92 Days
92 Days
by Alu Folie
Summary: Jack is on Edora and Sam is on Earth. Both have each other on their minds.
Category: Angst
Episode Related: 317 A Hundred Days
Season: Season 3
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 01/04/04
92 Days
Pretending was easy. You woke up, went to work, got thrown into Goa'uld prisons, met friends from alternate universes, killed Goa'uld queens and a whole plethora of intergalactic madness. Then you went home and pretended that you did none of those things. You were not part of a program that included space travel through an interstellar portal. You did not meet aliens on a regular basis. One of your closest friends did not have a worm in his gut. And you definitely and under no cirucmstance knew of a Stargate.
But strangely enough, pretending was easy.
Or it used to be.
As Sam sat watching the night sky and listening to Laira's quiet laughter at Jack's silly little jokes, pretending was slightly harder. It had been harder for a while. To pin point the exact moment where the ease of pretending began to decrease at an exponential rate was when Doctor Samantha Carter kissed Colonel Jack O'Neill.
She had stared into the mirror and it had shown her an image of herself kissing her commanding officer. Doctor Samantha Carter had come through the mirror to save her world. She also came to rock Sam's world. She was the choices Sam didn't make. She had made Sam hurt somewhere deep inside. It was a strange kind of hurt. Unidentifiable at first and then loud and clear. Festering like a wound.
A wound that seemed to deepen a little more every day.
She didn't mean it to happen. She didn't mean to obsess on what she saw in the mirror. She didn't mean to dream about it or to suddenly find herself thinking about it in the middle of a conversation. In fact, she really didn't want to drift off while the Colonel was complaining about the natives. Drifting off and wondering about certain things while in conversation was a bad thing. She didn't need to be thinking about the way he had willingly kissed the other Sam. She didn't need to wonder about kissing him at all. The last time she had kissed him he had hauled her ass to the infirmary. Alien diseases or not, that was a less than flattering response.
But her mind revisited the moment in front of the mirror over and over. Not her alternate universe counterpart. Not the kiss. It was the moment that Colonel O'Neill stepped back. He stood on the spot for a moment, gazing ahead. The General asked him how everything went and he replied that it was a mission accomplished. Then he turned and looked at her. It was a strange and short look. Like he suddenly didn't know who she was. Then he left.
The next day things were back to normal. Or maybe now they were both pretending.
Sam gave Laira and the Colonel a quick glance. He seemed to be doing a pretty good job of pretending with the help of Laira. They were sitting closely. Their arms touched when they laughed. Laira was pretty, demure with an attractive figure under a flattering dress. SG-1's C.O had looked twice, had looked long. Sam felt... something.
When the fire rain came and Edora was left out of reach, the something that Sam felt seemed to expand and explode within her, letting everything inside flood through.
*
Jack had been in tight spots before. On a regular basis actually. To mention a few, the time a former goddess tried to snake him, the time he swapped bodies with Teal'c and Daniel, the time an alien device loaded alien stuff into his very human head and the time he grew really old.
The time he kissed Doctor Samantha Carter.
That was really weird. He had always figured that any inkling of an attraction was due to Carter's slight resemblance to Sara. Except, Carter had a wider smile. Bright and wide, which made you want to smile back. Bright and wide blue eyes that made you want to stare. Her hair was a brighter blonde too. So, she was similar to Sara in a quite non-similar kind of way. Not similar then?
Long-haired Carter was so similar to his Carter, yet so different. Somehow softer, but the same.
She confused him. They both confused him. Carters existed to confuse him.
Carter was one of the few things Jack was musing on as he lay on the floor of Laira's home, while the Stargate lay buried under some rock. Carter was on rotation in his mind and had been since her other version paid a visit through the alternate universe mirror.
He wondered if it felt the same to kiss every Carter in every universe. Kissing a Carter suddenly seemed very attractive. Very wrong. But very attractive. He would do it if there were no consequences. He would do it in a shot. Of course, Carter might want a shot too. One that used a bullet aimed at his head.
She hadn't seemed too phased at all when he stepped back through the mirror. She had given him a look that didn't really give him any clue to what she was thinking. He figured the whole affair made her uncomfortable. Weirded her out. He had left quickly before saying something idiotic to ease the awkwardness he felt. They debriefed. They went home. He thought about her every day.
Every day the other Carter faded a little more from his lips and things seemed to be headed back to normal, whatever that was. Now he was stuck on a planet, light years from home. The universe made no sense. One minute you had two Carters and the next minute you had none. Where was a Carter when you needed one?
