Darkness
Darkness
by babs
Summary: An off-world accident has Daniel doubting himself.
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Episode Related: 204 The Gamekeeper
Season: Season 2
Pairing: Team
Rating: GEN
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was created for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 06/05/06
"Let's get this debris moved, people." Jack ordered the newly arrived teams on P8T-007. He watched as the engineering units began their survey of the rockslide. Carter was already speaking to Colonel Werner while Teal'c, the natives, and some of the Marines began moving rocks at Major Turner's direction.
"Colonel."
Jack turned to face Doctor Fraiser. "We don't know anything yet, Doc. Three of the natives were showing Daniel some ancient writings when the collapse happened. The shaman of the village claims he can sense them--that they are all still alive."
"Some sort of mind reading?" Fraiser asked.
Shrugging, Jack turned his attention back to the rescue operation. "I don't know. But I sure hope he's right." Not being an expert in this sort of operation, Jack had little to do. He didn't like not being busy--not when one of his team was buried under God knew how much rock.
He was beyond tired. Muscles he didn't remember having ached and he was hot, sweaty and dirty. They were almost through the debris. The three natives had been pulled from the temple, bruised, dehydrated but otherwise okay. Daniel was further in the wreckage--the natives explained there was an underground passage and that they'd seen the floor collapse where Daniel was standing. There was no way Jack was going to allow anyone else to take over at this final stage. Werner nodded to Jack, giving orders to his men to hold steady while Jack was lowered into the passage.
Jack swept his flashlight beam in the cramped space, realizing in horror that the underground passage had been used as a burial chamber for what looked like centuries, considering all the bones in the place.
"Daniel?" He whispered, unable to shout in what he could recognize as hallowed ground. He turned an inch at a time, his heart beating faster when he noticed green against the white of bone.
Jack recognized the arm before he even saw Daniel's face. Curled up in nearly a fetal position, Daniel was on his side, his eyes half open and his face smeared with dirt.
"Danny?" Jack reached out, afraid to touch him, but needing to know if his friend was still alive. Daniel's skin was cold, but Jack could feel a thready pulse beneath his fingertips. "Daniel, can you hear me?" Jack leaned closer and spoke in Daniel's ear. A groan was his reply.
"We have found Daniel Jackson." Teal'c shouted above Jack.
"I need to get to him," Fraiser said. With Werner's direction, the doctor was guided to Daniel's side.
"Doc?" Jack asked.
"I want a backboard down here ASAP," she said to him, even as she began her exam.
Jack relayed her directions above ground, allowing himself to be pulled topside so some of Janet's team could prepare Daniel for transport.
It didn't take long, Jack knew that in his head, but it seemed to take forever--time stretching in slow motion when it was of the most essence.
"Sir, how is he?" Carter asked. Jack whirled to face her, cursing himself for letting his guard down. Carter was staring at him, her face pale beneath smudges of dirt.
He wanted to lie to her, tell her everything was going to be alright.
"I don't know," he admitted. He moved back as Werner waved for them to step aside. "But this is Daniel we're talking about."
"It is indeed." Teal'c said from behind. And even though Jack would never admit it aloud, he was damn glad Carter and Teal'c were by his side.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Jack looked up from his study of the briefing room table as Fraiser appeared. In the years he'd known her, he had become very adept at interpreting her expressions. This time it was concerned but not worried that Daniel was at death's door. Jack could feel his jaw muscles release at the hopeful thought.
"Doctor Fraiser?" General Hammond asked.
Fraiser smiled at them. "I don't know how he was able to manage it, but except for some bruises and a gash on the back of his head that took a few stitches, Daniel's physically fine."
Jack was aware of Carter and Teal'c looking at him. "Physically, Doc?"
"There's no physical reason we can find, but Daniel's been somewhat unresponsive since his arrival in the infirmary."
"Somewhat? What is that supposed to mean?" Jack raised his voice and then looked down at the table. "Sorry, Doc."
"Understood, Colonel." Fraiser nodded. "He was able to orient himself to place and time, but then he just shut down. He's sleeping now. We'll be keeping an eye on him overnight, but unless there is a complication, he'll be released tomorrow morning."
"Can we see him, Doc?" Jack asked, catching up to her after Hammond dismissed them.
"As long as you don't wake him, yes." Fraiser glanced at all of them and then gave a smile. "Most likely he was tired. I expect that by tomorrow he'll be more alert."
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Except for the small shaved spot on the back of his head and a bruise visible on his left arm, Daniel looked as if he'd just fallen asleep after a particularly exhausting mission.
"Daniel?" Jack whispered. Carter made a shushing noise.
"He's out for the count," Jack said, shrugging his shoulders when faint snoring emanated from the man on the bed.
"What count, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked. Jack opened his mouth to reply but shut it. Two years and he still wasn't sure when Teal'c was kidding or not.
"It's...never mind, Teal'c. You can ask Daniel when he wakes up." Jack replied. "Why don't you go do your kel-no-reem thingy, and Carter, you can go get your beauty sleep."
"What about you, sir?" Carter asked. She made no effort to move from her spot by the bed, Jack noticed.
"I don't need beauty sleep. I'm pretty good-looking without it." Jack said. His plan worked. Carter gave a small giggle and her fingers, which had been wrapped tightly around the bed rail, relaxed.
"I have a better idea," Fraiser said, "why don't you all leave and let my patient get the rest he needs?"
Damn, how did the woman do it? Special ops trained and Jack still missed her approaches eighty percent of the time. He gave her his best innocent look, but she wasn't being fooled. And he had to admit, the thought of a bed instead of a night spent in an infirmary chair was mighty appealing.
"You can all come back to see him in the morning." She promised as she took Daniel's wrist in her hand. "Now, I need to check my patient." One pointed look and Jack nodded to her.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
His head hurt. That was what woke him up. He didn't open his eyes though, instead reaching out one hand to see if there were any bones around him. But all he found under his fingers was the starchy feel of a sheet and then cool metal. That meant it would be safe to open his eyes. That the nightmare was over.
Infirmary, he was in the infirmary. He closed his eyes and counted to three then opened them again just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
"Doctor Jackson?" A nurse standing by some monitors turned to face him. "Are you awake?"
"Unnh." He licked his lips and tried to swallow but his mouth was too dry.
Suddenly there was a straw at his mouth and he took a sip, holding the water in his mouth for a second before swallowing.
Doctor Fraiser appeared seemingly out of nowhere and smiled down at him.
"Welcome back, Doctor Jackson." Her cool fingers touched his wrist.
He squinted up at her.
"How are you feeling?"
"My head," he said, reaching up for the itching spot, only to have his hand intercepted.
"You had to get some stitches." Fraiser explained. She looked at a chart and then back at him. "I need you to answer some questions."
A few minutes later, Daniel sighed in relief as she left his bedside with a promise that she'd send for a tray of food. He'd passed her little quiz of time and place. Now that he had his eyes open, the thought of closing them filled him with dread. He'd been alone in the dark. No, not alone, he'd had dead bones for company. He knew the thought shouldn't have bothered him, but it had, in a way he'd never thought possible. For those hours he'd lain in the catacomb, he could hear their voices, their pleading for help being trapped beneath the ground. The arrival of his food tray pulled him out of his morbid thoughts and he picked up his spoon, frowning down at his oatmeal.
"You don't want that, I can eat it for you."
Daniel looked up in surprise at Jack. The normal devil may care grin was replaced by a look of concern.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine." Daniel said, stirring the cereal and dumping in a pack of sugar. "Doctor Fraiser said I can leave the infirmary this afternoon."
"So."
"So." Daniel echoed. He ate a mouthful of the oatmeal and then realized how very hungry he was.
"So how's it going?" Jack asked right after Daniel had filled his mouth with hot cereal.
"Going?" Daniel mumbled around his food.
"You know, going." Jack pointed to his temple and then made a small circling motion.
Daniel frowned at him. "It's going fine. I'm an archaeologist. I spent time on digs." When Jack continued to stare at him, he sighed. "You know, with mummies and bones and other stuff. In the dark, in small tight places."
"Uh huh," Jack said, obviously not convinced. "Care to tell me why you were off in la-la land when I found you?"
"La-la land?" Daniel pushed the tray away, his appetite gone despite his growling stomach. "Head injury, cold---you think that might have something to do with it?" He couldn't help the snarkiness that crept into his tone and he couldn't help the fear curling itself into a tight knot in his stomach.
"Hey, take it easy." Jack held up both hands in seeming surrender. "Don't get your blood pressure up or Doc will blame me for it."
"Blame you for what, Colonel?"
Daniel hid his grin at the surprise on Jack's face as he turned to face the doctor.
"Nothing," Jack said, walking backwards away from Daniel's bed, "I was just saying goodbye to Daniel. Right?"
"Right," Daniel agreed. "See you later, Jack." He forced himself to smile for Fraiser, not wanting her to think that anything could be wrong. All he needed was to get out of the infirmary, go home to his apartment. He'd be fine until SG1's next mission. He was an archaeologist, after all. Small dark places, long dead bodies, it was all part of the job. He just needed some time alone to get over it.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
"Mom! Dad!"
His parents looked at him, questions in their eyes, but it was too late. It was always too late. There was no sound, save the thud of stone on concrete and the hoarse scream of one of the workers and the echo of his own failure.
Daniel sat up in bed, panting for breath. He opened his eyes to a bedroom filled with the dim glow of his lamp. He thought keeping the light on would keep the nightmares at bay, but it hadn't worked. Shivering, he got out of bed and put on his robe. Coffee---coffee was what he needed.
He hadn't dreamed of his parents in years, not until SG-1's mission to the Gamekeeper's planet. And even then he'd told himself he could handle it. It wasn't as if it was an exact replay of that day.
Daniel filled his coffee maker with water. He replaced the pot and then shrugged when he couldn't find a filter, using a paper towel instead. He dumped coffee into the paper towel straight from the bag and then turned on the machine, leaning against the counter and debating whether or not he should open a bag of cookies too.
He rubbed at his eyes and then his forehead. It wasn't real, hadn't been real, he reminded himself. The reality had been that Daniel had been sitting on the floor reading a book, hearing his parents talk about the display. He remembered hearing his dad give the order to put the final stone in place and had looked up then to watch. There had been no warning; it just happened. When it was over, Daniel hadn't even cried or shouted out loud. He simply watched the workers working to remove the stone, thinking that his mom and dad would be okay, because after all they were his mom and dad and moms and dads didn't leave their little boys. He'd been wrong.
He poured a mug of coffee, taking a sip without caring that it was hot. He thought he was going to die yesterday--when the floor gave way beneath him and he looked up and saw the beams coming towards him, it made him think of his dad, his mom. He wondered if they knew. He never thought of it before. Not before the Gamekeeper, not before he nearly lost his own life in almost the same way. But now he wondered. And he wondered if in those last fateful seconds, they'd been afraid because he sure as hell had been. He drained the rest of his coffee, ignoring the heat and pouring himself another mug. Carrying the coffee, he went into his bathroom and started running a shower. If he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, and he doubted he would, he figured he'd be better off to shower, dress and head to the mountain. There was always plenty of work there to keep his mind off things he'd rather forget.
Showered, shaved, and dressed, Daniel prepared to go to the SGC. He stood in his bedroom looking around, making sure he'd remembered everything. The clock's red numbers reminded him it was three in the morning. Daniel took a deep breath and turned off the lamp, plunging the room into almost darkness. He shuddered once and walked out, forcing a laugh for being afraid of the dark.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
"You were here at four, Doctor Jackson." Doctor Fraiser said in a matter of fact voice as she undid the blood pressure cuff. "I thought you were sent home yesterday so you would rest."
Daniel shrugged. "I couldn't sleep." He gave what he hoped was an innocent smile. "I guess it was all the sleep I got the day before."
"Well everything looks fine. I'll make a note for you to get the stitches out next week, but I'm releasing you for SG-1's mission today." She studied the chart one more time.
Hopping off the exam table, Daniel nodded. "Thank you." He put on his shirt, relieved she hadn't asked any more questions. He could feel his heart pounding again at the thought of going through the Gate. Telling himself he was being ridiculous, Daniel headed for the briefing room, sure he would be able to find solace in explaining the significance of the Mayan writings that decorated the stelae the MALP had shown from P9Y-224.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Something was off with Daniel--the sixth sense that served Jack so well in Special Ops was ringing alarm bells now as they stood in front of the stelae on P9Y-224. He looked at Carter and Teal'c, neither of whom seemed concerned about the archaeologist. Jack had to admit, Daniel looked okay. Fraiser had approved him medically; Daniel was on top of things in the briefing. If he'd been asked by Hammond to explain what was wrong, Jack doubted he'd be able to put it into words. Off--that was the only word for it.
"Pakari," Daniel said and Jack recognized the unfamiliar word from the earlier briefing. "The place of emergence, the birthplace."
"Emergence?"
Jack should have guessed anything remotely sounding remotely scientific would perk Carter up.
"Pakari--it was the place the gods hid in times of disaster." Daniel explained. He pointed towards the west. "That way."
"I'll take point, Teal'c, you take our sixes." Jack gave the orders and began trekking through the overgrown foliage--alert for the presence of any unknowns. The UAV hadn't shown any signs of human habitation, but he'd learned it was better to be safe than sorry.
Jack was beginning to realize why Daniel preferred deserts after slogging through the foliage for two hours in what felt like one hundred percent humidity. He could see the greenery thinning ahead and put on an extra push to reach the clearing.
"Wow," Carter said in unison with Daniel as the two of them followed Jack into clear area.
Jack had to agree with them--not that he wanted them to know it. But the ruins of the pyramid were impressive. Made of glossy black stone it dominated the clearing. Whatever had been bothering Daniel earlier seemed to have been wrung out of him during the hike and now with the sight of the impressive ruins.
"Jack?"
There was question in the tone, but Jack knew it was less of waiting for permission than a reminder that time was a-wasting and Daniel wanted to explore.
"Teal'c, keep on eye on Daniel." Jack said, motioning for them all to move forward.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Jack adjusted his sunglasses, watching as Daniel moved to another spot to film yet another black block.
"Daniel!"
Uh oh, Carter sounded excited and sure enough Daniel was running to her side.
Jack shrugged at Teal'c and they both followed their errant scientists.
"Ah-Puch," Jack could hear Daniel say as they approached.
"Bless," Jack said, unable to resist.
Daniel rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Not Ahchoo, Ah-Puch."
"And that would be..." Jack drawled, waving a hand and waiting for an explanation. He looked at the hideous carving. "Looks like a nice guy."
"God of Death, specifically the ruler of Mitnal."
"Mitnal?" Carter asked before Jack could.
"Oh, um, the ninth level of the Mayan underworld. The deepest part of hell."
"Like I said, nice guy." Jack said.
"There's an opening here." Daniel pointed out.
Jack peered at the opening and then at Daniel.
"We've come this far," Daniel said, waiting.
"Hell? Sound like a place you want to visit?" Jack asked.
"My symbiote is not disturbed, O'Neill." Teal'c added.
"I'm getting readings of naquada," Carter jumped in.
Jack sighed, adjusting his weapon and taking a step into the dark opening.
Despite the glyphs and decoration on the outside of the pyramid, the large chamber they found themselves in was barren. There was no writing on the walls, no ornamentation.
"Daniel?"
"I have no idea. Perhaps everything of value was stripped centuries ago, but there's no sign of..." Daniel's voice trailed off as he swept his flashlight beam across the ceiling. "Uh oh."
"Uh oh? Why do I not like the sound of that?" Jack asked, tracking the beam of light. "Uh oh." He echoed a moment later. The ceiling appeared to be lowering. "Let's beat it, gang." He ordered, motioning them towards the opening they'd used earlier.
"Sir," Carter called. "The passageway is blocked off." Her voice was calm although Jack knew her heart was beating as fast as his own. Daniel and Teal'c were walking the perimeter of the room and Jack heard a grinding noise. He looked over to see Daniel crouched down, staring into an opening.
"Jack, Sam!" He called.
It wasn't as if they had much of a choice.
"Go," Jack ordered, watching as Teal'c, then Carter, then Daniel went into the dark passage. Jack followed, only to turn as the opening closed behind him.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
"Who did that?" Jack asked as they traveled down yet another corridor.
"Did what?" Daniel asked.
"Can't you smell it? Smells like someone..."
"Sulfur, sir. It's sulfur." Carter commented.
"The Flatulent One," Daniel said.
"Who?"
"Ah-Puch."
"Bless." Jack couldn't resist, and anyway they needed a little levity to get their minds off of the situation for a brief moment.
Daniel, however, didn't seem to appreciate the humor. "No, Ah-Puch. One of his nicknames was the Flatulent One."
"You're serious?" Jack asked. "They had a god of gas, of farting?"
Daniel shrugged. "Sulfur, hell. Natural hot springs might have given them the idea of an entrance to hell."
"We have traveled through eight levels." Teal'c commented. "Did you not say that Ah-Puch was the god of the ninth level of Mitnal, DanielJackson?"
"Yeah, yeah, I did." Daniel said. In the beam from the flashlight, Jack could see Daniel licking his lips.
"This isn't your fault, Daniel." Jack murmured quietly, moving to Daniel's side.
The familiar sound of the ceiling lowering garnered everyone's attention. Carter found the passage way this time, leading the way. The sulfur smell increased and Jack swore the temperature had risen a few degrees since they'd entered this new tunnel. They were going downhill surrounded by the black rocks.
Daniel hesitated and Jack nearly bumped into him.
"Daniel?"
"I'm okay. I'm okay," the younger man said. Jack wasn't sure if he was telling the others or if he was trying to convince himself.
"You sure?" Jack asked and then coughed as the sulfur smell assaulted his nostrils.
"I'm sure." Daniel nodded and continued on his way.
"Holy Hannah!" Carter's exclamation carried back the tunnel.
Jack and Daniel came out into an underground chamber that looked like something out of a Renaissance painting of the Underworld minus the suffering souls.
The room was bathed in a reddish glow and Jack could see Carter and Daniel trying to figure out where the light came from. In the center of the room a large pool of water bubbled and hissed and where it overflowed the rock floor was colored white, blue and green.
"I think it's a natural hot spring, sir." Carter said. She took a few steps closer.
Daniel was walking around the chamber, keeping a cautious distance from the pool. When Jack saw him crouch down, he followed.
"What did you...?" Jack asked, his voice trailing off as he saw the skeleton.
"There are more," Daniel said softly, motioning around the perimeter.
Jack looked, noticing the bones. "So what do you think?" He knew from experience that keeping Daniel's mind busy was going to be the best way to deal with the situation.
"Well, it could be there's no way out." Daniel offered.
Frowning, Jack shook his head. "I want another option, Daniel."
Daniel shrugged. "I don't know any yet."
Jack placed a hand on his shoulder. "Then get busy."
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Daniel forced himself to slow his breathing. He watched Jack walk over to Teal'c and then looked back at the first skeleton he'd discovered and then up at the ceiling. He shone his flashlight onto the black rock, searching for some sort of writing. If this was a place of sacrifice to Ah-Puch then how did the victims get in this room. He doubted a drugged and willing sacrificial victim was going to be able to negotiate all the levels SG-1 had just managed. If they were led here, there needed to be a way out for the priest who brought them.
Daniel knelt on the rock, studying the skeleton closer and wishing for better light.
"Sam?" He thought the neck appeared to be broken but wanted another opinion.
"Did you find something?" Sam asked as she knelt beside him.
"Take a look," Daniel said, pointing to the skeleton's spine.
Sam leaned in. "My last course in anatomy was a long time ago, Daniel. But it looks like it's broken."
"That's what I thought. Want to help me check the others?"
"So what do you think?" she asked as they began examining the rest of the skeletons.
"Sacrifice is a possibility. I'm not an expert on Mayan culture but they did do human sacrifices."
By the end of their examination of a fifth skeleton, Daniel had his suspicions confirmed.
"All of them were killed. Broken necks. My best guess is this was the place of sacrifice for whatever culture lived here." Daniel pushed up his glasses and held up an index finger. "These people were led here to their deaths. There has to be a passageway out of here. We just haven't found it yet."
Jack nodded at his explanation. "Let's get looking, people."
Daniel went in the direction Jack pointed. He nudged a few rocks with his foot, thinking that perhaps the exit had been hidden.
"O'Neill," Teal'c called, his deep voice reverberating in the chamber. "I have found the exit."
"Okay," Jack said a few minutes later as they all stood looking at the small tunnel. "Looks like this is going to be on our bellies."
Daniel turned away. He'd been holding it together since they'd come in this pyramid and the thought of having to now crawl out through that little, he wasn't even going to call it a tunnel, space was making him sweat.
"What if it's a dead end?" he heard himself ask.
"I don't think it is." Sam answered. "You can smell fresh air if you lean down."
"Hey," Jack said, touching Daniel's shoulder, "you okay?"
"Sure," Daniel forced himself to smile. "Just wanted to make sure, you know."
"Uh huh," Jack said, but his tone said he didn't believe him. "Teal'c, you go first. Carter you second. I'll follow Daniel here."
Teal'c disappeared into the tunnel and Daniel stared as Sam's booted feet slithered out of view a few moments later.
"I'll be right behind you." Jack said in Daniel's ear.
"Hey, I'm an archaeologist. I've done this before." Daniel said, forcing a laugh.
"I know."
Daniel got to his knees and ducked down, sliding into the passage. He tried holding his flashlight and realized that he wouldn't be able to pull himself along and hold onto the light. He could hear Sam's movement ahead and felt a hand close around his ankle and give a squeeze. He wondered if closing his eyes would make this journey easier.
I can do this, Daniel repeated the phrase in his mind over and over, but he couldn't bring himself to believe.
He stopped in the tunnel, pushing his scraped hands into the rock and hoping the stinging would ground him.
"Daniel?" Jack asked behind him.
Daniel pressed his forehead onto the cool stone, breathing hard. There was a crushing pain in his chest and he found it harder to get air into his lungs. He could imagine the weight of thousands of tons of black rock suffocating him. How old was the pyramid? Why did he think it would remain standing? He couldn't breathe; he was going to die crushed under the stone, ground to dust.
"Mom, Dad," he gasped, wanting them to hear him.
"Daniel!" That was Jack, his voice sharp and commanding.
"Can't...breathe. Die."
"No!" Jack barked. "You aren't."
Daniel shook his head even though Jack had no way of seeing him. He only hoped they'd be able to bring his body into the sunlight and he wouldn't be forever entombed in the rock.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Jack could hear Daniel's ragged breathing and then a plaintive call for his long dead parents.
"Daniel!" Maybe an order would bring Daniel back from whatever nightmare he was caught in. Jack closed his hand around Daniel's ankle once again, hoping it could ground Daniel to this reality. Not that this reality was all that great at the moment.
Harsh breaths were the only sound in the tunnel.
"Can't...breathe. Die," the words floated to Jack.
"No! You aren't!" Jack called. He held more tightly to Daniel's ankle, aware of the tight muscles.
"It's just a panic atack, Danny," Jack said, keeping his own voice even and calm. "You're going to be fine."
There was no answer. Jack turned onto his side, pulling out his flashlight and shining it towards Daniel's head. He could see heaving shoulders as Daniel tried to suck in more oxygen.
"Teal'c, Carter!" Jack yelled as loudly as he could.
"O'Neill," Teal'c called back. "I can see the exit."
"Great. You and Carter get out of the tunnel. Daniel and I will be there soon."
Jack turned his attention back to Daniel. "Hear that? They aren't that far ahead. We're almost at the end."
"Can't." Daniel's voice was shaky.
"Yeah, yeah you can. This is no biggy. You're almost there." Jack kept up what he hoped was a reassuring speech. "Feel my hand?" He squeezed Daniel's calf. "I'm right behind you. I've got your six."
Daniel's breathing was slowing down, coming back under his control.
"Jack?"
"Right behind you. You ready to move again?" Jack patted Daniel's leg.
"I...um...yeah, I..."
"Good job, Daniel." Jack said, hoping Daniel could hear the encouragement. "Nice and easy."
Daniel began moving again and Jack followed, not surprised in the least that his friend had found the strength to keep going.
"I can see the exit. There's light," Daniel said less than ten minutes later. Jack blinked as Daniel pushed himself out of the tunnel and the light hit Jack's eyes.
"Well that was fun," Jack said, accepting Carter's canteen and taking a swig. He studied Daniel--not liking how pale the other man looked. "You okay?"
Daniel took a few shaky breaths. "I'm fin..." and with that he bolted towards the nearest bushes.
"Daniel!" Carter cried out and took a step towards him before Jack grabbed her arm.
"I'll take care of it," Jack said in a low voice. "He's not gonna appreciate you seeing it."
Carter looked at him in question, but there was no way Jack was going to tell Teal'c or Carter about the panic attack Daniel had in the tunnel.
Daniel was on his knees, hugging his stomach. He looked up at Jack's approach, starting to rise. Jack put a hand on his shoulder.
"Take it easy. No rush."
"Sorry. Sorry about this and you know, in the passage." Daniel wiped his mouth with a bandana, his hands shaking.
"No reason." Jack said. He undid Daniel's canteen and handed it to the other man. "Rinse your mouth first, then drink." Jack recognized the signs of someone at the end of his tether. And although a compliant Daniel was exactly what he needed in order to get the archaeologist home, Jack had to admit it was not something he wanted to see very often. He watched as Daniel rinsed and spit and then took a small sip of water. "We're at the front of the pyramid," he noted. Give Daniel a puzzle and he was sure his friend's mind would be busily occupied while they hiked back to the Stargate.
Daniel squinted at the pyramid. "Think of the grand reappearance the priests could have made after taking their victims inside."
"Yeah," Jack muttered. All he wanted right now was to get his team home. He bent over, slipping a hand under Daniel's arm and hauling him to his feet, not releasing his grip until he was sure Daniel was steady on his feet. Daniel looked at him and gave him a fleeting smile. Jack nodded. "Let's go home."
SG1SG1SG1SG1
"Doctor Jackson?" General Hammond asked, catching Daniel's attention. The general was looking at him with what Daniel had come to think of the paternal gaze--concerned and slightly puzzled by what was Daniel's uncharacteristic silence during the briefing. "Do you have anything to add to the report?"
Daniel glanced at his notepad, not surprised to find he'd filled it with glyphs from the planet. His fingernails were torn and there was a scrape on the back of his right hand. He'd have to remember to put some antibacterial cream on it tonight. The sound of someone clearing his throat had Daniel lifting his head. Realizing he'd been caught drifting again, Daniel forced himself to concentrate. "No, sir. There was nothing of strategic value in the pyramid. Although there was most likely a Goa'uld presence on the planet at one time, there is nothing to indicate recent activity."
"Thank you," Hammond said, giving Daniel a smile. "If no one has anything more to add, SG-1 is dismissed. Two days downtime."
Daniel was aware of chairs being pushed back and then Jack's hand was on his shoulder. Daniel looked up and grabbed his notes.
"China Palace," Jack said. "Eighteen hundred."
"Yeah," Daniel said, getting to his feet. All he wanted now was to get out of the mountain and breathe clean air, see some sky and sun.
"You're gonna be there, right?" Jack asked.
Daniel gave a quick nod. "I'll be there."
The elevator to the surface seemed to take forever, and he swore that every person who knew his name had suddenly decided that now was the time to share the latest news on his or her family with Doctor Daniel Jackson. Daniel took a deep breath as he walked into the cool outside air. He hurried to his car, keeping his head down and his mind on getting home. He opened all his windows ignoring the strange looks he got from the guards at the gate and relished the cold air circulating through his car. Home, home, home. He used the word as a mantra. But minutes into his drive home, the sky felt too big, the air too cold. He beeped his horn at a driver in front of him when traffic slowed. He needed to get home. If he could just get home he'd be safe. Traffic moved again and he relaxed. It wouldn't be long now. He was going to go home and lock the doors. Everything would be just fine.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Banging on Daniel's apartment door, Jack hoped none of Daniel's neighbors were phoning the police. He dug in his pocket for the key Daniel had given him after the mission to Nem's planet. The 'just in case' key, Daniel had said, giving it to him with a little twisted smile.
The door opened just as Jack found his key.
"Jack?" Daniel sounded confused and looked as if he'd been sleeping.
"Mind if I come in?" Jack brushed past him, not waiting for an answer. He waited while Daniel closed the door.
Definitely sleeping, Jack thought, seeing the pillow on the sofa, the afghan on the floor.
"What are you doing here?" Daniel asked. He bent over to pick up the afghan.
"China Palace, eighteen hundred? Ring a bell?"
"Huh?" Daniel put the blanket back on the sofa and dropped down on the cushions. He squinted up at Jack for a moment before enlightenment dawned. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh. I tried to call but..." Jack saw the phone on the floor, off the hook. "That explains it."
"Sorry," Daniel said. He scooped up the phone placing it on the coffee table. "Um, you want some coffee?" Not waiting for an answer, Daniel made his way to his small kitchen.
Jack got to his feet, following his friend. "So, what's going on?"
"Going on?" Daniel didn't look at him.
"Your hands are shaking," Jack pointed out as Daniel spilled some of the coffee on the counter.
"Still half asleep," Daniel said.
"You have all your lights turned on." Jack continued.
"It's night. I can't navigate through my apartment in the dark."
"Uh huh," Jack commented. He leaned against the counter, watching, assessing.
"I said I was sorry," Daniel said, giving Jack a mutinous look.
"I know." Jack held up a finger when Daniel started to interrupt. "And yes, I know you're sorry. Carter said you probably fell asleep. I just wanted to make sure, you know?"
"Well, I'm awake now." Daniel said with a bright tone that Jack didn't believe for a minute. "Want some coffee?"
Jack accepted the mug held out to him. "Thanks," he said, raising it as if making a toast. "Bottoms up."
Daniel held his own mug close, both hands wrapped around the ceramic, before taking a long sip.
"So, what's with the lights?" Jack asked. When Daniel glared at him, he shrugged. "Just asking, you know?"
"Worried about my electricity bills? I can pay them. Don't worry." Daniel drained the rest of his mug and slammed it down on the counter so hard Jack thought it would shatter.
Anger. Anger was good. It was better than no emotion at all. Jack followed Daniel back into the living room.
"So." Jack said.
"I screwed up. Okay? I panicked."
"Yeah, you did." Jack put his hand on Daniel's shoulder, pushing him down onto the sofa before sitting on the coffee table in front of him. "Panic, that is. The screw up part is just plain old Daniel Jackson misplaced guilt."
Daniel leaned his head back on the sofa, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking deep breaths. Jack moved to the easy chair, sensing Daniel's need for space.
"I never...not in all the years I was on digs...but the temple and then the pyramid."
"Too much, too soon," Jack offered.
"Do you think they knew? Did they suffer?" Daniel sat forward suddenly and stared at Jack with an intensity that seemed to suggest Jack would have an answer. Only problem was, Jack had no idea what twist Daniel's mind had just taken.
"They..."Jack hesitated, stalling for time, and then with a flash of insight realizing this was less about the panic attack and more about the mission to the Gamekeeper's planet. "I don't know, buddy. I don't know if your mom and dad even knew what happened."
"Yeah." Daniel swallowed hard. He pulled off his glasses and placed them on the table before covering his eyes with his hand. "I used to think if I just knew that, I'd be able to, um, put it to rest."
Jack could think of nothing to say. He had no answers, but Daniel didn't seem to care that his friend was silent.
"Maybe I don't want to know. Maybe it's better not knowing."
"Maybe it is." Jack said.
"Do you think Char..." Daniel stopped and uncovered his eyes. "Sorry. I shouldn't have..."
Jack smiled at him. "Don't be. And I don't know. I hope not. I hope he never knew."
"Yeah, me too."
They lapsed into silence again and Jack began to wonder if he'd ever know the right words.
SG1SG1SG1SG1
Jack was staring at the coffee table. Daniel stretched out his legs and rested his feet on it. Memories of his second foster mom, Karla McHenry, reminding him that feet didn't belong on the table floated back. She used to make him laugh. Karla and James, who understood a little boy's loss and then a teenager's struggle to find himself in a world where he never quite fit in. He needed to find their phone number in the boxes of stuff he had, find their phone number and call them and thank them for all they'd done without knowing. He smiled at the memory of Karla's cookies and James' love of books. He stared at his feet, one of his socks was thin near the toes. He supposed he'd have to go shopping in the near future. He hoped there wouldn't be a lot of people pressing against him, crowding him. Maybe he could convince Sam to do it. Would Sam go to the store and buy him socks? Would that be too weird to ask a female friend? But what was he going to do when he needed groceries? He tried to remember if the store he went to was open twenty four hours.
"Daniel."
Jack's voice cut into his thoughts and Daniel looked at his friend, knowing he needed to focus or Jack would think something was wrong. That was a joke---Jack already knew he was screwed up.
"Daniel," Jack said again and moved closer, pushing Daniel's feet off the coffee table and taking their place.
"Jack."
