Everything We Had
By Crystal Pittman-Scott
I absolutely hate these damn military functions. Hell, the only reason I'm here is for Hank. Okay and to see Daniel and Teal'c. *But not her* my brain manages to spout off. Ignoring it, I take another gulp of the free booze and shut it out. But of course, my brain is right. I definitely did not want to see Lt. Col. Samantha Carter. *Carter-Shannahan* my wonderful brain likes to remind me. I hear some politician say something to me and I nod, hoping its an acceptable response. Apparently it works and he moves on. I turn back to the bar and stare down in my drink. Not much longer and I can leave.
"Hey Jack!" Daniel says and he and T walk up behind me. I force a small smile for my two best friends and turn to greet them.
"Hey guys. How've ya been?"
"We have been good, O'Neill. You seem to be well." Teal'c says, giving me that Jaffa stare he does oh so well.
"I'm wonderful. Fabulous..."
"Drunk?" Daniel cuts me off. I look back into my drink and sigh. "Have you seen her yet?"
"Nope. Nor am I particularly looking to either." Daniel looks at me, shaking his head slowly. "What? What's there to say?"
"Were you and Col. Carter not friends, O'Neill?" T asks me softly so no one overhears our conversation. I just keep my gaze in my whiskey, pondering his question. I thought we were friends. Hell, I thought we were moving to being more than that finally. Once I had moved to D.C. and she was technically out of my chain of command, I thought that would open the doors to us. *Apparently not, Loser*
"Shut up!" I hissed rather loudly and apparently, *outloud-ly*. The guys just looked at me curiously. "Not you, T. My brain seems to want to dog me every time it gets the chance. I appreciate what you guys are trying to do, but there's nothing left between me and Carter. She chose Pete, again. He seems to be the one that makes her happy and I'm not going to get in the way of that."
"Are you still seeing Kerry?" Daniel asks. Damn Space Monkey. I nod to the affirmative. "Things aren't always what they seem, Jack."
"Indeed they are not, O'Neill. Remember that." Teal'c tells me cryptically. At that moment, I see Vala and Ishta walking up to the guys. I greet them and then depart, heading out to the balcony needing some air.
The Colorado night is cool and crisp and just what I need. I hate playing the wounded party in this but damnnit, damn her. After all that bullshit from when she and Pete first broke up, I truly thought she was done with him. That she wanted me. But no, she up and married the little weasel. What she still saw in him after all these years I'll never know. *You went back to Kerry instead of fighting for her though, you chicken shit.* "Its what she wanted and that's all I ever wanted for her was to give her what she wants, needs." I say to myself softly, looking out at the setting sun behind the mountain range.
"Its all who wants, Sir?" I froze hearing her voice. *Shit* *Fuck* *Damn* *Just stay calm just stay calm* I gather myself before I turn to her. And I proceed to lose my breath. She's so god-damn beautiful. Her hair is longer and she's done it up in curls tonight. Her dress is...damn her dress is breath taking. And heart breaking, knowing its not for me, but for him.
"Carter. Hi. Didn't expect to run into you here." I finally say, the last word choked out. She moves to my side, not touching but damn close enough.
"Didn't expect to or didn't want to, Jack?"
"Don't do this Cater."
"What do you expect me to do, *Sir*, when you walk away from me?"
I spin to stare at her, my eyes iced over, my body tense. "Walk away from *you*?!?! As I recall, *Col. Carter*, you walked away from me."
"What else was I supposed to do Jack?? You obviously didn't want me." She was angry now, but still breathtaking. "I tried, I tried *hard* for three years after you left Colorado Springs, for us to finally be the great couple we were supposedly destined to be but you couldn't pull your head out of your ass to see that."
"So you decided to go running back to Pete Shannahan?" I grab her upper arms, tight but not hurting her, I just want to make her feel some of the pain she's caused me. "What do you see in him?"
"Apparently more than I ever saw in you. At least he's not afraid to tell me how he feels." She backed up from me, and I let her go. "This was a mistake, I never should have come here. Have a nice life, Jack."
She started to walk away and before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed her and pinned her body beneath mine against the wall. It was dark and with the party going full swing, no one heard her. Her breathing was ragged and she struggled against me a little but I wouldn't release her. "Let. Me. Go."
"No. You want to know how I *feel* about you Samantha?" I pressed my leg between hers, aligning our bodies more closely and thrust my hips against her softly. She gasped and her eyes went wide. "Even after all these years, even when you've broken my heart, this is what you do to me. God, don't you get it, Sam? Its *always* been you." I move my head and kiss her neck, just below her ear and she wiggles. I bring my head back up and look at her. Her eyes are dark blue now, her chest is rising and falling, trying to catch her breath. Her lips, her beautiful full lips are parted and before I realize what I'm doing, I'm kissing those lips. Hard, passionately. Trying to make her feel everything that I feel.
We break apart after a couple moments, the need for air to great. I'm still holding her arms but my grip has loosened. "Why now, Jack? Why when you know I can't do anything about it?" she asks me, and I see tears in her eyes. God, I am the worlds biggest jack-ass. I basically just assaulted the woman that I love. The same one who's married to a cop. *Shit*.
"You could do something, Samantha." I always use her full name. Everyone else calls her Sam, but she's Samantha to me. She always will be. "Leave him."
"That's not fair, Jack."
"I don't care about fair. I was an idiot and I'm sorry. God, you don't know how sorry I am that its taken me so long, but I *need* you."
"Pete needs me." She looks down, staring at some invisible object on the ground. She said it so quietly.
"Tell me. Do you feel the same passion with him when he's kissing you? Does it feel anything like it does with me?" I walk back to her and tilt her head up to look into her eyes. "It doesn't does it. Believe me, I know what I'm asking you to do. I know its hard but dammnit, I *need* you to exist." My eyes plead with her, not unlike the time on Apophis' ship when we thought we were both about to die.
She said it so quietly, I almost missed it. But it was there. "No. I don't." I pull her into a crushing hug and we stay like that for some time. My brain finally remembers where we are and I pull away from her. Looking back in her eyes I decide to lean down and kiss her one more time.
We break apart again and I feel her tense up again. She looks at me with those sad, tear-filled blue eyes and starts to back away. "I'm sorry, Jack. I can't...I wish...I just can't." She turns and runs back into the reception hall and I want to chase after her but I don't. I just stand there while she goes back to him. While I lose her all over again.
~End~
AN: This is the song that I had going in my head while I wrote this. As always all comments are appreciated.
"Everything We Had"
By: The Academy Is...
You were the only face I'd ever known.
I was the light from the lamp on the floor,
and only as bright as you wanted me to be.
But, I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,
and I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.
Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there.
It was the only place I'd never known.
Turned off the light on my way out the door.
I will be watching wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.
Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there, longer there.
You saw for yourself, the way it played out.
For you, I am blinded.
For you, I am blinded, for you.
I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.
And I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.
Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had.
Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had...
I'll be with you wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.
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Everything We Had
by Crystal Pittman-ScottKapitel Bemerkung:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.AN: Just a little diddy that popped into my head this week. Its kind of dark, but hey it fits my mood right now :-D This hasn't been beta'd either so all mistakes are mine.
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