George's Angels
George's Angels
by havocthecat
Summary: Sam, Janet, Elizabeth. Charlie's Angels. Crackfic.
Category: Alternate Universe, Humor
Crossover: Stargate Atlantis
Season: any Season
Pairing: Daniel/Janet, Jack/Sam
Rating: FAM
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was created for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 08/23/06
"Hello, angels!" exclaimed Jack cheerfully as he came through the front door.
"Shut up, Jack," muttered Janet, glaring at him from her spot at the dining room table. She was at one end, Sam was at the other, with papers strewn across the table between them.
"Janet!" exclaimed Sam, horrified. She smiled brightly at Jack.
"At least someone appreciates me," said Jack, setting his briefcase down on the papers and earning another glare from Janet.
"She's mad about Dr. Jackson," said Elizabeth, walking out of the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee. She came over to lean on the table, standing next to Janet and frowning at the papers she'd been going over.
"Are you and he fighting?" asked Jack.
"He found out about my involvement in uncovering the ring of artifact thieves at the Field Museum last year," muttered Janet. "Ever since we put Apophis and his goons away, and Murray entered the Witness Protection Program, he's been obsessed with finding out what really happened."
"That's not good," said Jack, understating the situation as usual. "Couldn't you distract him?"
"We took the artifacts that proved his theory about Egyptian history," said Janet. "And now he knows. There's no distracting him from that."
"How'd he figure that out?" asked Jack, frowning.
"The man is a genius," said Janet. "He finally figured out to talk to the security guards on duty that night."
"They broke up over it," said Sam, very carefully not looking at Janet as she stacked up the papers on a corner of the table.
"So what do you have for us?" asked Elizabeth. "A new assignment?"
"George has a new assignment, but with some old friends," said Jack, opening up his briefcase and pulling three file folders out." He handed one to each woman. "Apophis' old rival Hathor has shown up. Turns out she's running the biggest escort business in town, and we need you three to infiltrate it. We need the evidence to bring her down."
"Why is it that we always get stuck with the jobs that require us to pretend we're high-priced hookers?" complained Janet. "And dress up in revealing clothing?"
Elizabeth smiled at Janet. "I don't mind," she said, taking a large drink of her coffee to hide her grin when Janet turned to her and rolled her eyes.
"You wouldn't," muttered Janet, though she seemed slightly less cranky.
Jack was trying to look innocent and failing, especially because he was also trying not to look like he was picturing Sam dressed to look like a high-end call girl. "Uh, you also have an expense account," he said, nodding at them. "Unlimited platinum cards so you can outfit yourselves properly. The folders contain all the information for your identities in Madame Hathor's organization."
***
[Some time later...]
"So you're not an expert in prehistoric human biology?" asked Daniel, scooting awkwardly towards Janet. He stopped and shook his head, trying to get the sequined dress that he'd run into out of his face.
Janet shook her head while she worked on the ropes Hathor's thugs had tied her hands together with.
"And you're not a call girl?" he asked, confused. The smell of mothballs was overpowering, and Daniel sneezed three times.
"You've got a real winner there, Janet," said Sam, also working at her ropes.
Janet glared at Sam and Daniel. "No, I'm not a hooker, Daniel!" she snapped.
"But what you are is a secret agent?" he asked.
"Yes, dear," she said tightly. "I'm a secret agent. I'm also a medical doctor. I just don't have a practice right now."
Daniel blinked. "Oh," was all he said, as she shucked the ropes off her wrists and came over to untie him.
Sam had slipped her ropes off and was inspecting the lock. "This is really pitiful," she announced. "I could pick it with a clothes hanger."
"Well, since we're in the closet, I'm sure you can find one," said Daniel peevishly, rubbing his wrists.
"We have to find where they took Elizabeth," said Janet.
"I escaped on my own," said Elizabeth, her voice coming through the door.
"Get us out of here," called Janet, helping Daniel stand.
"Before they figure out I disabled Hathor's private jet," added Sam.
"Give me a minute!" called Elizabeth. "I'm looking for they key!"
"Screw the key, just slide something under the door for me to use as a lockpick!" snapped Sam.
"How did I get mixed up in all of this?" asked Daniel plaintively.
"Because you're too smart for your own good," said Janet, patting him on the arm. She stood back to let Sam start working on the lock with the hairpin Elizabeth had pushed under the door.
"I'm smart enough to realize that's not an answer," he muttered.
***
[And later still...]
Sam and Jack were leaning on each other on the couch at the condo that Sam, Janet, and Elizabeth shared.
Daniel had a beer and was sitting on a chair, looking very longingly at where Janet was sitting on the loveseat, her legs draped in Elizabeth's lap. If he had enough to drink, maybe Janet would let him spend the night. It didn't look like he'd be able to get a ride home from Jack.
Thankfully, Janet was throwing more than a few looks Daniel's way, so he was probably going to be a very happy man later tonight.
Right now, though, he was just confused. "So, let me get this straight," he said, gesturing with his bottle. "You three are secret agents for this guy named George, and Jack is your contact, not the asshole security guy at the museum?"
"Oh, he's still an ass," said Elizabeth, laughing. "He's just not a security guard."
"Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place, Janet?" asked Daniel, staring at her intensely.
"Because 'secret' implies that you don't tell anyone," said Jack. Sam elbowed him, and he groaned in pain and rubbed his side.
"I thought you were trying to steal my life's work to publish it yourself," he said.
"Daniel, I would never do that," said Janet. "It was important, though. I never would have interfered otherwise."
"Well, I know that now!" exclaimed Daniel. "But then why did that Hathor person try to dose me up with her experimental pheromone perfume?"
"Because she thought Apophis had given you information about his organized crime network," said Elizabeth. "If she could get that out of you, she'd have an advantage over all the other groups in town."
"But all he tried to do was steal some very valuable artifacts!" exclaimed Daniel.
"She didn't know that," said Janet. "It's a good thing that we got there when we did."
"A very good thing," agreed Daniel, nodding emphatically.
"We could use a guy like you, you know," said Jack. "You're smart, and you can think on your feet, which isn't how all the smart guys are. Plus it'd leave me slightly less outnumbered what with all the chicks here." Sam elbowed him again, and he glared at her. "Ow! Carter, watch it!"
"One of these days you're going to call her by her name, and the world is going to end," said Janet, snickering at Jack.
Jack ignored Janet and looked back at Daniel. "With some training, you could make a decent agent."
"I don't know," said Daniel. "I like being an archaeologist."
"Think about it," said Jack. "You don't have to give up archaeology. Just--help us out. And you'd see Janet more often."
"That part would be nice," said Daniel, glancing at Janet again.
"Wouldn't it just?" murmured Janet.
Elizabeth just looked amused at everyone and started wondering if tickling Janet's feet would break up the miasma of unresolved sexual tension in the room.
--end--
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to havocthecat
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
George's Angels
by HavocthecatSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis