****
I’m going fishing!
I’ve let myself be dragged all over the place for the past few days, and today is my day to fish! I can hear my finned friends calling me; beckoning me over to the edge of the lake. The sun is shining, the ducks are laughing, the bees are buzzing, and the birds are… flapping. It’s perfect. I’m as happy as a pie loving pie man who’s just won first prize in the final of the world’s first pie eating championships!
Unfortunately, I now have another insistent buzz in my ear.
“Jack.”
There it is again – that ‘Jack’ sounding buzz emanating from the Daniel-shaped creature quickly closing in on my location.
I naively thought that if I arose early enough, I could sneak out of the RV without disturbing anyone. Carter was still snoring softly, although all I could see of her was a hint of blonde hair peeking out of the blankets. Teal’c was still kelnoreem-ing, but the big guy was at least able to acknowledge me when I said I was off to the lake.
Then there’s Daniel. Late last night, while pouring over a load of guide books, our overly excited genius discovered that there was something nearby called The Eden Project – some place where they teach you about the important relationship between plants and people. Hey, I was bound to retain some intel - it was all he prattled about for ages. At a million miles an hour I hasten to add. I’d have sworn he was trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for speaking the most number of words per minute. I swear the kid has some kind of hyperactivity thing going on too. He couldn’t keep still if his life depended on it. It’s like sitting next to a giant caterpillar. He was reading through the brochure for hours, intermittently shoving it in each of our faces and saying, “Jack, look at this,” and, “Sam, isn’t this fascinating.” That was until I finally agreed that we could visit the place the day after tomorrow. As soon as he heard those words leave my mouth, a huge grin threatened to split his face in two and it was like someone flipped a switch. He went out like a light. So, taking the golden opportunity, Carter and I enjoyed a nice, quiet beer and chatted for a while about Cassie. Carter did, however, draw the line when Daniel started dribbling on her shoulder. So, we helped our overtired and slightly grumpy caterpillar to bed. When I got up this morning at 0500, he was still peacefully encased in his carefully created cocoon, needing a couple more hours of slumber before he transformed into anything remotely resembling a butterfly.
So, I quietly changed, grabbed by fishing gear, whispered where I was going to Teal’c, and covertly exited the RV.
“Jack.”
Evidently, I wasn’t covert enough. The trouble is, I know why Daniel has arisen far too early and is currently following me, and it ain’t gonna happen, Bucko.
“Daniel.” And by that I mean, ‘don’t want to hear it, Danny Boy,’ and I pick up the pace.
“Jack.” That’s Daniel-speak for ‘but you have to listen’, which he expertly conveys while half walking, half skipping to keep up with me.
“Daniel.” Otherwise known as ‘you’re not coming, Daniel,’ even if I am struggling to carry all this stuff by myself.
“Jack.” But, I want to come with you.
“Daniel.” But, last time you tried fishing with me, you ended up all upset and depressed, and ruined my day. You could suck the fun out of sex, do you know that? Definitely no pun intended!
“Jack.” That’s just because I felt sorry for them.
“Daniel!” They’re fish! How can you feel sorry for fish?
“Jaaack.” Because you lure them in with a tasty treat, cruelly stick painful hooks through their mouths, and haul them out of their natural environment to where they can’t breathe.
“Daaaniel.” I’m not getting into this again, Daniel. And stop trying to make me feel bad.
“Jack.” I just thought maybe if I tried again, I wouldn’t feel so guilty this time.
“Daniel.” Fine, but one tiniest hint of misty eyes or a guilt-trip and I’ll throw you in the lake.
“Jack.” Okay, thank you. Need some help with your fishing stuff?
“Danny.” Yeah, thanks. Geez, I’m a glutton for punishment.
You know, after four years of friendship, it’s truly amazing how much we can say with just two words.
****
Whatever happened to the solitary peace and tranquillity of fishing? Before we even had a chance to make it to the rowboat, Carter came running down the hill to join us. She’d obviously not long been awake, because she still had remarkable bed-head and her t-shirt was on inside out.