Laira walked past Jack and his attention turned to her. It could easily have been a dream if he were one of those big shirt-wearing painters somewhere in the fifteenth century. To wake up and see a woman dressed in a white nightgown, bathed in sunlight that crept through a window, standing there washing her face as the trickles of water fell through her fingers back into the basin. The way the light picked up the softness of her hair and the soft glow of her skin.
Jack stared at Laira, his appreciation dampened as he realized the way home was buried under a ton of rock.
"I thought you might like a clean work shirt. My husband never wore it. I made it for him just before he died," Laira said, like wearing some dead guy's shirt was no big deal.
"There's a chance the Stargate is just buried..." Jack started.
"We have to rebuild before the harvest and there are very few of us now," Laira cut him off as she held out the shirt. She didn't say anything else. Just gave him a tentative smile. She was always smiling. Or maybe she just had one of those mouths that looked as though they were always smiling.
Jack stayed lying on the ground, on his makeshift bed from the night before and let the shirt drop from his hand.
There are very few of us now, she had said. Us, she said. Like he would never go home. Like things that got buried were never unburied. Hell, that was what Stargates were made for. Being buried and then being unburied by jittery scientists that laughed at their own remarks. And then you met the hyper little scientists that lived in their heads and looked like a kid in a candy store the first time they saw a DHD. There were also the Jaffa of course, waiting to shoot your ass off if you stepped on their turf on the other side of the gate, who then luckily switched sides to join the good guys.
So why the hell was Jack lying there on the floor, looking at a dead guy's shirt, only recently having eyed up the dead guy's wife? How the hell was he supposed to get through a gate that was buried under a pile of rock?
It occurred to him that some bright spark would mention the Tollan or the Tok'ra, those beacons of compassion and understanding that would send a ship straight away to fly his ass back home. Of course, he could always build a ship in the time they would take to get to Edora.
Jack sighed and picked the up shirt. At least he still had his gun.
*
This was supposed to be her day off. She had been looking forward to it for two weeks now. It was the only tiny break in her schedule. She wasn't supposed to be standing in the briefing room and staring at the back of General Hammond's head. She was supposed to be in her lab and performing the kind of experiments that had prompted General Hammond to give her a lab that was insulated with lead. Maybe she would have spent a an hour on her bike, tweaking the nuts and bolts, fine tuning the engine and taking it for a ride to get a bite to eat. It was supposed to be a day of fun and frolics, Sam Carter style.
Instead, there she was, just staring at General Hammond's bald red scalp. He was asking endless questions and she was trying her best to answer them without sounding too hopeless. Without saying something about his head, which was incredibly shiny. What if he asked her a question and she replied by telling him how shiny his head was?
She was tired. Anything could happen.
"Wormhole physics - a field, Major, that you pioneered - states that under these conditions, ordinary matter won't even reintegrate on the other side. There's no way to overcome that," Hammond said, snapping Sam out of her daydreaming.
"I think there is, Sir. And I'm not the one who thought of it. Sokar did," Sam said as she wondered why it was always the moral deviants who thought of the high-tech gadgetry first.
"Sokar?" Hammond asked.
"Yes, Sir. When he tried to breach the iris by bombarding it with a particle beam, sub-atomic particles barely small enough to reintegrate produced energy as they decayed-" Sam said, momentarily more enthusiastic than she had been for a while now.
"Which caused the iris to heat up," the General finished.
"Exactly. Now, if we could do the same thing we could melt the hardened naquadah barrier just above the event horizon and create a pocket of superheated gas."
"And then what?"
"Well, then all we have to do is open the Gate again, Sir. The unstable vortex it normally generates would then be allowed to expand into that pocket and create an even larger cavern. One person might be able to go through, Sir, and dig it out," Sam said.
The General seemed momentarily adrift and Sam wondered if he a) didn't understand what the hell she was talking about or b) was just completely horrified beyond belief. Surely, if the Colonel had been around, he would have offered a nicely timed inappropriate remark about not wanting to be near anyone's expanding pockets.
Hammond nodded. "I think we can safely assume Teal'c would volunteer, but..."
"We don't have a particle beam generator, Sir. We'd have to build one," Sam said as she hoped for permission to spend an inordinate amount of public funds on building a dangerous object to bring back Colonel Jack O'Neill.
Hammond seemed to sigh inwardly. "Then you'd better get started," he said and looked back at the gate.