"What happened today in that tunnel was perfectly understandable. Hell, it was my job as your CO to think of the possibility it might happen." Jack stopped, running a hand through his hair. "And I gotta tell you, Danny, you did a damn fine job today."
"I had a panic attack." Daniel wanted to yell the words but he was too tired.
"Yeah. And then you pulled yourself together and came back home," Jack continued. "And what about those hours we were in that pyramid to Achoo? What about all those hours you kept it together?"
"You don't understand." Daniel said. He pushed up his glasses and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Did I ever tell you about when I came home from Iraq?"
Daniel glanced at Jack and then shook his head.
"Yeah, right." Jack stared down at his hands and started talking in a low voice. "We wanted to get away from it all. I wasn't in the best of health. So we decided to go to California--you know take Charlie to Disneyland, the ocean, all that stuff families do." Jack took a deep breath. "We went to the beach. Charlie was so excited. He'd never seen the ocean. He started running towards the water and Sara yelled at me to go after him. I took a few steps onto the sand and it was like I was back there--all alone, hurting, waiting for rescue."
"What happened?" Daniel asked, not able to find enough spit to raise his voice above a whisper.
"Sara got Charlie. And I, well I sat in the rental car for awhile until I worked up the courage to walk across twenty feet of sand to my family."
"You did it though."
"Yeah. I did. And you did too."
"I need to be out there, Jack. I have to be able to go through the Gate. Sha're needs me. She *needs* me."
"I know."
Daniel closed his eyes. "I'm tired. I have to go to the grocery store tomorrow."
"And?" Jack sounded puzzled.
Opening his eyes, Daniel shook his head. He pointed to the room at large. "Look at me, Jack. I can't even turn my lights off because I don't want to be in the dark."
Jack seemed to take his explanation in stride. "And?"
"What if it happens again? What if I'm somewhere and it feels as though I can't breathe because the roof is caving in on me?"
"It might not happen again."
"Did it happen to you after that?" Daniel asked, already thinking he knew the answer.
Jack nodded. "Yeah. Yeah it did. A few times. But it didn't last."
"So it might happen again." Daniel said, knowing he was being stubborn but unwilling to let go.
"Might. Might not. Plan that it will." Jack answered.
"I kinda figured that was the answer."
"Then why did you ask?" Jack grinned at him as he raised his hand. "No, wait--you're Daniel. Sometimes, you need to give yourself a break, buddy." His voice had turned from joking to serious in an instant. "I mean that. You showed courage today in that pyramid. You did what you needed to do."
Daniel was silent as he watched Jack. His friend was looking at him with an earnest expression that dared Daniel to contradict the worth of what he was saying.
"There's something else you need to know. Something I kept forgetting--something that cost me my family in the end." Jack leaned forward and Daniel was struck by the intensity of Jack's expression. "You aren't alone. Don't ever forget that."
Daniel nodded, unable to speak. Not alone--when he'd spent the days after the temple collapse buried in thoughts of work and ashamed of seeking out the comfort and companionship of his friends. He remembered earlier--in the pyramid tunnel, Jack's strong fingers gripping his ankle, Jack talking to him in a quiet steady voice, Sam and Teal'c waiting patiently for him while he was sick, the offer of dinner, the very fact that Jack had bothered to come to his apartment to find out if Daniel was okay, and then Jack sharing experiences Daniel doubted anyone else in the SGC knew.
"Yeah, I know. I forgot but I know it." Daniel finally said. He hid a yawn behind his hand, the day's activities catching up to him in a rush.
"You'd better get to bed." Jack smiled. He stood and stretched and looked pointedly at the couch.
"You're going to stay?" Daniel asked.
"I drank a few beers with dinner---it's dark, probably shouldn't try driving home anymore." Jack plopped down on the sofa after Daniel stood. He stared up at him. "I need a pillow and another blanket."
"Um, yeah. Be right back." Daniel went into his bedroom and grabbed an extra pillow and the blanket he kept folded on the bottom of his bed. He came back into the living room. Jack was already stretched out, TV remote in hand and flicking through the channels at a rapid speed. "Here." He handed the items to Jack.
"Night, Daniel." Jack said.
"Good night," Daniel answered. He went to the light switch, ready to turn it off.
"Hey, Danny?" Jack called from the sofa. "If you need anything..."
"Got it, Jack." Daniel said, hesitating only for a moment before he turned the lights off. The light from the TV flickered as he made his way to his bathroom. He undressed, brushed his teeth and finally came back to his bedroom. He sat down on his bed, listening to the announcer on the sports show Jack finally settled on.
Not alone, he reminded himself. He lay back on his pillows and reached for the bedside lamp, hesitating only for a moment before he switched it off and sent his room into darkness. Not alone, he whispered and he closed his eyes knowing someone was there if he needed a guide in the dark.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to babs
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Darkness
by babsSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis