
Leaning back to look up at him, Sam saw the determined look in Jack's eyes. She knew without hearing his argument that he would never consider allowing a symbiot to coexist within his body in order to cure him of his cancer. Though she knew from firsthand experience what it was like to be possessed by such a creature, she knew that this was his only hope. They had gone to the doctors, who had told them that Jack had less than six months to live.
"Yes?"
"You know that I love you beyond my own life, don't you?" He asked softly, holding her chin in his large hand so that she would look at him. At her nod, he continued. "I would do anything..." He paused and gently shook her. "Anything at all, to stay with you and the kids. Anything, but that." His last words crushed any hope she'd had that he had given in to her wishes.
"Won't you even consider talking..."
"No, Sam. I won't consider talking to Jacob, or Charlie, or anyone else with a snake in their head," he informed her precisely. Then added, "If the Man upstairs wants to prolong my life, then he will find a way that doesn't include having an alien being inside me."
Sam felt her heart break even though she knew the truth of what Jack had told her, it didn't make her fell better. Gazing at him in the weak light, she tried to memorize his features for the long, empty days ahead. "We should tell the kids," she whispered brokenly. They had agreed to keep the news about Jack's cancer to themselves until Jack had his consultation with the oncologist. Now that they had heard from her and knew the truth about Jack's cancer, Sam felt a desperate need to call their children together and tell them.
"I don't know, Sam..."
"Jack." Sam wrenched out of Jack's grasp. "It's your choice to not live with a symbiot. It's also your choice not to go through the chemotherapy that Dr. Sarman said would prolong your life another month, or so." She held up a hand. "I know. I know. Dr. Sarman said that the quality of your extra month of life wouldn't be very good. I've come to terms with that. But, you will not let one more day go by without telling Jack, Jr., George and Tory." She had such a determined look on her face that Jack had to smile, which earned him a deep, dark frown.
Suddenly a coughing spasm hit him and he slipped abruptly out of her arms and bolted off the bed. Running into the bathroom he slammed and locked the door behind him.
Switching on the bedside lamp, Sam sat up in the bed and listened intently to the muffled coughing coming from the bathroom. She reached down to pull the blanket up to cover her cold knees and her hand froze at the site of the handkerchief that Jack had been holding in his hand and had dropped on the edge of the bed. Scrambling from the bed as fast as her aged joints allowed, Sam ran over to the bathroom door and tried to open it.
"Jack!" She cried, knocking softly on the door. When he didn't answer her, she knocked a bit louder. "Jack!"
"I'm okay, Sam," Jack's weak voice called from within. "Go on back to bed. I'll be there in a minute."
"Jack, open the door this instant!"
"Doggonit, Sam. I am not one of the grandkids," Jack snapped, then quickly regretted the sudden movement when pain shot through his lungs. Doubling over from the pain he sat on the edge of the bathtub, holding a towel to his mouth as another coughing spasm hit him.
"Please, Jack?"
"I'll be out in a minute," Jack repeated as soon as he could draw a painful breath.
Sam stood beside the door, holding her breath in order to hear better. She heard his muffled coughing and looked down at the handkerchief she held in her hand.
"Jack, honey. Open the door," Sam coaxed softly. "I know about the blood." She stood back from the door as it slowly opened. She asked simply as he stepped into her embrace. For the first time in all the years she'd known and loved Jack O'Neill, Sam saw the look of utter defeat in his eyes and stance. Jack had never before shown his true age, but now his shoulders were slumped and he seemed to have aged twenty years right before her eyes. Holding him as tightly as she dared, it was Sam's turn to comfort.
She felt him begin to tremble and led him back to the bed. Helping him to lay down and covering him with the blanket, Sam carefully climbed over him to her side of the bed. Then, gathering him in her arms once more, she simply held him
against her breast until the trembling subsided and he had fallen into a restless sleep.
'Tomorrow,' she told herself. 'Tomorrow we will tell the kids, but for now I just want to hold you for as long as I can.'
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