Jack opened one eye. The other half of his face was mashed into a pillow. "Daniel."
"Hello, Jack. They treating you okay?"
"Oh, yeah. Just fine. Peachy."
"No more crises in the past seventeen hours?" Daniel, Teal'c, and Sam had all been in the emergency room with Jack in the middle of the night, but Daniel had gone in to work afterwards.
"They won't let me have coffee," Jack said.
Daniel had heard from Sam that this was a sore point. "It's a diuretic," he said. "Bad for burns."
"Yeah, yeah. I feel fine."
Sure he did. "Except for the blisters on your backside?"
"I thought that part would be obvious, Daniel."
"Right," Daniel said. He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down. "So, Jack ..."
Jack eyed him suspiciously. "What?"
"You never got a chance to explain how lightning hit you on the ass."
"I had a chance. I just chose not to take it."
"Come on, Jack. You were out in a thunderstorm at eleven pm and you just happened to have your ass in the air?"
"Hey, don't knock other people's hobbies."
"Hobbies?"
There was a pause. Then Jack said, "Tomatoes."
"Tomatoes?"
"I was tying my tomato plants to stakes so they wouldn't get ruined."
"With your ass in the air."
"Yes, Daniel, with my ass in the air. Is there something you wanted other than to mock my pain?"
"Interesting gardening technique."
"I'm going to patent it. Are you done?"
A nurse came in and shot something into the IV line. She was the one who'd been trying to calm Jack down last night; they'd have to send her flowers or something.
Daniel thanked her. Jack just grunted.
"So ..." Daniel said once they were alone again. "I stopped by Sam's on the way over."
The eye narrowed. "Uh-huh," Jack said.
"She's very worried about you. She was here this morning, right?"
"We both know the three of you have a schedule, Daniel."
"She tell you that her picnic table was mysteriously cut in half?" Daniel carefully hid a smile. He'd tried this tactic with Sam and gotten nowhere, but a doped-up Jack was an easier target.
Jack waited a long time before answering. "I think she might have mentioned it."
"Neighborhood kids, she said."
"Gotta watch out for those kids. Bad neighborhood."
"The funny thing is that the table's got scorch marks on it."
One eye darted around. "You don't say."
"And she's favoring her leg today. I think she might have been to the infirmary."
"Probably tripped over the picnic table. Twisted her ankle or something."
Daniel knew it wasn't a twisted ankle, though Sam had refused to tell him what it was. "So I have a theory," he said.
"Daniel, I'm in pain here. No theories, please."
"Actually, I have two theories. I thought you might help me narrow it down."
"Aren't visiting hours over yet?"
"No, no, we've got plenty of time."
Jack stretched a hand out to the night table and started feeling around.
"What are you looking for?" Daniel asked.
"The call button. Some guy's harassing me against my will."
"Okay, okay. Just one question."
"No more questions!"
"Thunderstorm fetish or picnic table fetish?"
"Shut up."
Thanks for reading!