Omega Site - PX0-999 (Terra Nova) - September 2004
Professor Able Standard would have much rather been spending his time on his own sorely under-funded pet project but if he didn't show some willing to do the work they actually wanted him to prioritise then X-COM might kick him out completely and then where would he be? Why they had still insisted on continuing to develop the next generation of Powered Armour rather than leap straight to a fully-fledged AI robotic soldier Professor Standard couldn't begin to fathom but the limited minds without vision ran the show and he was forced to perform what they wanted him to hence he was now half way across the galaxy doing last-minute diagnostic checks on the shiny new toy that the military drones wanted to see. Although he had done most of the work on the project he wasn't really all that comfortable at speaking in public so Doctor Markov would be doing the talking fortunately, she was stood nearby going through her notes in preparation for any tricky questions and Standard hoped he wouldn't have to field any of them in she couldn't.
Brigadier-General Jack O'Neill was yawning already as he watched the geeks go about their business next to the thing with the sheet thrown over it, though the yawn was mainly due to the extremely tedious briefing he had received on current goa'uld political manoeuvrings back at the SGC before coming here rather than an expectation the demonstration was going to be dull. In his experience new X-COM hardware being put through its paces was anything but boring, you had to admit they produced awesome equipment.
Later on they would be heading for the surface to see a demonstration of the new shield-penetrating missiles, which had been named the AIM-200 Mongoose in honour of their intended task of chowing down on the damn snake-heads, but for this first part of the days itinerary they were still deep underground in one of the caverns that had been carved out to hold the bunker complex. The seating was fairly rudimentary, half the guests had found themselves perched on old ammunition crates, but given his rank O'Neill had of course been accorded the privilege of a chair, albeit it a moulded plastic one taken from the canteen.
Once everyone had taken their seats, there were about three dozen visitors from the SGC, Area-51 and Yamantau, the team running the demonstration began their introductory spiel. Commander Sharp was sat to O'Neill's left with Colonel Rodrigues on his other side while Carter sat to O'Neill's right holding a notebook on which she had already scribbled a few questions she wanted to ask later. O'Neill hoped the Q&A session wouldn't last too long as he didn't want to have to rush his lunch, there was nothing less civilised than bolting your food.
'Good Morning' Svetlana Markov began, smiling at the group. 'I believe you have all already been introduced to each other and I am sure you do not want to hear about the background to the project so I will get right on with it' she said.
'I always liked her' O'Neill observed quietly, Carter looking up from her notepad and directing the briefest of unreadable looks his way.
Markov glanced at her own notes again before proceeding. 'As you all know it has been over two years since we introduced the Mark I Powered Armour suit into service' she said. 'Originally Doctor Zelenka, the project lead at that time, intended to upgrade to the Mark II well before now but changing priorities caused some delays and then the development of new technologies we decided were worth integrating into the suit caused others but I am happy to say that after a few teething troubles the Mark II Powered Armour suit is now ready for field testing and serial production' she declared, giving the nod to Professor Standard who pulled the sheet from the prototype.
'Bitchin' Sharp said enthusiastically, I might have been around Cassie too much he thought to himself afterwards.
Bulkier than the Mark I the new version of the Powered Armour suit looked considerably more menacing, the image helped by the fact it had been painted up in red and black. 'Firstly I would draw your attention to the bulges under the forearms' Markov told them. 'The left arm carries a built in heavy laser and a zat'nik'tel discharger whereas the right holds... something special' she said.
'Must be good' O'Neill decided, the Russian scientist was employing some showmanship.
Svetlana Markov looked pleased with herself, as well she might because this was her part of the project. 'As you know the Plasma Repeater weapon used by the Kull Warriors has proven itself to be far more effective than previous goa'uld weaponry' she noted. 'In fact the only drawback was its tendency to overheat resulting in only short bursts being possible rather than continuous fire' she continued, 'we've done better' she declared, moving towards the suit.
'Improved cooling?' Carter wondered to herself.
'Instead of one Plasma Repeater the Mark II carries three of them firing sequentially using the same gatling-gun design as we used to increase the rate-of-fire for the earlier Staff-Weapons' Markov explained. 'Added to other refinements we can achieve double the original fire-rate and still fire bursts of five-hundred bolts at a time without overheating' she announced.
'Sweet' O'Neill said appreciatively, at least it was better than "bitchin" he decided.