Sam nodded and left as fast as her feet could carry her, wondering exactly how much further this would move the SGC up on the list of the most annoying people the Joint Chiefs and the President had ever encountered. This latest crisis would probably mean another strike against the General's name on the President's list of people to avoid. She could hear it already, the snort as he would explain, "Well, Mr. President, Jack O'Neill... yes, that Jack O'Neill, is stuck on a planet where the gate's been buried under some molten lava that turned to rock. The scientists at the SGC would like to build a particle beam generator to make it hot enough to make a pocket of superheated air in the space between the molten lava rock and gate so the wormhole vortex can make a bigger cavern into which Teal'c would like to crawl through and hammer his way out of the molten rock and retrieve Colonel O'Neill. Sir."
"Quit yankin' my chain," the President would reply.
Sam reached her lab and sighed. Colonel O'Neill had only been missing a day. A big hole of a day. Did the place really feel this empty, or was it just her?
*
He felt like a prisoner. He'd been digging that hole for so long he was sure it was as punishment for something. Maybe it was the cosmos telling Jack that it wasn't funny to put wagers on your teammates.
I bet they'll get me the hell out of here , Jack wagered. No, he promised. Hoped.
"You, uh, missed evening meal. I brought you some," Garren said as he arrived on the edge of Jack's dugout.
"I wasn't hungry," Jack said, ignoring Garren and his stupid irritating hat.
"You gotta be. You've worked all day in the fields," Garren insisted.
"I got a couple of hours of good light left," Jack said with a restraint that made his head want to explode. Better that than his shovel smacking Garren over the head.
"I'm sorry."
Jack stopped digging, the restraint doing strange things to his stomach and chest. "For what?
"You can't go home. It's my fault."
An absurd part of Jack's head told him to laugh, because this was all so damn funny.
No, it's not your fault. Yes, I can't go home. Just leave me alone, kid, before I quit being a lady and smack you over the head with my shovel. "No, it's not," Jack said resuming the dig and ignoring Garren until he left.
So absurd. He was stuck on another planet and he was digging a hole in the ground to get back home. Hey there Jack, watcha doin'?
Well, I do believe I'm digging a hole.
A hole? What for?
Well, you see, this here hole is going to take me back home. Only by the time I finish digging it, I'll probably end up using it as my final resting place.
"Shut up, brain," Jack muttered to himself as he continued to dig.
*
Sam glanced at the monitor and the sheets of paper in her hand. At some point it had all stopped making sense. In fact the diagrams and calculations had gotten off the page and started to dance to some odd rhythm, completely ignoring the fact that Sam needed them to stay in place.
It was a relief and a break to see Janet walk in with coffee that smelt like it was industrial strength. "You working through the night again?"
Sam gratefully took the hot mug. "Yeah. Lot of work to do. Thank you."
"Look, Sam, there's no doubt you're going to solve this, but you have to accept the fact it's going to take time."
Suddenly Janet's presence was as irritating as bad underwear. It was uncomfortable and digging in all the wrong places.
"Yeah, well if I think that way, it could take months," Sam stopped herself from adding any puerile swear words that had suddenly popped into her head.
"Daniel says the Tollan could have a ship in the vicinity of Edora some time right next year," Janet said, as if that were a good thing.
"He shouldn't have to wait that long," Sam said, knowing that she didn't want to wait that long. A lot of things could happen in a year. Bad things that had glowing eyes and liked to go around trashing the universe.
"You miss him," Janet said, showing she had a penchant for expressing the obvious.
"Yeah," Sam said quietly.
"Is this a problem?"
And a tidal wave of questions rushed through Sam's head. A problem? How would it be a problem? Where would it be a problem? She missed him. She felt he should have come through that gate when the rest of them did. He wasn't supposed to be there, alone. His absence was like a gaping hole in the SGC. A hole where there used to be a very loud opinionated... hole filler. And now it was quiet. Too quiet. Too empty. How come she suddenly felt so empty?
"No. No, of course not," Sam lied, her face and her body and everything about her telling a dozen lies in one moment.
She was right back at that first moment. It always came back to the beginning, didn't it? That moment when they had fallen on the ramp and the gate shut down behind them. Only wasn't the Colonel supposed to be behind them too?
Teal'c had wanted to go back. His eyes had that gaze of fierce loyalty. He would have happily gone back by himself and braved the fire rain. The fire rain would probably bounce off that hard head of his. But he couldn't go back. None of them could. Jack was trapped and for some reason, it felt worse than when they had to leave him behind on Argos. For some reason the hurt was a little sharper this time. It was cutting a little deeper.
I'm fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
"Okay," Janet said and Sam knew she was just letting it pass.
Sam went back to pretending to work as Janet walked away, but she knew she was being watched, observed like some sample under a microscope. Mutating right under her gaze.