So, now I have two kids hanging off my proverbial oars and considering both of them will do just about anything to get out of coming fishing with me at my Minnesota cabin, I’m more than a little suspicious. Carter brought a thermos of extra strong coffee with her too, which they’ve both expertly downed in one gulp.
Hang on just a minute! Considering the speed at which Carter would have had to move to join us down here, how’d she find time to make coffee?
“Oh, Teal’c made it while I was getting changed, Sir. He said that if we took it with us, we wouldn’t have to come back for several hours.”
Well, thanks a lot, Teal’c! Sneaky Jaffa. He just wants some time on his own, so he’s palmed both the kids off on me. You just wait, T. Revenge will be sweet.
Oh geez, now they’re positively bouncy, especially considering it’s so early, whispering to each other and grinning over at me. Oh God, for at least the next few hours, I’ve got the science twins on caffeine overload. Great!
****
Well, we’re loaded up and about ready to push off from the bank and row out to the centre of this little lake. There’s a small island in the middle where the ducks are congregating and I can even see a heron.
“Thanks for letting us come fishing with you, Jack.”
“You’re welcome, Daniel.”
Hang on a minute. Something’s not right here. Why are Daniel and Carter grinning like loons?
“You know, Jack, now that we’re in the boat, we really should bow to your expertise.”
“What?”
“Well, we know you can be a little stern, Sir, but we’re more than willing to learn from your vast experience.”
“Uh… yeah.”
“Yeah, we’ll just try and catch on to what you’re telling us, Jack.”
Ah, I see what they’re doing. Well, two can play at that game, kiddos!
“I see. So, you wouldn’t want me to go overboard with my explanations then?”
Oh yeah, they’re giggling now!
“You know, on a scale of one to ten, that wasn’t bad, Jack.”
“Why, thank you, Daniel. Are you angling for something by any chance?”
“No, no, it’s just that you lured me in with talk that fishing was really fun.”
“It is fun. I was hooked the first time I went fishing with my Grandpa in Minnesota.”
This is surprisingly fun actually. Through Daniel and Carter’s permanent grins, I can see their substantial brains sorting through all the fishing terminology they know. I’ll probably run out of words before they do, and I’ve been fishing for years.
“Ah, I see. No plaice like Minnesota, hey Sir?”
“Ha, yeah Carter! Grandpa O’Neill really reeled me in. Hey, let’s get this boat moving.”
“Okay. Jack?”
“Yes, Daniel.”
“Cod I ask you a question?”
Ha! Okay, that one tickled.
“Uh… okay, but while you’re talking, Dannyboy, could you take that little plastic tub and fillet with these?”
Daniel can multi-task better than any man I’ve ever known. I’ve put him to good use and handed him a couple of packets of boilies to put in the plastic tub.
“Okay… uh, which ones? These oar these?”
“Either’s fine. Just pike one.”
Crap! Daniel’s laughing so hard; he nearly tipped the boat over. Steady there sailor!
“That was a good line, Sir.”
“Thank you very much, Carter. I’ll have you know I’m pretty fly… for a bad ass special ops colonel.”
“Yeeeah, right Jack. Cast your mind back to a few months ago.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. What?”
“The whole upgrade armband fiasco. When Freya and Anise wormed their way into the SGC.”
“Oh buoy, don’t remind me.”
“She threw us in the deep end, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, but that armband was anything but crappie.”
That thing was so cool!
“Oh yeah, and I could reed really fast, couldn't I, Jack!”
“Impatient though, wasn’t she, Sir? Didn’t exactly want to wade through all the red tape.”
“Good one, Carter.”
“Thanks.”
“No, she didn’t even wait for Janet to be on board with the whole thing, did she Jack?”
“Nope. Which caused a row between Fraiser and Freya.”
“Anise.”
“Whatever. I meant the snake half.”
“Yeah, Anise.”
“Whatever!”
“I think she liked you, by the way, Jack.”
“Who?”
“Anise. She was perched pretty close to you the whole time.”
“Eeww! Don’t! That’s just wrong. And quit laughing, Carter. And you, Daniel!”
“Sorry, Jack. But you really fell for the bait on that one!”
“Bass-tard!”
“She even mentioned cloaking her keltesh, Sir, and flying down to join you at the cabin one day.”
“Yeah, Jack, if I were you, I’d keep an eye on her. I really don’t know what her intentions are towards your extendable pole.”
“Hey, if the old Tok’ra trout comes anywhere near my cabin, or my tackle, she’ll learn the true meaning of gutted!”
And I mean that! Big busted, underdressed, lying little Tok’ra wench! Sorry, but she put our lives in danger. I’m not too concerned about me, but she dragged my kids into her sneaky little plan too, and that’s just unacceptable.
“Are we fin-ished, Jack?”
“Uh, yeah, I think we are. I can’t think of any more fishy things.”
“Good, we can’t either. Now, let’s fish, Jack. Show us what to do.”
****
Ah, fishing. I’ve loved fishing ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper. Once I’d turned five years old, every summer Dad would take Grandpa and me off on a road trip to the cabin. We’d kiss Mom, Grandma and my sister goodbye… well, I didn’t kiss my sister; she tended to kiss me. Yuk! Actually, Eve’s a few years older than me, so I was usually just manhandled and bossed around. That was until I finally grew to be bigger than her. I’m still getting even to this day! Anyway, enough about Eve.
I loved the road trip. I was always allowed to ride in the front of the truck, and when we stopped at this old greasy spoon diner out in the middle of nowhere, owned by a guy named Herb, Grandpa would let me ride on his shoulders. He and Dad would always treat me just like one of the guys, even though I was a kid. Although there was one memorable time when I was grounded for a day and sent to bed with no dinner because I tried to light a fart and burned a hole in my jeans. Hey, I was only seven!
Dad would often lead a hike through the trees and sometimes we’d stay out and camp under the stars. Grandpa taught me everything I know about fishing and survival. He passed away when I was twenty-two, and when he left me his cabin, I vowed I’d always come back every summer.
And now? I have a whole day of fishing ahead of me. We’re on vacation, the ducks are gently floating past, I have Daniel and Carter’s company, and best of all, there’s peace and quie….
“Row, row, row your boat….”
“Daniel.”
“…gently down the stream…”
“Carter.”
“Belts off...”
“Major!”
“… pants down…”
“DANIEL!”
“…isn’t life a scream!”
That’s it!
*SPLASH* *SPLASH*
****
Ah, this is the life. I have a whole day of fishing ahead of me. We’re on vacation, the ducks are gently floating past, Daniel and Carter are overboard, and best of all, there’s peace and quiet.
****
“You’re irresponsibility appears to know no bounds, O’Neill.”
“Oh, come on, T! The water wasn’t even that cold!”
“I believe Major Carter and Daniel Jackson may not agree with that assessment, O’Neill.”
Oh for crying out loud! I’m being chastised by a pissy Jaffa. The kids aren’t helping my case either, sitting there looking suitably pathetic; eyes all watery and as big as saucers, wrapped in blankets, teeth chattering, and shivering so violently they’re starting to look like demented rabbits in heat.
“It is at times like this, O’Neill, that I am reminded of the many years that separate us. I would not have expected such behaviour even from Rya'c.”
Ouch.
“C…c…c…c…could we h…h…have s…s…some h…hot ch…ch…choc…alate, p…p…please?”
Oh, bravo, Daniel! And the Oscar goes to… fish boy!
“Come on, T! The water was positively balmy. They’re so milking this!”
“O’Neill, I believe it would be prudent if you vacated this recreational vehicle immediately and obtained this hot chocolate beverage for Major Carter and Daniel Jackson.”
“But…”
“Immediately, O’Neill.”
“Fine!”
[Door slams]
“Pissy, whiny, annoying, fibbing, lecture-giving, moany little geeks! Big, sappy, oversized, junior carrying, irritating scientist protecting, colonel punishing Jaffa! This is so unfair….”
On to part 2...
I’ve let myself be dragged all over the place for the past few days, and today is my day to fish! I can hear my finned friends calling me; beckoning me over to the edge of the lake. The sun is shining, the ducks are laughing, the bees are buzzing, and the birds are… flapping. It’s perfect. I’m as happy as a pie loving pie man who’s just won first prize in the final of the world’s first pie eating championships!
Unfortunately, I now have another insistent buzz in my ear.
“Jack.”
There it is again – that ‘Jack’ sounding buzz emanating from the Daniel-shaped creature quickly closing in on my location.
I naively thought that if I arose early enough, I could sneak out of the RV without disturbing anyone. Carter was still snoring softly, although all I could see of her was a hint of blonde hair peeking out of the blankets. Teal’c was still kelnoreem-ing, but the big guy was at least able to acknowledge me when I said I was off to the lake.
Then there’s Daniel. Late last night, while pouring over a load of guide books, our overly excited genius discovered that there was something nearby called The Eden Project – some place where they teach you about the important relationship between plants and people. Hey, I was bound to retain some intel - it was all he prattled about for ages. At a million miles an hour I hasten to add. I’d have sworn he was trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for speaking the most number of words per minute. I swear the kid has some kind of hyperactivity thing going on too. He couldn’t keep still if his life depended on it. It’s like sitting next to a giant caterpillar. He was reading through the brochure for hours, intermittently shoving it in each of our faces and saying, “Jack, look at this,” and, “Sam, isn’t this fascinating.” That was until I finally agreed that we could visit the place the day after tomorrow. As soon as he heard those words leave my mouth, a huge grin threatened to split his face in two and it was like someone flipped a switch. He went out like a light. So, taking the golden opportunity, Carter and I enjoyed a nice, quiet beer and chatted for a while about Cassie. Carter did, however, draw the line when Daniel started dribbling on her shoulder. So, we helped our overtired and slightly grumpy caterpillar to bed. When I got up this morning at 0500, he was still peacefully encased in his carefully created cocoon, needing a couple more hours of slumber before he transformed into anything remotely resembling a butterfly.
So, I quietly changed, grabbed by fishing gear, whispered where I was going to Teal’c, and covertly exited the RV.
“Jack.”
Evidently, I wasn’t covert enough. The trouble is, I know why Daniel has arisen far too early and is currently following me, and it ain’t gonna happen, Bucko.
“Daniel.” And by that I mean, ‘don’t want to hear it, Danny Boy,’ and I pick up the pace.
“Jack.” That’s Daniel-speak for ‘but you have to listen’, which he expertly conveys while half walking, half skipping to keep up with me.
“Daniel.” Otherwise known as ‘you’re not coming, Daniel,’ even if I am struggling to carry all this stuff by myself.
“Jack.” But, I want to come with you.
“Daniel.” But, last time you tried fishing with me, you ended up all upset and depressed, and ruined my day. You could suck the fun out of sex, do you know that? Definitely no pun intended!
“Jack.” That’s just because I felt sorry for them.
“Daniel!” They’re fish! How can you feel sorry for fish?
“Jaaack.” Because you lure them in with a tasty treat, cruelly stick painful hooks through their mouths, and haul them out of their natural environment to where they can’t breathe.
“Daaaniel.” I’m not getting into this again, Daniel. And stop trying to make me feel bad.
“Jack.” I just thought maybe if I tried again, I wouldn’t feel so guilty this time.
“Daniel.” Fine, but one tiniest hint of misty eyes or a guilt-trip and I’ll throw you in the lake.
“Jack.” Okay, thank you. Need some help with your fishing stuff?
“Danny.” Yeah, thanks. Geez, I’m a glutton for punishment.
You know, after four years of friendship, it’s truly amazing how much we can say with just two words.
****
Whatever happened to the solitary peace and tranquillity of fishing? Before we even had a chance to make it to the rowboat, Carter came running down the hill to join us. She’d obviously not long been awake, because she still had remarkable bed-head and her t-shirt was on inside out.
So, now I have two kids hanging off my proverbial oars and considering both of them will do just about anything to get out of coming fishing with me at my Minnesota cabin, I’m more than a little suspicious. Carter brought a thermos of extra strong coffee with her too, which they’ve both expertly downed in one gulp.
Hang on just a minute! Considering the speed at which Carter would have had to move to join us down here, how’d she find time to make coffee?
“Oh, Teal’c made it while I was getting changed, Sir. He said that if we took it with us, we wouldn’t have to come back for several hours.”
Well, thanks a lot, Teal’c! Sneaky Jaffa. He just wants some time on his own, so he’s palmed both the kids off on me. You just wait, T. Revenge will be sweet.
Oh geez, now they’re positively bouncy, especially considering it’s so early, whispering to each other and grinning over at me. Oh God, for at least the next few hours, I’ve got the science twins on caffeine overload. Great!
****
Well, we’re loaded up and about ready to push off from the bank and row out to the centre of this little lake. There’s a small island in the middle where the ducks are congregating and I can even see a heron.
“Thanks for letting us come fishing with you, Jack.”
“You’re welcome, Daniel.”
Hang on a minute. Something’s not right here. Why are Daniel and Carter grinning like loons?
“You know, Jack, now that we’re in the boat, we really should bow to your expertise.”
“What?”
“Well, we know you can be a little stern, Sir, but we’re more than willing to learn from your vast experience.”
“Uh… yeah.”
“Yeah, we’ll just try and catch on to what you’re telling us, Jack.”
Ah, I see what they’re doing. Well, two can play at that game, kiddos!
“I see. So, you wouldn’t want me to go overboard with my explanations then?”
Oh yeah, they’re giggling now!
“You know, on a scale of one to ten, that wasn’t bad, Jack.”
“Why, thank you, Daniel. Are you angling for something by any chance?”
“No, no, it’s just that you lured me in with talk that fishing was really fun.”
“It is fun. I was hooked the first time I went fishing with my Grandpa in Minnesota.”
This is surprisingly fun actually. Through Daniel and Carter’s permanent grins, I can see their substantial brains sorting through all the fishing terminology they know. I’ll probably run out of words before they do, and I’ve been fishing for years.
“Ah, I see. No plaice like Minnesota, hey Sir?”
“Ha, yeah Carter! Grandpa O’Neill really reeled me in. Hey, let’s get this boat moving.”
“Okay. Jack?”
“Yes, Daniel.”
“Cod I ask you a question?”
Ha! Okay, that one tickled.
“Uh… okay, but while you’re talking, Dannyboy, could you take that little plastic tub and fillet with these?”
Daniel can multi-task better than any man I’ve ever known. I’ve put him to good use and handed him a couple of packets of boilies to put in the plastic tub.
“Okay… uh, which ones? These oar these?”
“Either’s fine. Just pike one.”
Crap! Daniel’s laughing so hard; he nearly tipped the boat over. Steady there sailor!
“That was a good line, Sir.”
“Thank you very much, Carter. I’ll have you know I’m pretty fly… for a bad ass special ops colonel.”
“Yeeeah, right Jack. Cast your mind back to a few months ago.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. What?”
“The whole upgrade armband fiasco. When Freya and Anise wormed their way into the SGC.”
“Oh buoy, don’t remind me.”
“She threw us in the deep end, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, but that armband was anything but crappie.”
That thing was so cool!
“Oh yeah, and I could reed really fast, couldn't I, Jack!”
“Impatient though, wasn’t she, Sir? Didn’t exactly want to wade through all the red tape.”
“Good one, Carter.”
“Thanks.”
“No, she didn’t even wait for Janet to be on board with the whole thing, did she Jack?”
“Nope. Which caused a row between Fraiser and Freya.”
“Anise.”
“Whatever. I meant the snake half.”
“Yeah, Anise.”
“Whatever!”
“I think she liked you, by the way, Jack.”
“Who?”
“Anise. She was perched pretty close to you the whole time.”