Markov was pleased by the expressions on everyone's faces and basked in the glory before continuing. 'As well as the built-in weaponry we have also designed the Mark II in such a way that additional modular weaponry can be carried as well' she told the audience. 'It takes less than three minutes to add either a bolt-on rotary shotgun or a 40mm automatic grenade launcher to either arm' she told them. 'Both of these are fed from large ammunition hoppers which would be mounted on the back of the suit.'
'What if we wanted both?' Colonel Rodigues asked to laughter.
'Unfortunately you can only carry one ammunition pack but the free arm can be fitted with a modified version of our Heavy Plasma Rifle if additional firepower is required' Markov replied. 'We were originally intending to demonstrate the suit and its weaponry in action at this juncture but decided it would be too hard on the complex' she said. 'You will get to see it in action later on the surface however.'
'I'll take ten right now' O'Neill declared, 'show me where to sign' he said to more laughter.
'But surely General you wish to at least hear the rest?' Markov responded, amused.
'I doubt I can afford more than ten with my budget but go on anyway' O'Neill replied.
The Russian rapped her knuckles on the suit. 'Trinium/Cydonium alloy laminated with tungsten and ceramics' she said. 'Fifty-percent more resistance to enemy fire than the Mark I' she told them. 'But that is only the start of the defensive capabilities of this suit' she said. 'You have a built-in personal cloaking device, full ECM system, passive and active sensors plus, thanks to our back-engineering of the robot reconnaissance probes developed by Anubis, an energy shield.'
'It's got a freaking shield ?' one of the other visitors, a Major from Area 51, asked incredulously.
Markov nodded. 'Although a far less capable unit that the ones fitted to our fighters or Hover Tanks the shield has been rated to stand against at least three hits from a Staff-Cannon or Heavy Plasma Rifle in quick succession' she announced. 'We would still suggest getting out of the line of fire as soon as you get hit the first time however' she advised with a chuckle.
'If it can take three hits from a Staff-Cannon it would take a hellacious number of Plasma-Repeater or Staff-Weapon bolts Sir' Carter told O'Neill.
'Yeah but I'm beginning to thing the price-tag might put ten of them out of my reach' O'Neill responded with a frown.
'I can see one obvious drawback Doctor Markov' Colonel Rodrigues observed. 'That thing probably weighs a ton and a half, that could hurt mobility as well as being a pain in the ass when we're on certain terrain' he said. 'For that matter I've seen plenty of rickety floors and bridges out there in the galaxy, the goa'uld aren't great with transport infrastructure' he added.
'Fortunately, although the Mark II is indeed considerably heavier than its predecessor, this new model does have a mitigating advantage' Markov replied. 'The Mark I was not fitted with an elerium powerplant giving it the ability to fly' she said flatly.
'Jesus, I thought Zelenka was joking about that' O'Neill said in surprise when he recalled being told back in 2002 that the next suit would have that ability.
Fortunately most of the group were now staring at Markov incredulously so Sharp didn't have to quiet them down. 'Okay, are we talking like Iron Man here?' he asked semi-seriously.
Markov didn't understand the reference and turned to Professor Standard in case he might. 'No Commander' Standard spoke up, 'the flight abilities of the Mark II are limited to the ability to hover and move through the air at about the same pace as a Sectoid Cyberdisc because they share the same elerium propulsion system' he told him, trying not to look away as everyone looked at him. 'In fact you only have fifteen to twenty minutes worth of elerium fuel so in terms of mobility you would still be better off walking in most cases, only using the flight ability sparingly' he said.
'Could you use the flight module in a series of short bursts' Rodrigues asked, 'say to jump forwards, I mean bound along' he explained.
Markov looked puzzled. 'What do you mean exactly?' she asked.
'You know, like a kangaroo but higher and further' Rodrigues told her.
'We would have to check if the servo mechanism and shock-absorbers in the knees could take it but perhaps so' Markov replied. 'It would require some modifications though I would think.'
'It would be more fuel efficient' Professor Standard observed thoughtfully, elerium would only be used up as the suit jumped and then the unit could be shut down letting inertia and gravity do the rest.
Sharp turned in his seat to look at the Colonel. 'I think you've taken the notion of "Rodrigues's Roughnecks" way too seriously' he told his second-in-command.