*
During some briefings, Jack would zone out, especially when Daniel would happily prattle on about the cultural yadda. Sure, some days he could listen and even be interested. But other times, Jack would be at the cabin. He'd be sitting there on the dock and fishing. Sometimes he'd be in some childhood memory of walking around and filling his pockets with stones so he could go perfect his skill and making them skim across the lake surface.
Funnily enough, now that Jack stood throwing the stones aimlessly into a pond, he found himself thinking about briefings. He wondered if Carter, Teal'c and Daniel were seated around the table with Hammond and trying to figure out ways to bring him back. It wasn't so hard to imagine really. Carter would be spouting off technical lingo to illustrate her plan of retrieval. Daniel would possible suggest kissing ass with allies that could get to Edora and bring him back. And Teal'c? Jack found himself unable to imagine what Teal'c would do. He was more of a quiet cheerleader. Egging people on to work quicker in a genteel fashion. Jack could see him going to Carter and saying, 'How may I be of assistance, Major Carter?' or going to Daniel and saying, 'May I be of assistance, DanielJackson?'
Besides that, Teal'c would obviously be the first one to offer himself up for any insane experimental purposes. The man had no sense of danger.
Hey, T, how come you just fell off a twenty story building into a pit of lions and made it out without a scratch?
My symbiote protects me.
Well, of course it does!
Jack dug into his pocket for more stones and saw Laira approach. Always smiling Laira. The merry widow Laira. Laira who couldn't seem to grasp the fact that Jack wanted to go home. That Jack was not a happy camper.
"Many of us fear the fire rain will come again. Do you?" Laira asked.
Oh right, I get it. Now you fear the fire rain.
"No. If Daniel was right, and he always is, it'd be another hundred and fifty years before that happens again. It's a long time," Jack said, reminding himself that being angry at Laira was futile. It wasn't her fault.
No, it was that stupid kid Garren's fault. If anyone needed a punch in the head it was him.
"I was kinda wondering which direction home was," Jack said, getting a deflated feeling all of a sudden.
Laira pointed in the direction of the village. "This way."
Jack pointed up. "No, I meant..."
"I know what you meant." Jack nodded. Of course she knew what he meant.
"Come. I'd like your company," Laira said smiling at Jack.
He suddenly felt sorry about all the bad things he'd said about her in his head. It wasn't her fault. She was trying to make it better for him. It wasn't her fault that it made him feel worse.
"I don't even like my company right now."
"You will again. Loss is that way. I mourned my husband for a hundred days. I never left my house, I never spoke to anyone."
Jack looked at Laira a little closer. He felt sad for her. Something about her said that perhaps she still mourned a little.
"After that?"
"I left my house and I spoke to people. Walk with me."
Jack allowed himself to feel a small pang of loss. At least the people he was mourning weren't dead. No, it was the other way around. He was the dead guy. They were the ones that were home and mourning. He was just lost. Misplaced.
Jack took Laira's hand and let her take him home.
*
Time passed slowly. Every second dragged. Sam wanted it to be like the movies where the pages of a desk calendar flew away into the air and seconds represented days. But, no. Time passed slowly. Every second dragged. She would work late and rise early. On one hand there didn't seem to be enough hours in the day. On the other hand, time passed slowly. Every second dragged.
"Sam. Sam?" A gentle voice roused her from her sleep.
Sam sat up with a groan. She had been slumped over her work, just barely perched on her stool. She looked blearily at Daniel whose was smiling sympathetically. It was such a comforting and warm look that Sam wanted to do one of two things; crying like a little girl or punching Daniel and wiping the sympathy from his face. It wasn't his fault.
"Hey," Sam said, her voice sounding rough.
Daniel reached out and pulled a piece of paper that was stuck to Sam's face. She looked at the page and took it from Daniel, not embarrassed. Just tired.
"Sam, don't you think you're pushing yourself a little hard?"
"Maybe. I suppose you're going to tell me you're taking on extra diplomatic missions for fun," Sam said deciding not to comment on the dark shadows under Daniel's eyes.
Daniel's smile faltered. "Well, for all the good they're doing us, we might as well wait for the Tollan to send their ship. Or for Jack to build one and fly home. I just wish I could do something more... practical. There's only so much talking you can do."
"Want to swap?" Sam asked.
Daniel looked at the blueprints spread across the worktop. "No?"
Sam sighed and glanced at the page Daniel had removed from her face. At least she hadn't drooled over the important equations.
"You okay?" Daniel asked.
Sam smiled and smoothed out the page. "No. I'm not. I've never felt so useless."
