****
“Please, Jack.”
“I said no, Daniel.”
“Pleeeeease!”
“No. Now get down from there.”
I’m not being mean. I’m not, honestly. It’s just that we’re visiting Stonehenge today and then we’re heading west to a campsite in somewhere called Cornwall. The ensuing tantrum has occurred because Daniel wants to drive the RV and he’s currently parked himself in the driver’s seat.
It’s not that I have a problem with him driving, even after him crashing my truck into a tree. It’s just… well… you see I’m older and wiser, and more experienced at driving large vehicles… and… um. I’m not a control freak, honestly, it’s just that I’m in charge, it’s my responsibility… and… oh, leave me alone.
“Pleeeease, Jack.”
“No.”
“Why?”
Come on Jack, you need to think of something other than, ‘because I said so’. There has to be a good reason.
“Jack, please let me drive.”
Got it!
“Daniel, it’s out of my hands. There’s a minimum age limit for driving a rented vehicle in a foreign country and you’re just not old enough. Sorry, Buddy, but the answer’s no.”
Way to go, O’Neill! And they say Carter’s a genius!
“Jack, the minimum age is 25.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m 35!”
Crap!
“The answer’s still no.”
“But, I want to!”
“Stamping your feet won’t help, Daniel.”
“You’re so mean, Jack!”
Oh, here we go - arms crossed, bottom lip out about as far as I’ve ever seen it, and that wonderfully wounded expression Daniel’s perfected that would make anyone who didn’t know him think I’d just run over his dog.
“It’s not going to work this time, Danny Boy. The three of us are impervious to your doe eyes and quivering bottom lip. Right, guys?”
“O’Neill, if you do not release the keys into Daniel Jackson’s possession immediately, and cease your bullish behaviour, I will be forced to remove them from you by force.”
“He’s right, Sir. Give the keys to Daniel or I’m relieving you of command under the grounds that you’re no longer fit.”
See what I have to deal with? Daniel turns on the ‘look what Jack’s done now’ expression and Master Chain Mail Pants and Major Big Sister come leaping to his defence.
The moment they turn their backs he’ll stick his tongue out, you just wait.
There you go! Sneaky bastard.
No respect, I tell ya!
****
“I said no, Daniel.”
“Pleeeeease!”
“No. Now get down from there.”
I’m not being mean. I’m not, honestly. It’s just that we’re visiting Stonehenge today and then we’re heading west to a campsite in somewhere called Cornwall. The ensuing tantrum has occurred because Daniel wants to drive the RV and he’s currently parked himself in the driver’s seat.
It’s not that I have a problem with him driving, even after him crashing my truck into a tree. It’s just… well… you see I’m older and wiser, and more experienced at driving large vehicles… and… um. I’m not a control freak, honestly, it’s just that I’m in charge, it’s my responsibility… and… oh, leave me alone.
“Pleeeease, Jack.”
“No.”
“Why?”
Come on Jack, you need to think of something other than, ‘because I said so’. There has to be a good reason.
“Jack, please let me drive.”
Got it!
“Daniel, it’s out of my hands. There’s a minimum age limit for driving a rented vehicle in a foreign country and you’re just not old enough. Sorry, Buddy, but the answer’s no.”
Way to go, O’Neill! And they say Carter’s a genius!
“Jack, the minimum age is 25.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m 35!”
Crap!
“The answer’s still no.”
“But, I want to!”
“Stamping your feet won’t help, Daniel.”
“You’re so mean, Jack!”
Oh, here we go - arms crossed, bottom lip out about as far as I’ve ever seen it, and that wonderfully wounded expression Daniel’s perfected that would make anyone who didn’t know him think I’d just run over his dog.
“It’s not going to work this time, Danny Boy. The three of us are impervious to your doe eyes and quivering bottom lip. Right, guys?”
“O’Neill, if you do not release the keys into Daniel Jackson’s possession immediately, and cease your bullish behaviour, I will be forced to remove them from you by force.”
“He’s right, Sir. Give the keys to Daniel or I’m relieving you of command under the grounds that you’re no longer fit.”
See what I have to deal with? Daniel turns on the ‘look what Jack’s done now’ expression and Master Chain Mail Pants and Major Big Sister come leaping to his defence.
The moment they turn their backs he’ll stick his tongue out, you just wait.
There you go! Sneaky bastard.
No respect, I tell ya!
****
Part 3:
I really, really need to sit down.
You know that feeling when your lower back starts pleading for any position other than standing, and the heels of your feet start begging for a few minutes of relief? Well, that gets worse as you get older, and I had that feeling two hours ago. My knees have now joined in the insistent chorus, and I still haven’t been able to comply with their orders.
“Although we’re not exactly sure who they were, it’s evident that the builders of Stonehenge had a sound grasp of astronomy. Before they began their work they determined exactly where the midsummer's sun would rise, and possibly when a great many other astronomical events would occur, and they expressed that knowledge in stone.”
We’ve been dragged around Stonehenge now for a full four hours. Daniel is insisting on giving us a complete tour, along with imparting every microscopic piece of information he has squirreled away in his humungous brain.
We’ve even picked up some tourists. They probably think Daniel is a tour guide, so they’re following us around and hanging onto his every word. They’re even asking him loads of questions. He’s in heaven, I can tell.
“…. therefore, the alignment of certain stones marks various solar or lunar events, the most obvious being the summer solstice.”
Carter was starting to look a little glazed around the edges too, so we did manage to escape for half an hour to look around the gift shop, and I managed to find the perfect gift for Daniel. It’s a mug with a picture of Stonehenge that says ‘My career is in ruins’. He’ll love it!
I also saw two metal badges in the shop for Daniel, which I just couldn’t resist. So, with the assistance of my expert team, coupled with my extensive special ops training, I managed to herd Daniel away from his admiring pack of fellow geeks long enough to apply said badges to his shirt. He was so keen to get back to his adoring and deeply absorbed flock, that he barely noticed what I’d done. We then took the brief opportunity to have a team picture taken in front of this honkin’ great big piece of ancient history. It’s gonna be a classic! I’m framing this when I get home. Daniel’s wearing the two badges, one that says, ‘Hug me, I’m an Archaeologist!’, and one that says, ‘Archaeologists do it in the dirt!’ Ha ha!!
By then, I had to release our struggling genius back into his natural habitat before he was too badly affected by his brief stint in captivity and subsequent photo shoot. He’s still cluelessly wearing the badges and I can see a few people sniggering in the back. Niice!
“Okay, thanks for waiting. Now, the stones that form the outer ring are about 50 tons each. It is estimated that about 600 men would have been needed to get each stone up the hill.”
Right, I have really got to sit down. Ooh, goody, there’s a bench. Damn it all to hell, there are people already on it.
Ah, Teal’c’s on the case. Good man.
“Please vacate this seating area immediately.”
Yep, that’ll work!
Ah, my poor knees. Have you ever noticed that when you get older, you find yourself having to moan and sigh whenever you sit down, stand up or bend over? It must be something that’s built-in for when you hit your forties.
“How you doin’, T?
“I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate, O’Neill.”
“Yeah, it’s called abject boredom.”
“Indeed.”
Listen, I’m not saying this 5000-year-old Lego set is not impressive, but we have completed at least eight circuits around the ol’ gal so far, and Daniel may even be gearing up for another turn. I’ve already tried looking suitably old and pathetic and staring longingly at the exit a number of times, but subtlety has never been one of Daniel’s talents. I’m not even sure stripping naked, climbing onto one of the rocks and shouting, “O’Neill to Dr Jackson. Warning: Boredom level has been exceeded! Severe Colonel core meltdown is imminent!”, would even get through to him. He’d probably just shake his head and give me his ‘Jack’s being an ass’ look.
“It’s a place steeped in magic and mystery. For some it’s a place where their imaginations of the past can be fired and for others it’s become a sacred place.”
Carter’s joined us now. We’re just sitting, staring silently at the huge stone phalluses. You know, I’ve been thinking. Maybe this place was built by those ‘giant aliens’ we met last year. If we stay here much longer they’ll be burying us in one of the numerous burial mounds that surround this place.
“So, whatever your viewpoint and whatever its original purpose was, it should be treated as the ancients treated it, as a place of honour. Uh… that’s about it everyone. Um… thanks for listening.”
Daniel’s now being swarmed by the adoring masses. He’s probably signing autographs and fending off overly enthusiastic hands. It appears many people are taking his badge seriously too and going in for a hug.
My god! He’s coming over here. Alone. Is that it? Is it over? Can we go? Please God, tell me we can go!
“Sorry about that. You guys about ready to go?”
“Nah. I thought we could just stay here, enjoy the view, and let you take the next group round.”
Ow, ow, ow!
“I didn’t mean it! Let go, T!”
Geez! Looks like Teal’c still hasn’t grasped the art of sarcasm.
“Hey, what’s this?”
Daniel’s fumbling around in his pockets and is now holding up several scraps of paper, so I make a strategic withdrawal from Teal’c’s clutches and lean over to take a look.
“I think you’ll find they’re people’s phone numbers, Danny Boy.”
“But…. w…why?”
“Oh, Daniel, Daniel,” Carter grins, as she pats our confused friend on the back. “Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
I can’t help but shrug as I walk past him. I’m a guy, but I have eyes. I see what Daniel cluelessly does to all the females on the base. In fact, I think a few of the people to whom those phone numbers belong are following us. But, they don’t stand a chance. I’m trained in offensive driving; I’ll lose ‘em down the road!
****
You know that feeling when your lower back starts pleading for any position other than standing, and the heels of your feet start begging for a few minutes of relief? Well, that gets worse as you get older, and I had that feeling two hours ago. My knees have now joined in the insistent chorus, and I still haven’t been able to comply with their orders.
“Although we’re not exactly sure who they were, it’s evident that the builders of Stonehenge had a sound grasp of astronomy. Before they began their work they determined exactly where the midsummer's sun would rise, and possibly when a great many other astronomical events would occur, and they expressed that knowledge in stone.”
We’ve been dragged around Stonehenge now for a full four hours. Daniel is insisting on giving us a complete tour, along with imparting every microscopic piece of information he has squirreled away in his humungous brain.
We’ve even picked up some tourists. They probably think Daniel is a tour guide, so they’re following us around and hanging onto his every word. They’re even asking him loads of questions. He’s in heaven, I can tell.
“…. therefore, the alignment of certain stones marks various solar or lunar events, the most obvious being the summer solstice.”
Carter was starting to look a little glazed around the edges too, so we did manage to escape for half an hour to look around the gift shop, and I managed to find the perfect gift for Daniel. It’s a mug with a picture of Stonehenge that says ‘My career is in ruins’. He’ll love it!
I also saw two metal badges in the shop for Daniel, which I just couldn’t resist. So, with the assistance of my expert team, coupled with my extensive special ops training, I managed to herd Daniel away from his admiring pack of fellow geeks long enough to apply said badges to his shirt. He was so keen to get back to his adoring and deeply absorbed flock, that he barely noticed what I’d done. We then took the brief opportunity to have a team picture taken in front of this honkin’ great big piece of ancient history. It’s gonna be a classic! I’m framing this when I get home. Daniel’s wearing the two badges, one that says, ‘Hug me, I’m an Archaeologist!’, and one that says, ‘Archaeologists do it in the dirt!’ Ha ha!!
By then, I had to release our struggling genius back into his natural habitat before he was too badly affected by his brief stint in captivity and subsequent photo shoot. He’s still cluelessly wearing the badges and I can see a few people sniggering in the back. Niice!
“Okay, thanks for waiting. Now, the stones that form the outer ring are about 50 tons each. It is estimated that about 600 men would have been needed to get each stone up the hill.”
Right, I have really got to sit down. Ooh, goody, there’s a bench. Damn it all to hell, there are people already on it.
Ah, Teal’c’s on the case. Good man.
“Please vacate this seating area immediately.”
Yep, that’ll work!
Ah, my poor knees. Have you ever noticed that when you get older, you find yourself having to moan and sigh whenever you sit down, stand up or bend over? It must be something that’s built-in for when you hit your forties.
“How you doin’, T?
“I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate, O’Neill.”
“Yeah, it’s called abject boredom.”
“Indeed.”
Listen, I’m not saying this 5000-year-old Lego set is not impressive, but we have completed at least eight circuits around the ol’ gal so far, and Daniel may even be gearing up for another turn. I’ve already tried looking suitably old and pathetic and staring longingly at the exit a number of times, but subtlety has never been one of Daniel’s talents. I’m not even sure stripping naked, climbing onto one of the rocks and shouting, “O’Neill to Dr Jackson. Warning: Boredom level has been exceeded! Severe Colonel core meltdown is imminent!”, would even get through to him. He’d probably just shake his head and give me his ‘Jack’s being an ass’ look.
“It’s a place steeped in magic and mystery. For some it’s a place where their imaginations of the past can be fired and for others it’s become a sacred place.”
Carter’s joined us now. We’re just sitting, staring silently at the huge stone phalluses. You know, I’ve been thinking. Maybe this place was built by those ‘giant aliens’ we met last year. If we stay here much longer they’ll be burying us in one of the numerous burial mounds that surround this place.
“So, whatever your viewpoint and whatever its original purpose was, it should be treated as the ancients treated it, as a place of honour. Uh… that’s about it everyone. Um… thanks for listening.”
Daniel’s now being swarmed by the adoring masses. He’s probably signing autographs and fending off overly enthusiastic hands. It appears many people are taking his badge seriously too and going in for a hug.
My god! He’s coming over here. Alone. Is that it? Is it over? Can we go? Please God, tell me we can go!
“Sorry about that. You guys about ready to go?”
“Nah. I thought we could just stay here, enjoy the view, and let you take the next group round.”
Ow, ow, ow!
“I didn’t mean it! Let go, T!”
Geez! Looks like Teal’c still hasn’t grasped the art of sarcasm.
“Hey, what’s this?”
Daniel’s fumbling around in his pockets and is now holding up several scraps of paper, so I make a strategic withdrawal from Teal’c’s clutches and lean over to take a look.
“I think you’ll find they’re people’s phone numbers, Danny Boy.”
“But…. w…why?”
“Oh, Daniel, Daniel,” Carter grins, as she pats our confused friend on the back. “Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
I can’t help but shrug as I walk past him. I’m a guy, but I have eyes. I see what Daniel cluelessly does to all the females on the base. In fact, I think a few of the people to whom those phone numbers belong are following us. But, they don’t stand a chance. I’m trained in offensive driving; I’ll lose ‘em down the road!
****