'When the Jaffa see fifty of those suckers bouncing towards them firing grenades and plasma as they go they're going to re-think their loyalty to the goa'uld right away mark my words Sir' Rodrigues replied, grinning. 'Pity the Mark II's aren't nuclear capable as well' he joked.
'Actually the grenade-launcher has a range of over a kilometre so naquadah/potassium projectiles with a nuclear yield equivalent to a few tons of TNT are practical munitions' Markov told him seriously. 'Nirrti is already designing them' she added.
'We are going to kick so much goa'uld ass' O'Neill said happily, the "supersoldiers" Baal was so pleased about were going to get stomped into the ground.
'We are going to destroy so much of the galaxy in the next few years' Carter muttered to herself sadly.
Planet Hoff – Pegasus Galaxy – September 2004
Major Sheppard was thinking it but wasn't anywhere near blunt or undiplomatic enough to actually say it, the same was true of Captain Gaston, Sergeant Nash however wasn't so inclined towards behaving like a polite guest. 'These people are fucking retarded' he opined none too quietly as the Hoffan Chancellor Druhin finished explaining his people's great work.
'Thank you Sergeant' Sheppard told Nash sardonically as the Hoffans in the room adopted a mix of hurt and angry expressions. 'I'll have to apologise for the Sergeant' Sheppard told Druhin.
Druhin looked none too pleased but for his part he was rather more politically adept. 'I'm sure you could find plenty in our own military with a similar lack of social niceties' he replied, not entirely sincerely.
Trying to improve the atmosphere Teyla put on a winning smile, it was her idea to come to Hoff after she had been asked if she knew of any worlds which were technologically advanced so she was hoping that she hadn't made a mistake. Although perhaps a century or more behind the Terrans the Hoffan people were at least industrialised which put them ahead of most societies in the galaxy but they were also more than a little blind to the likely consequences of their great project it seemed.
Not quite as blunt as Nash McKay nevertheless was also thinking along the same lines. 'So the plan you've been working on for centuries is to perfect a drug that will ensure that the next time the Wraith come here to cull you they won't leave anysurvivors and will blast this entire planet down to the bedrock after they commit genocide on you?' he asked.
The Hoffan Chancellor looked confused. 'I'm sorry?' he responded.
'Let me handle this' Sheppard told the others. 'Look what we're all thinking is that if you succeed in developing a vaccine that prevents the wraith feeding on you then all you'll be doing is guaranteeing that they will kill you all' he told Druhin in as polite a manner as he could. 'The Wraith can't risk you spreading the knowledge to other worlds and they can't risk you continuing to advance to the point where you might be a threat so they'll destroy you from orbit.'
'We are no threat to the wraith' Druhin responded.
'They need to feed on humans to live so you're a threat to their entire existence as a species' McKay told him flatly. 'If they thought for one second you were doing this then there wouldn't be any more Hoffans' he said.
Teyla nodded. 'The wraith have destroyed worlds for far less' she agreed. 'I have seen the ruins of civilisations they destroyed merely because they were becoming too advanced and might be able to fight back' she said. 'Your plan... is suicide' she told them awkwardly.
'You mock the life's work of countless Hoffans' Perna one of the scientists on the project spoke up indignantly. 'A hundred and fifty years ago ten thousand of our soldiers laid down their lives so that Doctor Ferrel could have but a few more minutes to try and complete his work we now continue' she declared.
'And if he had succeeded before the wraith came that time this planet would be a barren wasteland' Sheppard told her. 'Surely somebody here considered this?' he asked rhetorically.
Druhin frowned. 'There were and are always naysayers but...'
'We have wraith prisoners, we know how they think' Sheppard told the Hoffans. 'You're making a big mistake here' he stated. 'We're going to beat the wraith and all you need to do is survive until we have, but if you provoke them into destroying you before we can... well all the effort your people have made to preserve their culture and knowledge is going to be wasted.'
'Major from what I have heard their entire society has been working towards the development of this drug for generations' Teyla told him. 'We can hardly expect them to abandon it on our say-so' she pointed out. 'Perhaps Doctor Weir might be a better choice to try and persuade them of their folly?' she suggested.
'Can I make a suggestion Sir' Captain Gaston requested, addressing Sheppard. 'The Hoffans have already shown us their geothermal power-plant' he noted, 'they need power sources to maintain all the underground bunkers they've constructed , perhaps as a gesture of good faith we could give them a few naquadah reactors?'
'Naquadah reactors?' Druhin queried.
'They're about this big and generate enough electricity to run a small city' Sheppard explained, holding his hands apart to demonstrate the size of the unit. 'We can provide you with designs for better weaponry too, ones that you'll be able to make yourself' he said. 'If you really want to protect your people from the wraith we can help you do that but we won't help you perfect something that will guarantee your own destruction.'
'We're not interested in the scraps from your table' Druhin responded. 'We only told you of our great work because it seemed from what Teyla Emmagan said of your medical knowledge you might be of assistance.'
'Not going to assist you bringing the entire force of the wraith down upon you' Sheppard told him. 'Like I said, we know how they think.'
'I suppose you've looked into their souls?' Perna asked sarcastically.
'Not sure if they've got one of those but we do have devices that mean we're able to read their minds' Sheppard replied. 'Fact is thanks to plenty of in-depth interrogation and a little psionic investigation we're well on the way to having an extremely in-depth understanding of their psychology and abilities' he said, Doctor Heightmeyer was already compiling notes for a thesis on the subject he knew. 'Did you know that the wraith can actually put back the life-energy they take out of you?' he asked rhetorically. 'Surprised us too but they can' he said.
'And you expect us to believe in such witchcraft?' Druhin responded.
'No faith required, we can show you' Sheppard told him.
In some ways the Hoffans were extremely impressive as a culture and society. They had refused to bow down to the wraith, preserving their accumulated knowledge in bunkers across the planet so that they could quickly rebuild after each culling, and they had a praiseworthy devotion to the cause of not giving up but they had really picked a bad idea to fixate upon as a goal. Just before the last culling, one-hundred and fifty years ago, it had been discovered that one of their people was immune to being fed upon due to a random mutation that had resulted in a freak protein within the man's system. Ever since they had strived to create a drug that would render all of their population so immune, not really thinking through the inevitable consequence when the farmer discovered that the herd wasn't edible and might do the same thing to all the other livestock if it wasn't dealt with. The Hoffan drug wasn't a protection, it was an invitation to be slaughtered, you might not want to eat a cow suffering from Foot-and-Mouth disease but you couldn't let it live to infect others either.
'Have you not heard the stories of what happened to the Satedans less than ten years past?' Teyla asked the Hoffans. 'According to the tales I have heard they sought to protect themselves by making it too costly for the wraith to attack them by building up large, well-trained and well-equipped armies' she said. 'Instead they bought down the wrath of the foe upon themselves because the wraith cannot afford to permit defiance' she continued. 'Simply the idea that others might seek to emulate the Satedans if it worked was enough to provoke the wraith to act' she explained.
'We're not making any headway here Major' Captain Gaston remarked to Sheppard. 'As Teyla said perhaps Doctor Weir might be able to talk these people out of metaphorically slitting their own wrists' he said.
'Yeah' Sheppard agreed. 'Look we're genuinely hoping to have a good relationship with you and your people' he told the Hoffan Chancellor, 'we've got a lot to offer each other and we could be great allies against the wraith' he continued, 'but for now we'd better go home' he said. 'Please just give what we've said some thought okay?' he requested.
'We're a democracy Major, the will of the people is paramount here and I doubt the words of a few strangers will sway many but we will of course give your arguments due weight' Druhin replied in such a way that Sheppard hoped Weir would be able to make some headway with these people because they had a cultural blind-spot that was going to get them all killed if they didn't realise it soon.
As they headed back to Atlantis via the Hoffan stargate Sheppard wished that every mission could go as well as the one they had undertaken only two days before. Using their Avenger as transportation to get there they had not only found the Lantean Weapon Satellite in a repairable state they had picked up a signal from a nearby planet and discovered the wreckage of a wraith supply ship left over from the war which they were now eagerly taking apart. Astonishingly they had even found a live wraith survivor who had survived the last ten millennia by feeding on the supplies (human beings kept in stasis as rations) and the rest of the crew. After an almost amusing initial attempt by the wraith to feed on the scouting team, he hadreally underestimated his "prey" who nearly killed him with a laser hit through the chest before he fled and was hunted down by motion scanners, the new prisoner was now sitting in a cell in Atlantis wondering what the hell had happened to the natural order of things while he was away.
The weapon satellite itself had proven as expected to be a huge particle-beam cannon which was designed to burn through the thick armour and immense hulls of wraith capital ships. It was surprisingly energy efficient according to the specifications they had found in the Lantean database, leading McKay to wonder how exactly it could produce so much raw firepower for so little power input, but figuring out the how was a lesser priority than just getting the thing operational again and just as importantly moving it to somewhere more useful. Originally dozens of the satellites had defended the approaches towards Lantea but the remaining one was only useful if the wraith happened to follow a course that went near it which was not ideal.
Weir had wondered how on Earth, or perhaps Lantea, they expected to move a multi-million ton satellite into geosynchronous orbit above the city and had been slightly annoyed when the response from her scientific team was amusement. Eventually Zelenka explained that all they needed to do was get it moving in the right direction and then the Avenger could open a hyperspace window ahead of it. Compared to moving the vast bulk of the naquadah asteroid now in the Oort cloud of the Sol System relocating the Lantean satellite was not exactly an insurmountable problem, they just needed time to get all the math right before trying it. A larger problem was going to be fixing the satellites shield which would need considerable work according to Zelenka, in fact he had even suggested it might be easier to have a copy of a Ha'tak shield shipped from Earth in pieces and fit that instead.
As she listened to Sheppards report about the Hoffan's and their extremely inadvisable plan to bring certain doom down upon themselves Weir wondered how she had ended up in a position where the fate of a galaxy and its millions of inhabitants seemed to rest on her shoulders. He was right that they badly needed to be talked out of it because as yet she was in no position to protect the Hoffans from their own idiocy.
Colonel Vaselov, still often to be seen carrying his stick though he was now at least two or three decades younger in appearance than he had been after his encounter with a Wraith Queen, was sat beside Weir as Sheppard gave his report. As he listened himself the germ on an idea began to form, an idea that he wondered might be a little too ruthless and opportunistic for Weir but he thought he should suggest it anyway. 'Since we know that the wraith will attack Hoff as soon as they learn of the drug it does offer us a very useful opportunity to spring an ambush' he said. 'We could be destroying hiveships right now if we just knew where the things were.'
'Use the Hoffans as bait you mean?' Weir replied disparagingly.
'They're putting themselves on the hook Ma'am' Sheppard reminded her, 'we'd just be clubbing the fish over the head when it bites' he said.
'If it's all the same to you I'd rather persuade them to stay off the hook' Weir told the military men.
'Good luck with that' Sheppard replied, 'I mean it, good luck' he said. 'They're nice people... they've just latched onto an insane idea.'
After they had left Elizabeth Weir contemplated her next move, it might be wise to give the Hoffans a few days, or perhaps a week or two to consider what Sheppard and his team had told them, and after that she would resume contact with them herself. The nagging thought bothering however was that Vaselov's plan to use the Hoffan's as the cheese in the mousetrap had actually sounded like a very good idea and she didn't used to be anywhere near this calculating.
Weir got up and headed for the balcony from which she could look down at the city. Down on one of the piers she knew that Travoc was determining the best placement for the first of the Tollan Heavy Ion Cannon that would be shipped here in pieces starting in a few weeks time and she hoped it wouldn't spoil the idyllic view. A work crew was already starting to fit the first of the panels to the central tower that would make up the radar array for the cities new Aegis missile defences but at least those didn't really draw too much attention to themselves. 'We found a gleaming city of dreams set in a perfect ocean and we're turning it into a fortification' she said to herself regretfully, 'damn the wraith for making us do it' she added. 'Damn me for not being able to see an alternative' she added quietly to herself.
Underground Facility – P3X-989 (Altair) – September 2004
Brigadier-General Jack O'Neill stepped out through the stargate leading SG-1, he didn't get out as often as he used to but this wasn't the off-world mission he would have picked for himself, for one thing he hated getting summoned and if it had been anyone whose opinion he trusted less there wouldn't have been a chance he would be here right now. 'Okay RobO'Neill what's so all-fired important that you dialled the SGC and told me to get my ass here PDQ?' he asked his double stood at the bottom of the ramp.
'Better I just show you' his android copy replied. 'Carter please bring out our guest' he called out.
'Son-of-a-bitch ' the flesh and blood O'Neill exclaimed as the android copy of Carter emerged with the replicator known as fifth holding him at the point of a Heavy Plasma Rifle. SG-1 had already raised their own weapons and were pointing them at the humanform replicator, Andianov looking like she was a hairs-breadth from pulling the trigger.