"Well, you're not," Daniel said with a concerned look.
Sam continued to smooth out the piece of paper, her smile gone.
"Sam?" Daniel sounded surprised. "Sam. If anyone can bring him home, it's you. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met. You're not useless."
Sam looked up at Daniel, her face a picture of frustration. "It's just not happening fast enough. He shouldn't have to wait."
Daniel reached out and patted Sam's arm. "I know. But that's not your fault."
Sam nodded. "I know. But that's just not good enough."
Sam walked out of her lab before Daniel could respond.
*
The night was a real night. One without the glare of industrialization. The only light that existed in this night came from the naturally burning stars in the cold of space.
It was devoid of sound, except for the natural sounds of insomniac insects and ripples of the lake that were being made by a soft breeze.
Jack sat in the silent dark and stared at the night sky. He wished he had a radio. One with loud annoying music. And a beer. Hotdog. The latest hockey scores. A classic song on a night like this would be a grand thing. And company. Good friends. Two geeks and a Jaffa.
He imagined Daniel was probably running around like a headless chicken, trying to cozy up to anyone that could bring Jack home. Damn, could that boy grovel. And Teal'c. Jack honestly couldn't imagine Teal'c doing anything that didn't involve using his staff. He suddenly found himself imagining Teal'c doing a dozen things with staff in hand. Cooking. Fishing. Fixing the roof. Sweeping with a brush attachment.
What about Carter? He knew exactly what she was doing. She was in that lab of hers. She was probably playing with particles. Stuff that could blow holes in mountains. She was the same in every universe. Big blue eyes that lit up at discovery.
So, apparently, they had both been doing it in another universe. That was interesting. In another universe, Carter had long hair and married Jack O'Neill. In another universe, regulations didn't mean squat because Carter wasn't military.
Too bad. He liked the military version.
*
Teal'c opened his eyes from his meditation. Sam sat in front of him, her focus quite obviously having been lost as she fiddled with the tip of her boot, her chin resting on her one drawn up knee.
"Kel'no'reem does not appear to have aided you, MajorCarter," Teal'c said.
Sam looked up at Teal'c. "Actually, all the candles were making me sleepy."
Teal'c smiled and gave a nod. "How is the accelerator progressing?"
"Slowly," Sam said, her voice sounding tired. "Very slowly."
Teal'c nodded silently. He could see the Major was not in a particularly talkative mood. After a while, she looked up at Teal'c.
"Do you think he's okay?"
Teal'c thought about it, not for the first time either. "Edora showed no signs of Goa'uld occupation. The Edorans are not a technologically advanced people and with the gate buried there is even less chance the Goa'uld will go there. O'Neill would be safe there."
"And what if he never made it to the gate?"
Teal'c's face didn't change, but at the same time seemed to become grimmer. "That is yet to be seen."
When Teal'c answered questions in a round about way, it could only mean bad things.
*
Three months. Ninety-two days. Jack had been counting. Strange. It felt much longer than that. He hadn't made the hundred days mark of Laira's mourning period, but he was close. His nights spent gazing at the sky for a rescue were shorter and fewer now. His mourning was coming to an end. But at the same time, it was like admitting that the imprisonment on Edora would never end. He wasn't behind enemy lines, but he was still a prisoner. The only difference was that the prison guard wore a dress and had a nice smile.
Jack slowly canoed down the small stream, part of him calm, part of him weary.
Yeah, he thought, Jack O'Neill. Colonel in the United States Air Force. I was born with a need for speed. So all you fishes down there better watch out because this guy slows down for no man... or fish. This man who is clearly going insane.
This prison guard was waiting for him with his water as he brought his canoe home. With the nice smile. He wondered if life on Edora would be simpler if he had somewhere to direct hate and anger. As it was, there was no anger and hate. Just degrees of disappointment and acceptance. The neither here nor there syndrome.
"Haynan has invited you to evening supper," Laira said as they walked down the path away from the canoe.
"Why? He doesn't even like me," Jack said.
"He is very grateful for all the help you have given him in rebuilding his home."
"I just hammered a few nails. Well, actually, I made the nails first then I hammered them, but..."
"Still, you've worked very hard. Thank you."
"Anything I can do," Jack said, his insides sighing as he walked along with Laira.
It was so normal, to be walking down the path with her, like they were a couple. Like they had been for years. Laira walking beside him with her soft voice and a smile that no matter how happy she was always seemed to look sad. Maybe she was sad. Why not? He was still sad wasn't he?
"There is something," Laira said unsurely.
They stopped walking and Jack turned to her. "Yeah? What?"
Laira seemed to falter. "No. It's too soon."
Jack felt irritated, but gave her a small encouraging smile. "No, come on, don't...do that. What?"
"You'll know when the time comes," she said.
Don't be too sure of that.
"I need a little help here. A hint."
Laira leaned forward and kissed him.
Jack stared at her. That was a pretty big hint.
"Does that help?" she asked.
"A little," he replied and moved to kiss her again.
That pretty much sealed the deal. Edora was home. It was all he had.
*
The particle generator fired up and shot a beam into the event horizon as everyone nervously watched.
They were all calm and collected. Nobody knew that Daniel's hands were sweating, that Teal'c's heart was racing and that Hammond was wondering about retiring. Again.
Nobody knew that the anticipation of finally seeing three months of work about to come to fruition had had Sam throwing up her breakfast.
"Particle beam is operating at a hundred and twelve percent of predicated efficiency," Sam said with relief.
"How long will the beam have to be maintained?" Hammond asked.
"The longer the better, Sir. The important thing will be to dial again as quickly as possible as soon as it shuts down."
And there went her lunch, pounding on her insides and making her shudder. Sure this could work. Sure they could make it through the other side. That didn't mean they could make it to the Colonel.
Maybe this was the way it was meant to be in every universe. Every time a Samantha Carter realized what a Jack O'Neill meant to her, they would be separated. It was fate.
Fate like, many things, had a tendency to suck.
*
"Well, what do you think?" Haynan asked as Jack tasted the homemade brew.
"Absolute rot gut. More please."
Jack felt Laira's hand on his back, a soft, but firm pressure, moving up and down. He turned around to see the dancing in the middle of the room, drink in hand and Laira at his side.
There was an odd feeling inside him. It was probably whatever Haynan had poured him a moment ago. Nonetheless, the feeling was good. Warm. These were good people. So was Laira. He could love her.
Jack watched Garren being blindfolded and then being guided by others towards Naitha, the object of his affections, and removing the blindfold.
"What just happened?" Jack asked.
Laira was smiling. Strangely enough, Jack saw none of the sadness he had seen in all the other smiles. He wondered for a moment if he had put the sadness there.
"The ancestors guided him to the one they wish him betrothed," Laira said.
"He was peeking," Jack said and earned a playful punch in the arm from Laira.
Jack was suddenly pulled from where he was sitting and taken to the middle of the room to be blindfolded. Like Garren, he was spun around and then guided before his blindfold was removed.
Laira was looking up at him in a way he had never seen before. It was brief, but it was there. A look that went further than affection. Further than a kiss. He pulled her up and her face softened with a laugh. He held her close and kissed her cheek. It had been long since he'd held anyone like this. It felt good. Right.
He missed Earth. He missed it every day. But Earth was also that place where there was no one to kiss or to hold.
So why did he still miss it?
*
"MALP should be arriving at the Edora Gate in three...two...one. Receiving telemetry," Sergeant Davis said before his screen went blank.
"No wait, wait. We've lost it. There's no signal."
They had all patiently gathered around and watched the MALP before it disappeared into the event horizon. It was almost religious, the quiet and reverence with which they had observed. And now? Nothing.
"What's happening?" Hammond asked.
"Transmission interrupted the source," Sergeant Davis replied.
"Play back the visual," Sam said as they watched the MALP's progress. "Whoa, there. See?"
"The Gate is horizontal as you thought, MajorCarter," Teal'c said.
Sam nodded. "And the MALP just slipped back through the event horizon. It means the vortex would have dug partway to the surface. Teal'c, you'll need to secure yourself above the event horizon as soon as you're on the other side. And you'll have to carry everything you need.
"I understand," Teal'c said without even a shadow of doubt or fear.
Hammond looked at Teal'c. "I hope you do, son. Because if you fail to dig your way to the surface, this will be a one way trip."
Teal'c said nothing, but Sam was watching him. She didn't know what to expect. Teal'c wouldn't suddenly turn around and say he had changed his mind. That much they could always rely on. But what if he went through and didn't make it? Half a SG-1 didn't bear thinking about.
But Colonel O'Neill never returning didn't bear thinking about either.
*
Laira's home was warm, candles flickering and providing the gentlest of light as Jack and Laira entered.
It was a romantic atmosphere that completed the full image of the puzzle Jack had been putting together all morning. Laira's shyness that was giving in to something different. The way she was standing there now, at once seeming reluctant and also expectant.
"Garren?" Jack asked.
"Just us," was the quiet answer.