“Eeww! Don’t! That’s just wrong. And quit laughing, Carter. And you, Daniel!”
“Sorry, Jack. But you really fell for the bait on that one!”
“Bass-tard!”
“She even mentioned cloaking her keltesh, Sir, and flying down to join you at the cabin one day.”
“Yeah, Jack, if I were you, I’d keep an eye on her. I really don’t know what her intentions are towards your extendable pole.”
“Hey, if the old Tok’ra trout comes anywhere near my cabin, or my tackle, she’ll learn the true meaning of gutted!”
And I mean that! Big busted, underdressed, lying little Tok’ra wench! Sorry, but she put our lives in danger. I’m not too concerned about me, but she dragged my kids into her sneaky little plan too, and that’s just unacceptable.
“Are we fin-ished, Jack?”
“Uh, yeah, I think we are. I can’t think of any more fishy things.”
“Good, we can’t either. Now, let’s fish, Jack. Show us what to do.”
****
Ah, fishing. I’ve loved fishing ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper. Once I’d turned five years old, every summer Dad would take Grandpa and me off on a road trip to the cabin. We’d kiss Mom, Grandma and my sister goodbye… well, I didn’t kiss my sister; she tended to kiss me. Yuk! Actually, Eve’s a few years older than me, so I was usually just manhandled and bossed around. That was until I finally grew to be bigger than her. I’m still getting even to this day! Anyway, enough about Eve.
I loved the road trip. I was always allowed to ride in the front of the truck, and when we stopped at this old greasy spoon diner out in the middle of nowhere, owned by a guy named Herb, Grandpa would let me ride on his shoulders. He and Dad would always treat me just like one of the guys, even though I was a kid. Although there was one memorable time when I was grounded for a day and sent to bed with no dinner because I tried to light a fart and burned a hole in my jeans. Hey, I was only seven!
Dad would often lead a hike through the trees and sometimes we’d stay out and camp under the stars. Grandpa taught me everything I know about fishing and survival. He passed away when I was twenty-two, and when he left me his cabin, I vowed I’d always come back every summer.
And now? I have a whole day of fishing ahead of me. We’re on vacation, the ducks are gently floating past, I have Daniel and Carter’s company, and best of all, there’s peace and quie….
“Row, row, row your boat….”
“Daniel.”
“…gently down the stream…”
“Carter.”
“Belts off...”
“Major!”
“… pants down…”
“DANIEL!”
“…isn’t life a scream!”
That’s it!
*SPLASH* *SPLASH*
****
Ah, this is the life. I have a whole day of fishing ahead of me. We’re on vacation, the ducks are gently floating past, Daniel and Carter are overboard, and best of all, there’s peace and quiet.
****
“You’re irresponsibility appears to know no bounds, O’Neill.”
“Oh, come on, T! The water wasn’t even that cold!”
“I believe Major Carter and Daniel Jackson may not agree with that assessment, O’Neill.”
Oh for crying out loud! I’m being chastised by a pissy Jaffa. The kids aren’t helping my case either, sitting there looking suitably pathetic; eyes all watery and as big as saucers, wrapped in blankets, teeth chattering, and shivering so violently they’re starting to look like demented rabbits in heat.
“It is at times like this, O’Neill, that I am reminded of the many years that separate us. I would not have expected such behaviour even from Rya'c.”
Ouch.
“C…c…c…c…could we h…h…have s…s…some h…hot ch…ch…choc…alate, p…p…please?”
Oh, bravo, Daniel! And the Oscar goes to… fish boy!
“Come on, T! The water was positively balmy. They’re so milking this!”
“O’Neill, I believe it would be prudent if you vacated this recreational vehicle immediately and obtained this hot chocolate beverage for Major Carter and Daniel Jackson.”
“But…”
“Immediately, O’Neill.”
“Fine!”
[Door slams]
“Pissy, whiny, annoying, fibbing, lecture-giving, moany little geeks! Big, sappy, oversized, junior carrying, irritating scientist protecting, colonel punishing Jaffa! This is so unfair….”
On to part 2...