'I want to claim asylum' Fifth spoke up nervously, 'I came here because I hoped your robotic doubles would be more accepting... but they weren't.'
'Yeah, no shit' the android Jack O'Neill responded. 'Good thing you kept us up-to-date with what's going on out there or we wouldn't have known what to do with this little bastard' he said.
'What the hell does he mean he wants to claim asylum?' the other O'Neill asked incredulously.
'Apparently there's yet another Sam Carter around these days and this one is a real bitch' the robot version of the woman herself spoke up. 'Oh and congratulations on making Lieutenant-Colonel and getting Jack's old job' she told the original.
'There's another one of us?' Carter responded in dismay, any pretense she had to being a unique individual was continuing to vanish.
'From what our friend here tells me he made a replicator copy of your Carter because he wanted something to snuggle up with but unfortunately he didn't quite get it right' the android O'Neill told his human visitors wryly. 'One successful coup later and he's sending us a radio signal from a planet on the edge of the galaxy asking for asylum.'
'You're kidding?' Daniel asked.
'No he's quite serious' the other Daniel replied, entering the room with the other Teal'c with him.
'Hello' Reese said brightly, joining them and putting her arm around the android Daniel's waist cuddling up to him. 'Please don't hurt Fifth' she requested, 'he's not bad he's just silly' she said before giggling. 'He called me his creator which is true sort-of but I don't feel like a god' she said.
SG-1 still had their weapons trained of Fifth. 'So let me get this straight, assuming I'm understanding the situation correctly' Brigadier-General O'Neill said slowly. 'Our replicator friend there made a duplicate of Carter and she booted him out on his ass and made herself the queen of the lego robots?' he checked.
'Yup' his double confirmed. 'I guess Carters everywhere are always on the lookout for promotion' he suggested, earning a glare from both of them.
'Well isn't that good news?' the human Daniel asked. 'I mean I can't imagine Sam being a threat.'
'Unfortunately from what Number Five tells us he didn't quite get the design right' the gears and wires Carter responded.
'Emotions' the human Carter said with a obvious groan, 'he doesn't understand them very well' she realised.
'Daniel who's like me says that I'm more emotionally mature than silly Fifth' Reese declared, hugging him tighter.
'Not a ringing endorsement sweetheart' the android O'Neill told her receiving a scowl from Reese in response. 'Harlan took a look into our guests psyche using some of our gear and figured out what went wrong but it's not something that can be fixed' he said. 'RepliCarter is out there and we thought you'd better be told.'
'Aw for crying out loud' the original O'Neill responded, he loved the name "RepliCarter" though. 'If he copied everything our Carter knew and put it into his artificial girlfriend she'll know almost everything about us' he said in dismay. 'Procedures, equipment everything' he said.
'This is extremely grave O'Neill' Teal'c opined.
Fifth looked as much embarrassed as anything else. 'Samantha, I mean my Samantha considered me weak' he said, 'she believes herself more fit to command our brethren.'
'Well she's still got her smarts at least' the human O'Neill observed.
'According to Numero Cinco RepliCarter thinks the Milky Way is chock-full of all kinds of wonderful technology and resources and she's about to come calling' the android O'Neill told them.
'But we've got the Anti-Replicator guns now' Daniel pointed out.
'And if she could capture one she might be able to figure out a counter-measure' the robotic Carter responded. 'The replicators would be willing to sacrifice billions of their own kind in order to win right?' she asked rhetorically. 'For that matter the weapons are based on Ancient knowledge that was downloaded into your Jack's head' she continued. 'This galaxy is full of artefacts the Ancients left behind, maybe the solution is just buried somewhere waiting to be dug up.'
'Could she interface with an Ancient Repository if she found one?' the human Daniel wondered.
'Maybe not but if I was her I'd stick some poor schmuck into it then stick my hand in his head to get around that problem' the Carter who had arrived with him from Earth replied. 'If I was her' she said when everyone looked at her suspiciously.
'Careful, I think they're starting to realise our hidden depths of evil' her robot copy joked.
'I made a serious mistake creating her' Fifth said despondently.
'A blow-up rubber doll would have been a less risky alternative when creating a sex-toy' Andianov said. 'Well what do you think he created her for?' she added when both Carters appeared to blush. 'Companionship?' she asked sardonically.
Fifth tried not to look guilty. 'I wanted a friend' he defended himself. 'Someone to love that would love me' he said.
'That's just what the universe needed, a whiny emo replicator' Brigadier-General O'Neill said, rolling his eyes.
'Just kill me now, get it over and done with' Fifth responded. 'I haven't got anything to live for any more anyway' he continued. 'Coming here was my last resort.'
'Altair, final destination of emotionally immature artificial humans everywhere' the android O'Neill observed. 'At least Reese is fun to be around most of the time, this guy is just depressing' he said.
Fifth rounded on the mechanical O'Neill. 'I've been betrayed by everyone I loved and trusted' he said angrily.
'My hydraulic pump leaks for you, really it does' came the sarcastic reply which caused the other O'Neill to laugh. 'I woke up one day and found someone had turned me into R2D2 but I just got on with my damn life' the robot added.
'Don't be mean' Reese chided. 'He's sad and he needs a hug' she said.
'He needs disintegration or a kick up the ass' android O'Neill replied. 'Either way he's your problem' he told the original version of himself. 'We don't want him' he said.
'Fine' Brigadier-General O'Neill replied. 'Who wants to shoot him?' he asked SG-1.
'We can't just shoot him' Daniel replied immediately.
'Yes we damn well can' O'Neill responded curtly. 'Just because something mopes around and feels sorry for itself is no good reason not to shoot it if it's a freaking replicator' he said forcefully.
'Go ahead, I haven't got anything to look forward to anyway' Fifth said dejectedly.
'Listen to the man, it's not like there's such a thing as replicator prozac we can put him on' O'Neill said, 'Sergeant, blow his head off' he told Andianov.
'Sir we might still be able to learn something from him' Carter interjected quickly. 'Fifth is a valuable intelligence asset.'
'He's a pain the ass if you ask me but if you want to take him with you feel free' the android O'Neill said. 'I suggest you radio ahead and have a couple of those anti-replicator guns and some Heavy Plasma Rifles ready on the other side just in case' he advised.
'I don't think it's safe to bring him to Earth though' the human Carter said.
'Okay before this ends up where I think it's going, like I said last time this is not a home for orphaned robots' the gears and wires O'Neill told the flesh and blood version sternly. 'We agreed to look after Reese because she was annoying at worst, this guy wanted to conquer the universe.'
'The desire to replicate is part of me' Fifth said.
'Maybe you could find a way to remove that part of his program, maybe even remove his ability to replicate completely' human Carter suggested, despite everything that had transpired since she still felt pangs of guilt at leaving him behind on Hala. 'We know they still use the original base-code Reese built into the first replicators and that the human-form type like Fifth were modelled on the copy of her the Asgard made to use to bait them in.'
'This thing is dangerous Carter' O'Neill told her.
'You know we could put Fifth somewhere safe while we figure out what to do with him' the robot Carter said.
'What are you thinking?' the human Carter asked.
'We put him in low-orbit using a teleporter, it's not like the lack of air will kill him and it's not like he can do anything up there other than float either' the SG-1A Samantha Carter suggested. 'If we crack his program and decide to salvage him for a software update we can, if not he'll just burn up eventually when his orbit decays.'
'So one day he's planning to conquer the universe and the next he gets turned in Sputnik' human O'Neill observed. 'How the mighty have fallen' he said.
'That would be about two hundred miles if we let him come back down the hard way' his robot double responded, laughing. 'Just remember to go "beep" every few seconds while you're up there' he told Fifth. 'For that matter you could give us a weather-report if we fit you with one of our radios.'
'Chances are he would go inert very quickly Sir' the mechanical Carter told her boss.
'Okay then just go beep as long as you can' android O'Neill told Fifth.
'I don't want to be dumped into space' Fifth protested.
'Right now it's either that or get shot and dumped in the recycling bin' the robot Jack O'Neill told him seriously. 'Just look on it as an opportunity to reflect on your choices in life' he added before turning to SG-1. 'We'll give you a copy of all the data Harlan got out of him on RepliCarter' he said. 'I suggest you start making plans because we all know how dangerous a threat she represents.'
'I'm still trying to adjust to the idea that there's three of me now' Lieutenant-Colonel Carter said, shaking her head.
The O'Neill's didn't simultaneously have the same thought about what they'd like to do with three Samantha Carter's in an ideal universe but only because the mechanical Jack O'Neill had a brain that got there quicker.