It’s been three days since their return to earth. Three days of remembering the things they had been forced to forget and fighting to forget the life they were forced to live for such a short time. Three restless nights of trying to adjust from what had been to what was...
She knocks on his door, even though every fiber of her being tells her to forget. To go home. Get over the need to just have him nearby. To carry on, move on….Alone. But that voice right in the back of her mind, the last niggling trace of Thera cries out to just see him again, to feel his presence, to take one last look into Jonahs eyes.
If he’s surprised to see her he doesn’t show it. He steps back and waits as she enters without a word closing the door behind her. Time passes by them both as they stand there in his living room, unmoving, neither ready to speak, neither knowing what to say but both feeling a complete sense of calm that’s been missing.
“I….can’t sleep….haven’t slept.” She shifts slightly, swallowing against the lump that had risen unbidden to her throat as he nods and mutters a “me too...” No other words are spoken as they stand before each other afraid to move forward, but unable to turn back. He finally makes a decision and takes her hand, leading her slowly towards his bedroom, she follows with ease, his touch so reassuring that the tension of the last three days begins to seep away.
His hand falls away when they enter the room, and he moves to the right side of the bed, laying down and watching her….waiting. The choice is simple and difficult all at once but she doesn’t want to think about anything right now. She’s so tired. She takes off her jacket and shoes and lies on the other side of the bed facing him, leaving a fair gap between their bodies. A peace falls over them both, a sense of relief that they haven’t felt since leaving the planet. There had always been a reassurance being just within each others sight and Sam briefly wonders if she’ll ever be able to carry on without it, but quickly shakes the thought away. Not now. Not here.
Laying there face to face, their knees barley touching they watch each other, no longer Just Carter and O’Neill, nor Jonah and Thera but a combination of the two so much needing to be said, and yet everything being passed between them with just a look just as it had always been and just as it always would. Jack moves his right hand towards the centre of the bed, stopping half way, her eyes follow its path before looking back at him, and after a few moments she slowly eases her own hand into his with a deep sigh. He watches as there fingers intertwine and he tightens his grip slightly brushing his thumb over her skin, both reveling in the contact and how right it feels. They lay that way for sometime, just watching, waiting until sleep finally takes them both.
Jack’s the first to awaken in the morning, both relieved and saddened to find that neither of them have moved and their hands still lay linked between them. He watches her sleep, completely peaceful and content, unguarded. He’s never seen her this way and aches knowing he may never again.
His left hand moves slowly across the gap almost of its own accord, drifting above her ear, into her hair, the strands moving delicately through his fingers. He senses her eyes on him and shifts to catch her gaze, a small smile playing across his lips. A number of morning pleasantries cross his mind to greet her but he ignores them all nothing seeming completely fitting for this moment.
“I’m sorry….about your hair.” He remembers the feel of it as he slowly cut each strand just as she had asked, his heart filling with regret but only too happy to grant her every wish.
She gives a half shrug. “I kinda like it.” His fingers move down past her ear and along her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek, inching towards her lips. She watches him, his eyes mesmerized by the trail of his own fingers and her soft skin beneath them, as his thumb finally moves across her bottom lip, his eyes find hers and for a moment he allows himself to wonder about the feel of her lips, the taste of her mouth, before he shyly looks away pulling his hand back to his side.
A few moments pass before he pulls their joined hands towards his own face, resting his cheek against hers, and pressing his lips against her wrist he hears the small gasp she makes and closes his eyes as he nuzzles his head against her hand, his breath brushing over her skin.
It can’t last.
Sam slowly unwinds her hand from his, and runs her fingers along his jaw, raking though his morning stubble before finally resting against his cheek as they stare once more into each others eyes, into their souls.
“I should go.” Her voice is barely above a whisper and he makes no sign that he’s heard though she knows he has, her fingers continuing to move against his skin. The moment lasts longer than it should and she’s the first to look away, turning from him, she gets up and pulls on her shoes and picks up her jacket, he watches her for a few more seconds and them slowly follows suit, trailing behind her down the hall way to the front door, both of them taking smaller steps to draw out the little time they have left.
She stops just short of the door and slips her arms into her jacket, turning as if to say something to him but then decides against it, an ache beginning to move through her and the lump once again in her throat as she turns the door handle.
He’s not ready to let go.
He places his hand against the door holding it closed, the movement bringing him closer to her and she feels the heat of his body at her back, his breath on the nape of her neck, heavy, almost gasping.
His lips are dry and he’s at loss for words knowing only that he needs more time, to think, to feel, to understand. She rests her head against the cool surface of the door, before slowly turning to press her back against it and she finds herself barely a breath away from him. The tips of their noses bump together as he moves his forehead to rest against hers, his left hand brushings up along the side of her body, his eyes dark with desire, their mouths both dry in anticipation.
“Colonel…” she breathes, begging him silently to stop and longing for him to touch her all at once. Her eyes close against the emotions that sweep over her body as he shakes his head pressing himself against her.
“I need…”more time. Another chance. To tell you. To show you. To be Jonah for just a second more.
To say goodbye.
“….Thera”
”We can’t…” she opens her eyes pleading with him, and he moves his hand from the door to rest against the side of her face. The look in his eyes causes her own to water, her heart aching just as she knows his does. His lips brush lightly against her skin, nuzzling just as he had to her hand not long ago, burning against her skin, trying to draw the moment out, to slow time with his touch, he takes in a deep shuddering breath and whispers. “Say it…”
“Sir…” A warning. A plea. Begging but neither sure what for. The tears run slowly down her cheeks and he moves his lips to kiss them away before returning to where he really wants them.
“No….” He hovers above her lips, barely touching, both aching to move but neither shifting. “Say it Thera”
With a heavy breath she finally gives in, her eyes finding and locking with his completely naked with the emotions running through her body. She licks her lips and whispers. “…Jonah”
His lips press against hers hesitantly and her hands find themselves moving up his back urging him closer. He presses harder, his own hands shifting into her hair, as she opens her mouth to allow him entrance, his tongue sweeping along hers, caressing and exploring every inch with complete concentration, memorizing every detail. The taste of her lips, the heat of her body, every sound she makes as he deepens the kiss further.
Each kiss lasts longer than the last, no time left between them in order to fight off the thoughts, the warnings that sound in both their minds. But each moment that passes they know that soon it will have to end. They continue exploring, inching closer until finally the need to breath becomes too much. He presses one final kiss to her lips before resting his forehead against her, their breath mingling as they fight to control themselves, closing their eyes to hold back the feelings that have come to surface.
As the fog of emotions begins to clear she moves her hand to his chest, opening her eyes to stare once again into his. One last time as Thera. Conveying all the feelings that she has for him in one look, and with the final bit of strength she has left she pushes him back, whispering “Goodbye Jonah.”
And with that the last remnants of Jonah and Thera fall away, shut in a box filled with so many hidden moments and secrets that can never be but always will. And as Sam walks out the door, Jack watches her go whispering a final goodbye to another chance that slips away.
The end!