Jack gave a small nod. He suddenly found he had no idea of what to do with himself. Running seemed like a good idea.
But then... so did staying. Where could he run to anyway?
Sex. Wasn't that an inevitable step in the relationship? So why did he feel so strange about it?
Laira. She was a good woman. For her, love and sex were weaved together, never to be untied. For him... he wasn't sure he could call it love. Laira didn't deserve less than what she was willing to give.
"Well, apparently I should expect a massive headache tomorrow, so I should...get a head start," Jack said, his lame attempt to not offend and escape.
He walked past her, but she pulled him back and he tried not to pull a face at his ineptitude.
She was beautiful and her face radiated happiness. Jack felt like shit.
"Do you remember when I told you there was something you could do for me?" Laira asked.
Jack nodded and wished she would ask him to build her some shelves.
"I want you to give me a child."
"A child."
Jack was sure that somewhere past the booze, he was feeling horrified. You didn't just bring children into the world. It wasn't that simple.
"I wanted to be patient. I wanted to wait until you had let go of the life you left behind. Until you knew that you belonged with us. Tonight, there is something in your eyes," Laira said.
"Laira," Jack said quietly, "You should know, a part of me is never going to let go of what I left behind."
I'll run, he was telling her, I'll run the minute I see a way home.
"It's not the part I want," Laira said simply.
Maybe she knew he would run and this was her way of keeping him. He had to give her something. She'd already given so much.
*
Sam splashed water on her face and stared into the mirror. Her eyes were bleary and her body was now demanding that she sleep. In fact, it was probably only a step away from threatening her with narcolepsy.
For now, she was headed back to see Teal'c add to his list of daring stunts in the name of his allegiance to the Tau'ri. She wondered if he ever regretted the easy life as Apophis' First Prime.
Knowing Teal'c, of course he didn't. Sam took a deep breath and made her way back. If Jack O'Neill was back by the end of the day, she promised herself a deep cleansing facial.
*
"Curling. Big where my grandfather's from in Northern Minnesota. You throw a big, round kinda slab of rock down this slab of ice and...sweep..."
Jack stopped. His audience didn't seem particularly captivated anyway, but it was Laira's face that stopped him. She looked almost distraught.
"What?" he asked.
"When I was taking your things away today, I thought I heard a sound come from this," she said with his radio in hand. "Perhaps a voice."
Jack stared. She was on the verge of tears. Had it been for any other reason, he would have comforted her. Tried to make her laugh. But right now, he wanted to ask her why she hadn't told him sooner.
He didn't need to ask. The answer was clear. So Jack ran with radio in hand and didn't stop running until he reached site of the buried gate.
"This is Colonel Jack O'Neill, come in," Jack said into the radio.
"O'Neill," came a reply.
Jack wanted to laugh. Only one man. There was only man who spoke his name like that, and without question that same man was probably part of some insane plan to get back to Edora.
"Teal'c! Where the hell are you?" Jack shouted.
"Attempting to reach the surface. Little oxygen remains, O'Neill," Teal'c replied.
Jack followed the signal and ran across to flat patch of dirt. "I got your RDF signal. I'm right on top of you!"
Jack threw the radio aside and began to dig like a thirsty man who knew he was standing on top of a hidden well. Garren dug beside him, but it didn't matter. He would've dug all night and by himself if that was what was needed.
When he looked up for a moment, he saw Laira. She said nothing. The smile had faded slightly leaving behind sadness. She knew he was leaving and he knew there was nothing he could say but goodbye. He looked away and carried on digging.
The ground began to sound hollow and Jack broke through. He was on his knees and using his fingers, his hands to break through. And there was Teal'c underneath, hanging around, covered in dirt and wearing an oxygen mask. He was a sight for sore eyes.
"Teal'c!" Jack shouted, deliriously happy. "You are one stubborn son of a bitch!"
*
As reality dictated, for every moment of euphoria there were moments of lingering regret and sadness. Jack was happy to see Teal'c and happy to be going home and when this had all sunk in, he saw Laira's sad eyes.
The villagers were happy too as their friends and family were returned to them. SG-1 looked happy as they stood there, mission accomplished. But there stood Laira, watching silently, beginning another hundred days of mourning as Carter chattered away about something Jack only had half an ear on.
"So when the third MALP sent back just a few seconds of telemetry, we knew the Gate was hori...zontal."
Jack brushed past her as if she wasn't even there.
"Is he alright?" Sam asked.
Daniel looked across to Laira and Jack, then turned away. "He's fine. I just don't think he was expecting to go home again."
Sam watched silently, surprised when Laira took Jack's hands in her own.
"You must be very happy to be going home," Laira said.
"No, I'm not," Jack said.
Sam turned her back on the faint conversation. It wasn't for her to hear. She didn't even have the right to feel the paper cut pain in her chest that had unexpectedly flared for a moment.
"You don't have to," Laira said.
"Come with me," Jack said, unsure if he was saying it out of obligation or something else. It wasn't love. Love would have made him stay. Love meant not being able to leave someone behind.
"I belong here," Laira said.
"I'll come back. Soon. We still have that treaty to talk about," Jack promised.
"Of course. Our two worlds are going to be friends."
They embraced knowing this was the end of their relationship. This time Laira seemed to cling to him. He could feel she didn't want to let him go. It would have been easier if they had just left him there. He could never stay by choice.
"Closer friends. Fair day and be well," Laira said when they pulled away. Goodbye was what she was really saying.
Jack watched her as he took a few steps back. She was smiling her sad smile. He turned away and joined his team.
He walked alongside Daniel as Sam walked next to Teal'c.
"You okay?" Daniel asked quietly, in usual non-intrusive style.
Jack nodded. "Yeah. Great."
Nobody spoke all the way back to the SGC.
*
Sam was entering her house, looking through her mail and without explanation she was suddenly dressed for bed and on the way to the bedroom. Without realizing how she had gotten there, she was in the bedroom and staring at Jack who was just standing there looking back at her.
"Carter," he said. "Carter?"
Sam frowned at him from where she stood.
"Carter!"
Sam awoke with a start and sat up to see Jack standing beside her, his hand on her shoulder, warm and firm.
"Sir," she said hoarsely.
He was dressed blue BDU's, a smile on his face as he watched Sam wiping her cheek with the back of her hand.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I was just..." Sam waved her hand at some schematics that were lying in front of her.
"What is all that?" Jack tilted his head at the large sheets.
Sam stared and tried to recall what she had been doing. "I have no idea," she concluded.
Jack just smiled.
She smiled back and then looked away awkwardly, his gaze becoming oppressive and intrusive.
"So..." she started after a moment.
"So?" Jack asked and Sam wondered if the defensive tone was there or whether she was imagining it.
"It must have been hard, being stuck there all this time," Sam said lamely when she couldn't thing of anything else. "I mean, ninety-two days without beer and hockey."
It was meant to make him laugh. It was meant to break the sudden tension in the room. Instead it made Jack's smile fade a little.
"Ninety-two days huh?" Jack said with a nod. "Felt longer."
Sam nodded. "Yeah... it did." She decided to go out on a limb. "It's good to have you back, Sir."
Jack nodded, looking away at the ground. "Well... it's good to be back, Major."
"Is it?" Sam asked quietly as she thought about Laira watching Jack leave, tears in her eyes.
Jack's watched Sam. "Yeah," he said as quiet. "It is. So... you miss me?" The question was meant to be a friendly tease. It didn't feel that way to either of them.
Sam just stared blankly for a moment. "Yes," she said. "We all missed you," she said chickening out.
Jack smiled. "Well... I missed you all too," he said as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Planning to do anything interesting with your downtime, Sir?"
Jack's face lit up and Sam knew what would follow. "Oh yes."
"Little fishing trip?" Sam asked with a grin.
"Yep. Little lake in Northern Minnesota. Nice little cabin. Bass. Heaven."
Sam laughed. "I bet it is."
"You betcha. What about you? Going anywhere? Doing anything?"
"Um... actually, I've got some stuff to do here. Fun stuff."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Fun stuff. At work?"
Sam smiled.
Jack shrugged. "Okay. Each to their own I guess. Of course, if you find you're having way too much fun here, you could always take up a little fishing."
Sam stared at Jack. Was he asking her? She dared him to ask. She waited. "I've never been fishing," she said.
Jack nodded. "Always a first time for everything."
Sam waited. Ask me. Just ask me.
Jack opened his mouth, looking apprehensive.
"What?" Sam pre-empted him.
"Ah... nothing," Jack gave half a smile. "I should probably let you get back to..." Jack waved at the schematics Sam had been napping.
Sam felt herself sagging as she nodded at Jack. "Yeah."
Jack turned and left as Sam watched. He stopped at the door and turned back slowly. "You know, one of these days I'll just have to drag you out of this base and show you the merits of fishing," Jack said casually.
Sam looked at the way he was watching her. Waiting for a reply.
She smiled. "I guess you'll have to."
Jack nodded, as if to himself and then half-smiled as he left the lab. Sam carried on smiling.
THE END
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